“You shine like the stars

You light up my heart

Dazzlingly shine upon me at the end of today’s struggles”

-Been Through (EXO, 2017)

//

Pure rage. He gazes at the intense orange and yellow hues created by his own hands. The last few breaths of the December breeze surrounds him. Does this make him feel warm? He can’t say. The fury it brings, does, he thinks. Steadily, he manipulates it with his fingers, letting it come to feverish life the more he remembers- remembers the hatred, the regret, the pain.

...

Fire spreads through the pastel-painted walls of the living room. He stares at his hands. You did this. “You did this, Chanyeol.”, his father voices out his thoughts. He vigorously shakes his head in disbelief. “I didn’t I-”

“Get out of my house! I told you to do whatever it takes to control it, Chanyeol. Else you’ll face the consequences.”, the man orders. “But he’s just 17, honey!” “You mean he’s already 17! And dangerous!” his parents begin fighting- the very reason he got in this situation in the first place.

Yoora, his older sister, wraps an arm around him, then takes him back to his room, whispering words of comfort. “It’s gonna be okay, Yeol-ah. We’re gonna be okay.”

“No!”, Chanyeol sits up, sweating profusely. Taking deep breaths, he shakes his head, it's just a dream. He tries to go back to sleep. However, like previous times, flashes of red and orange haunt him whenever he merely closes his eyes, his parents' desolate gasps and his sister's surprised screams echoing in his ears, piercing through the silence.
You can't hurt them, anymore, Chanyeol, he reminds himself. Anymore than what's been done.

He wades his arms in the water, resting his back at the side of the bath tub.
"Why not water?", he speaks to the unknown, to whoever-whatever-let him have this power, this curse. Slowly, he slides down the cool water, making it overflow.
Minutes, hours pass, he doesn't know nor care, he stays still under, willing himself to make a miracle- to somehow absorb its fluid elegance, or just to get rid of his own cursed anomaly. For once, to be normal, to feel normal.
He comes up once his lungs can take it no longer, gasping for breath, his frustrations come out through hot tears, smoke rises from his heating body, fogging the bathroom mirrors.

His daunting reflection looking back at him as he dries himself off only sparks the agony in his chest. Those lifeless, bleak eyes and haunted face surely weren’t those of the happy and warm Chanyeol his friends have known him to be.

...

Being the only place he goes to since he moved in, besides the university, the rooftop of the apartment building serves as his refuge. A lone worn-out sofa- burnt at the sides, courtesy of him- is placed at the middle, where he sits to take a view of the busy city he imagines himself to be perfectly part of, instead of how distinct he really is.

He runs to the ledge, then yells all the pent-up hatred, rage, and loneliness, his loud and deep voice piercing through the dead of night. He almost always does whenever he’s out here. Behind him, flames flicker at the sofa’s surface, reaching the floor surrounding it. Moments later, he stops, breathing uneven.

“Fire, fire, fire, fire!”, he hears footsteps coming up the stairs, the voice repeatedly saying the word, drawing near to where he is. Before he fully turns around, he only sees a flash of white before he’s gets soaked in water- as the sofa now is.

“Phew, good thing this pail in my bathroom was already full of water when I saw smoke up here. This sofa looks perfectly fine, although I think it won’t be as pretty as before in the morning.”, he sizes up the said object, checking all sides. Almost a head shorter than him, his tiny body drowns in the white hoodie, which was what Chanyeol saw earlier.

“Oh!”, he turns to Chanyeol, like he just remembered he completely drenched a clueless stranger with water. For a tiny guy, he sure speaks so loud. “Right, I’m so sorry if I startled you! I panicked when I peeked through my window- ‘cause I smelled something burning- and there were thick clouds of smoke from the upper floors then I checked the two floors higher than mine-cause I live three floors down-when the fire wasn’t there I figured it was from here so I rushed back to my flat to get water- thank goodness I filled it up earlier- then I ran up the stairs- and I just realized I should walk around more god I am exhausted- then I just saw you- an actual person!- in flames so I splashed it on you without thinking.” He pouts.

“I’m sorry.”, he adds. He blinks at the taller worriedly.

“It’s fine.”, the other shrugs, then sits at the ledge, shaking the water out of his silver hair.

“You look like a puppy.”, the small guy giggles.

"No, you do.”, Chanyeol murmurs. He pouts exactly like one.

“What’d you say?”

“Uh, nothing.”

“Ah, here, catch!”, he throws him a yellow towel. “Good thing I also brought that, no? I love yellow by the way, ‘cause it’s supposed to be the color of the sun and stars- and light! But even if they really aren’t yellow I love it anyway.” Chanyeol mumbles a ‘thank you’ then faces the city again.

The stranger sits beside Chanyeol. "What were you doing here, anywa-" He gasps, “Woah, it’s so pretty here! The lights sparkle everywhere! You can see Namsan Tower from here! I haven’t been there, have you been there? Is that the Gwanghwamun Pala- nah, I think it isn’t, I’m sadly not familiar with historical places. You really can see everything! I’ve moved in this building for three months now but I haven’t been up here.” The taller notices his black hair moving to and fro as he checks out the view in awe.

“Am I strange? Some people say I am. Let me introduce myself, then! I’m Baekhyun.”, he says once he sits down again, stretching his hand out towards the other.

Chanyeol stares at the outstretched hand, then at Baekhyun, who smiles at him, eyes bright. “Chanyeol.”, he shakes the smaller’s hand, surprised at how delicate it seemed. He lets go. “Your hand’s so warm and big, Chanyeol-ssi!” He pats his head, chuckling, “You really are a giant puppy.”

“Am not.”, the taller moves away.

“Dear me, I almost forgot!" Baekhyun holds Chanyeol's shoulders, leaning closely. "Are you hurt? Is that why you can't seem to speak that much? I hope you don't mind my prying, but how did the fire start?"

“I'm fine. I... just had a malfunction with my- my lighter.”, the taller says, praying his curious neighbor wouldn’t ask any further.

What he didn't expect was Baekhyun's next words.

"For a second there, I thought you created fire out of thin air. There were huge flames, after all," he says, patting the other's shoulders once before letting go. Chanyeol abruptly looks at him, voiding his face of any emotion, feeling his blood turn cold, nevertheless.

Baekhyun continues, gazing straight ahead. "But wouldn't that be so cool, Chanyeol-ssi? It's not everyday you get to touch something that people fear as much as they admire. To control it, now that's a different thing altogether. Just think about it! You wouldn't have to think how to warm yourself on chilly days. You could even make little balls of flame to warm those stray cats like those ones right there!", he points at a street corner a block away. He pouts. "Hm, they look so hungry. I think I still have some food left at home! I should give them some tomorrow- I mean, later." He sighs contentedly.

"Wouldn't that be dangerous, though?", Chanyeol solemnly says a minute later.

"Dangerous? You mean having to create fire with your bare hands?" He nods.

Baekhyun nods, too. "Well, yeah it could be. But that's exactly what it is- a possibility. In my opinion, Yeol-ssi, -could I call you that? Chanyeol-ssi seems so formal-, it all depends on who possesses it. Every kind of power, seemingly harmless or outright lethal, can be wielded both ways- for good things or the bad. I also think," Baekhyun stands up on the ledge, brightly looking back at Chanyeol, who stares at him in a daze, disbelief showing on his face.

"That those given that kind of unique and immense power aren't the bad kind."

...

Ten year-old Chanyeol was crying all the way from school. He was shocked to see his all-time favorite Rilakkuma bear having burnt ears- apparently he unknowingly did so while hugging it during naptime. “You’re… unique, Chanyeol-ah.”, his mother begins to explain. “We first discovered your powers when you accidentally lit the cake for your 7^th birthday. Don’t you remember? We guessed that’s because you thought you needed to light the candles back then.” Chanyeol looks at her worriedly, then turns to his father with inquiring eyes. “Eomma, Appa, do I really have p-powers?” The old man looks solemn when he answers, “Yes. Now learn to control it.” “But I don’t wanna have it! You t-take it!”, Chanyeol starts wailing relentlessly, small puffs of smoke coming out from his clenched fists. Alarmed, his mother kneels in front of him to calm him down, then holds one of his wrists gently with one hand, patting his cheek with the other. “Yeol-ah, there’s a reason you were chosen with this gift.” “I-it’s n-not a gif-ft.”, he says between hiccups. “But it is, son.” She smiles thoughtfully. “One day, with the right person, you’ll understand.”

Chanyeol opens his eyes. I haven't dreamt of that memory before. Strangely feeling at peace, he realizes it's already morning- a first among the fitful sleepless nights since he moved in. He shrugs it off, then gets ready for school.

It's also a first for him to not have the urge to release the burning sensation inside him when he comes to the rooftop that night. He convinces himself it's because he didn't want that small neighbor of his to see his true nature. Entirely not because of what Baekhyun said three nights ago.

He would only create swirls of fire, letting it roam around him to flow with the midnight breeze, making a dance of some sort. It almost seemed beautiful.

Lying down at the old sofa after a while, he gazes at the stars above. He has always admired them- envied, even. How they could contain almost infinite amounts of fire, of energy, and instead emit such powerful beauty, inevitably using its power to be a guiding light to others, a silent comfort for some.

Ping!

A ball of light soars above the rooftop for a split second, disturbing his thoughts. Chanyeol leans on his elbows to see the commotion clearly, puzzled how none of the residents are complaining- they should’ve had by now, really. It bounces to and fro the apartment windows, as if playing a xylophone. As if it’s… following a tune, he realizes.

Soon enough, he hears a voice getting louder- a melodious one at that, singing a familiar song. I’m sure it was Girls something… Girls Time? Girls Age?

Standing up, he walks closer to the side of the building where the frenzied light is. And, there’s that high note, he chuckles. Chanyeol peeks at the open apartment window where he guesses the owner of the voice lives.

“Gee-gee-gee-gee, Baby, Baby, Baby~”, the cheerful voice continues, laughing happily above the loud song playing at the stereo. “Hmm?”, only then does the strange kid notice the ball of light creating havoc outside his flat. “Uh-oh. I did it again!”, Chanyeol hears sock-clad steps come near the balcony until he sees the other’s head. Once the latter extends his hand in a come-hitherto motion, the light floats above him for a second before quickly vanishing in his hand. The stranger lifts his head up, checking his surroundings if someone saw him. The moonlight reveals his face.

Chanyeol’s eyes widen.

Those sparkling dark orbs, button nose, and pouting lips were exactly those of the guy he met days ago. Baekhyun.

...

Two nights later and he still can’t wrap his head around the sudden revelation. He’s like me. But, he wields light. Does he? He was hanging out at the rooftop, not having the urge to do anything for a week now. Remembering the ball of light glowing above Baekhyun’s hand, he looks at his own palm then creates a ball of fire. Different hues, different reasons of existence- one of happiness, the other of madness.

“Hey-yah, Yeol-ssi!”, Baekhyun shouts as he goes up the stairs. He dissolves the flame in haste, shooing wisps of smoke away.

“Aha, knew you were here!”, the smaller grins, sitting beside him on the ledge like he did for the first time. “Sorry, I can only stay up late every Friday ‘cause I should wake up at 5am everyday-five am can you imagine-but I should also get at least nine hours of sleep ‘cause I’ll be out like a light in class if I don’t-I’m not kidding! Well last Wednesday was an exception, I had to cram my essay that night, ugh. Thankfully I made it, though. Anyway!” He turns to Chanyeol. “Are you doing okay, Yeol-ssi? You really had no burns anywhere?”

The other simply nods, mind occupied. He had the overwhelming urge to ask, to make sure he wasn’t the only one who was... special.

“Hmm, since we still don’t know anything about each other, can I ask a few stuff, Yeol-ssi? Do you like music? Well, duh, everyone must love music, why am I even asking this.” Chanyeol smiles a little. “You finally smiled! I was worried I invaded your privacy. That’s good- very good!” “Nah, I didn’t. That was my usual face. And I like lots of genres- it’s mostly EDM nowadays”, the taller says. “Oooh, those repetitive digital tunes I hear a lot on the radio, interesting! And no, that so wasn’t your usual face, Yeol-ssi.”, Baekhyun scrunches his nose. “I wish it was though…Ah, moving on, I’ll answer, too. I like pop and ballad at times- depends on my mood, really. And I may not look like it but I’m an avid Girls Generation fan!” So that was their name. The smaller starts humming the familiar song.

“I saw- heard- you that night.” Giving in to his urge, Chanyeol finally says.

“Last Wednesday. I was here.”

“O-oh. D-did you see anything… weird or something?”, Baekhyun sounded nervous.

Hesitant at first, the taller slowly nodded. Baekhyun’s orbs grow wide, the light in them vanishing.

“I-I should go, Y-Yeol-ssi. I-I’ll see you later.” He stands up, footsteps resounding over the tense silence.

Chanyeol clenches his fists.

“It’s not weird, though.”, he says.

He lifts his hands.

Spiraling graceful flames surround them both, lighting the rooftop orange and yellow. Feeling strangely warm, Baekhyun halts walking. He raises his head, then gasps, turning around to look at the fiery sight.

“Did you do this, Chanyeol-ah?”, he stares starry-eyed, admiring it.

“I-yeah. I did.”, the other softly replies. Baekhyun laughs.

“It’s beautiful.”

Chanyeol looks at him-

-only to see him smiling at him in return- brilliantly, blindingly.

...

“We’re doing fine. Dad’s been… regretful since you left. Everything’s okay, again, like I told you it would be, remember?”, she tells him, voice shaky. “It’s been five years, Yeol-ah. Please, please, come home when you’re ready, okay?”, Chanyeol stays silent. He eventually nods- he remembers his sister can’t see him.

“Y-yeah. I will.”

“Are you alone, again?”

Chanyeol smiles, “Nah, noona. Not anymore.”

“Good! I am so gonna find out who that is someday, don’t you dare hide from me, mister.”, Yoora teases.

“Oh and one more thing, Chanyeol-ah.”

“Yeah?”

“Happy New Year.”

Chanyeol ends the phone call right when he hears the same loud yet melodic voice. A week ago, he would’ve passed out if someone told him he’d need that voice filling the silence up here; that he’d need it to silence his dark thoughts, replacing them with laughter and light. He’d instantly burn to ashes whoever told him a week ago that he’d simply need Baekhyun- chatterbox, hyperactive, bubbly, bright Baekhyun- to accept who he truly is.

After the smaller’s thousand questions on his powers as well as random remarks -Lucky you, you don’t need to get a microwave to heat stuff! So like, you don’t ever get cold? Woah, you could get lost in a forest and could still cook food!- he also tells all about his own. Unlike Chanyeol, his family readily accepted his power. “It kinda makes sense,”, Baekhyun told him. “I had enough light on my own to make their day brighter, they said.” “But even lights go out once in a while. You aren’t obliged to keep your guard up all the time, Baekhyun-ah.”, Chanyeol replied.

The other grinned at him. “Believe it or not, you’re the first one who told me that.”

“I’ll also be the first one to tell you that whenever your light fades, remember that I’ll always have enough fire for the both of us.”

“Happy New Year, Yeollie-ah!” He keeps on changing my nickname. Chanyeol shakes his head, smiling at the other. “Happy New Year, Baekhyun-ah.”

“No, no, no, wait. We’re doing it wrong. It’s still 5 minutes to midnight!”, Baekhyun checks his watch. “I’m just gonna grab something back at my flat, Yeol! Wait here!” “Baek-”

"Five minutes-no, make that four!” The smaller runs back to the stairs.

Chanyeol was looking at the twinkling lights at Namsan Tower when he hears- firecrackers?

“I brought these for us!”, Baekhyun gives him one, eyes twinkling even more, reflecting the sparkling lights.
“You’re such a kid.”

“We’re in our twenties, Yeol. You’re just a grumpy old man. Oooh, there’s fireworks there!”, the smaller points at the distance.

Chanyeol grabs Baekhyun’s hand, interlacing them, their other hands holding the firecrackers.

The two stare at each other, Baekhyun subtly startled at the close distance.

“Hate to break it to you, but we don’t need those, Hyun-ah.”

“W-why?”

Chanyeol opens their palms, holding Baekhyun’s on top of his.

“We can make our own.”

Baekhyun brightens even more, almost becoming light itself- Chanyeol didn’t even think that was possible.

“We sure can.”

Vibrant, colorful fireworks above them- so big others would have noticed by now-

One leans toward the other.

Fire and light ignite.