I remember wanting to die everytime the lights went out, the sudden darkness that enveloped my surroundings hurts me as much as the screams of my drunken neighbors and they relentless fights against defenseless wives and barely toddlers. My mother couldn’t afford a better house in a nice neighborhood, so I grew up surrounded by druggies and violence. But at least I had my brother with me; he was my anchor to reality as much as I was his anchor to life. I guess everything ends one way or another.

“Jennie”

Her voice, Jisoo’s voice breaks me out of my depressing thoughts, I am glad, because I felt like choking, but seeing her expression is enough to know something is wrong.

“What?”

Her face changes for a second, tightens and her eyes flash, but it passes.

“Nothing”

I shake my head, laughing, and push her shoulder, jokingly, but inside I know it’s time to say goodbye, it’s too dark already and her parents still worry about her whereabouts.

“If you say so, let’s go” I finish my cigar and take one last gulp of my beer. Jisoo crunches her nose, clearly disgusted.

“You only have eighteen years old and look like a druggie, smoke like an old man with stress, and drink like a pirate, or worse curse like a sailor. Jennie Kim something is very wrong with you”

I laugh because it’s the truth, even if it stings a little. I don’t really care, for what Jisoo thinks of me, she is just a casualty in my life, one that I want to get away from

“I don’t care” I mutter, as I lead the way back to her house. My hands are in my pockets, and she is following like a lost puppy, I can feel her stares burning holes in my back, and to think she is older than me, but so immature.

“Do you ever care about anything at all?”

That made me stop, and think for a while. The question itself angered me so much that I contemplated the idea of punching her, so ing hard that her nose breaks. I didn’t, and I don’t know what stopped me of doing so. Of course, I care for things, but it’s true that I don’t care for that many things. I only care about my brother and to some extent, my mother, but that’s it. Sometimes, I don’t even care about me- or maybe she wants the stupid moment where I foolishly say, I care about you. If it’s the case, then I am sorry for her, because I am not that kind of person.

“Jisoo, you need to know that” I stopped again, I wanted to hurt her with my words, I wanted to make her cry, but I stopped “sometimes is better to keep your mouth shut”

I clenched my fists, and maybe her instinct made her fall silent. When we got to her house, I didn’t even bothered to say goodbye, I wanted to be far from her, as fast as possible.

Maybe I do feel something for her. Maybe I am capable of liking someone, of caring for a person other than me. Or maybe not.

“There aren’t good or bad persons” Jennie said to me, after staring at her hands for a really long time, her eyes were glazed over and her lips trembled quite hard, as if she want to cry and was trying to hold back onto that feeling o