Just Let Me Go
The House PlayThree Months Later:
"(N/n), are you coming? It's lunch time." your friend and co-worker Yujin asked along with Hinata; waving for your attention from across the office.
"Yeah! Just a minute!" you hollered in return, your eyes never leaving your work computer. As you heard the noise gradually filter out of the shared space, you continued to type the conclusion to your email before attaching your electronic signature and finally...pressing the 'send' button.
Stretching as you stood, you quickly collected your phone and handbag before heading out, noting vaguely that only ten minutes had passed since the lunch break began. You made your way to the nearby café that you found to be quite stylish and always had the latest hits playing at a pleasant volume in the background.
Finding your friends at your usual table, you plopped yourself down into the white wingback chair, ordering your usual lunchtime meal that you found was both delicious and fulfilling. Your dear old friend fatigue seemed to take over and noting with a very heavy heart that the strongest thing you could order at that time of day was a coffee, you ordered their strongest and largest cup. At this point you felt as though you may need a coffee bean plant or the equivalent to keep yourself awake enough to complete the rest of your day successfully.
"You look as though a Dementor literally the life out of you." Hinata teased gently. A half-Korean, half-Japanese woman of thirty-two, your older friend still had her youthful good looks despite being married for nearly twelve years and raising two children. You envied her on days like these.
"No-one really tells you how difficult it is to be a single working mother in this day and age. I might've second guessed divorcing that good-for-nothing..." you grumbled, the end of your sentence trailing off; a hand idly running through your hair.
"It'll get easier, eventually!" Yujin, the only single one among you and youngest in your friend group, enthusiastically replied. You wished you shared her enthusiasm. "How was the weekend?" she asked instead.
You groaned again, shaking your head. You were glad you had a moment to collect your thoughts as your food and drink orders arrived.
"Wonshik came to collect the rest of his things." you answered, your eyes rolling as you recounted the details of your weekend.
Last Saturday:
It was nine in the morning. Your two-person household found yourself and Hongbin cuddled on the couch still in your pajamas, watching his favorite cartoons. You would never admit to it but you were just as into it as your son, you supposed half the reason was how downright adorable some of the characters were.
You sipped on your coffee as you stole a glance at the little boy tucked protectively into your side, oblivious to the world around him as he absentmindedly ate his weekend treat of cereal seemingly dyed every color of the rainbow and filled with sugar and who knew what else. Never quite in the mood to cook on weekend mornings, you were thankful for the small conveniences.
Ding-Dong!
Your doorbell suddenly went off and your head cocked to the side. You were not expecting anyone. Surely Wonshik would not...
"Papa!" Hongbin yelled, breaking out of his daze to rush to the front door.
"No running on your socks!" you called after your son as you quickly followed him, opening the door to indeed reveal your now ex-husband. You felt a glare making its way onto your face when you remembered how much paperwork he put you through and then promptly tucked your hair behind your ear and tugged at your creased pajamas. You chastised yourself. Old habits and all.
"Hongbin!" Wonshik marveled at his son, getting onto his haunches after he changed into his house slippers. You hoped those would be gone after today.
Hongbin, unable to contain his excitement, jumped on his father, his little arms in a death grip around the older man's neck. You knew that for a fact - you were on the receiving end of those every day.
Standing up with the extra bundle in his arms, Wonshik stood to look at you, making you feel self-conscious as his gaze swept you up and down. You swallowed the urge to make a less than generous comment - more out of defense than anything else.
"I brought cake. Your and Hongbin's favorites." he said with that same dazzling smile that shamelessly won you over years ago; holding out a box with a logo that told you it was from a rather expensive patisserie. Now all you wondered was if that was the same look he gave her. You also wondered if the cake was a 'sorry-for-interrupting' cake or a 'sorry-for-betraying-you-and-our-family' cake.
Either way, you gave a rather unappreciative 'thank you' and moved to place the cake in the fridge.
When you returned to the main room, you found the pair doubling over in laughter as they played together. The sooner you got this over with, the better in your opinion.
"Wonshik..." you called, your voice serious. You were alarmed at how your feelings transformed throughout the past three months. After crying for what seemed for a lifetime after you found out about the affair but was in actual fact a week, your feelings were slowly replaced by anger and annoyance.
"Yes?" he looked at you with an expression you denoted as hope. You ignored it.
"Your boxes are in that corner." you nodded to the place near the doorway. "It has all of your old shirts, you can throw them out if you don't wear them anymore. It seems you're into all sorts of things these days." snark: unavoided, it seemed. "Your jackets and blazers I kept in the covers but they might need to be dry cleaned. The other box is some things I found in your office."
Wonshik's eyes were the size of dinner plates. "You didn't need to...Thank you." he thanked, his baritone voice faltering.
You nodded, though kindness had nothing to do with doing what you did. If he had the chance to stay for extended periods of time to pack his things, you had no doubt he would try to convince you to get back together with him like he did every time he came back.
"Papa, can I help you?!" Hongbin chirped from his place in his father's hold.
The older man's face lit up once more. "The boxes are too heavy for you but...I need someone to direct me while I walk. Can you do that?" he asked playfully, his matching brown eyes large as he questioned his son.
"I can! I can!" the boy responded showcasing the deep dimples on each side of his mouth.
"Alright you can but remember what Mama said about shoes?" you asked, closing the distance to take Hongbin into your arms, attempting to ignore the familiar cologne that invaded your senses.
Your son nodded his head. As your ex-husband gathered both boxes with such ease that you caught yourself gawking for a moment, you moved to the step in front of your front door to put on appropriate shoes for Hongbin.
When the pair took off, you took a deep breath, sighing heavily. It was a strange sensation to watch him leave like that. It felt like only yesterday that Wonshik surprised you with this luxurious apartment in your first year of marriage promising to fill it with both laughter and children. You smiled sadly at the knowledge he only managed to do one. But there was no use in thinking of that now. He made his choices and he would have to live with them. Unfortunately, it meant that you and Hongbin had to as well.
"Mama, we're back!" Hongbin called you out of your thoughts, arms wrapping around your legs.
"Already?! Look at my strong little man." you praised him with kisses all over his face.
"You might even become stronger than Papa." Wonshik walked in to tag on your comment with a fond smile on his face.
You cleared your throat.
"Does Papa have to go now Mama?" Hongbin asked with a pout on his face.
If you could heave with a sigh, you would. You did not want to refuse him again. Being 'bad cop' was not your most favorite thing in the world but at the same time you did not want to be around Wonshik any more than you had to. You looked to Wonshik for understanding. He only gave you a slight nod and you sighed softly in relief.
"No! We can play and have cake! How does that sound?" Wonshik enthusiastically exclaimed and you whipped your head so fast you nearly gave yourself whiplash. He was supposed to make an excuse and leave not stay!
"Ha...Hongbin-" you attempted to remedy the situation but you were interrupted by your son, now perched on his father's shoulders.
"Mama! Mama! Play with us! Catch Papa and me!" Hongbin shrieked with delight as Wonshik paraded around the coffee table making 'woosh woosh' sounds.
Was there not a rule that called for coffee first? You mentally pouted as you prepared yourself for forced family time.
"The nerve." Yujin commented, clearly unimpressed as she finished off her salad. "And he stayed late I'm guessing?"
You nodded. "It was just before sundown. Can you understand my exhaustion?" you asked rhetorically, taking another drink from your cup.
"I think it's cute he stayed the whole time." Hinata commented honestly though her face said the opposite.
"Hm." you dismissively replied. You would rather not think about the feelings that comment unearthed.
"(F/n)?" they both called, seeing your glazed expression.
You looked at them, debating on whether or not to tell them. To heck with it, if you did not discuss it with your friends you might just go insane.
"I don't know..." you sighed, an action entirely too common for you these days, "I just thought that once I got rid of my cheating husband, I'd be happy and free and everything would be fine. I mean I'm happy I took action and I'm not being made a fool of anymore but I...I miss him. Much more than when he wasn't home all those evenings." There you said it. All you felt was a throb in your chest. You guessed you were not over it like you pretended to be.
"You should be happy. You got rid of that cheat, he doesn't deserve to be missed by you. You're too good for him remember that." your younger friend fiercely said, tipping her glass of lemon water towards you.
"She knows that already." Hinata scolded Yujin gently, giving her a light slap on her shoulder. "It's only natural to miss him more so because you were the one that didn't cheat. It'll take time."
"You're both right. It's just hard to still love him when he hurt me like that." you replied, more to yourself than your friends.
Hinata nodded in understanding. "Do you think you'll ever get back together with him? He seems to be genuinely sorry." she asked, curious.
Yujin wanted to interrupt with what you could only assume would be fiery words but Hinata held up a hand, motioning for you to talk.
"I don't think I could be with someone who broke my trust. As for him being sorry, I don't know. I mean how do ever know someone is ever truly sorry? It bothers me that he apologized off the bat and every time since, telling me how much he loves me and our family but how do you trust a man who had a two month long affair while disregarding me as though I wasn't important?" you questioned, feeling only more questions appear.
"Exactly, you don't. Let him suffer." Yujin bluntly answered. You would have laughed at her unusual fierceness any other time but you knew cheating exes were unfortunately all too common for her.
Your silent camaraderie lasted all but a few moments until you all noted the time. "We'll discuss this another time or we're gonna be late!" Hinata said while you already waved for the waiter to bring your bill.
You left first, your friends who were angels in disguise offered to pay for lunch as a treat.
Wonshik calling
The caller I.D displayed Wonshik's name. It was still strange to see his name instead of 'Honey'.
"Hello." you greeted. Speak of the devil, you thought.
"Hi! I enjoyed spending time with both of you last weekend." Wonshik replied and you could hear the smile in his voice. Not now, you thought, especially not when you felt so vulnerable after your earlier conversation.
"Hongbin loved it." you answered curtly, going the middle route.
"I was wondering if I could have him for the weekend?" he asked hopefully.
"Aren't you busy?" you shot back. You knew nothing about his mistress and wanted to know nothing about her. You knew even less about whether or not they were together.
"No, I only have one small thing to do but I'm free all weekend." he obliviously answered and you almost felt like throwing your phone in frustration. Was he really that oblivious or did he really hate speaking about his affair that much?
"Fine, I'll drop him off on Friday afternoon." you conceded. You would be lying if you said you were not thankful for the break. The candle that you were lighting at both ends was burning out quickly.
"Don't worry about it." he objected loudly. "I'll pick him up. Let me know what time and I'll be there."
More than anything, you hated, really hated, how he only became more reliable after you seperated. If only...you discarded the thought, moving to sit at your desk.
"Let's do that." you replied.
"Can't wait. I lov-" Wonshik answered before his voice dropped an octave at which you interrupted him as quick as possible.
"I have to go. My break is over. Goodbye." you quickly clicked the red button on your smartphone and put it on your desk with more force than needed; your heart racing unnaturally as you stared unseeingly at the device.
"Just let me go." the words you uttered all those months ago echoed in your mind.
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