Wish you Away

 

Foreword:  Sehun should’ve watched what he wished for… now he has to live without.

 

“I’m tired of you canceling on me!”  Tao yelled through the phone.  “We’re both busy yet I’m the one that’s always making the sacrifices.  I’m tired Hunnie.” 

Oh Sehun rolled his eyes at his boyfriend’s dramatic tone while pacing his room in the dorm.  “It’s hard for me too Tao!  I have to lie to management, the guys cover for me just to meet you.  I can’t just sneak around and get out of my obligations just to appease you.”

“Oh and I don’t have any obligations?  You always act as if your commitments are less important than mine and I can drop and see you whenever.  I can’t do this anymore Sehun.”

“You can’t do what?”

“THIS!”  Tao tried to hold back his tears while breaking up with his boyfriend of 4 years.  “We’re constantly fighting and I’m tired of it.  I just wish…”

“You wish what Tao because nothing can be bigger than my wish.  I wish I never met you, I wish we never started this and I wish I never fell in love with you.”

Sehun stopped pacing and stared at his phone.  He didn’t mean it but the stress of being an idol, appeasing his fans, not sleeping, and not being able to be with his boyfriend everyday was getting to him.  “Tao… I…”

“Goodbye Sehun.”  Tao hung up as Sehun stared at his phone.  He didn’t mean any of the words he said but refused to accept it was over. 

Park Chanyeol walked into the room without bothering to knock hearing Sehun and Tao argue. “Harsh words, man.”

“Stay out of it.” Sehun snapped back. “It’s not your business.”

“You realized just wished to never met Tao—come on, that wasn’t harsh?”

“Hyung, please.” Sehun begged and let it go as Chanyeol ruffled his hair and walked out.  “Just be careful what you wish for.”

Sehun slammed the door after Chanyeol left and tried to call Tao back to apologize.  He didn’t want them to break up, he didn’t want to never have met him but he let his frustration get to him.  He tried to dial Tao back but the phone kept cutting to voicemail.

“Tao, please pick up.  I’m sorry.  I don’t wish any of that.  Just call me back, please.”  The urgency in Sehun voice made him crack leaving multiple messages.  Tao was absent minded but he never let his phone go directly to voicemail.  He tried opening up Skype to send him a video message or something but he noticed his screen name wasn’t there anymore. Did he deactivate?  He tried his house phone but that said the number was deactivated.

Sehun walked out of the room to Chanyeol and Baekhyun sitting on the couch.  “Can you guys call Tao? I think he blocked me or something.  I just need to apologize.”

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows to his young friend before giving Chanyeol an odd glance.  “Who is Tao?”

Sehun rolled his eyes again as he pleaded.  “Come on, stop playing.  I can’t reach him.”

Chanyeol tilted his head while standing up.  “Sehun we’re not playing, who is Tao?”

“The ex-Chinese member, the true baby of the group just not in age, the buy me this guy, my ing boyfriend.  Stop playing with me.”

Baekhyun stood up next to Chanyeol and reached out to him.  “Sehun, the only ex Chinese members are Luhan and Kris.  Who is Tao?  Was he an imaginary friend or something?”  Baekhyun giggled nervously but the worry was still in his eyes.

“Tao!”  Sehun yelled in frustration.  “The man in this picture right here!”  Sehun went to grab a picture of the twelve members but took notice there was no Tao in the picture.  “What’s going on?”

“You should lay down.” Chanyeol tried offering.  “I know we’re overworked from the tour and you’re probably exhausted.”

“I’m not tired guys, Tao.  Huang Zi Tao.  Our panda.  What the hell is going on?” He asked out loud more to himself. 

Be careful what you wish for echoed in his head, the words from Chanyeol as his own words haunted him I wish I never met you.

“No, no, no.”  Sehun murmured walking towards the computer.  He had to know what was with Tao, did he even exist anymore?  What has he done?

“Sehun?”

“I have to know, I have to find out where he’s at.”  Sehun whispered more to himself while confusing the other two members more.

“Maybe we should call Junmyeon and tell him and the others to come back.”  Chanyeol pulled out his phone while looking at Sehun.

Sehun was frantically typing in Tao’s name wanting to know where he was.  Was he okay? The search results came up as Tao was a model in China but the headline that got to him the most “Huang Zi Tao to wed Wu Yifan, ex-member of EXO December 25, 2017.”

“No, no, no.”  Sehun felt the tears in his eyes but he wouldn’t let them drop.  “I have to go to China, I have to stop this.”

Baekhyun looked over Sehun shoulder reading the headline “ah, our Kris is getting married? Good for him but wait—“Sehun’s words finally registered in Baekhyun’s mind.  “Stop it?  How do you even know him?  We haven’t kept in touch with Kris since he left us.”

“Hyungs, I know I sound crazy right now but I think I wished Tao away.  We were together, no we are together and had an argument and I told him I wish I never met him and somehow this is happening.  I know I sound crazy but you two have to believe me.  I love him and I can’t spend my life knowing he’s with someone else.  My words put this into action!”

“You wished him away?” Baekhyun nodded his head in understanding. “Why?”

“I was tired, I’m still tired.  He was upset because I had to cancel on him again and he’s been sacrificing so much for us and I…”  Sehun drifted off coming to the realization that it was his fault.

“Why say you wish you didn’t meet him?”

“He was breaking up with me and I needed to hurt him.  We have to sneak around so much and it’s draining on me, on both of us but I never wanted this.”

Chanyeol stood next to Baekhyun wrapping his arm around his waist and pulling him close.  “How do you feel now?”

“I feel like .  I feel like… I have to tell him.”

“Do you think maybe this is best for him?”  Chanyeol pointed to the picture of Tao and Kris smiling in some candid shot.  Tao’s eyes were shut and his face was lit up from laughing at whatever Kris said as they held hands. 

“It’s not.  I’m what’s best for him.” Sehun responded finally his face narrowing.  “I’m going to China, I have less than 24 hours to end this and remind Tao who he should be with.”

“Do you think management is going to let you go like that?”

“I don’t give a about management!” Sehun yelled.  “Do you guys not get it?  Management is what took Tao away from me, from us!  We have to constantly sneak around and can’t see each other like a normal couple as to not anger anyone.  You guys know this!  You know how hard it is for us.  I have to hide on dates, we can’t even go on dates like normal people.  I am tired of them dictating my life, look at him!  He’s about to marry someone else because of management so either you support me on this or don’t.”

Chanyeol and Baekhyun gave each other a look nodding to each other.  “We’ll get you a plane ticket, go pack kid.”

Sehun exhaled a sigh of relief knowing his hyungs were going to support him and went along with his story.  He was happy Junmyeon and Minseok weren’t there as they would’ve called their manager and stopped him.

He was packed up within 10 minutes not taking much and Chanyeol got him a plane ticket as they drove him to the airport.  Sehun covered himself as much as he could so he wouldn’t be recognized and it worked so far as he boarded the flight to China.  Baekhyun gave him a note but advised to not read it until he found what he was looking for.  He thanked the media for stating the wedding was in Tao’s hometown of Qingdao which made it easier for him to get to.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun covered for him that he needed to get away for a little bit and management was upset but Sehun really didn’t care; He still blamed them for all of this.

Once he reached his destination and got to his hotel he only had one mission, find Tao.  He had to get Junmyeon to do some digging and get Kris number and Sehun hesitated before calling.  He hadn’t spoken to the man in over 3 years, once again because of management as he dialed him up.

“Hello.”

“Hey. Is this Kris?”  Sehun cleared his throat to try to get his nerves out.                                     

“Yes… who is this?”

“Oh Sehun.”

“Sehun.”  Kris voice sounded confused and surprised.  “What’s up man?” 

Sehun couldn’t help but smile hearing his voice, many thought Kris was such a cold hearted individual but he understood the man better than anyone as he got the same criticism.  “Hey!  I heard you’re getting married.  Congrats.”  Sehun faked the enthusiasm in his voice and it must have worked.

“Yeah, yeah, tomorrow morning.”  Kris trailed off feeling odd to hear from his friend.

“I heard the news and I just had to come to the wedding.” Sehun nervously laughed.  “I’m in Qingdao right now actually.”

“Holy hell man!  My wedding is what made you finally reach out huh?”  The question held no bitterness but was confused.

“I couldn’t miss it plus it’s to Huang Zi Tao, one of my favorite models.”  Sehun responded.  My Zi Tao

“Oh, I got my claws in him quick and won’t ever let him go.”  The smile and happiness in tone wasn’t ignored by Sehun. He knew that same tone, it was him whenever Tao released new music or acted in a new drama.

“That’s…. that’s nice man. Do you mind if I come by or are you two umm… too busy for my company.  I know I won’t be able to attend the wedding without causing a ruckus but I would love to see you and meet Tao.”  He refused to acknowledge Tao as Kris fiancé that was something only for him. 

“Yeah, we’re at home now.  I’ll send a driver to come get you.”

“Ah, not doing the tradition of not seeing each other before the wedding.”

“You know I’m never one to abide by the rules.  I’ll see you in a few, we can properly catch up and you can meet your favorite model.”

Sehun was happy on the inside as he gave Kris the instructions.  He did feel bad knowing how happy Kris is with Tao but Sehun also knew that he and Tao belonged together.   He showered quickly and picked out Tao’s favorite outfit which was so plain to him but always made Tao smile.  His plain black skinny jeans, a white t-shirt, and Polo boots.  Sehun meticulously combed his hair keeping his forehead on display just as Tao loved and was done just in time for the driver to call up to his room.

His nerves were shot, he knew he just spoke to Tao a few hours ago, just facetimed him last night but it felt like seeing him for the first time all over again.  The driver was quiet as they approached a huge closed off house, the security extensive and Sehun eyes were wide taking in the landscaping.  It was such a mix of Kris and Tao just from the outside with the Christmas decorations and a snowman with a cheetah print scarf that made Sehun smile.  It was Tao.

“Sir.  We’re here.”

Sehun bowed graciously to the driver as he got out the car and the first thing he saw was his Tao and Kris looking at him from the doorway.  “Hurry up kid, it’s cold.” Kris called out as Sehun made his way towards the door but his eyes were only on Tao.  He looked exactly the same and Sehun didn’t know why he was shocked at this.

Tao gave him a warm smile and bowed softly.  “Come in Sehun.  Kris has told me a lot about you.”  He stepped aside to allow Sehun to pass feeling the heat of his stare on him but still being gracious.  Kris wrapped him into a hug before he could pass however.

“It’s so good to see you.  Man, I still keep up with the group but seeing someone in the flesh is nice.”  Kris gummy smile was still the same as Sehun took his shoes off and left them at the door taking in the house that was such a mixture of the two it was unbelievable.

“Your house is lovely.”  Sehun said ignoring Kris.  He felt like he was being rude but he was there for one purpose.

“Thank Tao. I let him do most of the decorating; he has an amazing knack for fashion.”

“I don’t just model for anything babe.” Tao rolled his eyes playfully but the love in them he gave Kris gutted Sehun to the core as he looked down at his feet.

“Come to the parlor, we can catch up.”

“I’ll leave you two to it.” Tao smiled softly getting ready to walk away.

“No!” Sehun yelled which had both man staring at him oddly.  “I mean no, umm… I wanted your autograph and it would be nice to umm… chat with you? I mean if you’re tired...” Sehun felt like a kid again and normally he was more eloquent than this but his emotions were everywhere.

“You’re a fan?”  Tao quirked an eyebrow at him. 

“Huge.”  Sehun nodded.

“How about I leave you two alone and I’ll get drinks.” Kris laughed seeing Sehun in a trance.  “Don’t try to steal my fiancé Oh Sehun.  I’ll grab us some drinks and snacks.”

Kris left and Sehun stared at Tao, it felt like a completely different person.  He normally wasn’t a fan of auras but his aura was so bright, Tao was so happy, his eyes bright. He hasn’t seen him like this in such a long time. 

“Come with me to the parlor.” Tao spoke softly and the energy between them felt off.  “Have you ever felt like you know someone from meeting them?” Tao shook his head stopping his thoughts.

“Yes.” Sehun quickly responded as Tao guided him to the room and have him take a seat.

“Kris told me about you and I felt… I feel… It’s odd.  I feel like I’ve met you before.  It’s almost like I know you but we’ve never met right?”  Tao took Sehun’s hand in his as if he was trying to form a connection and Sehun knew this was his chance.

“We used to be together, up until like 10 hours ago.”  Sehun laughed nervously.  “I said I wished I never met you and it’s as we were never together but I have all the memories.  My bandmates don’t remember you other than being with Kris but I have every memory of us, here.”  Sehun pointed to his mind with his free hand.  “And here.” He pointed to his heart.

Tao nodded biting his lip softly.  “Why would you wish you never met me?”  His words weren’t angry but wistful and Sehun didn’t expect him to be open to this.

“I was upset, the distance between us is hard, and it’s stressful.  We made it work but it’s hard on both of us.”

“Were we happy?” Tao questioned.  “I feel weird just accepting this but this… you feel familiar.” 

Sehun shook his head.  “You weren’t always happy with me but I tried Tao, I tried so hard.”

“Tried to the point of wishing me away? Creating some sort of alternate universe where we’re not together.  I don’t think you tried hard enough Sehun.” Tao spoke in a matter of fact tone.  “What were you hoping to accomplish coming here?”

“I just want you back.  I’m tired of having our lives dictated and I needed to apologize to you.  I will never not want you in my life.”

“Sehun—“Tao spoke but Kris returned to the room seeing their adjoined hands.

“Hey, hey, hey kid, are you trying to steal my fiancé?” The good hearted tone never left his voice as he knew that it was an impossible feat.  Sehun couldn’t even say he felt that secure in the relationship he had with Tao. 

“Of course not Kris.” Tao let go of Sehun hands throwing him a smile.  “He was telling me how much he loves my work and got a bit excited.” 

Kris kissed Tao’s head, mussing up his hair and sat on the edge angling his arm around his waist.  Sehun observed how Tao snuggled up to the embrace and his stance relaxed. 

The trio talked about old times, new times, and Kris even got to speak with all the EXO members with them promising to stay in touch somehow.  Sehun was still in awe on how well Kris and Tao worked as a well-tuned machine, their actions almost identical and knowing each other needs without having to verbalize it.  Sehun and Tao were never this put together and seeing them in action made him come to a realization.   Kris yawned a bit as he looked to Tao and Sehun.  “You two, I’m an old man and a bit tired.  Sehun, you can either utilize my driver or stay in one of the spare rooms.”

“I can go back to the hotel I don’t want to intrude any more before your wedding.”

“No Hunnie, we insist.” Tao said with a smile.

Hunnie?  That was always Tao’s nickname for him as Sehun looked between the two.

“Yeah, Hunnie” Kris chuckled while covering up a yawn.  “Tao can show you to the spare room.”  He leaned down and gave him a lingering kiss on his lips.  “I can’t wait to call you my husband tomorrow.” Kris sighed pulling away.  “Don’t stay up too late, I don’t want those bags to get any darker.” He joked as he gave Sehun a hug.  “And you, don’t be a stranger.  I would like to see you guys more often if it’s possible.”

Tao and Sehun watched Kris walk out of the room and Sehun waited a moment before he spoke.  “Why did you want me to stay?”

“It’s the hold.  I know I have a bond with you.  I feel it here.” Tao pointed to his heart repeating the action Sehun did earlier.  “I just didn’t want you to walk away so quickly.  I am selfish I guess.”  He shrugged a bit with a smirk.

“Tao… please don’t marry him.” Sehun pleaded in a whisper. “I know you’re happy, you don’t remember me at all but there was a time we were this happy as well.  I just want to show you again.”

“Back to our previous conversation though.  You wished me away Sehun, the universe is weird but it works in strange ways.  I’m happy with Kris, happier than I can remember.  I don’t remember the happiness with you but I feel the love in my heart for you.” 

“Tao please.” Sehun was on the verge of tears.  “I didn’t mean to, it was words.”

“I know but maybe deep down, somewhere we just weren’t meant to be.  You will find happiness and I will always have these complicated emotions within.  It’s like my mind is trying to reach a memory but each time I try to touch it I see Kris.”

“Please.” Sehun begged intertwining their hands.  “Please.”

“Sehun—“

Tao couldn’t finish his words as Sehun lunged towards him pressing their lips together.  He put his all in their kiss that Tao fought at first.  He held firm though not letting the man back away. He wanted to pour everything in it and Tao finally reciprocated the kiss, allowing Sehun tongue to enter his mouth as they melted into each other.  Tao finally pulled away as their foreheads touched and he felt tears on his face but he wasn’t sure if it was his or Sehun’s. 

“I’m sorry Sehun but I love Kris.” He said breathlessly.

“You... but…”

“Things happen for a reason, we know this.” Tao whispered against his lips.

“I can’t lose you, not like this.  I’m sorry. I take it back. I don’t wish I never met you, I don’t wish we weren’t together.  I don’t regret you or any memories we had.  Please don’t do this to me.”  The tears came down Sehun face and he couldn’t stop them.

“I’m sorry that we didn’t work.  I’m sorry that it took this happening for you to realize how much I mean to you.  I wish I could remember everything between us, maybe my mind would change but that man upstairs. I love him.  I know there is something between us and a void in my life.  I keep hearing songs in my head.” Tao pulled away laughing.  “I don’t even know what it is but I’m assuming it’s from this past life, this alternate universe.  I’m sorry the universe is cruel and made you kept the memories of a past I can’t.  I’m sorry that tomorrow… I’m marrying Kris.”

“You can’t kiss me like that then break my heart.” Sehun gasped out.  He was trying to stop the tears to him turning into full on sobbing.

“Sehun, it appears your wish broke my heart too and here we are.” Tao was crying too feeling like he was losing something close to him, something he loved and he knew it was Sehun.

“I love you.” Sehun spoke through the tears.  “I will never stop loving you.”

“I love you too.” Tao spoke.  “I know I do and will probably already ask myself ‘what if’ but I am in love with Kris.”

“Please, just leave with me tonight.” Sehun gave one last plea to his boyfriend.  He could never view Tao as an ex, not like this.

Tao shook his head. “I can’t Hunnie.  I’m sorry.”  Tao took his thumb and rubbed the tears from his cheeks but more trailed down negating his efforts.  He leaned in and kissed Sehun’s forehead.  “If you want you’re more than welcome to stay in our home but I will understand if you need to leave.” 

Sehun was going to try one more time but looked at Tao as his face was sad but so content.  It was a look he hasn’t seen on his boyfriend face in over a year.  It was a look he realized he missed a lot in between their busy schedule.  Sehun came to the conclusion it was his fault that Tao hasn’t looked at peace like this because of him.  He couldn’t continue blaming management, he was the reason Tao was sad a lot, he was the reason Tao sacrificed so much.  Sehun took his boyfriend for granted on so many occasions and now he has the power go grant Tao happiness.

“I am going to go back to the hotel and leave your life Tao.” Sehun whispered.  “I will never forget you and hope one day we can at least be friends.  It’s going to be weird being the only one with the memories of you in our group.  I am finally giving you something you need, this hurts like hell but your happiness is all I want.”

Tao smiled through teary eyes.  “I will never forget you.”

“If Kris s up, call me.  I’ll kick his .”

Tao let out a watery laugh as his heart felt like it was crumbling but felt a strange peace he never knew he needed.  “You’ll be the first I call.”

“I guess this is it.” Sehun stood up about to leave as he walked towards the door.  He was starting to open it as he felt strong arms come behind him.  Tao wrapped himself around Sehun and he felt the tears on the back of his neck, heard some mumbles.  It hurt like hell for both of them but for Tao it was different.

“I’ll always love you.” Sehun whispered.  “Good luck tomorrow.”

“I’ll always love you.” Tao whispered in Mandarin.  “Thank you.”  He let the young man go before calling their driver to take him back to the hotel.  Tao couldn’t watch him leave, there was a pull, something wanting to call him back but he didn’t.

Sehun arrived at the hotel and called Chanyeol who wore a morbid expression as Sehun smiled sadly.  “How’d it go?”

“Huang Zi Tao will marry Kris tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry Hun.” Baekhyun’s voice was heard in the background.

“It’s okay.  I’ll be okay.  I couldn’t give him the happiness he desires but as long as Tao is happy.  I will be able to find it.”

 

This was something that popped into my head outta nowhere and wrote in less than 2 hours.  I didn’t really proofread as I wanted to post before Christmas.  I am not a Taoris shipper at all and love Taohun but idk... needed some angst in my life tonight.  Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays everyone.