Seriously, this chapter was hard to write because I wasn't in the writing mood. I just want to crawl under a rock, forget the world and die.

_________________________

Jonghyun could never stand failing. It was just not an option.

“Jjong-ah, you’re – "

“I know!” Jonghyun didn’t mean to be short with Kibum but Kibum was at it again, criticizing his singing, his voice, his dancing. In short, his everything.

It wasn’t Jonghyun’s fault, after all, because he was trying his best. Well, he hated being not perfect too.

***

They all were in the studio, practicing their new dance.

“-5, 6, 7, 8,” The dance instructor was demonstrating the steps, and Jonghyun screwed up his face in an effort to memorize them. Don’t screw up, you have to be perfect –

“Hyung, relax,” Jonghyun’s head snapped to his left as he heard a whisper. In a part of his mind, he thought, Damn, I'm supposed to be paying attention—

But the sight of Taemin grinning at him made him forget everything.

“Don’t look so worried… you’ll be great, you always are.” Taemin spoke like he meant it, and somehow Jonghyun’s stomach churned at the thought. Why was it that he felt a need to prove himself, even to his bandmates?

Suddenly remembering that he had to prove himself by not messing up the dance steps, Jonghyun turned his attention back to the dance instructor.

So focused was he, that he didn’t even catch the look of longing the younger boy was giving him.  

***

The fans think Jonghyun was perfect.

It kind of showed in the fan-mails.

“Jonghyun oppa, your voice is really the best in the world~!”

“Oppa, you know I cried when I heard you sing for the first time??”

“Your smile is the brightest, oppa!”

“You are just perfect~!”

In front of the others, Jonghyun liked to pretend he believed it too.

“See, Kibum? I think my fan-mails outnumber yours by… a few hundred?” He boasted in a sing-song voice, receiving a few punches on the arm in return.

“YAH! You sure you didn’t send them to yourself?” At Kibum’s retort the others laughed, Minho adding that he could imagine Jonghyun cross-dressing to ‘get in character’ of his girl fans.