[2013]

“WHAT?!”

Jiwon actually has to take his phone away from near his ear but the same grin is still on his face. It is the most excited he has been in a while (if we don’t count that time when he dreamed about meeting Yoon Mirae), and his right hand that grips the steering wheel is actually sweating right now. He even borrowed his father’s old sedan, that’s how important this is.

“Yes, you heard right! Get dressed, I’m ten minutes away, wait for me in front of the dorm!”

“Oh my god, but I have a project due tomorrow!”

“Were you not listening to me? Bin, my friend got me free tickets! We will meet Tiger JK! Bin, Yoon Mirae is there too!! I won’t forgive you if we don’t catch them, c’mon man!”

“God, this better be true,” And then Jiwon can hear the loud sound of Hanbin who is probably shoving things down his backpack. He is muttering things Jiwon cannot even catch because the voice sounds faraway. He’s probably getting dressed and he had thrown the phone away.

“I’m two minutes away, I can see your building, come on!!!”

“God, don’t rush me!!! You are making me nervous for nothing!” Jiwon laughed—the adrenaline is there already and he cannot believe he will meet his (and Hanbin’s) favorite artist in person. He knows Hanbin is just as thrilled as he is, but he just has a lot more in mind than Jiwon does, like assignments, tomorrow’s class, and probably the way to get Jiwon to actually study before his finals.

Jiwon then hears the sound of keys and door being locked, followed by Hanbin’s footsteps as he is running down the hallway. His breathing gets quicker and that’s when Jiwon knows he’s running down the stairs.

“Don’t trip yourself down the stairs,” he laughs.

“Shut up, loser. Where the hell are you, I cannot see you.”

Jiwon can already see Hanbin walking towards the dorm’s main entrance, wearing white shirt underneath a denim jacket—he actually dresses really nice sometimes, Jiwon thinks. Hanbin was busy zipping his black backpack when Jiwon’s car drove pass him, and his face was really funny when Jiwon hits the car’s horn.

“Can you not?!!” Hanbin said, his face shows more shock than anger. Jiwon only laughs louder than he already did, only because he knows that will piss Hanbin off even more.

“What are you waiting for? Get in!!”

With a heavy huff, Hanbin finally open the door and gets in the car. He throws his backpack to the backseat before buckling himself with the safety belt. Talk about being a good passenger.

“I cannot believe I am going to Busan and ditching my project for this. This better be good, Jiwon, or else you’re gonna see me being really mad,”

Jiwon starts the car while grinning, finding Hanbin’s unamused scowl very funny—he finds everything about him funny lately, that’s a little bit strange and worrying, to be honest.

“I promise! We have been talking about this a lot! The Seoul ticket is sold out already, and even if we got the ticket, there is no way for broke college student like us to be able to stand close to the stage. But now my friend is actually the organizer, we have got the best ticket and it’s free!!”

“Are you serious? That sounds unreal, are you sure you’re not scammed?”

Jiwon looks at Hanbin who was looking at him with his big eyes, looking somewhat hopeful but at the same time really skeptical.

“No, dammit, look at these!!” Jiwon hands the ticket to Hanbin and the latter slowly takes it from him, “I swear they are real!”

Neither of them even realizes that they are speaking with such a high tone, nearly shouting at each other.

Hanbin then adjusts his seat and lean further to the back, looks like he’s only starting to believe in what is happening. He’s lifting his two hands to comb his slightly long hair, making it even messier than it already is. Hanbin’s hair smells like fruity shampoo and Jiwon thinks how the hell is a grown man still use those kinds of products? He’s almost in his twenties. But Jiwon never says anything—not even when he needs to use the same shampoo when he’s showering in Hanbin’s dorm (and that happens a little bit often lately).

“Oh my God, I am meeting TigerJK…” Hanbin said as if he had just processed the whole information thoroughly.

“I’m gonna see Yoon Mirae,” Jiwon said, earning another ‘oh my god’ from Hanbin. They have been talking about this several times, how they will come to Seoul concert but the tickets sold out so much faster than they think.

“Can we make it to Busan before the show starts? It’s 3PM,” Hanbin said when he adjusts his sitting position to face Jiwon a little more.

“The show isn’t until 9PM, we will make it.”

“Don’t drive too fast though, you might kill us both.”

Jiwon chuckled, “What is this insult, I am an excellent driver!”

“You literally only got your license last month,” Hanbin then starts to fumble with the radio, clicking the button to search for decent station to listen to, “I cannot believe your father trust you with his car so easily, the farthest you ever driven was to Incheon.”

“Of course he trusts me, I was being a good boy.”

Hanbin adjusts his round glasses as he observes the radio device, leaning closely so he can see better. It’s not the first time for Hanbin in Jiwon’s father’s car—but it is his first time being seated in the front seat so it might not be so familiar for him. It’s a 2000 silver Kia Sephia, the original interior is maintained really well and we can really see how good Jiwon’s father takes care of the car.

“Yes, he doesn’t know you crashed Namjoon’s car to a fence,”

Jiwon lets out an exaggerated gasp, “That wasn’t my fault! In my defense, it was dark and the fence was placed wrongly.”

Hanbin laughs at Jiwon’s remark, the kind of laugh that makes one of his eyes gets smaller than the other, and his faint dimples gets slightly more prominent. This kind of laugh makes Jiwon freezes for a millisecond, but then laugh along with the same amount of excitement. One of Hanbin’s front teeth is a little bit crooked and Jiwon often catches himself staring at it when they talk a little bit closer.

“Have you had lunch?” Jiwon asks then, after a few minutes of comfortable silence. Hanbin tends to skip meals on holidays—the days when he has no obligation to get out of his dorm, simply because he is too lazy to go outside and eat alone.

Lately Jiwon had spent more weekend with Hanbin, though sometimes they would just stay at Hanbin’s dorm doing their own thing or they would go anywhere just because they’re bored. Jiwon’s favorite is still when they crash at Yunhyeong’s apartment asking him to cook for them—Yunhyeong really cannot refuse Hanbin’s puppy eyes, and that works every damn time. Some other time they would just stay inside and watch movie, maybe Hanbin will read his medicine journals and Jiwon would play online games.

None of them really bother to ask the other regarding why they are spending so many times together. Hanbin was even there in Jiwon’s swimming practice, sitting on the audience seat while sometimes take notes of his speed and technique. Jiwon also often stays in Hanbin’s faculty library, sleeping or playing with his phone while Hanbin is doing his assignments.

“Nope. Let’s go get McD, I want sundae,” he said while playing with his phone. He gave up searching for decent channels to listen to.

“You ate breakfast, though, right?”

“Not really,” Hanbin said casually, and Jiwon really doesn’t understand how his digestive system works.

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“Well, I am now.”

He really said it without any care in the world, and Jiwon doesn’t know whether he’s just lazy or he really doesn’t know how to take care of himself.

“Man, how did you survive this cold and harsh world for nineteen years living like that?”

The younger boy chuckles again—and it always make Jiwon kinda proud when he can make Hanbin all smiley like that, when he can actually forget that he needs to be on the top of his class, when he actually looks like he lives for something else.

It didn’t make so much sense at first for Jiwon who was light and carefree, that Hanbin really takes everything so seriously like he has something to prove. Like it is his lifeline. Like there is no forgiveness for him if he ever fails. Jiwon knows that he has no say about how Hanbin should live his life, but really, sometimes he wants Hanbin to just laugh freely, to just enjoy simple things that he doesn’t have to work so hard to get it. Like cheap road trip out of town. Like watching sunset by the beach. Like enjoying the breeze on a mountain.

Carefree laugh, a mind without burden for a while.

And it had come as a shock at first when Jiwon realized that he had been doing things in the sole purpose to make Hanbin laugh.

It stopped feeling weird after quite some times. It still surprises him, though.

Jiwon had spent months with Hanbin, almost a year, even. There are lots of things that he had known about the younger boy, from Hanbin himself, from Yunhyeong, or from his own observations.

The first thing that everyone will notice about Hanbin is that he is a hard worker. He is someone with determination—he knows what he wants to achieve and he knows how to achieve them. Jiwon respects him for that, really. The next thing is probably how Hanbin loves his sister the most in the world. His baby sister is there as his phone’s wallpaper, the Minnie Mouse keychain that hangs on his bag also has ‘Hanbyul’ carved onto it, and all those rare times when he calls her—Jiwon was surprised at first, how soft and gentle Hanbin was when he’s talking to Hanbyul on the phone.

From Yunhyeong, Jiwon knows that Hanbin is a son of someone very important—someone who would need to keep their reputation intact despite anything. Hanbin comes from a family of doctors. His father is an honorable doctor, he’s now even in the health ministry. There is pressure on Hanbin to be as good as his father, to be someone who will make him proud. Also, from Yunhyeong, Jiwon knows that it stresses Hanbin out—all the expectation and pressure. That explains Hanbin’s need of perfection, his almost obsessive habit of forcing himself to study, of beating himself if the result isn’t as good as he expected.

From his own observation, Jiwon knows that Hanbin doesn’t really talk much with his parents, even his mother. They will text once in a while, mostly only when it is Hanbin’s schedule to meet and play with his sister. That’s why Jiwon is always very careful with the topic of ‘parents’ in their conversation.

Jiwon has the impression that Hanbin is a strong kid, someone who has burden but he tries hard to lift it on his shoulders. But sometimes his need of perfection makes him tense and Jiwon knows it is tiring for him. All the expectations from his family and peers had make Hanbin grown into someone who always feels the needs to prove himself again and again, continuously. That without him proving his worth, he wouldn’t get nice things in return.

Jiwon thinks Hanbin is someone who thinks that something nice, like love, is something conditional—something that he needs to work hard for. This thought saddens Jiwon, really, that a son would think that his parents will love him less if he doesn’t come the first in his class. That he thinks he needs to achieve something in order to be loved.

And Jiwon thinks that love isn’t like that. He wishes that Hanbin would know that.

“Jiwon, oh my God, you drove past the drive through! Don’t zone out when you’re driving, geez…”

And again, Jiwon’s first reaction of Hanbin’s annoyed voice is to laugh even though he knows it annoys Hanbin even more.

.

.

.

It’s only been three hours and they have more than two hundred kilometers more to drive. After a few fruitless attempts of switching through the radio channel, Hanbin had decided to just play the CDs that are available in the car, and most of them are Jiwon’s father’s collection. Most of them are old songs that Hanbin hasn’t even heard.

“Do you have another song? I haven’t even heard these.”

By now Hanbin is sitting comfortably with one leg folded on the car seat, his shoes are off because he said it’s too hot. It’s dark outside already and their windows are half open—old cars, Jiwon said, the AC cannot be on for too long.

“I think I have 2ne1 and Epik High CDs somewhere there, just look around there, I don’t know, somewhere.”

Jiwon is munching on his Peppero stick—Hanbin had picked up a whole bunch of snacks when they stopped for gas. He bought cans of coffee, mineral waters, sweets, even RedBulls because he insists that they will need it. Jiwon always find Hanbin’s belief in RedBulls ridiculous but funny at the same time. Hanbin is cutting down on them, though.

“2ne1 is great, though, I’d want to go to their concert.”

“They are dope, man, I watched them in YG Family concert. CL has the most unique flow and her singing voice is great too, damn, that was a good one.”

Jiwon remember that particular concert when he actually bought the ticket—not like his other concert experience where he volunteers or even works as backstage crew. YG rappers has unique skills that can really distinguish them from the rest of rappers out there. Sometimes Jiwon even has a wishful thinking to be able to join them on stage someday.

“You’re good too.” Hanbin said after a few seconds of silence. He’s looking outside the window where there is really not much to see. Jiwon smiled at that. Hanbin always says that he’s good, he even listens to Jiwon’s mixtapes and raw songs he recorded with Namjoon. Hanbin is now even friends with Namjoon already because somehow Hanbin also ended up at Namjoon’s studio after his classes. He often gives suggestions for the lyrics in their song, and Jiwon thinks maybe he has raw talent for that too. Maybe somewhere in the future they can make songs together and make money from it, who knows.

“Hahaha yeah thanks, man. I’ll allow you backstage when I get famous one day.”

Hanbin lets out a little laugh—the kind that has no sound but only makes his shoulders shake a little. The left corner of his lip lifted a little in a small smirk. He doesn’t even bother to look away from the window.

“Have you ever thought about anything, though, aside of being a musician?”

Hanbin looks at Jiwon then, head leaning on the headrest as one hand playfully tugged on his seatbelt.

Jiwon glances at Hanbin whose hair is even more disheveled than before—a band aid was placed on his left cheek that he insisted for fashion. He even collects band aids for that, and Jiwon too, helping him collecting them by buying every unique shaped band aid he accidentally found in convenience stores. Oh, all the things Jiwon does for that brat.

“Why are you aski