One Friday afternoon, after hours and hours and hours of hard work, Yijeong demonstrates the whole choreography that he’s been learning from Kyungil since he started at this new company and nails it. He knows he nails it because Kyungil applauds enthusiastically and smiles at him. “That was perfect!” he exclaims and Yijeong lowers his head, feeling shy. “Don’t exaggerate,” he mumbles. “I’m not. Really. I don’t have anything to tell you to work on. That was great.” Kyungil steps closer to him and places a hand on his shoulder. “Do you know what happens now?”

“Not really,” Yijeong says, his heartbeat quickening at Kyungil’s proximity, even though he should be used to it by now. “Now, we have to celebrate.”

They end up at a BBQ restaurant after they finish their training for the day and Kyungil orders way too much food and even more beer and soju. When their order begins to arrive, Yijeong can't believe how much there is and the idea that Kyungil can afford it all is even more surprising. "I'm not being ungrateful, but isn't this a little much? It's just one routine, it doesn't really mean anything."

"I'm rewarding myself too, remember? It wasn't exactly easy teaching you, you know," he reminds him and he seems like he's only half joking, so Yijeong nods. Kyungil starts grilling some of the meat he'd ordered and Yijeong pours him a drink. Kyungil eats like he's been starved for days, but Yijeong eats a little too slowly and drinks a little too quickly as they talk about groups that have debuted recently and foreign songs that they like and cartoons they liked when they were young. It’s probably the most they’ve talked since they met and Yijeong feels like he must have done something right if Kyungil trusts him enough to reveal personal information.

Yijeong doesn't really notice until it's time to stand up from the table and return to the dorm, but he's unsteady on his feet and he can feel his face turning red.

“Are you drunk?” Kyungil asks, standing up and putting a hand on Yijeong's arm. “No,” he lies, “just a little dizzy.” Kyungil shakes his head slowly. “You should learn how to pace yourself, kid.” Yijeong turns away from him, annoyed at his condescending tone and at himself for getting tipsy so easily. “I can take care of myself.”

“Yeah, okay, whatever you say. Let's go home.” Kyungil grabs his jacket off the back of his chair and follows Yijeong out of the restaurant onto the sidewalk. Yijeong walks confidently in the wrong direction and Kyungil has to grab him and spin him in the direction of the dorm. “Your sense of direction ,” he tells him, chuckling a little. “Shut up, I haven't been here long enough to know where I'm going.”

“Keep walking 'cause I'm not carrying you like some drama, okay? I don't do that .” Yijeong continues to walk down the sidewalk, stumbling a little but managing to stay upright. “Really? You looked like you walked straight out of a drama,” Yijeong points out and Kyungil shakes his head. “You're no damsel in distress. You've got two legs, use 'em.”

“Are you drunk?” he asks and Kyungil scoffs at him. “No, I'm just exhausted from trying to teach you how to dance.” Yijeong rolls his eyes and says, “Are you sure that’s the only reason why—“

He trips on a step up in the cement sidewalk and starts to fall, but Kyungil catches him before he can hit the ground, releasing him as soon as he regains his balance. "I thought you didn’t do drama ?" Yijeong says, pointing out the absurdity of the moment, feeling quite dizzy as he looks over at Kyungil. “If you get hurt, the company will blame me. Be careful.”

“Yes, sir,” Yijeong says sarcastically as he continues to stumble to the bus stop. When they arrive, they sit down to wait and Yijeong slumps over slightly against Kyungil’s arm. “Don’t pass out, I’m not dragging your back to the dorm.” When Yijeong doesn’t respond, he adds, “I mean it, kid, I will leave you at this bus stop and I won’t feel bad about it at...”

“Thank you,” Yijeong says, closing his eyes gently. Kyungil sighs, obviously frustrated. “For what?” he asks gruffly. “For teaching me and not yelling at me when I screw up the routines. And for taking care of me.” He feels relaxed and he’s suddenly thinking of all sorts of things that Kyungil might not know. Like how thankful he is. And how much he likes him. Lots of things that he knows he should probably keep inside, it just seems a lot easier to let them out right now.

Kyungil looks at him for a moment before saying, “You’re really drunk, aren’t you...” Yijeong shrugs, his jacket making a scratching sound against Kyungil’s sleeve. “I wanted to say it when I was sober too, I just hadn’t gotten around to it yet.” Kyungil doesn’t say anything else, but Yijeong wasn’t really expecting him to.

After a long bus ride, they finally make it back to the dorm and Kyungil shushes him before he opens the door and they sneak in. It's not too late, some of the trainees aren't even back from practice, but there's always someone watching and you can't be too careful. Somehow, Yijeong seems even tipsier than when they'd left the restaurant and Kyungil has to hold onto him and guide him into his room. Yijeong's roommate is still at practice, so Kyungil doesn't have to worry about disturbing him as he maneuvers Yijeong onto the bottom bunk.

“I'm gonna get you some water, don't go anywhere,” Kyungil says as he leaves the room and Yijeong stares up at the bottom of the top bunk. He’s still aware enough to know he's being obnoxious and he doesn't want Kyungil to hate him, so he follows his directions and waits for him to return. A minute passes before he returns with a water bottle and hands it to him. “Drink this. You should’ve have told me you were a lightweight.”

“I’m not,” Yijeong whines, trying to open the water bottle and failing. Kyungil takes it from him roughly, opens it, and hands it back to him. “Okay, okay. Drink.” Yijeong drinks slowly and Kyungil kneels down on the floor to wait for him to finish. “Don’t drink too fast,” he chides him. “Make up your mind,” Yijeong grumbles as he tries to put the cap back on the water bottle.

“I’m never taking you out for drinks again,” Kyungil says and Yijeong drops his shoulders in disappointment. “Don’t give up on me so fast, I want to go out with you again. I’ll be less annoying next time, I promise.” Kyungil watches him for a moment as he takes another drink from his water bottle. “I just meant no alcohol next time. I’ll still take you out to celebrate.”

“Really?” Yijeong says excitedly. “Sure, but you have to master two routines next time.” Yijeong grins, looking back up at him. “It’s a date.” He shakes his head. “I mean, it’s a deal.” His face feels hot and his head is swimming so he lays down on his side and sets down his water bottle on the floor. Kyungil smirks slightly as he stands up and ruffles Yijeong’s hair roughly. “Sleep it off, you have practice tomorrow afternoon.” Kyungil walks toward the door and Yijeong rolls over into his back.

“Why do I always fall for people who don’t like me?” he wonders, his barely audible, just before Kyungil walks out the door. He thinks he sees Kyungil stop in the doorway for a moment between the rails of the bunk bed before closing the door behind him, but he’s not sure because the room is spinning a little and he’s feeling sleepy. He rolls over onto his other side and decides that he’ll wait to decide if he’s done anything he should regret until morning.

히스토리

He wakes up with a headache and a fuzzy memory. He remembers being at the restaurant and walking to the bus stop with Kyungil and then it’s just... blurry. He hopes he didn’t make a complete fool of himself but he’s not optimistic.

An hour after he wakes up, he gets into the company van and finds Kyungil already sitting in the back. He greets him shyly and takes the seat next to him in the back row. “Feeling okay?” Kyungil asks. “Not great,” he responds. “You seemed pretty out of it.”

“I don’t even remember getting home,” he confesses. “I’m sorry for being such a bother.” Kyungil sighs. “I was just worried we’d get busted, but the managers were still out so...” Yijeong feels relieved and starts to check his phone when Kyungil says, “So you really don’t remember?” His stomach immediately ties up in knots because no, he really doesn’t. “Did I do something wrong?” Kyungil looks at him for a moment and Yijeong shrinks down in his seat. “No. But I told you I’m never taking you out for drinks again. I mean, I thought you were annoying sober, but...”

“It was that bad?” Yijeong asks, feeling embarrassed. “You just seem to have a drunk habit of saying everything that pops into your head. It’s obnoxious.” He apologizes quickly, uneasiness rising back up in his insides. “I’m sorry for being so annoying.” Kyungil looks at him for a little too long and Yijeong turns away to look out the windshield. “I mean, you weren’t completely annoying. You were actually kind of cute, until you threw up on my shoes.” Yijeong gasps. “Did I really...? I’m so sorry! I’ll buy you new ones—“

“I’m joking. You didn’t ruin my shoes.” Yijeong lets out a soft sigh of relief. “You’re mean,” he pouts, crossing his arms. “You didn’t do anything you need to apologize for, so don’t worry.” Something about Kyungil’s voice makes him feel like he’s not getting the whole truth, but if he says there’s nothing to apologize for, then he’ll trust him.

By the time dance practice rolls around, Kyungil seems quite distracted as he critiques Yijeong’s form and teaches him part of a rather difficult choreography. “Hyung, are you hungover?” he asks as soon as they stop to take a break. “No, why?”

“You seem... like you’re not all here. Is something wrong?” Kyungil looks at him directly for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to give an honest answer, before he shrugs and tosses his empty water bottle to the floor. “Tired. Run through that part again, I’m gonna sit down for a minute.” Yijeong quickly wipes the sweat off his forehead with a towel before tossing it back down on a chair. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” he asks one more time and Kyungil nods quickly. “Run through it again.”

Yijeong knows something’s wrong, something’s bothering him but he still hasn’t figured out the best way to get information out of him yet, so he turns the music back on and tries his best to remember the whole choreography.

When he finishes, Kyungil’s expression is blank for a moment before he shakes his head quickly and says, “I think that’s good enough for today. I’m gonna head to my next class.” Kyungil picks up his towel and water bottle before motioning toward Yijeong lazily. "Keep practicing, I'll see you for practice tomorrow." And then he's gone.

The bad feeling Yijeong's had all day keeps growing, but he really can't remember anything after collapsing on his bed when Kyungil brought him home. He figures he must have passed out and he feels like an idiot for getting so tipsy. It's not like it was his first time drinking, but he guesses he got a little wrapped up in the moment and now he's paying the price.

히스토리

Kyungil never shows up to dance practice the next day. Yijeong sits on the floor and waits for fifteen minutes before someone comes in to tell him that he wouldn’t be coming and to practice on his own. “Is he sick or something?” he asks the manager, but he doesn’t get any response other than a shrug before he walks out. He practices for a while, running through choreography he knows well enough to do in his sleep before it’s time for his next lesson.

He tries not to worry about Kyungil and just focus on his training, but something seems off and he’s worried something might be seriously wrong. Kyungil doesn’t take the van back to the dorm and Yijeong starts to grow even more concerned.

Once he gets back to the dorm, he opens his door and is startled when he finds Kyungil sitting on the floor, leaning up again his bed. "I didn't mean to startle you," he says, not even looking up at Yijeong. "Is something wrong?" he asks tentatively. "You're going to have this room to yourself now. So I guess nothing's wrong." Yijeong sits down next to him, making sure he's not getting too close. He's known Kyungil for three months now, but he's still too unpredictable for comfort. "Did he leave the company?" Yijeong never really got to know his roommate, but he'd never asked Kyungil if they were friends either. Maybe he's upset that his friend is moving on? Yijeong guesses incorrectly. "He's debuting."

Oh. "I'm guessing you're... not?" Yijeong asks softly. "Of course I'm not. That's the way it always goes." Kyungil picks invisible debris off his jeans and Yijeong feels unsure of the right thing to say. "Next time," Yijeong tells him. "It'll be different next time." Kyungil turns to face him abruptly, anger bubbling up and changing his expression. "What do you know? You've only been training for a year!" Yijeong turns away from him, knowing he's said the wrong thing. Again. Kyungil sighs and pushes the palms of his hands against his eyes in frustration. "I'm sorry," Yijeong whispers. "Don't be. It's stupid to lash out at you. It's not like it's your fault." Yijeong shakes his head. "I took too much of your time, you were so patient teaching me and taking me out to eat when you should have been focusing on your own training. I should have learned faster—"

"Just stop!" Kyungil interrupts harshly. "It's been nine years for me, remember? All the training in the world isn't going to be enough if I don't have what they're looking for! I don't even know what that is anymore, but it's obviously not me. Maybe they're looking for people like you now, I don't even know!" Saying Kyungil's words don't have any effect would be a lie, but Yijeong tries not to let them get to him even if they do sting a little bit. It's not like it's the first time Kyungil's said something he'd later regret in the heat of the moment. He feels like it's a safe assumption that it won't be the last. "I don't mean that the way it sounded," he adds after a moment. "I mean... I'm getting too old for this . Maybe they're looking for fresh faces, not people on the cusp of being middle-aged."

"You're not middle-aged," Yijeong chuckles. "And I don't think they cast me because of my face." Kyungil shrugs. "The reason doesn't really matter, it's just... they're looking for a spark, for something special. Maybe I just don't have that anymore. Or I never did. Whatever." Yijeong knows he shouldn't say it, but the words leave his mouth before he can stop them. “So you think I have something special?" The look on Kyungil's face fills him with regret and he's about to take his words back when Kyungil mutters, "Yeah, I think you do."

"How can you tell?" Yijeong asks, digging himself an even deeper hole to fall into. "I mean, I knew you had something the first time I saw you. They wouldn't have cast you if you were totally ordinary." Kyungil leans back against the bed, sliding down a little and looking up at the ceiling. "But... I heard you singing once when I was taking a break. I think it was a song you wrote yourself because I didn't recognize it. Either way... that's when I figured out why they wanted you. Anyone who doesn't want you is a moron."

There is an unfamiliar feeling bubbling up in Yijeong's chest and he doesn't quite know what to call it, but he can't just keep it inside either. Not this time. "When I saw you dance for the first time, I thought it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen," he confesses suddenly. "I thought, if you were the kind of trainee they were looking for, I'd never have a chance." Kyungil looks shocked at the sudden oversharing, but Yijeong thinks he couldn't possibly be surprised at what he'd said. He knows he's beautiful. There's no way he doesn't. "So maybe you're not what they're looking for, but I think they're wrong."

"Do you really mean that?" he asks, his eyes a little too desperate as they search Yijeong's. "I wouldn't lie to you," Yijeong replies, his heartbeat quickening slightly as they enter an unexplored level of openness. He notices how close they're sitting to each other and decides he should probably move away before saying something else he'll definitely regret, but something about the look in Kyungil's eyes keeps him holding still. Before he can say anything else, Kyungil's moving closer and his brain starts shutting down as Kyungil cups his cheek with his hand. Yijeong's eyes flutter shut and he hopes with all his might that he's not misreading this, that it isn't some kind of joke, that he doesn't look like an idiot right now. In all honesty, he’s just playing along and waiting to hear someone yell, “Hidden camera!”, but no one ever does.

A few seconds pass before he feels Kyungil's lips against his own and his thoughts grind to a halt as he focuses all of his attention on kissing him back and savoring the moment and not doing anything to cause this to stop because that sounds like the actual worst thing ever right now. He doesn't think about the fact that the dorm is definitely not empty, that anyone could walk in at any time, that this could most definitely get him kicked out of the company and ruin all of his plans. For once, he just lets himself act based on the way he feels, and right now he feels like he never wants this moment to stop.

However, like all good things, it all comes to an end far too soon and Kyungil pulls away from him first. Yijeong opens his eyes and tries to read Kyungil's expression so he knows what to say, but he's met with blank eyes and a firmly set jaw. Yijeong feels like he's done something wrong and he's about to apologize when Kyungil mutters, mostly to himself, "I think I've wanted to do that for a while now," before he stands up and leaves Yijeong's room, closing the door tightly behind him.

Yijeong's hands rest in his lap as his brain fires up again to try to figure out what's just happened. He fails to process it as he gets ready for bed and he replays it all in his mind over and over until he finally falls asleep.