But if he was once again going to search for the point in their shared history where Hyesung had screwed everything over, he probably wouldn’t survive it sober. So the singer dragged his dead tired body out of bed, taking his phone with him and wandering off to the kitchen. He took a beer out of the refrigerator, seating himself on the couch and opening it.

But then a sudden wave of nausea hit him and he placed the untouched beer on the couch table. Wow not even drinking now? What was wrong with him? Just earlier he had felt good, satisfied. Why did he always have to get emotional after concerts, one wrong thought and everything went down the drain.

Right now he longed for something he couldn’t have. His neighbor. Funny how many years they now lived close together. At first it had been a rather spontaneous idea, a knee-jerk reaction. But Eric had received it well, making sure they grew closer. And their relationship had actually gotten better, some things finally falling into place, finding their routine even though Hyesung felt often akward around the other.

Maybe because at times he couldn’t place when the older man was serious and when he wasn’t. And that, together with his own feelings that were heading into the romantic direction during that days, made a potion Hyesung was unable to handle most of the times. But there were also times when he was relaxed and let his guard down completely.

Hyesung pulled his knees against the chest, hugging them tightly, laying his forehead against them, the damp hair bothering him, as memories of Eric’s last night before enlistment rose up. They had toasted, gotten a little tipsy and played some games, nothing all too unusual.

But when Eric wasn’t paying attention to the game, letting Hyesung win too easily the younger male had gotten annoyed and grabbed his friend by the collar, cursing at him to do it right or leave it be. Eric’s reaction had been to lock their lips. It had been like jumping into cold water, the first second you didn’t know what to do, being shocked, unable to do anything, before your instincts take over.

Eric had broken the kiss then but didn’t pull away, their faces only millimetres apart and then Hyesung had caught up with had happened. He couldn’t remember how he had reacted but the next moment they were kissing again.

Even though he was all alone in his apartement now, he was embarrassed how his breathing speeded up, just thinking about the way Eric had kissed him so passionately, pressing the smaller idol onto his carpet. Hyesung groaned in annoyance, leaning against the backrest of his couch. He really shouldn’t get so aroused just from already faded memories, he wasn’t a hormonal teenager anymore.

But he had no self-control when it came to the memories of Eric’s touch that night, his kisses, his whole being just engulfing Hyesung with his love and want. A burning love, so hot it might devour you, still cozy warm, warming you up in dark nights.

They hadn’t really slept together, only gotten each other off but it had been more than enough. The images of Eric were burnt into the younger man’s brain forever, all the childish antics the older man often showed gone, replaced by his seductive side, luring Hyesung into his charm easily.

The markings the leader had left had faded away quickly while Hyesung was left with an aching heart and split mindset. And memories of their skin pressed together, Eric’s lips and tongue meeting his own as well as other bodyparts, the strong fingers holding onto Hyesung possessively, making him feel wonderful and scared at the same time under the taller males loving stare.

Hyesung shifted uncomfortably on his couch, hating how his blood rushed south, behind his eyes the cursed image of Eric hovering over him, lips swollen and parted, stretched to a lazy grin, eyes hooded, lustclouded, the hair messy, breathing unregular.

He needed to distract himself, thinking reasonable again, otherwise his night would get even longer. He didn’t want to get lost in his memories, the singer had set himself a goal, a point to find.

With everyone else that would’ve been either the point where things start to go to waste or skyrocket, but with Eric, it was none of that. It somehow was as if they started at zero again. Hyesung being terribly akward, trying to avoid the leader like the plague - not an easy thing to do when that leader is Eric and lives pretty much next to you.

He was scared. He didn’t even know exactly of what, but he had immediately put up his walls again the next day even before everything had settled and he had thought it through. Hyesung scoffed at himself, that was probably the problem, he thought to little logically and didn’t took his time to understand things.

He finally realized that he hadn’t been afraid of Eric’s love and the sparkling fire in his eyes that he had gifted Hyesung only, no he had been only afraid to feel those unfamiliar romantic feelings, his subconsciousness knowing that he had already developed them long ago. God sure was a .

Hyesung sighed, usually he would’ve grabbed the next thing, throwing it across the room, his temper flaring but now he just felt resignated with himself. That time around Eric had been the reasonable one, no longer allowing Hyesung to mess around with him without conditions - but still being an