My brother was the most beautiful human being i’ve ever seen in my life. Even my neighbors would praise his beauty, he was the only thing that my mother was proud of. I grew up staring longingly at him, waiting for him to look at me and smile.  And he did. But the last few years, a hurricane loomed behind his lonely eyes. A hurricane so strong, but he hide it so well that neither my mom or me realized.

Or maybe I did realize it. Maybe I did know he was sad. Maybe I could have helped him and I didn’t do anything.

He was the person I loved the most.

And at the same time, he hurt me the most too.

“Jennie” the voice of Jisoo snapped off my memories of him. Suddenly I am back at present, she is carrying popcorn in her hands, and I try to help her, patting the space beside me, and placing an arm around her shoulders. Sometimes, we act as if we are in love and are together. When fears don’t come to play, I almost feel something for her.

Jisoo pressed her lips against my cheek for a moment, they lingered, and I sighed. It felt good- doing things like this felt so good.

“You are spacing out again. Everything’s ok?” Her voice sounded so worried, and I couldn’t remember the last time breathing was easy. I put off a smirk and just shake my head.

“Yeah, just a little distracted, I guess” A lie, of course, there’s no moment where I don’t find myself lost in my head. Jisoo realized, even my mom. Only my brother could snap me out of whatever this is.

Jisoo kissed me again, in the darkness of the theater. I closed my eyes for the longest time, and just held her hand, that’s the only thing I want to do. Hold her tightly.

Can I turn back and see my brother one last time?

Please, I miss him, and I need his voice to anchor me to reality. But like I said, maybe he wasn’t all good, maybe he did hurt me and everyone around him. Maybe his own pain eat him from inside and the remnants were too rotten to function.

 The movie ended, and it’s some horror/scfi thing that I’ve never heard of, but was actually good. At least, I didn’t sleep through it. And it seemed that Jisoo liked it. So, maybe we do look like a couple now.

She smiles retelling about her new friend. Jinyoung, a pretty boy from school. I know him, and he is really nice, and handsome too.

“Do you like him?” I ask, just to break the ice, and snap my mind from thinking about my brother.

Jisoo blushes, and I smirk.

“You do” I said in awe. “He must be too handsome”

“I don’t like him. I am with you” Everything fell into silence. I was just joking around, she can like whatever she likes, we are not a couple, or are we?

I feel utterly uncomfortable after her declaration, and just take her hand into mine, to show that I am not angry. I then, to lose my temper quite easily, and often than not, she gets scared of me and my outbursts. He was like that, so charming, but angry, most of the time, he was angry.

“I was just teasing you. It’s okay, I bet he is a good boy” Her hands are cold, and put her in the pockets of my jacket, to warm them up. “He looks like one”

“He was nice to me”

I smile and just, keep hearing her voice.

She just shines, like the stars. With a person like that, everything around you just fades, and at the same time it burns.

She is by far better company than my usual friends, and they often bother me about dating Jisoo. Of course, I always deny being with her, just being friends. But they know better than believing my lies. Joy would say that i am a fool for Jisoo, but I am not. I don’t know what I am.

“Hey, wanna come to my home?” I offer, after thinking about it for a long time, not wanting the night to end. But knowing that probably she will say no, because her parents still worry about her. I bet it would be so easy to seduce her into having with me. It was the first thing that I thought of her, when I met her. To have with her. To touch her.

If my broth