Silence is a source of great strength” – Lao Tzu

Dropping four kids off at school with a baby tied in to the mix is too much for one parent to handle, so whenever Sehun can, he’ll go with Luhan to drop their kids off at school. Today, the two of them have errands to run. Luhan was shocked that Sehun offered to come on his day off, and even though he has such a strong feeling Sehun is cheating, he can’t find it in himself to turn down the opportunity to spend time with his husband. They drop the baby off at Sehun’s mum’s house, so it’s just the two of them, and the tension in the car is thick. Luhan doesn’t know how to act around his own husband anymore.

The only noise in the car is the radio. Sehun’s hands are tightly gripping the wheel and Luhan’ nails are digging into his thighs. They used to touch, always, even holding hands in the car. Now, Luhan can’t even recall the last time they even brushed arms by accident.

Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood comes on the radio and Luhan glances at Sehun from the corner of his eye. He leans over and turns up the volume.

“I love this song,” Luhan says easily, pretending he isn’t fazed by this, pretending their marriage isn’t falling apart. “I would do the same exact thing if you cheated on me, but I don’t think ruining the Rover would be enough punishment.”

Sehun tries to laugh like it’s a joke, and if he wasn’t actually cheating, it would be one. But it’s so tense and uncomfortable, and that says it all for Luhan. He doesn’t say anything about it, but starts to sing loudly instead.

I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four-wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Luhanville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats

Sehun stays silent, but his knuckles are going white from how tightly he’s gripping the steering wheel. “What? You don’t like this song? It’s one of my favorites.”

“Not really a fan,” Sehun shrugs tensely.

“Wonder why,” Luhan mumbles, turning to face the window.

“Let’s just—Christ, change the station!” Sehun growls.

“You’re getting pretty worked up over a silly song,” Luhan notes.

“ing hell, Luhan, I just don’t like the song, alright? Stop trying to pick fights all the time!” Sehun shouts, slamming the inside of his hand on the steering wheel and changes the station quickly. Luhan watches him carefully and swallows hard.

“Take me home.”

“We have things to do.”

“I don’t care. I’ll do it by myself. I don’t feel like putting up with a sixth child,” Luhan says. Sehun huffs in annoyance, shaking his head.

“Fine, go alone. I don’t care.”

“I know you don’t,” Luhan says quietly, looking out the window once again so Sehun doesn’t know the tears welling in his eyes. Sehun changes the station, and their wedding song is playing, of course. Luhan is taken back to that day, how incredible it was, how they danced together with everyone they loved around them. But during that dance, it was like they were the only two people in the world. They were so wrapped up in each other, like they always were. Luhan isn’t sure when that stopped being the case.

Drowning by the Backstreet Boys starts to play, and Luhan’ eyes instantly fill with tears. Everyone had laughed when they heard their choice, but it fit for Luhan and Sehun, and when they heard the lyrics, it made sense. The two of them absolutely loved boybands, no matter what people talked about them. Back in uni, they used to argue which band was better. Sehun was all for *Nsync, and Luhan was more partial to the Backstreet Boys, but this was one song they could agree was perfect, especially for the two of them. Luhan had picked it out long before they were even engaged, back when they were just two college kids trying to get their lives in order.

They kissed lazily on Sehun’s cramped, twin-size bed in his shoebox of a dorm room. They were sweating and out of breath and finally together after a long week of midterm exams.

“I made a playlist,” Sehun murmured against Luhan’ damp skin. “An after- playlist, if you will.”

Luhan giggled and pressed his mouth to Sehun’s again. “You did what now?”

“It’s perfect for our cuddle sessions afterwards, I promise. You know how much I love making playlists,” Sehun grinned and brushed some hair off of Luhan’ forehead, kissing his nose afterwards.

“Let’s hear it, then.”

Sehun reached over to his nightstand to grab his phone. Drowning started to play, and Luhan giggled into Sehun’s chest.

“A Backstreet Boys song? I guess I’m finally a good influence on you.”

Sehun laughed and started to sing softly in Luhan’ ear. Luhan closed his eyes and hummed happily, Sehun’s chest vibrated steadily underneath his ear. When the song finished, Luhan kissed Sehun softly.

“When we get married, that’s going to be the song we have our first dance to.”

“I can’t believe you convinced me to pick a Backstreet Boys song for our wedding instead of *Nsync,” Sehun says, smile breaking through. Luhan can’t hold back his own grin.

“I guess we both knew that Bye Bye Bye wouldn’t exactly be an appropriate wedding song,” Luhan muses, and receives a true Sehun laugh.

“Yeah, that’s fair,” Sehun shakes his head. It’s silent for a moment, before Sehun reaches over to take Luhan’ hand and gives it a squeeze. “I’m sorry I yelled. I don’t want you to go alone. I’ll be good, I promise.”

Luhan sniffs. All he can think about is how Sehun’s hand is in his for the first time in forever, and it feels both familiar and foreign.

“Okay.”

And that’s it.
~
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret” – Ambrose Bierce

Luhan knows Sehun is cheating, but he hasn’t been able to figure out with whom. It drives him nuts; it makes him sick to his stomach, picturing who the other man could be. Hell, for all Luhan knows, it could be a woman. Maybe Sehun has changed and he suddenly wants a female lover instead. Luhan doesn’t know which would be more devastating. He doesn’t find out whom Sehun is seeing until New Year’s Eve, when it all comes to a head. It’s the single worst day of Luhan’ life.

It’s been a hectic day. Luhan has been up since the crack of dawn trying to get everything prepped for their New Year’s Eve celebration. All of their friends will be coming, with their spouses and kids, so he wants to be sure there will be enough food to go around. It’s not easy, especially since all the kids are home for the holiday break, and he’s trying to keep them entertained while actually getting work done for tonight.

“Daddy! Where is my maroon sweater? I can’t find it anywhere,” Zhiyu whines from her bedroom. Luhan sighs, putting down the knife in his hand and wiping his hands on a dishtowel. He goes into their laundry room and grabs her maroon sweater from the drying rack, and before he even has a chance to turn around, Joshua is somewhere in the house crying. Luhan himself feels like he could lock himself in here and cry for a while. Sehun is at work, or at least, he says he is, so Luhan is totally on his own until tonight. It’s been a long day.

Luhan runs into the living room and picks Joshua up from the floor, calming him down instantly. “What is it, baby? What happened?”

“He hit himself with his toy,” Taehyung answers from the couch.

“Aw, my poor baby boy,” Luhan coos, kissing the top of the toddler’s head. He grabs a tissue from the coffee table and cleans off Joshua’s face. “Come stay with daddy in the kitchen. Think it’s about time you had something to eat, too. You alright here, Taehyungy?”

“Yup,” he replies, coloring book on his lap. He’s quite the little artist, it seems.

“Zhiyu! I have your sweater in the living room!” Luhan calls. “I’m going to be in the kitchen,” Luhan tells Taehyung and leans down to press a kiss to his head.

Sehun promised to be home early to help Luhan out with prepping for their party, but one by one, their friends come over, filling the living room with no sign of Sehun. By six o’clock, everyone is there but him. Luhan is livid.

Thankfully, they have great friends, and they try to help out as much as they can. Luhan can tell they feel the tension, but they know better than to ask what’s wrong with him.

In the living room, he’s putting out appetizers with help from Zhiyu and Jinae, but Joshua begins to fuss from hunger. He’s due for his dinner, so he heads back to the kitchen holding Joshua on his hip. Before he even has a chance to put Joshua in his highchair and settled with a bottle, he hears the front door open. Sehun is home, but he’s talking to someone else. The other voice is completely unfamiliar to Luhan. The atmosphere changes, and Luhan knows something is wrong here.

“Lu?” Sehun calls into the kitchen.

“In here,” Luhan calls back, but his voice doesn’t sound like his own. His stomach is clenching because he’s afraid of what he’s going to see when he turns around.

His heart sinks when he sees the attractive, young man next to Sehun. There’s a strange man, in his house, and Luhan knows this is the man who stole his husband. Why is he here? He shouldn’t be in Luhan’ house, with Luhan’ kids, with Luhan’ husband. Everyone is here with their own families, as is their New Year’s tradition, and now Sehun has the audacity to bring a stranger.

“Sorry I’m late,” Sehun says, pressing a quick kiss to Luhan’ cheek. It feels wrong, cold. “This is Jeongwu, he works with me.”

“Oh. I see. Are you a doctor, then?” Luhan asks, bouncing Joshua in his arms. He may have Sehun, but he’ll never have Sehun’s babies. He will never take that away from him.

“Um, no, I’m not. Just a nurse,” he smiles crookedly. Luhan presses his lips in a firm line.

“Sehun, what is he doing here? You didn’t tell me you were bringing a friend,” Luhan says tightly, the word ‘friend’ slipping out harshly.

“The snow got really bad outside and it’s only going to get worse, they said. Jeongwu had a flight back to New York, where he’s from, but it was delayed. I told him he could stay with us so he doesn’t have to spend the night at the airport,” Sehun shrugs, as if it’s nothing. “He’ll catch a flight in the morning.”

“You could have at least called me. I’ve been cooking all day and I don’t know if it’s enough for everyone. You should have warned me we were going to have another person coming.”

“Why are you being so rude? It’s just one person. The least you could do is behave in front of a guest,” Sehun rolls his eyes, and Luhan feels embarrassed. Sehun never talks to him like this, about ‘behaving’ for ‘guests’. Luhan feels humiliated.

“Don’t start with me right now, Sehun,” Luhan says between gritted teeth. Taehyung walks into the room and latches himself onto Luhan’ leg.

“Daddy, I’m hungry,” he pouts.

“Alright, honey. Dinner's almost ready, do you want a snack?” Luhan asks, petting his hair, already turning away from Sehun and Jeongwu and moving back into the kitchen.

*Sehun*

“Wow, he’s lovely,” Jeongwu says sarcastically. “I can totally see why you’re married to him.”

“Don’t start, Wu,” Sehun sighs. “Please. I just want to have a good new year.”

“Fine,” Jeongwu sighs dramatically and crosses his arms.

They go into the living room, which is filled with guests. Jongin and Kyungsoo are there with their three kids, Chanyeol and Baekhyun with their two, and Minseok and Chen with their two kids.

“Hey, everyone,” Sehun greets. “This is my friend Jeongwu from work. He’ll be spending the night with us since his flight to New York got cancelled.”

It’s tense between the adults, but the kids greet him happily. This is the first time there’s been a complete stranger at their New Year’s party, and it’s awkward, to say the least.

Sehun grabs Jinae and puts her on his lap and kisses her forehead. “Hi, baby.”

“Hi, papa!” she says excitedly, throwing her arms around his neck. Sehun isn’t sure the last time he’s gotten to properly cuddle his daughter. He’s the scum of the earth, he feels like.

“Luhan’ still in the kitchen?” Kyungsoo asks, dumbfounded. “He’s been in there all day. He’s not as social as he normally is. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, he’s been off lately, but he won’t tell us what’s wrong,” Jongin chimes in, his two year old baby girl happily playing with his wedding band.

“I don’t know anything,” Sehun shrugs. “He’s just been moody lately.”

“Don’t tell me he’s pregnant again,” Kyungsoo says quickly, and Sehun laughs sarcastically.

“No, trust me, that’s not even a possibility.”

“You haven’t…?” Jongin asks, trailing off for the sake of the kids.

“Not since before Joshua was born,” Sehun shrugs. “Guess we’ve just been too busy and all that.”

“It’s been over a year? That’s why he’s moody!” Chanyeol shouts.

“Who’s moody?” Luhan asks, walking in with Joshua on his hip and Taehyung’s hand in his.

“No one,” Kyungsoo says quickly, glaring hard at Sehun. Sehun can read right through his expression, and he might as w