"Yah! Yong Junhyung! Neo pabo-yah? Ani. That shouldn't even be a question. Neo pabo-yah!" Doojoon scolded. "What the hell were you thinking back there? I've told you many times before that punching someone won't solve your problems in a snap! Why won't you listen?!"

Junhyung just stayed silent. Still dumbfounded from everything that happened that night.

"Are you listening to me?!" Doojoon asked again.

"Doojoon-ah, calm down," Yoseob said.

Doojoon tightly closed his eyes and clenched his fists as he breathed deeply, calming himself down. Just when he was about to speak again, he was interrupted.

"Mianhae," Junhyung finally spoke up.

The boys were shocked to hear him speak. They thought they needed a lot of effort to get him to talk that night.

"Sorry for causing a lot of trouble," he said bowing his head.

"You're making my hands curl, Junhyung. Melancholy doesn't suit you," Yoseob laughed.

"I agree!" Gikwang raised his hand.

"Aish! So noisy!" Hyunseung scolded the two. "Now, tell us whatever we need to know," he asked, now looking at Junhyung.

"What should you need to know?" Junhyung asked.

"Everything," Hyunseung replied.

"Where should I start?" Junhyung asked again.

"From the begi-"

Sensing that their conversation would go nowhere, Doojoon decided to intervene. "From the day before we took you from the bar," he said specifically.

Junhyung sighed and started the story.

.........................................................

Instead of moving away from him, she complied with what he said and stayed in his arms. Feeling her no longer protesting, he tightened his arms around her, nourishing the feeling he missed.

When they parted, he looked at her. "Look, I'm really sorry," he said, looking down.

She just stayed silent.

"Aren't you... Aren't you gonna say anything?" Junhyung asked, now looking at her.

"What do you expect me to say, Oppa?" she asked. She was waiting for him to say more. The pain has been too deep for a sorry to ease it all up. She wanted to hear more. Her heart yearned for comfort. Before she could say it's okay.

"I just said sorry," he said.

"I heard, Oppa," she said frustratingly blank.

Junhyung sighed. "Do you really not understand at all? What I want to happen to us?" he said trying to hide his frustration.

But knowing him too well, she knew how frustrated he was with her lack of response he wants to get. "This won't be getting us anywhere, Oppa. I think I should go," she said.

She turned around and was about to walk away when Junhyung grabbed her and turned her so she was facing him. "You won't leave until we settle this," he said in a demanding tone.

She was now starting to get irritated herself, wasn't able to contain the frustrations anymore and decided to say things she thought she wouldn't say. "We won't have anything to settle, Oppa! You and I are over!" she said almost yelling.

Junhyung was surprised but immediately recovered. "Over? We're not over until I say so!" he yelled.

After hearing this, she couldn't help but be surprised. This was the first time he yelled at her. She knows how assertive he could be at times but not to this extent. "That's the point, Oppa. It was you who wanted space. I'm just giving it to you," she said emotionlessly. Suddenly, she started doubting everything she believed about him and them.

"But I said I was sorry! What else do you want me to do?!" he said in frustration. He really can't understand her right now. What does she want? For him to tell him that he doesn't want to lose her? She knows very well he's not that kind of guy. And isn't that already a part of the 'I'm sorry'?

She, on the other hand, has reached her limit. "So you actually think this is all about you? Yes, you're sorry and you want 'us' to be back, but have you thought about what I feel? Do you think 'It's okay' is always the answer to 'I'm sorry'? Am I not allowed to say 'Not now'? Yes, I admit that my world revolved around you. But not anymore, Oppa. You taught me this," having shared a piece of her mind, she decided to leave.

But he grabbed her again.

"Opp-" she was cut off by his lips roughly crashing on hers. She tried her best to break free from his grip. It was too tight that she knew it would leave bruises after. No matter how unsuccessful, she never stopped breaking away from him. Until she finally succeeded.

He looked at her, he himself shocked at what he just did. Her tears started flowing as she stared at his eyes. She couldn't contain her anger, slapped him and run away as fast as she could. The man she just talked to wasn't the one she loved. She wanted Junhyung back to her but right now, he wasn't that man. She ran faster until she ran out of breath.

His cheeks having a taste of her hands, that should've awakened him. That should've brought him back to his senses. But that wasn't the case. Everything that happened that afternoon has put him in a dreamy state. He couldn't get a grasp of what just happened. He was supposed to get her back and close to him but instead, he just made her run away farther from him. His feet started walking but it seemed like every step took forever. But he just continued and walked. Where to, was something he didn't know. All he knows was that he needed to get out of there.

Days passed and he was still stuck at his unusual self. He wasn't even sure if he was still himself. Right now, he was only sure of one thing: he was a mess without her. This feeling was aggraved by the fact that it was just himself feeling like that. Everytime he'd see her, she had a smile plastered on her face.

What he didn't know was that these smiles were just masks to cover the torment she was feeling inside. If there was someone hurting the most right now, it was her. She never loved anyone as much as she loved him. After all, he was her first love. But seeing things the way they were now was devastating. The love she thought was true turned out to be like this. Because of this, she doubted everything she believed in. Everything she believed the both of them had. Except for one thing: she still loves him. It didn't change. She just wasn't sure if being with him was still the right thing right now.

One afternoon, he was about to go home when he passed by the playground-park. And suddenly, memories came flooding in bringing him back to his senses. It was on that bench, under a starry sky, when he first told her he likes her. He could still remember her beautiful face suddenly turning pink with his confession as she meekly replied that she, too, liked him ever since she saw him. He looked at his watch. Seeing that he still has enough time, he rushed home and finally prepared himself for something he regrets not doing earlier.

He wiped his sweat as he fanned himself. He felt so hot with the coat he was wearing now but he needed to make himself extra-noticeable. Even just for this night. He smiled to himself while fixing his bow. He was walking towards the dance hall where the Dance Ball was being held. He stopped when he saw a white tulip. "Mianhaeyo, but I just have to do this," he said as if talking to someone and picked the flower. He was now smiling wider as he looked at the flower, thinking of the moment when he finally reaches it to her. "You'll die happy, tulip," he chuckled.

But when he has arrived at the entrance, he immediately saw her being asked by Eli, one of his seniors. He was relieved when he saw her gently shaking her head but he felt irrationally furious when he saw the guy forcefully taking her hand. He already forgot about the tulip and dropped it on the ground. He immediately ran to where they were, crushing the lifeless white tulip on the ground.

........................................

"The rest, you've seen it with your own two eyes," Junhyung said ending his story.

"Junhyung, you know what?" Doojoon was the first to speak up.

"What?" Junhyung asked.

"You're really a fool. And crazy. And a fool," Doojoon said.

"Hyung, jamkkan," Dongwoon said. "Are you saying that you've temporarily lost yourself?" he asked with confusion.

"It seemed like it, at least," Junhyung admitted.

"So it does happen," maknae said like a boy dscovering something new.

"Then why didn't you come to us? You think we won't be able to help you?" Yoseob asked.

"Ani," Junhyung said. "As I've said, I wasn't myself. I didn't know anymore the most rational thing to do during that time," he admitted.

"I really don't need to say this but dude, it's effect on you is really big. Who knew Yong Junhyung could break down because of a girl?" Gikwang chuckled.

Yoseob nudged Gikwang but they were surprised with Junhyung's reaction. "Not even me," Junhyung said.

"Yah, keuman, keuman. I'm not used to Junhyung not being cocky," Hyunseung said waving his hands, signalling Junhyung to stop. "So, what are you planning now?"

"Molla," Junhyung said.

"Remember what heppened when you said that before," Doojoon reminded him.

"But I really don't know," Junhyung admitted.

"Okay, let me ask you this, hyung. Do you still love her?" Dongwoon asked.

"Yah, michyeoseo?" Hyunseung said, talking to Dongwoon. "Do you really not see the answer to that?"

"Oh. Mianhae, hyung," Dongwoon shyly rubbed his nape as he realized his fault.

"Just do whatever you think is right. You, among all of us here, must now it the best. After all, it's you who knows her the most. But just a tip, this, time, think of her and her feelings," Doojoon sincerely said.

...........................................

It has been days since that night and she was restless. She started having eyebags and not even cucumber therapy could do its magic on it. When she thought she already had enough, she took the 2 big slices on her eyes and threw them away. After doing so, she ate the other cucumber slices she has earlier put inside the refrigerator. She took out the bowl and sat on the couch. She was so confused at that moment.

Ever since the night of the fight, she has seen and concluded that they they have already reached a point of no return. He was no longer the Junhyung she liked back more than a year ago. This was the reason why she has finally decided to stand for her decision and end whatever they had.

But after that night, as she saw Junhyung in the campus, he was back to being himself. Seeing him with his school brothers laughing and joking around, wearing his soccer uniform again and practicing, she saw the same guy she fell in love with. And she has started to feel the same feeling all over again. Well, it wasn't lost in the first place. It wasn't her feelings she needed to find but the guy whom she felt those feeling for. And she has finally found him. But unlike looking for a lost doll and hugging it immediately upon finding it, she can't just go to him and tell him everything's fine again. Life wasn't that easy.

This was why she felt so restless and uneasy after receiving a text message from him that night.

From: Yong Junhyung-ssi

____________-ah, I know I no longer have the right but can we meet up tomorrow? I won't take much of your time. I'll be waiting at the rooftop at 3pm. But I'm not forcing you to. You can choose not to go which I would understand after... everything.

If she just didn't notice him changing back to his old self, she would've immediately rejected. But the problem was she noticed him.

But like a light bulb that was switched on at that moment, she was enlightened. Why is she making things hard for herself? Her problem, in the first place, was that Junhyung has changed. That she could no longer recognize him. But now, that wasn't the case. He's back. Problem solved. End of the debate, she thought.

She read the text message again. This was the moment she's been waiting for. She'll get to talk to him again. Decently and civil this time. She can't help but smile. It wasn't like she was giving up her pride, changing her mind as easy as that. She just knew too well that her heart's desire to be with him was what mattered most, more than anything else right now.


"You sure with this, hyung?" Dongwoon asked.

Junhyung smiled and nodded.

"Arasseo. Do well," Doojoon said as he patted Junhyung on the shoulder.

"Komawo," Junhyung replied.

The other boys left, leaving Junhyung alone at the rooftop. He just looked at the view of the school. He didn't knew it was beautiful. He chuckled. He wondered, how many more things did he fail to appreciate?

She was now on the stairs, each step bringing her closer and closer to him. Her heart was beating very fast at that moment. But she was excited and happy. Because she knew, in her heart, that once that meeting was over, she'll be able to walk with him again, with her hands in his. She took a deep breath and opened the door leading her to where he was.

As he was roaming his eyes around the view of the school, he finally heard the door open. He turned around. And there she was at the door step.

She was one of those things. One of those which, or in this case, whom he failed to appreciate while he still had the chance. While she was still his. Why did it only have to be now? When she's gone in his life?

"____________-ah," he finally said as he forced a smile.

"Oppa.." she smiled.

"Thank you for coming. I really didn't expect you to come and see me. But I'm... I'm glad that you did," Junhyung started.

"Well, I have something to say, too, Oppa," she said.

"Would you want to go first?" he asked.

"Aniyo, Oppa. You go first," she smiled.

That smile.. He took a deep breath and heaved out a heavy sigh. "___________-ah," he started. "I've thought of this for quite some time. Actually, I couldn't think of anything else aside from this. Well, I don't want to waste your time with my nonsense so I'll... I'll go straight to the point. The reason why we're here now. I know I should've done this earlier and shouldn't have caused you more trouble. But.. but it's better late than never, right?" he faked a laugh.

"I love you, ________-ah. I really do. But all these time, I've only thought of myself and didn't put your feelings into consideration. Realizing this, I've finally come up with something. And believe me, this is the most selfess thing I did my whole life. I'm-" he paused for a while, scared that his voice might break.

He closed his eyes tightly and clenched his fists almost crushing the nerves in it. When he finally opened them, it was teary and almost red. He forced out a smile which fully contrasted what he truly felt inside. "I'm letting you go." He cupped her face with his left hand and gently her cheeks with his thumb. A tear finally escaped from his eye. "Please be happy. Without me."

_____________________________________

[A/N]: Sorry for the late update! I was having severe writer's block these days. :/ Mianhae~