It's been a while! A lot of things happened and I moved out and there was a lot of projects I had to get done, but here's the next chapter now! I still can't believe people actually read this story. Thank you!

Ryeowook just couldn't understand himself. There he was again, sitting in the school's library, a sheet of easy math calculations in front of him. Kyuhyun was sitting right next to him, focused on his own pile of homework while he waited for him to finish off the exercise sheets, and to see if he had any questions.

Tutoring. He was having another tutoring session with Kyuhyun. 

Ryeowook bit back a groan and looked down at his papers. He could try and act like he was actually trying to solve them, to look for a solution in his math book that was on the table next to him. He could try and pretend like he was really trying.

But he just couldn't. He couldn't do it. He couldn't pretend that he wasn't just being despicably desperate right now. He sighed, frustrated,

"I just don't get it."

Kyuhyun shook his head with a deep sigh, “We have a lot of things to go through today, so I'm not going to give up on you just yet.” He stilled, and then lifted his head to meet Ryeowook's eyes, face serious, "You do care about graduating, right?" 

Ryeowook almost rolled his eyes. Almost.

Despite Kyuhyun's usual dull tone, it was touching how caring he had turned to ever since their last talk, but it was dangerously addicting, too. It always made his heart beat a little faster because every time Kyuhyun cheered him on, it felt like he actually cared for him. Like he'd really mean it, not just as a tutor, but as a friend at the very least.

"I do," he muttered, hiding his face behind his book.

Even if he was mostly talking to himself these days to make this whole process easier, he really meant it when he said he didn't get it this time. 

Why would he keep this up even after everything that had happened? Why did he keep pretending? Did he like the pain? Did he like being looked down to? He didn't think so, lord he really wished he didn't, but then what was it? Did he really feel that strong about Kyuhyun? Was he really that hopeless?

Okay, yeah, maybe he did love Kyuhyun a lot more than he should after everything that had happened, but it wasn't a confession he was looking for in the first place. He wasn't there to woo Kyuhyun after being rejected, and he really wasn't there to change his mind either.

He just... He wanted to hear him say he's sorry. To apologize to him straight, not by making up some weird pathetic excuses of an apology.

Sometimes though he didn't know if he should be more hurt that Kyuhyun didn't seem to remember him from their meeting prior to his confession, and how he failed to realize how much he had actually helped him to get through his hard times, or the fact that Kyuhyun was one of the main causes for his suffering now.

Because honestly, you'd think someone would remember a guy crying his eyes out after meeting one, especially when they scream their hearts out and claim you a thief, but Kyuhyun just simply didn't. That just... It was more baffling than anything else in his life, really, but he often just concluded that he was too pathetic to be remembered and left it at that.

But now that this whole mess had already come to this... He didn't know what to believe anymore. He was just the biggest idiot on earth, that he was quite sure of. I mean, who else would put up with all this crap, if not him?

"What an idiot..."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh!" Ryeowook's eyes widened and he gaped at Kyuhyun, trying to make himself clear, "I wasn't... I wasn't talking to you. It was just... You know, just talking to myself."

"Oh... Okay." Kyuhyun gave him an odd look and for a second Ryeowook could've mistaken it for a worried one, but he quickly shook it off once Kyuhyun turned back to his homework.

He was glad Kyuhyun left it at that, a bit surprised considering their almost-but-not-really-civil relationship, but he also didn't want to start another futile argument with him because of some tiny misunderstanding again, so he just shook his head and quickly refocused on his task again, deeming his thoughts too dangerous with Kyuhyun right next to him.

He still couldn't focus though. It was like now that he had started, he couldn't put an end end to his thoughts, and every second they spent together in this unnerving silence only fed them more. 

That was right, he was an idiot. And what made him an even bigger idiot right now was that his mind decided to attack him with thoughts of Sungmin. He couldn't stop picturing him and Kyuhyun walking out on the streets, holding hands, feeding each other some food and going on dates... It was burning him up. He was even jealous, and he had absolutely no right to!

But it disturbed him so much. He just couldn't stop thinking about it, he couldn't bite it down, and he certainly couldn't stop himself from asking even when he knew he should have.

"Are you still in touch with Sungmin after he graduated?"

Ryeowook almost flinched when he heard Kyuhyun lean back on his chair, dropping his pen on the table in clear frustration. He was starting to get scared that coming there today had been nothing but a big mistake, and that this would end up in another fight or him crying over his wounds alone, but there was really nothing he could do about it now.

Kyuhyun cleared his throat and shifted on his seat, but surprisingly he did answer him despite the touchy topic, "No, he... He, uh, he didn't accept my feelings. He told me I should be responsible for what I did to you.”

If Ryeowook thought his heart couldn't possibly take another bullet, its limits were just tested.

It all just suddenly made so much sense: Kyuhyun hadn't let him approach him and his friends out of tutoring lessons because he pitied him, or that he had felt sorry for him.

He did it because Sungmin, the man he held feelings for, had told him he should be responsible for what he had caused, and Ryeowook had been just enough persistent to make that easier for him.

And that meant tolerating his face even when he probably never wanted to see him at all. But for Ryeowook, none of that seemed to matter once he heard what more he had to say, “And that... That he liked someone else. He confessed himself that same day."

Ryeowook couldn't help but to gasp, "On the same day? Outrageous!" He couldn't even fathom the hurt he had gone through, because no matter how much he was in pain, he'd always care for Kyuhyun first.

"Yeah..." Kyuhyun let out a nervous laugh and turned back to his book, "Anyway, we should-"

"Are you okay?"

Surprised, Kyuhyun turned to Ryeowook, getting lost in his eyes and forgetting what they were talking about just a second ago as if in trance. The older had placed a hand on his shoulder and was now looking at him with pained, worried eyes.

"I... I'm fine... It's been a year, so..."

Ryeowook searched his eyes for what felt like an eternity before putting up a cheering smile, "Well, if you ever feel like it, you can come to me. I'll cheer you up. Purely as a friend, I promise."

Kyuhyun cleared his throat, shocked at how fast his heart was now beating, and looked away, "We have a lot to do today," he muttered, embarrassed. He gave Ryeowook one more puzzled look before shaking it off and shutting the world out of his mind.

Ryeowook could sense the sudden change in him but decided to leave it unaddressed. He did try asking Kyuhyun about a couple calculations, but the younger was so distracted and helped him as quickly as possible without any extra remarks or even trying to explain the process that he soon stopped asking his help and let him be.

Not that Kyuhyun even noticed him solving the rest on his own anyway.

After he was done, he carefully looked at the younger, his heart in pain as he thought of what all Kyuhyun must've gone through, but he was also worried. Kyuhyun seemed to avoid the topic as much as he could and that probably meant pushing the whole thing out of his mind so that he wouldn't have to deal with it at all.

Not that Ryeowook was any good example of dealing with rejection and heartbreak himself, but at least he had braced it head on despite the price he had to pay.

Sensing his stare, Kyuhyun grumbled an annoyed "What?" under his breath. It seemed like bringing up Sungmin had gotten him really tense, and in no doubt in a very bad mood.

Ryeowook really didn't want to agitate him more than that, so he just dropped his gaze and sighed. Maybe he should just forget all of this stupid nonsense he claimed to serve his purpose but that only made things more complicated for the both of them.

He wasn't asking for much, just those three words that would make him forget any of this had ever even happened, but at one point he had forgotten to stop to breathe and consider that what if everything wasn't so black and white, and instead of probing on further, he should think that what if Kyuhyun was hurting a lot, too, and all he had really achieved so far had just been adding salt to their wounds. He sighed again.

Maybe it was time to finally give up?

"Look, about the incident with my confession-"

Kyuhyun suddenly slammed his hands on the table and stood up, anger in his eyes. Ryeowook cowered back in his seat, wrapping his arms around himself as if that would protect him from his heart trying to leap out of his chest. He knew he had upset him, but he didn't expect him to just suddenly jump up like that, scaring the living daylights out of him. 

"Why the hell can't you just get over it? I went as far as telling you about my feelings for Sungmin, but you keep guilt tripping me over something that I really didn't mean to do. I'm so sick of this, Ryeowook."

"I- I didn't- I was just trying to say you can forget—"

"Whatever. I think we're done, I'm going home."

"Wait, no! I'm sorry, I-" Ryeowook's own voice failed on him, and before he could get himself together and continue, Kyuhyun turned to him with an unreadable expression, putting on his jacket while staring at him dead in the eyes.

"And to think I almost went ahead and said you aren't an idiot and shouldn't think of yourself as one. But you know what? I changed my mind. You should know when to shut up at times."

Ryeowook huffed, disbelieving. His breathing got uneven from panic as he tried to form the right words before it would be too late, but Kyuhyun's piercing stare bored a hole in his heart, stopping every thought from working. He could just dumbly watch as the other left, unable to say what had really been on his mind this time.

He never knew his heart could break even more than it already had. It was like it had been ripped open all over again, and then someone had maliciously wedged a wooden stake between the pieces, so it would never be whole again. And it hurt, it hurt so much.

Ryeowook tried to sit back down with his wobbly legs, feeling all fight leave him when he was once again left to swallow his own tears. Crying was no proper reaction to this since most of this was his fault as always anyway, but he had just been so caught off guard with Kyuhyun's reaction that he couldn't help the tears that prickled his eyes.

Yeah, Kyuhyun had called him names and gotten mad before, but this was... this was different. This wasn't Kyuhyun being annoyed with his math skills, or being stuck with his depressing, bitter company.

No, this was Kyuhyun, a heartbroken, raw side of Kyuhyun that got mad at him for getting into his business and rubbing the sore spot every day he was with him. And now that Ryeowook actually tried to verbally express how sorry he was, Kyuhyun had finally had enough, and he knew he had every right to get furious at him after putting up with his antics.

Ryeowook really hadn't known. He had believed that there was no way someone would be stupid enough to reject a man like Kyuhyun, or to be more precise, the man Kyuhyun always seemed to be to others. He genuinely couldn't believe Sungmin would have rejected him, especially since Ryeowook actually knew the older had had feelings for his tutor. It just didn't make sense but none of that really mattered now, did it?

"God I'm so stupid. Of course he's still hurting, stupid me, stupid me, stupid me!" He hit his head, feeling as if nothing would ever be enough to alleviate his guilt. "Why do I gotta be so stupid?"

He was just slowly killing them both with his existence. For him it really didn't matter, but if it involved Kyuhyun too.... It was a whole another case.

But he'd never do it again. He'd never hurt Kyuhyun again, he'd make sure of that. He'd stay away and let him be free of his burden. Ryeowook was strong, or so he tried to assure himself at least. He had gotten this far, he could handle the rest of the years alone for sure. At least he'd know he made Kyuhyun feel better that way. He could make himself steel for him if needed. 

Yeah, he thought as he wiped the few tears that managed to escape his eyes, he could do that. He knew what it was to be alone. Donghae and Eunhyuk were never his friends anyway, they were Kyuhyun's. They probably stayed out of pity, too, they never invited him anywhere without Kyuhyun being there after all. Yeah, he could do this. He could.

"I'm sorry," he muttered to the empty space, in which Kyuhyun had previously been. "I'm so sorry for doing all this."

It was time he put an end to this.