"Jongin, I can't do this," Baekhyun's voice is frantic and muffled against the fabric of his friend's shirt. He's huddled against the taller, heartbeat picking up astronomically. 

There's a sense of urgency in his voice that makes Jongin look down in apology, suddenly seeming to realize the situation he's put his friend in. Baekhyun's hands are shaking at the thought of confronting Chanyeol in such a public setting, at the thought of what he should say to the tall boy at all. He's still running toward them full speed, albeit rather clumsily because of the skates strapped to his feet, and each step makes Baekhyun's throat close a little more.

"Baekhyun," Chanyeol is out of breath and sweaty, obviously distressed.

Baekhyun hates the way his stomach flips at the sight of him, the way his fingers itch to reach out and brush a strand of hair off of his forehead. Most of all, he hates the blossom of warmth that settles in his stomach, the seed of hope that sprouts at the sight of the taller boy -- he hates that his body is reacting in ways his heart doesn't condone.

The eyes of the other boys are burning holes into Baekhyun's already clammy skin, and he's acutely aware of how dizzy he's feeling -- luckily, so is Jongin, and he's pushed back toward the door by familiar hands. There's a tiny bit more distance between him and the tallest boy now, but it's not enough, not when Chanyeol's eyes darken with worry and his lips part. 

"Can we talk?" Chanyeol's voice is so sweet, so quiet. Baekhyun hates that he trusts it, that he doesn't want to say no. "I really need to explain things." 

He searches Chanyeol's face for any sign of malice, for a trace of what he'd so been fearing these last days. Instead of any semblance of mocking, though, Baekhyun is only met with red cheeks and watery eyes. Jongin's nudging him with his shoulder ever so slightly, as if he's urging him to give it a try, as if Baekhyun isn't about to pass out from the thought of this many people knowing that he's vulnerable around Chanyeol, that there's reasons for the taller to run to him. 

"You need to play," Baekhyun's voice is hoarse.

Chanyeol shakes his head, no, vehemently, "I don't need to. I need to talk to you." 

Jongin stops pushing him, seemingly shocked at this, too. There's a moment of silence that feels too thick -- Baekhyun isn't sure he's breathing. Everyone on the ice is completely quiet, intently listening for Baekhyun's response, all stunned at the captain of the football team dismissing a chance to win a bet and make his team proud. There's a moment of prolonged eye contact between the pair before Baekhyun nods slowly, full of uncertainty, too out of it to do much more than watch as Chanyeol's eyes light up.

Chanyeol's untying skates and shimmying out of them at break neck speed, seemingly trying to move quickly so that Baekhyun can't change his mind. He's left in socks in only a few seconds, and then he's there, curly hair and soft cheeks only inches from Baekhyun, a hand gently reaching toward the smaller. He's slow about it, making sure that Baekhyun can see it at all times, making sure that Baekhyun doesn't flinch. The smaller is having trouble processing their proximity and the stares of the other jocks -- he has no time to think about what Chanyeol is doing, not until there's a gentle hand wrapped around his forearm, tugging him toward the door. 

Suddenly, he's unlatched from Jongin's shoulder and thrown into the cold wind, Chanyeol's warm hand the only anchor holding him between confused states of consciousness that are taking over. He wants to be mad, wants to scream at Chanyeol and cry, but there's something so calming about the taller's presence -- he can't help but watch those dark eyes flit back and forth and study the pulsing nervousness traveling between them. 

"I'm sorry," Chanyeol says plainly, voice deep and a little scratchy. He drops Baekhyun's forearm reluctantly. "I didn't mean for anything to come off the way it did. I didn't take you to the party to make fun of you -- I just wanted my friends to like you like I like you. I wanted them to know that you're funny and kind and talented, nothing like what they assumed." 

Baekhyun feels a little nauseous at the wording, at the sincerity in Chanyeol's voice and facial expression. Like I like you, he mills it over and over, let's the words tumble through his head. There's a tug of doubt telling him not to listen, but a larger pull of trust, one that looks into Chanyeol's eyes and thinks about laughing together, cuddling together, eating together. 

"What about that guy who tried to hit me? Did you plan it?" Baekhyun feels paranoid, but there's been worse things done to him before, more manipulative tricks pulled on him than he can count. "Did you want me to think you were some great guy and trust you? You wanted to befriend the weirdo?" 

He's teetering off the edge, he knows it, and the regret that spreads across Chanyeol's face is evident. His stomach drops at his bluntness, at the agony of waiting for a response to his accusing question 

"No," Chanyeol's obviously surprised at this, distraught at a possibility that he'd never before considered. "I wanted you to come to the party, and I wanted you to have a good time. I didn't want you to get hurt. I wouldn't ask anyone to do that." 

Baekhyun looks away, focuses on the way leaves are crumbling from trees around them, on the way the wind curls around the grass. He thinks he might cry thinking about Chanyeol's bloodied face, about the way they'd almost held hands that night, about the way Baekhyun's heart had finally felt calm.

Chanyeol coughs to get the shorter's attention. "Jongdae asked me to make sure no one was mean to you. He said that you had bad experiences with guys like me and my friends, and that I shouldn't be an . I just wanted to keep you safe; I always have." 

Baekhyun's eyebrows raise, heart leaping at the twinge of grief in Chanyeol's voice.

"Why did you tell my junior about it? Why did you never tell me about it?" 

"She asked about our relationship, and I said that Jongdae reached out to me -- that's all," his voice cracks. "I never told you because it didn't matter. I wanted to keep you safe whether Jongdae had asked or not. I didn't want you to ever get hurt; that was my own decision." 

They fall into momentary silence, every word seeming to harsh but not harsh enough, each emotion spilling out in ways that can't be articulated. There's a lot Baekhyun wants to ask, wants to scream about, but only so many things he thinks he'll be able to truly handle the answer to. He watches Chanyeol twiddle his thumbs, knows that there's too many things left unspoken between them, so he musters up his courage, ignoring the pounding of his heart and spinning of his head.

"Why do you treat me like that?" Chanyeol looks confused, eyebrows scrunching together and lips turning into a frown. "Why are you so nice?"

"Because I like you," Chanyeol says it so simply, as if it's a matter of fact, as if it doesn't make Baekhyun's stomach turn and lips shake. 

"You don't have to like me," Baekhyun's trembling. "Jongdae never said you have to like me. It's okay to just be student and teacher, you know." 

It's not okay, Baekhyun reminds himself, he's been avoiding Chanyeol all week because he desperately wants Chanyeol to feel for him as something other than a skating instructor, than an antisocial kid to hang out with on the weeknights. 

"Baekhyun, you're not understanding -- I like you." 

Oh. Oh. All those times Baekhyun had iniated kisses and felt the boy eagerly kiss back, all those times he'd felt Chanyeol's stare on him -- it hadn't been a teasing crush or admiration. But what if it had? What if Chanyeol was playing his games all over again, making him seem wholesome and kind and the type of person Baekhyun wants to hold close and never let go? 

The look in Chanyeol's eyes is undescribable, a mix of fear and confidence, cheeks so red they look painful and dimple peeking through in hope. It sends a thrill racing through Baekhyun's blood, but then he reminds himself to stay grounded, to keep asking questions, to clear the air. But Chanyeol is walking a step closer before he can ask another question, closing the gap between them ever so slightly. 

He's only a few inches away, still cautious, but so soft, so hopeful that it makes Baekhyun's entire body heat up. 

"I like you," Chanyeol smiles his familiar smile, dimple making a brief, beautiful appearance. "I've thought that for awhile. I didn't think I'd actually say it -- I thought you'd just figure it out." 

Their closeness is too sudden, the thought of Chanyeol pining after him so foreign and unbelievable that his mind goes concave on itself, falling into a mess of panic and paranoia and fear. Chanyeol senses the shift in the atmosphere, features softening and hands reaching up tentatively.

"It's not funny," Baekhyun knows that his lips are trembling from his effort to hold back hot tears. "It's really not funny." 

"Baekhyun --" 

"It's not funny! You're one of the first people I've let in since high school, and now you're standing there and laughing at me and saying you like me! You know that's unfair! You know it's mean! Stop it!" There are definitely tears streaming down his face by now, all the emotional distress of the last few days coming back in full force. "Stop acting like I'm some toy you can take care of and support and make like you! You know how much I trusted you, how much I wanted you to be there, how much it hurts me when I find out that you've kept things from me." 

Chanyeol's moving closer, large hands moving to wrap around Baekhyun's shoulder in an attempt to calm him. It's the wrong move, he realizes, as Baekhyun pushes him away roughly, hands shaking with anger, pained cries piercing the air. 

"You can't do that! You know I trust you enough to let you hold me, so don't do that. Don't take advantage of it. If I want to scream and cry, let me! , Chanyeol, stop it!" 

Chanyeol's taken aback, arms still hanging in the air, now pushed back several feet from the shorter boy. He moves his hands slowly up to comb through his hair in frustration and regret, the sight of Baekhyun crying and screaming for him to stop too much to bear. It feels like he's one of those guys that tormented Baekhyun in high school, the ones who never listened to him, the ones who belitted him and wouldn't leave him be. It feels like he's hurting Baekhyun despite his best efforts, and that's more painful than any of his injuries, he thinks.

"I'm sorry," Chanyeol knows he's crying too, but it doesn't matter, not when Baekhyun is still heaving a few feet away from him. "I don't want to hurt you. I'm so sorry. I just like you, Baekhyun, that's all. I really do." 

Baekhyun's sobs intensify at these words, and the emotions coursing through the air is leaving everything electrified. It's chaotic and overwhelming and heartbreaking, all too much for Chanyeol to bear watching without being able to help. 

"I'll just tell you a story until you calm down, okay?" Chanyeol sits on the ground, defeated, hoping that the exhaustion and lingering fear doesn't seep through too evidently in his voice. "It's a story about you." 

Baekhyun's cries quiet for a moment -- he's gasping for air, Chanyeol belatedly notices -- and the taller takes the opportunity to fill the silence. 

"One day, I came in to learn how to skate. And there was this guy -- he was confident and talented and so beautiful, and he made fun of my outfit," Chanyeol stops to gauge the word's effects on Baekhyun. The skater seems to be listening, or at least that's what he hopes. "And we had a class together. And the way he sat and stared at the board was so cute -- he'd always have his mouth a little open, and he'd try to avoid eye contact with me. I wanted to know more about him." 

Baekhyun stills when he hears about his persona in class, when he comprehends just how closely Chanyeol had been watching him even outside of practice.

"He has a lot of moles, but there's one in the corner of his lip that disappears when he smiles, and it's my favorite. And his laugh is so pretty -- it sounds like bells ringing, and his eyes sparkle a little," Chanyeol shrugs his shoulders casually to relieve tension, as if this information is common knowledge. "And he's so soft. His hands are soft, his hair is soft, his voice is soft. When we fell asleep in the same bed, he was so warm and tiny. His waist is so thin, but he's strong -- super strong. He has muscles and abs, but he's still so small against me. And the way he kisses is slow and sweet and unexpected -- kissing him feels like I'm doing something right." 

Baekhyun's silent, though his throat is bobbing as he holds back any more tears that he has left. He's watching Chanyeol with watery eyes, full of wonder and a dash of confusion, swimming with questions and confessions. 

"And I screwed up really badly. I didn't tell him things. I acted like I didn't like him so much, because I was scared to have feelings out in the open. My friends kept telling me to get a grip and tell him already, but I didn't think I would have to. I assumed he would notice, and that one day it would change. We'd hold hands walking to class, we'd go to each other's competitions. I thought it'd be natural like before -- we'd watch movies together and critique them and fall asleep in each other's arms. I thought it would be easy, and I thought he already knew."

Baekhyun shakes his head softly in response, moving toward the taller boy seated on the ground. He's inching toward him, something unreadable across his face, every fiber of his being shaking with an unknown emotion. Chanyeol has hopes for what it is, but there's nothing confirmed, not until he finally voices what he'd figured out so many weeks ago. 

"But he didn't already figure it out, so I'm telling him," they're closer, so close that the smaller is crossing his eyes to maintain eye contact, cheeks bright red. "Baekhyun, I like you. A lot. Maybe even more than like. I just know that everything you do makes me happy, that every time I can make you smile, it feels like a rush of adrenaline, that there's no one else that makes me feel how you do." 

"You're not joking?" Baekhyun's voice is barely a whisper, breathy and full of confusion. "You want to hold me? I make you feel that happy? It's real?" 

Chanyeol closes his eyes and hopes for a better response than the last time he'd reached out for the smaller, leaning forward ever so slightly to meet Baekhyun's lips in the middle. The sound of shock that Baekhyun makes sends blood rushing through every cell of Chanyeol's body, his hair on end. It's surprised but not displeased, something that makes both of their hearts quicken.

"I'm not joking; I was never joking," Chanyeol whispers it against his lips, relishes in the way Baekhyun follows each syllable with his own. "I couldn't joke about you." 

Baekhyun moves forward again, this time placing himself even closer so that their legs are touching. It's a new wave of emotions for the both of them, and there are hands moving to softly trace the outlines of the other's face, to wind into curls, to settle a hand on a lithe waist. 

Lips move in sync, languidly, and suddenly nothing else matters but the way that Baekhyun crawls to fit in Chanyeol's lap, to the way they're melded together, to the way they've blocked out the chilly wind and salty tears. 

"I like you too," Baekhyun smiles against Chanyeol's lips, ignoring the tears of relief springing to his eyes. "I like you so much." 

They meet again, this time a little more hurriedly, as if they're realizing that the other is truly theirs, that the unspoken affection between them is out in the open, blooming and blossoming into gentle touches and sweet laughter against each other's lips.

Long moments tick by, seconds full of caresses and their first real exploration of each other, until they suddenly are awoken from their stupor by the sound of laughter and chants, by the sound of twenty boys only a few feet away. They are sitting on the ground, they realize, only ten feet from the door to the rink. Baekhyun feels as though his cheeks might actually catch fire, jumping off of the taller boy instantly when his eyes connect with Sehun's delighted ones. 

Chanyeol spins around from his seat on the ground to face the crowd gathering near the door, eyes widening and mouth sputtering. There's a certain type of embarrassment embedded in this situation, one that's particularly awful, and he can't think of a time when he's felt such horror so acutely. He stumbles to stand up, though he fears that he looks disheveled from the combination of crying and kissing fervently.

"You guys figure things out?" Jongin's voice is teasing and high-pitched, pointed directly toward Baekhyun. The skater rolls his eyes and moves to stand behind Chanyeol, if only to conceal the blush creeping up his neck and ears, to hide from the prying eyes of all the boys -- they still make him nervous, but he knows that Chanyeol is there, and that makes everything a little bit more okay.

At this, Kyungsoo moves to elbow Jongin, a harsh "leave them alone!" slipping out. Jongin only laughs, turning to Sehun this time, sure of their relationship as allies in making fun of the newly formed pair. 

"Are you going to play hockey, or?" Sehun's voice is sugary sweet, laced with mocking. When his captain doesn't respond immediately, he jumps on another joke to embarrass him with. "I'm sure that adrenaline rush will help you out." 

The crowd dissolves into laughter, and Chanyeol ignores it in favor of turning to the boy behind him, eyebrows raised, "Do you want to watch me? I know it's been a long day, I understand if you just want to --"

"I'll watch," Baekhyun agrees readily, mentally preparing to put himself in a situation where so many boys are present, where he can try his best to keep calm and watch the only person that matters to him in that rink. "I think I should try to get used to, you know, being around your friends --"

This is a rather romantic, intimate statement for the taller, apparently. Baekhyun only realizes the effect his words have when he's pulled into a very sudden and very brief kiss. The boys roar, and Baekhyun flinches a litltle unintentionally. 

"You don't have to. I know it's not what you're comfortable with." 

"I spent so long training you not to fall on your ," Baekhyun smiles a tiny smile, refraining from rubbing his nose against Chanyeol's; he can't egg the watchers on. "Of course I need to see if you do well." 

Chanyeol nods back, eyes shining with pride and joy and maybe a little bit of love, Baekhyun speculates. But it's too early for that, he knows, and it's too early to think about the way Chanyeol's eyes melt the nerves building in his stomach. 

The hockey game is a blur of untalented boys falling and laughing and screaming -- Chanyeol's team wins, but only because someone from the basketball team scores on the wrong net. It's chaos, but Baekhyun finds his heart swelling when he sees Chanyeol fumbling around and bumping into people, a smile evident on his face, curly hair and big ears peeking out of his helmet in the most endearing way possible. 

He registers that the entire football erupts into cheers at their victory, but his brain is focused on the fact that Chanyeol's eyes never leave him, even as his team surrounds him to chant together. The way Chanyeol pulls him into a hug and hungrily kisses him in the locker room only minutes later leaves Baekhyun breathless, too caught up in the way Chanyeol's hands hold him to worry about the group of guys just outside the door, to fear what their relationship will hold. As long as Chanyeol is there, Baekhyun is fairly certain that he'll find a way to calm his heartbeat when he wakes up from a nightmare, to fight back terrifying thoughts and fall back asleep.

--

"I'm sorry," Baekhyun hopes that he sounds as sincere as he is, too scared to look up and meet the boy's eyes. There's no way for him to do this without feeling like a complete and utter , so he bears it, adding, "I shouldn't have accused you of that. I know you just wanted the best for me." 

Jongdae doesn't respond. Instead, he launches forward to pull Baekhyun into a hug, arms tightly wound around him as a way to show his affection. He's rocking them from side to side, swaying in the middle of their room. 

"Thank goodness. I thought you hated me," he admits pitifully, but then he's laughing against Baekhyun's shoulder softly as if they'd never fought. "I heard you worked everything out with Park? You decided to forgive me as long as you're getting ?" 

Baekhyun sputters, pushing his best friend away, too mortified to respond properly. "Jongdae!" 

"I'm not wrong," Jongdae moves to brush a strand of hair out of Baekhyun's eyes softly, a gentle show of what he's truly feeling underneath his joking exterior. "Anyways, I'm glad you're okay. I wasn't mad at you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you what I told Chanyeol." 

There's an unspoken, understood forgiveness that permeates the air. It makes Baekhyun's throat close a tiny bit, makes him take a deep breath to keep from tearing up -- but it's hard when he thinks about Jongdae. He's always been there, and he'd left him with no news of his whereabouts for days, had abandoned him because he was too scared to face up to the questions he'd wanted to ask Chanyeol.

"I missed you a lot," Baekhyun admits quietly, moving to sit on his bed. It's been days since he'd had been back at his dorm, and there's a sense of familiarity that makes his heart ache when he thinks about this room, about Jongdae spending nights alone in it.

"I missed you, too. You know that already." 

--

It's date night -- as Chanyeol insists they call it, even though it's only their second -- and they're watching a movie in Baekhyun's dorm. They hadn't discussed what they were officially, but Baekhyun knows that they eat together almost daily, that Chanyeol insists on sleeping over and cuddling when it storms. He knows that they've discovered how they like to kiss in different situations, that they've figured out how to decide where to eat, that Chanyeol likes to wake him up with kisses on the cheeks. 

"Pizza or pasta?" Chanyeol's voice rings out. He's somewhere in Baekhyun's closet, looking for cozy socks to put on since his feet had apparently frozen on the walk over. There's the sound of something banging and then finally smashing against the ground, and Baekhyun is about to be worried, but then he hears Chanyeol quietly tell the fallen item, "Sorry" and his worry is gone. 

"Pasta." 

Baekhyun is busy putting the movie into his laptop (trying his very best to not laugh at Chanyeol's poor film taste) when the taller comes running back into the room (feet fuzzy) and hops into bed, dimple fully on display. It's how he always is -- happy and soft and cuddly -- and Baekhyun sighs and lies down too, ignoring the movie for a brief moment, preferring to shimmy into Chanyeol's outstretched arms. 

They're wrapped up together like a tangle of limbs, and Baekhyun isn't quite sure where either of them starts or ends, but it's okay, he notes, he likes it. Somehow Chanyeol is ordering takeout on his phone and still scratching Baekhyun's back lightly, but the shorter isn't complaining. He sighs into the crook of Chanyeol's neck, letting himself drift off into drowsy territory, mind soothed by the familiar scent of the taller's cologne and the soft tapping of smartphone keyboard.

He's drawn out of it rather abruptly, however, when Chanyeol's deep voice vibrates next to his ear. 

"Do you want to meet my parents? They want you to come home for Christmas." 

--

I'M BACK. i truly will try to update sooner since I finally am getting the hang of college and have a definite work schedule for my two (yes, two) jobs lol 

hope this was decent!!! i stayed up late to write it so it honestly might be loopy idek .

i love you all so much! thank you for the support and for waiting this long. it truly does mean the world to me. goodnight i adore you all! 

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