CHAPTER 9: ANNYEONG

SAVE ME

“Good morning, Jia,” He said to me. I tried to smile but I ended up flinching. I’ve been extremely nauseous since last night and I wasn’t able to get much sleep. But I promised mom that I’d go seek a professional first thing in the morning. So here I am at shrink seeking ‘medical’ help, cause my mother believes that this place will do me good. But five minutes in here already had me at my limit.

“So, how are you feeling lately?” He said as he leaned forward on his desk as he began jotting down on a paper. My eyes roamed around the room and my eye caught his picture in the wall, under it was an award that says ‘Neuropsychologist of the Year’. My gaze went back to him, he seems oddly familiar—as if I’ve seen him before. 

“Is that a question you ask all your patients?” I said as I slumped my back on the seat. He smiled without looking at me. Though he’s still writing notes on the paper. I squinted my eyes as I tried to recall where I’ve seen, and his voice sounds oddly familiar too. 

“It’s what I do Jia” He said as he finally looked—and that’s when It hit me. I’ve heard his voice the night when I miraculously got home from bangtan without any knowledge on how I got home. 

“What other things do you concern yourself with besides talking to troubled patients and having an affair with my mother.” His eyebrow perched up and he started writing again. A smile crept up his lips as he was writing as if he thinks I’m a joke.

“Oh Jia, I’m a very busy man, I teach golf and do volunteering works on alternate days during the weekdays after my sessions here at the hospital—but on weekends I spend my time looking after my son” his smile faded at the mention of his son. And I feel like a total cause I feel like there’s something bad with his son. So all I said was “Oh”

“With that being said—I’m sorry but I’m not having an affair with your mother” 

“But you were at our house a few nights ago—I know it’s you, I recognized your voice.” The smile went back on his face as he stopped jotting down. 

“I’ve been your Neuropsychologist for almost a year now, it’s only natural for me to visit you every once in a while especially when you spiraled back into another cycle” My brows twitched a bit. I opened my bag and took my water bottle. My hands were fumbling as I was opening the cap. 

He said he’s been my neuropsychologist for almost a year now— he says it’s only natural for him to visit me every once in a while—he said I spiraled back into another cycle. My head churns, cause he keeps saying things that I’m finding hard to believe. Am I crazy? Am I going crazy?

I chugged down the water in my bottle in one go—but my throat still aches, I- I feel thirsty—though I think this thirst will only be sedated by the truth. Questions pooled in my head, but all I was able to say was “Oh”. Surely there’s a lot of letters in the English alphabet, and all I was able to form was OH.  

“I’m going to ask once again, how are you feeling lately” he intertwined his fingers together as his chin rested above it. I looked down at my feet and toyed with my water bottle. 

“Jia?” I tried to meet his gaze but failed miserably. My eyes focused on the picture mounted up on his wall instead. 

“How about we reschedule?” he said in a warm voice. My eyes darted to another picture hanging in the wall. I felt a warm tug in my chest as I noticed the kid in the picture. Tears started to cloud my sight at the realization. 

“Jia?” he asked. I looked back at him as I wiped the traitorous tears away. No wonder he looks so familiar. 

“I’m sorry,” I said with a shaky voice. The tears started marching down my cheeks as silent sobs escaped my lips. My neuropsychologist stood up and made his way to me. He kneeled at my side and reached for my hand. 

“I’m sorry Mr. Min” he squeezed my hand tighter as he let out a smile. How can I ever forget about Yoon Gi’s dad? He’s one of our fatherly figures in the group too. 

“Now do you want to talk about it?” I nodded in the assurance that this time I’d be talking. He gave my hand a last squeeze before returning to his seat opposite me. My chest felt heavier, but somehow I felt like I’m one step closer to the truth. 

“I want to see Yoon Gi oppa, ahjussi…” His smile was still there but somehow it faded a little. He removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Then let me propose a deal. If you finish your assessment today with me, I’d bring you to Yoon Gi” 

I obliged upon Yoon Gi’s dad proposal—I’d do anything if it means that I’d be able to see at least one of them. Just to prove myself that I’m not going crazy. We finished the assessment after an hour and a half, Yoon Gi’s dad canceled all of his other appointments that day and drove mom and me to Bangtan’s Medical Hospital. It was an eerie 3-hour drive as none of us spoke. 

I was holding a small container with my new prescription meds that Yoon Gi’s dad prescribed. Apparently I’ve been drinking a similar medication for a while now, in which my mom disguised them to be plain multivitamins. The difference is that this one has a higher dosage of anti-hallucinogens and anti-depressants. Yoon Gi’s dad mentioned earlier that I’d be gaining some of my memories back as the anniversary of the accident nears. He also advises that I take these meds regularly to prevent hallucinations and anxiety attacks from happening—but I’m not sure if I want that. Because if I do, I won’t be able to see them… 

My insanity is the only thing I have in connection my precious Bangtan boys… 

We arrived shortly at the hospital. My mom took my hand and gave it a short squeeze as we entered the hospital. The lobby smells like linen spray and dying hope. It’s lunch time when we got there and there weren’t many people around. 

Mr. Min escorted us to the private wards where Yoon Gi is. As we walked I felt a pang of nausea. I squeezed mom’s hand tighter and she halted. She looked at me with worry painted on her face. My mom’s a young mom. She had me when she was extremely young— but now she looks twice her age. 

“Jia?” She said. Mr. Min stopped walking and turned to us too. I placed a timid smile and tugged my mom as we started walking again. Soon enough we arrived at Yoon Gi’s room. 

“Do you want to have some alone time with Yoon Gi?” I nodded upon Mr. Min’s question. Mom looks at him as if asking if it’s okay to leave me alone with Yoon Gi. Mr. Min nodded briefly as he placed his hand at the small back of my mother as he escorts her to the other side of the hallway. 

I closed my eye as I let out a deep sigh. I placed my hand at the door and gave it a small push. I walked myself in—still with my eyes close. I shut the door behind as my chest heaves. The sound of the machine beeping and air-condition welcomed me. Slowly I opened my eyes and saw Yoon Gi in a sleeplike state. Tubes were connected in and out of him with his eyes pressed. 

“Annyeong Yoon Gi Oppa…”