“Yifan,” she whispered hotly, needing to find him as soon as possible.

 

The fire that was burning inside of her was so hot… No matter what she did, she couldn’t extinguish it.

 

She had already taken her shirt off, leaving her in only her bra, and she would’ve contemplated taking it off too, had it not been for the voice that started whispering things in her ear as his hands settled on her bare waist.

 

“It’s okay, little one,” his hot whisper trailed her neck, his lips picking up the drops of sweat sliding down it. She shivered, the fire inside of her shifting until it settled at the places his cold skin was touching. Her whole body was burning, burning for him, for quenching this maniacal thirst that had taken over her, and she knew that it wouldn’t stop until it was satisfied.

 

Until she was satisfied.

 

“I know what’s wrong with you.” His whisper wrapped around , around the blood streaming through her veins, the blood that was poisoned and rich and everything he’d ever wanted to taste.

 

As she opened her eyes, through the haze of lust and hunger she could see that after having tasted it, he never wanted to stop.

 

“And I know how to make you feel better.”

 

His hands were roaming up and down her body, his marble fingertips a light breeze on her stomach that seemed to be leaving trails of gasoline on it, and she was just waiting for the moment when it would light up and make her incinerate.

 

She wished it would happen as soon as possible.

 

She could do nothing but pant, wide open as she struggled for a breath of air and tried to control herself; but how could she, when he was all around her?

 

When his hands were roaming around her bra, threatening to burn her down to ashes?

 

When his mouth was so close to her own, promising a slow, torturous ending?

 

“Yifan,” she whispered again, her voice thick with passion and something else that she couldn’t quite identify. “I can’t take this anymore.”

 

He shushed her, and instead of doing the one thing she wanted the most, instead of listening to the call of her veins and clenching her thirst, he disentangled from her and laughed at her softly.

 

His laughter did not do anything but deepen her thirst, though, and so did the blood-red of his eyes.

 

It was dark, and no light was illuminating their forms, but she could see perfectly well that his hair was red - as red as the fire that was slowly consuming her, growing hotter in the intensity with every passing second.

 

It was as red as his eyes, and for the first time ever, she did not look for love, compassion or anything human in them.

 

Instead, she wished that the redness swallowed her whole; she would give her soul up for just a second longer in his embrace, with his distinctively vampire smell wrapping around her and with the coldness of his body there to remind her of what an abomination he was.

 

What an abomination they both were.

 

“Calm down, little one,” he said softly, petting her hair and moving stray locks from her face. She just wished he would kiss her already; she couldn’t stand still and kept moving her toes, her fingers, anything, just to make this waiting stop and the real torture begin. “You need to be patient. We don’t want this to end too soon, now do we?”

 

His index finger moved from her temple, down her cheek, purposely grazed her lips, and finally stopped at the hollow of her neck. She could do nothing but close her eyes, but it didn’t help the least, because the image of him was still in front of her, dark and sinister and red and unnatural and-

 

“Mine,” she whispered, and though she knew that the words coming out of were not English, though she knew it was an entirely different language she couldn’t speak a day ago, she did not care.

 

“Mine,” he repeated the same word, leaning to kiss her neck again. This time she did not shiver, but completely lose balance, and she would’ve fallen, had it not been for the large hands wrapping around her waist and bringing her back to him.

 

She did not know where they were.

 

She did not even remember how or when she’d gotten here. All she knew was that she was sick in some way, that she needed something and that Yifan was the only person who could give her that.

 

“You are right.” Could he hear her thoughts? Did he know how much it hurt, how she couldn’t take a breath without her whole body burning up as if something was eating it from the inside?

 

“I know,” he said again, and his mouth started trailing a path from her neck to her chest, making her start panting again. His mouth did not move from its place as his hands lifted her effortlessly, her legs dangling in the air while he brought them somewhere close by and settled her back on a velvety, soft surface.

 

A bed.

 

She opened her eyes, too many sensations hitting her all at once because he was making little sounds while he was kissing her body, and his smell was so masculine and making her dizzy, and his hands were on her hips again, holding her down and were sure to leave bruises, and now she was looking at him, at the fiery locks that she couldn’t help but chase with her hands and marvel at the fact that they were so soft, contrary to the way she was feeling.

 

But Yifan did not take her bra off. He did not venture lower, and instead of extinguishing the fire, he just kept teasing her, his lips soft and warm on her shoulder and his hands unmoving from their place on her hips, still holding her down.

 

She growled.

 

“Yifan,” she tried. “Yifan, I need it.”

 

He did not answer her, but his eyes were murky as he looked at her, his lips still on her neck. It was an arousing sight, but she needed more. Much more.

 

When she saw that he would not react and that he would just stare at her for the rest of eternity, she growled again and tried to push him away from her, intent to make the fire go away on her own if he wasn’t going to act on it.

 

But he was stronger, much stronger than her, and his hands wouldn’t budge.

 

She looked at him again, now fuming while he held her down. Strangely, her body did not hurt, though she was sure that bones should’ve broken already from how much she was trying to wriggle them free.

 

But she was most definitely not going to give up and let him do this to her.

 

No.

 

The sound that came out of was carnal, and she registered something that looked like fear in his eyes as she pushed one last time with a newfound strength she had no idea she possessed, and this time, she managed to break free.

 

But she did not expect to send him flying into the wall of whatever room they were in. She’d expected for it to be a tight fight of strength, one that he would willingly give up and let her do what she wanted with him.

 

She did not expect to win fairly, not at all. And as he sobbed in pain in the distance and she started to get up, she knew that it had been a fair fight indeed.

 

But as she tried to get up from the bed, she got dizzy and fell back into the sheets.

 

What was going on with her body?

 

She could do nothing but keep panting, unable to close from how thirsty she was and wait for him to come back. If she hadn’t hurt him badly, that was.

 

But he was back next to her in an instant, humming the lullaby. It did nothing but make her feel worse, as if she was going to die.

 

“You are not going to die,” he said while he laughed again, his hands in her hair, seemingly rearranging it. Why on Earth wasn’t he actually touching her? “But you are dying right now, little one.”

 

She tried to take a deep breath and couldn’t; nothing but “Yifan, Yifan,” could get out of . She was pleading. She was begging.

 

And he knew well what she was begging for.

 

He shushed her again, his lips finally touching hers while she tried to find the strength to move her arms. She wanted to wrap them around him. She wanted to take the leather off his chest and finally get a chance to make the stone beneath feel some warmth.

 

He sighed lustfully, and she was sure he could see what she was imagining: how her lips would trail a path down the sculpted abs and not stop when they reached-

 

“Patient,” he growled against her lips, and she did not understand why. Not when she could feel that he wanted the same, not when she knew he wanted her too, not when she knew that the same fire was burning inside of him and that he would willingly let it swallow them both.

 

Then she felt a graze of something on her neck.

 

All thought disappeared.

 

She moaned obscenely, unable to help herself, and she once again got a burst of strength, pressing into his form that was now hovering over her own, moving as fast as he was while he was trying to get away from her, trying to pin him down and finally begin taking clothes off him and she was sure she could beat him at his own game again-

 

The fangs grazed the soft skin on her neck again, and her back fell onto the bed, no strength left in her to do anything but watch him.

 

He was a hunter and she was his prey, and no matter how much she wanted for it to be otherwise, the look in his eyes promised her a slow demise, one she was desperate for.

 

Please.

 

“It will all end soon,” he whispered, his expression morphing into one of regret and fear. “I hope you don’t remember this, little one.”

 

She did not understand what he was saying. She wanted to remember this, even if she forgot everything else. And she wanted for it to last as long as possible.

 

Then the redness of his eyes turned into a black hole, one that would not calm down until it destroyed her.

 

Please.

 

She closed her eyes as he kissed her hungrily, and she tried to respond with the same intensity, but she was burning down, and just like he’d suggested, she was dying. The world was hazy and sparks of electricity were the only thing behind her closed lids, apart from the image of the vampire lord at whose mercy she was.

 

She tried to remember who she was, or what she was doing here. She couldn’t remember anything.

 

“Please,” she whispered.

 

His fangs punctured the skin on her neck. The fire disappeared.

 

Vampire hunters.

 

The alley, the vampire attacking her.

 

The blood.

 

The venom.

 

Little one.

 

The servants watching her as if she was one of their own.

 

His mate.

 

The blood of vampire hunters.

 

His favorite.

 

Little one.

 

His death.

 

The vampire queen.

 

The allies.

 

Tao.

 

Little one.

 

The bite.

 

The bite-

 

Little one!

 

She gasped, and this time, her lungs could actually breathe in air. She blinked, trying to focus, but she couldn’t - the world was a mess, and she felt as if she was looking at it behind foggy glasses. She tried to bring her hands to her eyes to wipe at them in hopes of being able to see, but they hurt.

 

She gasped again, because it seemed as if her whole body was broken, and she did not know where she was or what was happening-

 

“We need to finish the spell, little one,” a voice interrupted, and she started to turn her neck to try to see who it was, but as soon as she did, her neck started hurting badly, and she sobbed in pain. No matter how much she blinked, she couldn’t see anything, and no matter how much she tried to move, she couldn’t because everything hurt so much-

 

“Just focus for a second,” the voice continued, and this time she actually tried to do what it said and focus on it. “While you still have fangs. You need to bite me- I will bring my neck to yours and you just-”

 

The voice was familiar, but she couldn’t quite identify it, because she was too busy panicking - she was blind and all bones in her body were broken and she would never be herself again.

 

She heard a slam somewhere in the distance, and then a blinding light was everything she could see. She screamed.

 

He shushed her, but she was too far gone for calming down. “She will come in a second and then you will lose me forever. This is our only chance. So please, bite me!”

 

“What on Earth are you doing?” Another familiar voice screeched from the distance, and the man who was begging her to bite him swore in Chinese.

 

Chinese.

 

Yifan.

 

She dove in without thinking, and her fangs - or whatever it was in - pierced the skin of his neck while hell broke loose around them.

 

“Drink my blood,” he said in a pained voice. “Now, little one.”

 

“No! Stop!” Another voice screeched, and she could already recognize it as Barbara’s. She did not know what was happening, but she would do what Yifan told her, no matter what it was.

 

She trusted him with her whole soul.

 

She did not know how to drink his blood, though. She tried to take a gulp of it, but nothing entered .

 

Something slammed into Kris, and she could feel his skin breaking as his body moved, her fangs retracting from his neck in the process.

 

She could not see anything. Instead of blinking and seeing the blinding, disorienting light, she closed her eyes and tried to call for Kris, but everything hurt.

 

She could hear too many things, though.

 

Chen’s worried, perhaps even horrified voice calling her name. He must’ve been so scared, seeing her with fangs.

 

Barbara’s screeching how Yifan was a traitor and how this wasn’t happening and how if only she’d found Tao in time. She felt satisfied, though she had no idea how they’d managed to cross her over or what any of this would mean in the future.

 

If she would stay a vampire.

 

She did not know how to feel about that. She wanted to be a human, of course, but if she could be with Yifan, she would remain this way. Becoming a vampire was an irreversible process, after all - once she drank actual blood, no amount of Chen’s special vampire-hunter blood could bring her back.

 

But she hadn’t brunk blood.

 

Would Yifan’s plan work?

 

The voices tangled, and the pain became too much to bear, making her gasp one last time before she let go, hoping what she’d done was enough.

 

And above all the voices, one distinct and strong, low and passionate, remained - there to protect her, there to help her and never let go of her.

 

It followed her into the sweet bliss of unconsciousness.

 

For now it’s enough, little one. Thank you for protecting me from her.

 

She let go.

 

She opened her eyes slowly, feeling lazy and warm and not wanting to let go of the perfectly content feeling yet. She could feel the Sun’s rays dancing all over her body, and she smiled as the world showed itself in front of her.

 

The first thing she could see was the river’s shore, staring at her in innocent happiness. The grass was so healthily green that she didn’t want to take her eyes off it, because she feared it might disappear and she wanted to keep looking at it forever.

 

The trees in the distance were calm and its leaves glistening in the light, the branches waving at her in greeting. She greeted them with a wave of her hand, shy and soft and not wanting to accidentally ruin the peace this place was radiating with.

 

She got up and looked at herself, at the black leather pants and military boots, and how they should’ve looked out of place in the grass that was all around her, but how it was a sight she was somehow used to seeing.

 

She was wearing a belt with a pistol, what she knew were silver bullets and a silver stake with Chinese words engraved in it. It looked familiar somehow, but she couldn’t quite remember why.

 

It was not her black button-up shirt with rolled-up sleeves that caught her attention, in combination with the rest of her attire. It was the medallion hanging off her neck, one she hadn’t seen in a long time, but somehow she knew that it’d always been at this place, near her heart, cold against her skin and reminding her of who she was.

 

A hunter.

 

She started walking, and indistinguishable sounds started to reach her ears, still not stronger than the sound of the streaming water. The sky was bright blue, and she nodded at the clouds, the white puffs floating in the air and heading their own, unstoppable way.

 

The clouds would always see the sun. It would reach them first, and shine on them forever.

 

The birds’ chirping was the most beautiful sound she could hear, at least until she could see the tangling laughter of a child and a man. Their voices tangled with the nature’s song, and created a vortex inside of her that left her dizzy and bubbly, wanting to start giggling and not stop.

 

Her eyes settled on the two forms playing in the water.

 

Kim Jongdae was shirtless, and his shirt was rolled up in his arms as he squeezed water out of it and all over the little girl who was standing in the river with him, water reaching her waist.

 

She screamed as the water hit her, running away further into the stream, but she was too small to be able to run away from him, and he caught her waist while laughing, too, and he gently took her down into the water with himself.

 

She wanted to do nothing but watch the sight in front of her for eternity, mesmerized by its raw beauty and the happiness it awoke in her.

 

But the sun was becoming uncomfortable on her skin. It seemed to be burning it, and she tried to rub her arms to make the feeling disappear, but the feeling just spreaded to her hands, too.

 

She looked down at herself.

 

Her arms were on fire. She was burning.

 

She screamed.

 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.”

 

Focusing on anything but the feeling of fire all around her was hard, but the voice was soft and familiar, and it managed to calm her down.

 

“You’re here now.”

 

The burning feeling disappeared, and she realized she’d woken up from a dream. She blinked, and looked around herself.

 

She could see nothing except for Chen. He was a ghost, so pale that she thought, if she squinted, maybe she would be able to see through him.

 

But she couldn’t shake off the image of him playing with the little girl in the water. Couldn’t shake off the feeling that it was her who didn’t belong in that picture, and that if she tried to be selfish enough to wish for it, she would incinerate, just like in the dream.

 

“Dae,” she whispered, worried that if she spoke up, it would make him shatter somehow. “Dae, where am I?”

 

She could see that he was tired - no, he was beyond that, he was exhausted and she didn’t know why. But when she looked him over and saw how hard he was clutching the long sleeves of his shirt, she realized everything.

 

“No,” she said, grabbing him before he could move away from her. As soon as her hands grabbed onto his, she knew that he wouldn’t have had the strength to move away from her, even if he had tried to do it.

 

“Lamiya,” he said in a soft voice. “It’s fine, I feel well. I just need to sleep this off, but I’ll be fine in a couple of days.”

 

She didn’t believe him for a second.

 

And as he let her roll his sleeves up, her dread turned out to be perfectly justified.

 

His arms were paler than the whitest flour, and even softer than it, but the veins were bulging out unnaturally. The black marks created by the continuous usage of needles, the black splatters on the white skin, they made her feel nauseous.

 

“Dear Lord,” she said, afraid to touch him. He shied away from her, slowly and weakly, but she pushed herself towards him instead of letting him move away, a part of her brain registering that she wasn’t feeling any pain, but she was too busy worrying about Jongdae so she didn’t let herself think about it.

 

Nothing mattered but his well-being.

 

“Jongdae, how much blood had you lost?” She couldn’t hide the horror from her voice. He looked awful, and though he rolled his sleeves back down and clutched them again as he moved away from her slightly, his stool rolling away from the bed she hadn’t even noticed she was lying in until that moment, she couldn’t erase the image of black blotches on pure whiteness from her mind. “For God’s sake, why on Earth are you doing this?”

 

“I said I am fine,” he answered in a bold voice, even though his looks contradicted his words. “I am old enough to take care of myself, and I will do what I want to do.”

 

She raised her eyebrows. Oh, so that was how he was going to act? Like a child? She could get down to that level, too, if she needed to, so she snapped at him. “Not if it involves me and giving me blood that I don’t even want!”

 

Jongdae opened his eyes.

 

She knew immediately that she had hurt him.

 

“No, I didn’t mean it like that- I meant that I don’t want you to do this to yourself when-”

 

“I am trying to save you,” he whispered, but the whisper seemed louder than any shouting. “But if you want to become a freaking vampire, then that’s fine by me. Actually, you know what? You can just walk out this door and ask him to bite you, I bet you’d be so happy if that happened.”

 

He was angry. She’d thought Jongdae couldn’t get angry.

 

But she was too busy being hurt by his words to register that he may have been saying those things because she was hurting him, too.

 

She got up from the bed, wanting to tell him to go screw himself, but she couldn’t help but wonder how it was that she was feeling fine.

 

She looked down at herself, who was now kneeling on the bed. Was any of what had happened real, or had it all been a long, crazy dream?

 

Perhaps she’d just started hallucinating from the blood loss or something. But Jongdae had mentioned the bite, so it must’ve been real…

 

Her hand examined her neck, but there was no mark on it.

 

So had it all been a dream, after all?

 

Jongdae’s sigh nudged her out of her thoughts, and she glanced at him just to find him with his head in his hands. Something was seriously wrong.

 

“Dae?” she asked, all anger dissipating and leaving her frightened. “Dae, what had even happened? I don’t… I’m not sure which parts of what I remember are real, and which are just dreams.” She furrowed her eyebrows, trying to sort out through the hazy memories, but she couldn’t find any logic in it.

 

“Why did you run away?” he said without taking his hands off his face. Being unable to see the expression on his face and in his eyes scared her even more than the hollow tone of his voice. “Do you not trust me that much so that you’d rather go and get yourself killed instead of telling me that you don’t feel well?”

 

She did not know what to say. She rewinded her memory, and realized how things must’ve looked to him - he was supposed to be protecting her, and instead of waking him up and saying that she was hearing voices that were most likely just a trap, since Yifan was apparently evil now, she just sneaked out of the room in the middle of the night and went into the darkness where she wouldn’t be safe, where she would be vulnerable and alone.

 

“How did you even find me?” she whispered, still not sure what had even happened, but beginning to connect the pieces. “I… I don’t know where I went. I don’t even know where I am now, Dae.” She looked around herself, but all she could see was a normal room, a normal bed and normal furniture. Nothing out of the ordinary or over the top, like it would’ve been in Kris’ mansion.

 

Jongdae sighed again. His true feelings were still unknown to her, though something in her heart tingled, reminding her that his blood was flowing through her veins, getting rid of the vampire poison.

 

“We are in Beijing. And in a couple of hours, we are going back to the USA.”

 

No further elaboration. Nothing. Only silence, long and awful and full of so many questions and words that both of them wanted to say, but couldn’t convey. Why was he angry at her? She’d run away, sure, but he must’ve known she hadn’t been quite herself lately.

 

Her feet touched the floor, making a dull sound. A muscle on his arm flexed.

 

“I am not going back until we sort this out.” Her voice was steady, not betraying her fears.

 

She got up, and the sheets rustled. The muscle flexed again. “Until we find Tao and bring him back, at least.”

 

She made a step towards the door, all the while looking at the statue with sandy hair that was breaking. She could practically hear the cracks, and she felt utterly horrified, because she did not know what would happen when the stone crumbled down.

 

She made another step, a step that sounded so loud that she felt as if she’d brought her foot down the hardest she could. The muscle flexed yet again.

 

And then things started happening too fast: the hand was off his face, and the statue broke, and his eyes were empty and so incredibly sad, and he was getting up and going towards her and she was standing frozen and his arms wound around her and…

 

Something changed within her the moment he touched her. She was a statue herself, one that had no idea what was going on and that was crumbling down too: every touch of his hands made more cracks appear in what seemed like a steady composure.

 

But he was touching her back, then her hair, and his hand settled in the hollow of her neck where he breathed in slowly and deeply, and whispered, “I don’t want to lose you.”

 

But why would he? She wasn’t going to kill herself. She just didn’t want to go back to the USA.

 

“And if we don’t go back, I…” His voice was nearly indistinguishable as he hugged her closer to his weak, broken body that was in that state only because of her. But she had no idea what she’d done, or how to help him, and she could do nothing but kiss the top of his head and hug him closer, too.

 

“Just let me save you. Please.” His voice was raspy, as if he was overwhelmed by emotions, and she felt the same way too. Why was he begging her? She did not know, but to this beautiful person whom she’d nearly destroyed, she would give anything.

 

“What are you saving me from, Jongdae?” she couldn’t help but whisper, her hand on his ice-cold cheek. It should’ve reminded her of him, of the hands on her stomach and the bite, but instead, all she could remember was a completely different dream she wanted to forget about, but couldn’t.

 

All she could think of was the way he protected the little girl, and how much she wanted to be protected by the same pair of hands, too.

 

“Yourself,” he whispered, and then his lips were on her cheek, and she felt safe again. Now there was no stone between them. They were both bare, real and vulnerable, and she wanted to do nothing but cherish him forever.

 

“I did not do that on purpose, Dae.” He was shaking, and she hugged him more tightly while his lips remained on her cheek, making her feel more at peace than she’d felt ever since they’d arrived to China. “I was out of my mind. I… I know it was a dream, but in the dream, I could move as fast as a vampire could. And I felt him calling for me. I couldn’t resist it.”

 

But the calling was gone. She could not hear him in her mind anymore, and the shroud of safety he’d bestowed upon her had disappeared, leaving her bare and surrounded by sand and warmth. She closed her eyes while his lips moved until he was kissing her forehead, his hands on her upper arms.

 

“It wasn’t a dream, dalbit,” he whispered gently. “The venom is very strong. And though my blood is a strong antidote, I can’t give you much more. Especially since he bit you again, injecting more of it into your body. We need to get you to my family and give you more blood, and we can do that only in the USA.”

 

“I know we’re leaving Tao behind, but…” His grip around her arms strengthened, and he started shaking again. “This is more important than everything else.”

 

She tried to wrap her mind around everything that was happening.

 

Kris had injected more of his poison into her body. Was that why the bite mark had disappeared? Because now that she was partially vampire, her wounds healed like a vampire’s would?

 

She was becoming a vampire.

 

But Kris had said that she’d protected him… that there was a spell…

 

The wheels started turning in her head. The spell. She’d hated the subject because she had to memorize hundreds of ingredients and procedures that all seemed the same to achieve mostly sick goals.

 

But the subject existed. Books about spells existed. It would be hard to find some about Barbara’s ancient ones, but one that included biting someone and drinking their blood was the most common one - one so famous that even she had memorized it.

 

Mating.

 

Biting into the neck of a human would inject vampire poison into the bloodstream of the unfortunate person and begin the process of being turned into a vampire. That was, if the vampire stopped before drinking too much blood of the said person, that was, and that happened very rarely and usually intentionally.

 

The wound would disappear from the victim’s neck when the turning process was far along and was a good indicator of when to stake the heart of the said person.

 

Biting into the neck of a vampire would leave a permanent mark, one that was called a mating mark.

 

One she’d left on Yifan’s neck.

 

Drinking the blood of a vampire, when done by a human, was sure to guarantee death or being turned into a vampire themselves.

 

But drinking the blood of vampire by a vampire…

 

It was taboo, even forbidden among younger vampires, because of its strength and implication. It was a seal to a mating and it always involved making love and securing the bond of a newborn vampire couple.

 

Mating was done only when two vampires were sure they had found their true mate. Even then, decades could pass before vampires drank each other’s blood to seal the mating, settling only for the bite mark to show that they were claimed.

 

And Yifan had drunk her blood.

 

He had told her to drink his blood.

 

“What happened, in that room?” she said carefully and slowly to the man who was holding her. She hoped it had all been a dream.

 

Silence.

 

“Everyone was looking for you,” he said after a while, both of them unmovable statues again. She tried to brace herself for what was sure to follow, but found that she couldn’t. “But I… I had a feeling, like a trail that I could follow and that would lead me to you.”

 

She’d felt the same thing about Yifan.

 

“The feeling led us to another ancient mansion, and I remembered that Tao had once told me Barbara’s home was close to Yifan’s. So I put two and two together and realized that we would have to break you out of there.”

 

She remembered… the speed, the thirst, the hazy feeling in her mind that was driving her to do something, to complete some process she’d known nothing about.

 

But she now knew everything.

 

But how could he… How could he betray her like that?

 

How could he want her to turn into a vampire?

 

“The boys created a diversion, screaming as hard as they could so that they could shift the vampires’ focus on themselves. But now we know that there was nobody there- for some reason, Yifan was working alone…”

 

He trailed off when she closed her eyes and put a hand on her temple. He was working on his own, she knew that much. She’d felt his desperacy to complete the spell before Barbara found out that he’d gone rogue, she’d felt his love for her-

 

“Are you okay?” his soft voice whispered, his hand gently removing hers from her head. He didn’t let go of it, though, instead settling for holding it lightly between the two of them. He was all around her, and it was hard to focus on anything but the tension that seemed to have appeared between the two of them - one she didn’t want to tackle, at least not right now.

 

“You can tell me everything, you know that.”

 

She wanted to say Of course, Dae.

 

She didn’t want to tell him.

 

But as she opened her eyes, she was shocked to see him much closer than she’d expected. If only she moved her head a little bit closer, she could-

 

She remembered another dream. She remembered him holding her after she woke up from a nightmare in which she’d been a vampire. She remembered the softness of his lips, and the gentleness of his touches.

 

For the first time, she wished…

 

“If I lose myself,” she started in a hushed whisper, too much emotion in her voice for her to be able to fake indifference, “Dae, if next time I do drink his blood-”

 

“Don’t,” he whispered before she could finish.

 

Don’t. But she had to. She would not let herself become a monster, even if she was perfectly okay with it. For her, losing her mind and becoming a happy monster would be worse than anything. It would be a destiny more cruel than death.

 

His hands were on her cheeks, and his fingertips were winding through her hair, clutching her gently but with enough force for her to know how important this whole matter was for him.

 

Her hands clutched his shirt.

 

She would not lose herself.

 

She tried to take in a deep breath but found that she couldn’t - he was close, he was so close, and all she wanted to do was…

 

But what if she did?

 

She couldn’t trust herself.

 

But even with everything that had happened, she knew one thing for sure - she could trust Jongdae. With her blood, her sanity, her humanity…

 

With her life.

 

“Don’t let me live like that,” she said shakily. She could see nothing but the color of his eyes, the color of his hair, how pale he was but how now he was blushing because she was warm and close and how human it was and the little girl in the water had the same eyes and she wanted so selfishly to…

 

“Promise me, Dae.”

 

He did not move an inch. All she could see were grains of sand shining in the sunlight. All she could hear were his soft pants. All she could feel was his soft breath on her face.

 

“You are the only person in the world whom I can trust,” she said, her hands moving from his shirt to his neck, settling them on the place where his carotid was pulsing.

 

Right beneath her fingers, warm and reassuring.

 

What if someday she wished to pierce his neck with her fangs and destroy him forever? What if someday she could not control herself and did not care that he wasn’t an enemy, ending his life and making the shining sand disappear?

 

What if she…

 

She sobbed, shaking her head at him. His hands remained firm on her cheeks and in her hair, as if the touch alone would reassure her that none of what was going through her mind would ever become true.

 

“Promise me you will kill me, Kim Jongdae,” she said desperately.

 

She had loved Kris for a long, long time. That love was still strong and she knew it would never disappear. Like the vampire poison, it would keep corrupting her heart until nothing was left and she was unable to love anyone else ever again.

 

But in that moment, that love did not matter for a second.

 

She had faced the truth a long time ago, while Kris was still her vampire friend she was protecting from the Order: the love she had for him could never turn into something solid. A vampire and a vampire hunter could never be together, because she would not turn into a vampire and become his mate, no matter how much her heart screamed for her to do it - to sacrifice her humanity for eternity with him.

 

She knew she couldn’t have this either.

 

They would not marry and live away from this life, without having to fight this war against vampires in which they had no idea who the enemy was anymore. They would not have a daughter together and be happy playing in the water on a warm, thoughtless and worriless summer day.

 

But for a second, just for a second, she wanted to pretend that they could.

 

That he would not hold her lifeless body in his arms soon, scarred forever after having to stake the vampire he’d promised to kill.

 

The vampire he’d loved.

 

She wanted him to know that he was not the only one.

 

So she crossed the distance between their lips, wanting to find out whether the dreams were true. She wanted to lose herself in the depths of his eyes, at least for tonight. Just for a little while, until she could forget that vampires existed and that she would willingly throw her life away soon.

 

Tonight, the bond between her and Yifan was silent.

 

Tonight, her heart beat in sync to another, one that was alive and burning for her with the same intensity.

 

Instead of his soft lips, her lips touched his cheek.

 

She froze. Didn’t he…

 

But as she opened her eyes, she saw the same desire in his own. Then what…

 

“Your heart belongs to him,” he whispered, trailing a finger down her cheek. She could not understand. “You would forever regret it if we did this.”

 

She tried to take a deep breath, but again found that she couldn’t - it stopped in her lungs while a sick feeling started appearing in her stomach.

 

“Jongdae, I-” she tried.

 

He cut her off. “I know. But I don’t want you to do this just because you think you are going to die soon. I am not going to let that happen, okay?”

 

She frowned. What did that have to do with anything?

 

It wasn’t that she thought she was going to die - it was just that she knew she couldn’t be with either of the two men she loved, and she wanted for him to know how she felt.

 

But he already knew.

 

“Dalbit,” he whispered again, and this time, his lips came dangerously to her own, kissing the corner of them instead. She wanted nothing than to just kiss him already, but she steeled herself because it was obviously something he didn’t want to do now. “When all of this is over, if you still feel the same way, then let’s…”

 

Why were his eyes sad? Why wasn’t he kissing her, when neither of them could stop pressing their bodies against each other, when they could not untangle and when all that was missing was something as simple as the touch of their lips?

 

“I will let you do it then,” he finished, and whatever conflict existed in him disappeared, leaving nothing but warmth in its wake. “And we’ll talk about it then. But not before all of this is over. Not until you make the choice to remain a human yourself. Whatever demons you are fighting, I know you can and will beat them, dalbit.”

 

He took a deep breath and kissed her neck, making her jump in desire and the overwhelming need to stay close to him, but then he stepped away.

 

His eyes were hooded, indecipherable. “And I will be there with you along the way. So no need to be scared.”

 

I love you, she wanted to say.

 

She knew what choice she would make.

 

She knew that those words would roll off her lips while blood trickled from them.

 

But for tonight - or today, since she had no idea what time of the day it was - she would pretend.

 

They spent the next hour - or at least it felt that long - in peaceful bonding, intertwining their hands and talking about everything and nothing at the same time. He’d wanted to sit behind her and have her lean on him, but since he was in worse shape than her, they ended up in reversed roles - his back was pressed to her chest while she wound her hands through his hair, unable to help but feel the scent of the desert from the sandy locks.

 

“I need to go check on the boys,” he said through laughter as he started to get up. “I told them I’d be here, but they probably consider it strange that I haven’t come back yet.”

 

He turned to look at her, and she couldn’t help but grin at him.

 

Something had changed between them, forever.

 

Her heart leapt out of her chest while he leaned in to kiss her cheek. For a moment, she could see him with his hair turned silver and wrinkles around his eyes. She could see him smiling in the same way, pure and childish and beautiful, because of something she’d said.

 

She wanted to stay.

 

Was it too late?

 

“I’ll be back in a minute,” he said as his lips left her cheek, as if sensing she was struggling again, her thoughts a turmoil threatening to take all the happiness away. “Can’t let that beautiful smile disappear from my princess’ face, right?”

 

She smiled at him shyly, clutching the sheets of the bed. She was so confused, yet at the same time, she wanted nothing than to keep hiding from everything with him.

 

He left the room, slowly closing the door, and she found herself touching her own neck again, wondering how bad the situation was. She felt nothing, but she knew that the vampire poison was inside of her, fighting Jongdae’s blood - the only thing keeping her safe right now.

 

But how long until the poison won the battle and she had fangs again? How long until Yifan called for her again to finish the ritual?

 

A couple of minutes later, she started feeling hot.

 

Again.

 

“No, no, no, no,” she kept saying frantically, because this couldn’t be happening so soon. Jongdae still wasn’t back - was everything okay? He’d said a minute, but it felt a lot longer than that.

 

Her heart dropped, but it was not her own feeling - something else was making every cell in her body hurt from a heart-wrenching sadness that made her unable to breathe.

 

She got up from the bed, clutching her head, gasping for air and desperate to call for Chen. “Dae,” she shouted, hoping he could hear her.

 

Little one.

 

She shook her head. She would not lose herself. She would not turn into a vampire and lose her humanity.

 

“Dae!” She was screaming now, because she couldn’t trust herself anymore. He said he’d be there with her. Why wasn’t he here, then?

 

I am sorry, it echoed in her head. But you have to, in order to survive.

 

A laughter appeared somewhere behind her. Cynical, filled with hatred and raw anger that she understood all too well.

 

Vampires were very territorial and possessive, after all.

 

She stopped screaming for Jongdae. He’d said she could beat her demons. Well, she hoped that he was damn right, because she would need to be stronger than ever before.

 

Let go, little one. It’s the only way.

 

Jongdae was playing in the water with their daughter.

 

She turned to see Barbara standing in the room. There were no windows in the room, so she must’ve entered through the door, but she was so fast that Lamiya couldn’t even detect the movement.

 

Her lips were stained with blood. She’d fed before coming here, which meant she wanted to be as strong as possible.

 

Jongdae was kissing her in the darkness, and he smelled of the desert and leather and everything she’d ever wanted in life.

 

I love you, little one. That won’t ever change, no matter what you choose. But first you need to save yourself.

 

“You mate-stealing ,” she snarled, her red hair seemingly wet from having been soaked in blood.

 

She had come here to kill her, Lamiya knew.

 

Jongdae’s hair was silver. And hers was, too.

 

Let go.

 

She would beat her demons, she swore to Jongdae in her mind.

 

But first she'd sworn to Yifan that she’d avenge him.

 

First she would become a demon herself.

 

She roared as she jumped to meet Barbara, who was hissing at her as she attacked her, her arms in front of her and her nails as sharp as little knives.

 

She let go.

 

The fangs pierced the skin of Barbara’s hands. She would not stop until she tore her limb from limb and then set her on fire.

 

Even though her lips were now bloody, too.

 

Even though the vampire poison was getting into her again.

 

Even though she knew Jongdae wouldn’t be able to save her. Not anymore.

 

The silver hair, the smell of desert, the eyes full of sand, the soft kiss at the corner of her lips…

 

It all disappeared.

 

I am coming, love. As soon as I am done with her, I am coming.

 

Barbara screamed.