I walked into the cold room and sat at the edge of the bed. The shimmering sun shone brightly on the bed yet the room seemed dark today. It felt different today – cold and lonely. I ran my fingers on the bed sheet that we used to sleep together. I remembered the first day after our arranged wedding.

FLASHBACK

Jaejoong dragged me into the room and pushed me onto the bed, making me bounce on the soft white bed. I bit my lips nervously wondering what he’ll do to me. He suddenly crawled onto the bed towards me. I closed my eyes and clutched onto the bed sheets tightly as his face came closer and closer.

Ah, I’m not ready yet. But it’s okay.

I waited but nothing happened. I heard a chuckle and opened my eyes. The moment I opened my eyes, I was greeted by a piece of paper held in front of my face.

“Why were you closing eyes? What were you thinking when I did that? Were you ….expecting a kiss?” he teased as he got off the bed

I pouted, “You should’ve not done that if you knew. And what’s this?”

I got up as I read the paper. It says:

I,     Lee Jiyul               , hereby agree to adhere to the following terms:

1] To not interfere in each other's privacy,

2] Only act lovey-dovey in front of other

3] Not too fall in love with each other

4] To divorce after a year

“And what if one of us fails to follow these rules?” I tilted my head.

Jaejoong, rubbed his temples as he was in a deep thought.

“Then, we’ll just get divorce earlier and tell our mommy and daddy that we’re just pretending and don’t love each other,” he sat beside me

I don’t want to upset my parents at all. I don’t want them to know that all of this was just a false front. They were putting their hopes high on this marriage.

I stared at the paper and then met his gaze.

“Are you sure about this contract?” I asked him

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking of this long time ago,”

“Look me in the eyes and say that you are really sure you want this. Don’t regret it,” I asked him for the last time.

He looked straight at my eyes and grabbed my shoulders as if he really was sure. I could see my reflection on his dark brown eyes.

“I—I’m sure about this and won’t regret it,”

Truthfully, I thought that even though we are in an arrange marriage, there’s a possibility we could accept each other, trust one another and be closer as time goes by. But with this sort of contract getting in the way, I don’t think it’s possible.

I sighed and signed the papers. If this is what he wants, I have to accept it.

END OF FLASHBACK

I chuckled at the thought of it. If the contract doesn’t exist, I don’t think we’ll be seeing this day. I looked at the almost empty room for the last time. The photos of us together have been kept neatly  in the storage; our clothes in wardrobe, now emptied into a suitcase and the bed sheet have been neatly tidied as if it knows this is the last time I’m going to see it.

Even though Jaejoong hated this marriage, I was lucky that I was able to sleep on his bed together and not on the cold floor or couch.

Last night was the most awkward night we ever had. I was sleeping at the end of the bed and he was at the other end. It was so silent that we could hear each other’s breath. None of us moved an inch or initiated a conversation. It was awkward and cold.

“Hey,” a voice broke the silence in the room. My eyes caught attention of the handsome figure leaning on the door.

Being awkward as if it was our first meeting I could only replied back ‘hey’

I got off the bed and walked to the suitcase and pretended to arrange my clothes even though I had done it last night. At the corners of my eyes, I can see his shadow walking towards me.

“Here are the copied divorce papers,” he handed me the yellow envelope.

“Thanks,” I said coldly and took the paper without looking at him and kept it in the suitcase.

Just then, his phone started ringing. He took it out from his pocket to see who the caller is. I could feel his eyes on me as if asking for permission to answer.

“If it’s Jessica, answer her. You don’t have to ask me. I’m not your wife anymore,” each word became softer and softer.

He hesitated for awhile before leaving the room to answer her call.

When I was married to Jaejoong, I knew I will be somehow a ‘third person’ in this relationship. And I was right. I was being an obstacle between Jaejoong and his long-term girlfriend, Jessica. If not because of the contract, I would have been throwing tantrums at him and slapping her face. But I couldn’t.

I could only watch from afar as the two gets closer and closer and suppressed all the feelings I had.

I zipped my suitcase and dragged it along with me to the house door.

“Jiyul-ah, you’re already leaving?”

I turned around to see him behind me, still clutching onto his phone.

I simple nodded.

“I’m sorry I can’t send you home. Jessica was down with a fever and she need me now,” he apologized.

“it’s okay,” my voice were as soft as if I was just muttering under my breath.

 I took a deep breath and walked slowly out.

I’m giving you another chance, Jaejoong. By the count of three and if you stop me, I promised to tell you my true feelings.  1…2….3…

“4…5…6,” nothing happened. I have to tell him something. I need to.

“I --” we both chorused at the same time. We chuckled at how coincident we are to both speak at the same time.

“You go first,” I initiated him.

“Jiyul, I’m such a lucky man to have met you. All this time, you didn’t upset me and always tried your best to follow the rules. I’m thankful you understand of my relationship with Jessica. You don’t know how much Jessica and I appreciate it. I really hope you will find a better man, Jiyul. You deserve it,”

I pretend to smile. This wasn’t what I expected from him. Maybe something about how he will miss me and all.

“What about you?” I snapped out of my daze.

“I-I’m okay with it. ermmm, there’s this thing that I always believe in whenever I’m meeting someone for the last time. I believed that if we meet again next time, it means that we are fated to see each other. And I really hope we can, you know, meet and have a talk,”

“I hope to meet you again… most probably at your wedding,” he rubbed his neck shyly as he chuckled but I didn’t. I awkwardly smile.

“So, I got to go .t-take care,” I dragged my suitcase

I could hear Jaejoong’s voice saying ‘goodbye’ before closing the door.

By then, the tears at the brim of my eyes came running down my cheek. I covered my face as I cried harder. I let out all the one-year feelings I suppressed.

Indeed, I have fallen for him within that year.

Stupid Jaejoong! Can’t you see me all this time through all those obvious caring gestures? Lending you a shoulder when you need to cry on, lending a ear to your complains in work, sharing memories together, trusting each other by sharing secrets, giving you support when you need it and going through thick and thin

Fool! He didn’t know until now.

Jaejoong… he was the fool I was talking about.

The fool who doesn’t even know my heart