“Everyone have their carry on bags?” Leeteuk fussed. “Don’t forget anything!” Waving his arms, he began to shepherd the chaotic group over toward the passport check.

“Can you carry this for me?”

“No, Wookie.”

“But it’s so heavy~”

“YAH! EUNHYUK! STOP STEPPING ON MY HEELS!”

“Sorry.”

“I feel sick…”

“I have to pee.”

“Just hold it until we get past security.”

“I really have to pee.”

“JUST HOLD IT.” Kangin roared. He glared at Donghae, who kept crossing and uncrossing his legs.

“But I really, really—“

“HOLD IT!”

“Niagara Falls…” Kyuhyun grinned evilly. “The Nile River…”

“Noah’s Ark…” Kibum added unhelpfully.

“Whooooooshhhhh~” Kyuhyun hissed.

“Stop!” Donghae complained, now hopping frantically from foot to foot.

Shindong made a face. “Now I have to go pee,” he complained.

“I feel sick…” Yesung moaned.

“Wait! Where’s my Bible?” Siwon panicked. He dumped his bag on the floor and began tossing items out haphazardly. “Holy Saint Anthony, please let me find it!” He begged tearfully.

Sungmin pointed. “Isn’t that it in your pocket?”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“Do we all have our carry-on bags?” Leeteuk repeated, a bit testily. He nodded approvingly at the resounding yes that followed. “Okay, let’s go through security,” he instructed. “Unless we have any more problems…?”

“I have to pee.”

“JUST HOLD IT!”

“Passports?” A scruffy old man in a neatly pressed uniform two sizes too small for him held out a calloused hand for the group’s paperwork.

Leeteuk rummaged through his bag for a moment before producing fifteen small green passports. “Here you go,” he replied cheerfully. The security officer snatched the booklets roughly out of the leader’s hands and promptly dropped them all on the ground. He glared reproachfully at the younger men and raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“Well?” he prompted them.

The Super Junior members looked at each other in confusion. “Um…” Siwon stepped forward hesitantly and crouched to pick up the passports for the old man. The officer tapped his foot impatiently against the tile floor and let out a mighty sigh.

“Kids these days…” he grumbled. “So rude…”

“Here you go, sir,” Siwon the eternal gentleman replied politely, handing the man the passports for the second time.

The old man harrumphed. “Right,” he barked, opening the first booklet. “Which one of you is Lee Hyuk?”

“Hyukjae,” Eunhyuk corrected. “Lee Hyukjae. That’s me.”

The officer glared at the rapper. “Did I ask for a Hyukjae?” he asked testily. “Who here is Lee Hyuk?”

Eunhyuk persevered. “No, no, my name is Lee Hyukjae. That’s my passport,” he insisted.

The aging officer waved a reproachful finger at him. “You young sprouts think you know everything!” he ranted. “I’ve been checking passports for longer than you’ve been alive, you hear? If I say that it says Lee Hyuk, then I don’t want to hear one blasted word from any Hyukj—“ He stopped abruptly and squinted down at the tiny text. “Ah. It says Hyukjae.” He glanced up at the member, and then back down to the passport. “Right. Go on through,” he muttered reluctantly.

“Wait for us!” Leeteuk warned. “We don’t want to get split up going through the metal detectors.”

The officer shoved the first passport back in its owner’s hands and flipped open the next. “Lee Donghae?”

“I have to pee.” The fish whined. “But yes, that’s me.”

The old man stared suspiciously at him for a moment before directing him to the same area as Eunhyuk. The officer glanced dismally back at the remaining thirteen passports and heaved another despairing sigh. With a few flicks of his thumb, he flipped through, hastily scanning the pictures.

“Right.” he repeated. “Are you guys terrorists?”

“Wha—? Excuse me?”

“He is,” Henry deadpanned, jabbing a finger at the evil maknae.

Kangin whacked the youngest member over the head. “Yah, Canadian. You’re not helping.”

“Oh.”

“No, we’re not,” Leeteuk clarified loudly. Siwon held up his Bible, as if he was showing some kind of proof.

“Right,” the man snorted. “Alright, then, you guys can go through.”

“Just like that?” Ryeowook wondered.

Yesung leaned over. “Don’t complain,” he advised. “Just go with it. The faster we get through, the better.” His face turned a light shade of green. “Because I feel sick,” he added in a hollow voice.

“And I have to pee!” Donghae commented loudly from behind the officer.

“Yes, yes, you lot can go on through,” the officer grumbled. “Ah, except for…” he consulted the passports again, “…Hangeng?”

There was a general groan from the members. It seemed to be the Chinese man’s curse to be held up by xenophobic security officers at every airport in the world.

“Oh, not again…”Heechul muttered. “Listen here, you old windbag—“

Hangeng laid a warning hand on his friend’s arm. “It’s okay,” he smiled. Years of being pulled aside at airports for his visa problems had conditioned him to expect this. “Seriously, it’s fine,” he insisted. “You guys go ahead, okay?”

Kibum frowned. “Didn’t you just get your Korean passport though?”

“Yeah, but…” the rest of Hangeng’s sentence was lost in a shrug. He turned to the impatient security officer. “I’m Hangeng,” he declared. “What’s wrong?”

The old man let out a mocking laugh. “Though you could sneak this by us, eh?” he crowed. “Sorry, but my old eyes catch everything! First imposter I’ve caught in twenty years…” he gleefully muttered to himself.

“E-excuse me? Imposter?”

The officer triumphantly waved the offending passport under the Chinese man’s nose. “Next time, get a better forger!” the old man lectured. “This picture doesn’t even look like you!”

There was a stunned silence.

“Is he… kidding?” Zhou Mi whispered in awe.

The others shook their heads.

“Behold,” Kyuhyun announced. “Dementia in its early stages.”

“And come up with a better alias!” The man continued. “Your plan was doomed from the start, I say! Trying to pass this picture off as your face—“

“That’s my thumbprint.”

The man stopped short. He swiftly grabbed Hangeng’s hand and looked back and forth from his fingertips to the photo. “Ah. Right.” He cleared his throat. “Go on through, then.”

In a flurry of luggage cases, chuckles, and muttered thank-yous, Leeteuk marshaled s over to their next greatest obstacle: the baggage check.

“Pfft… I can’t believe that actually worked so well,” Hangeng chuckled.

“What? Your new passport?” Sungmin asked.

“No~” Hangeng grinned cheekily. He reached into his backpack and pulled out… “I smuggled Pot-hyung by a security officer without a passport!”

“THAT POT AGAIN?!”

“Can you guys be quieter?” Yesung pleaded. “I feel sick.” He turned and stared at the evil maknae with wild eyes. “If I die of waffle poisoning, I’m holding you responsible!” he declared.

“Wait! Where are my headphones?” Henry asked. “We have to go back!” he insisted. “I lost my headphones!”

Kangin whacked the Canadian over the head for the second time that morning. “Stupid. They’re hanging around your neck.”

“Oh…”

“You should really stop hitting him over the head like that,” Kibum informed the elder seriously. “It could lead to medical issues down the road.”

At these words, Wookie-umma started with a maniacal glint in his eyes. “Concussions!” he fired off. “Increased risk of brain cancer! Premature Alzheimer’s! Decreased IQ!”

“That explains a lot,” Kyuhyun smirked. This, of course, sparked another rowdy debate.

“Are you calling me stupid?”

“Hmm…”

“YAH! What does that mean?!”

“YESUNG! Stop stepping on my scarf, or I swear to God I’ll strangle you with a tube sock!”

“Mi, you shouldn’t use the name of the Lord in va—“

“Don’t you think his homicidal tendencies are probably a more serious matter?”

“More serious than God?”

“I feel sick…”

“Blurred vision! Migraines!”

“DO WE ALL HAVE OUR LUGGAGE?” Leeteuk bellowed. He leveled a glare at the other members until they all fell silent. “Okay,” he huffed. “Can we go to the baggage check now, or do we have some other problems?”

Yesung raised his hand.

“Relevant problems?” Leeteuk stressed.

Yesung lowered his hand.

“No one? Nothing else?” Leeteuk repeated.

There was a moment of silence. Shindong moodily scratched a spot on his cheek. Then Donghae reached a trembling hand into the air.

“Yes, Hae?”

“I really need to pee.”