“I…I can’t…uuh please stop!”

Sungjong found himself on his bed today, with the sweat running down from his forehead and he knowed he was panicked before, on his dream.

“Those dream again…why I must have that kind of experience!” Sungjong threw his pillow, and then he walks himself toward the bathroom door. It would be always his same dream every time he had some long sleep. First, he’ll dreamt about some random things such like his college life, his friends or some foods he want to bought. But then, the nightmare would come to his sleep.

He always dreamed about that day again, about his trauma over the showbiz world. He dreamed that he stand in front of people with the pink-laced dress that he used long time ago when he entered the singing contest for the kids. He doesn’t know why his mom loved to saw her son using a girl clothes. He doesn’t have any clue.

That day, his mom forced him to sing with those clothes.

“Mom…Why must me?” Sungjong whined and started to sobs.

“It’s because I don’t have any daughter and Sunggyu wouldn’t fit with that kind of clothes! Beside he wasn’t cute as you, baby,” his mom cupped him and still encourage him for go to the stage.

“But it’s embarrassing!”

“No one would notice if you’re a boy! You can’t make me and your fathers ashamed don’t you?” a grin on his mother’s lip make Sungjong gulped. He knows that his mother was a famous and beautiful actress while his father was a movie director, and his brother, Sunggyu was a CF-boy. And he was nothing, so his mothers want to change it. Make debut for her fake-daughter, because the only contest that aired on that time just the girls contest and his mom can’t wait any longer.

“Just go, go,” Sungjong entered the stage (with full of force on it)

The flashlight make him more suffered, he can’t even open his eyes. He was scared that time an unable to speak, not even let out any voice. When the music began to change the snap sound from those cameras, he can’t even move. But, he can see his mom on the audience corner; throw a death glare over him. He started to walk, but then the accident happened.

He slipped on the stage and his wig fell down.

“And I just want to have amnesia or Alzheimer after all,” he said to himself while brushing his teeth.

Sungjong hate his family, hate his face, and he hates his life. Why it must me? He always said that words everyday. It’s been 13 years passed after that accident and he still can’t forget about that time. Never. He grew up being an ordinary teenager who lives with the boring situations all a day. With the plan or... lame looks, skinny and slender body with the long bangs over his hair.

“Sungjong~! Come here!” Sunggyu shouted and Sungjong just let a deep sigh.

“Whaaat?!”

“L is on TV!”

With that sentence, Sungjong suddenly dropped his brush and take a glass of water. He ran to the downstairs and flopped himself in to the couch. His brother just sighed and then sat beside him. Sungjong hate the showbiz life, but L is the only exception for him.

Sunggyu can notice that Sungjong keep his eyes glued on the TV while his mouth opened, he look like an idiot one. Sungjong loves L, he was a fanboy for that guy ever since L started his debut. With that charming look and that great voice, of course Sungjong would fall over him.

“Okay, kid. It’s over, now go to your school,” Sunggyu turned off the TV.

“Aww… how’s bad, Hyung~ I really love him,” Sungjong whined while he walk toward the kitchen counter. He get one bottle of isotonic drink and put them on his bag.

“You can meet him, my baby. Just come to my studio, or the teathre stage near dad’s office, you can find him,” Sunggyu ruffled Sungjong’s hair,

“How I wish!”

“Why?”

“You know that I hate studios, I hate stages, I hate everything that had any relation with showbiz world. I’m sick of it,”

“I ask you to came, just that, nothing would be happened to you,”

“Of course something would happens! I’ll vomit myself you know,” Sungjong rolled his eyes.

Sunggyu just scratch his back and then pat his brother head again, he just loves his brother that much. Hearing that his brother doesn’t like his world make him a little bit disappointed. He want Sungjong being like him too, not mentioning he must being an actor, singer or anything like that but it would be good if Sungjong tried to be something. He thought that Sungjong wasted his pretty face and his luck for being a part of the superstar family.

At first he thought L can cure Sungjong’s trauma, but it’s wrong. It’s true that Sungjong love him (as a fan) but he still scared to get near over the stage. Maybe he must gave up over his brother,

“Okay, I wouldn’t force you anymore,” Sunggyu remember last time he forced Sungjong to get near over the studio and his brother collapsed,

“Thank you hyung, you’re the best~ can you get me the autograph of L?”

“But…you already have one right?”

“I want it on my new CD, can I?”

“Alright, I’ll get it,” no one would resist his brother puppy eyes especially him.

Since Sungjong was a baby, Sunggyu always give anything he wants. He always guard him whenever he go and he can be a monster if someone hurt Sungjong, in short, he had brother complex. This time too, though he doesn’t like L that much he must obey his brother wish. Sungjong just clapped his hand and then hug Sunggyu tightly—gave his brother a heaven for some seconds.

***

Sungjong can’t get his smile off from his face, he just so happy that Sunggyu will get L’s autograph for him. Imagine how much the other fans would be jealous over him and asked him with same questions, “Why you can get his autograph?” and of course Sungjong won’t reveal his sources. He’ll keep a secret that all of his family was celebrities. 

When he was second year in middle school, people often disturb him with the questions about his family. He can’t do anything freely cause if he make any mistake, people would spread some bad rumors about his family. He loves being an ordinary teen after all.

He walked toward the north and decided to get a bus, but suddenly a pair of arms yanked him. He was shocked and started to open his mouth; planning for yelling and ask some helps.

“Watch out, moron!” a tall guy with his black-straight hair stared at him. He was about twenty years old, or maybe around 28. His hand still grip on Sungjong’s shoulder and he seems out of breath, for the first time on his life Sungjong can feel a thump on his heart. Sungjong still looked at him with blank stares and open mouths,

“Yah! What are you doing? You almost slipped and now you just look at me with that creepy expression!” That guy yells at him.

“H-huh?” Sungjong woke up from his instant dream and blinked his eyes. “S-slipped?”

“Look at those holes,” that guy pointed a huge hole near the water pipe.

Sungjong blinked his eyes again and again, he was panicked at that moment. Feeling embarrassed over him self and can’t say anything except a thank you for that guy. This guy had save his life, or well he save his body for getting dirty.

“Thank you sir!” Sungjong bowed his head,

“No problem, next time be sure to look at your own feet!”

“O-okay!”

“I’ll be going now, see ya kid,” that guy leaved. Sungjong stared at that guy’s back blankly. What a huge shoulders he have, Sungjong thought. He always dreamed to have a huge and board figure like that but he always failed every time he tried. Sungjong just too amazed by that strange guy, he forget to ask his name and forget to take a bus to his college.

And why the spring wind feels so cozy on him right now.