Seungyoon is tired.

Then back of his neck hurts so badly the pain keeps ringing in his head, sometimes it’s blindingly painful Seungyoon can’t help but writhe. His skin is dry and aggravated, no matter how diligent he is with his routine. His body is so deeply tired even a breeze of night air feels piercing to his bones; even the touch of his shirts fabric gives an uncomfortable friction to his skin, almost as if it irritates it; when in fact, it’s not.

Nothing is going as he planned; he wanted WINNER to be as huge as they can before the military enlistment for his older hyungs. Every night Seungyoon slaves his body and soul away in his room, just writing, writing, and writing. He created countless beats and melody but none seems to hit it yet; none seems like the next “Really Really”, their ultimate hit. His confidence been dropping these past months, but lately the defeated feels been replaced with a pool of anger, deep down in his gut, eating him from the inside. Why is Mino the only one getting recognized out there these days? Why can’t Jinwoo hyung develop his vocal more, to at least be on the same level as mine? Why does Hoony hyung always seem so laid back and relax... does he care at all about this group future? Seungyoon is frustrated at the thoughts - it’s a toxic mix of anger, despair, helplessness, and guilt - how dare he even has such thoughts in his mind - and combined with his pent up emotion, it’s killing Seungyoon slowly from the inside. His pride as Kang Seungyoon - the leader of a much anticipated boy group from YG, a heir to continue the legacy of BIGBANG - has been scratched, even worse...tramped. Those comments from netizens really left a mark in his mind.... WINNER has no daesang. WINNER hit song is not even nominated for SOTY. WINNER music is not the same since Taehyun left - etc etc etc. Those words hurt Seungyoon deeply, and no one knows about it - and it’s not something he could share with the members. 

Kang Seungyoon must fix this.

He grabs his guitar again, only to put it away, almost throwing it in a second. Your song sound outdated, Seungyoon... old and tacky. Yang Hyunsuk’s sharp words still stuck in his mind. He’s ashamed to admit it but he still has nightmare about Yang Hyunsuk from time to time, despite the old man only told him that once, 7 years ago. But it wounded his pride. Badly.

His head hurts, a sharp pain tings his nerve, Seungyoon feels like he could faint. He’s trying to breathe and fight the pain, but he can’t... he can’t breathe. There’s a huge weight in his chest that he doesn’t know exactly what, but Seungyoon feels like drowning, and that weight is just keep pushing him down until he falls to his knees. 

Seungyoon’s pale, long fingers are balled up into a fist as he grips his shirt so hard, trying to find a lever to help him regain his breath, to help him fight the pain. It’s draining his energy as the sharp pain slowly becomes numb - he sits there on the floor. His head on the edge of the bed, trying to breathe.

“Seungyoona, let’s eat.” Hoony’s voice fills the air. Seungyoon knows his Hyung has been preparing dinner, he could hear his light foot steps walking back and forth in the kitchen, opening the fridge, the hiss of the gas stove, and all. He’s hungry - he hasn’t eaten since yesterday - but he has no energy to answer so he just lays there.

The door to his room open, and Hoony’s face show up- no answer from Seungyoon means Hoony needs to check up on his youngest brother. “Seungyoona, what are you doing on the floor? Let’s eat.” 

Seungyoon turns his head, looking at his hyung. His tall and reliable hyung, in his training pants and white tshirt. He looks fresh and his face.... his face looks... content. And this somehow awakens the anger inside Seungyoon.

“I don’t want to.” His voice sounds harsher than he intended to. Hoony looks confused.

“What do you mean? I cooked for you. There’s samgyeopsal that you like. Let’s go.”

“I said I don’t want to!” Now Seungyoon almost screams. Hoony is taken aback for a second, before he senses something is not right with Seungyoon. He steps in and closes the door behind him. His eyes looking right into Seungyoon’s eyes. What’s going on with this kid... since when his eyes are filled with anger like that... and almost... disgusted?

“Talk to me.” Hoony said in his low tone.

“Talk to you?” Seungyoon chuckles. Rude. “You don’t even give a , Hyung. Why should I talk to you.”

Hoony stays silent, he just keeps staring at Seungyoon who is now standing up, so they are at the same eye level.

“We’re ruined. WINNER is ruined. We’re never gonna make it and you guys will go enlist and leave me with no career... this .” Seungyoon rambles, as he’s trying with all his might to organize his words to release the anger in his guts. 

“WINNER is doing fine.” Hoony said calmly.

That triggers him.

“FINE?? DOING FINE? HOW IS DOING FINE GOOD ENOUGH, HYUNG, HOW?” Seungyoon screams out his frustration. “YOU GIVE NO , HYUNG, OTHERWISE YOU WILL BE WORKING JUST AS HARD AS I HAVE. YOU, HYUNG, JINWOO HYUNG, SONG MINO. YOU ALL. .”

Hoony can’t hide the surprise in his face, Seungyoon has never gone this far, even when he’s clearly frustrated and under pressure. What in the world—

“Let it out, Seungyoon.”