Minji was walking home. It was a little past 4am and she could see the first garbage trucks make their rounds in the dark. Did you know that the newspaper was delivered this early in the morning? Minji didn't but you learn new things every day.

Things had been rough lately. She wasn't doing well in three of her five classes. She couldn't do the math problems at the same pace as her groupmates in her Math class. She felt like a burden to her four classmates. They always paused what they were doing and took turns explaining the thought process behind each problem. She was always grateful to her classmates, but she wished she didn't slow down their progress.

And that was just in one class. In her global studies group, she was constantly butting heads with one classmate. He always had to have the last say in every decision that was made. What country to represent, what issue was the most important, what was the best solution. And whenever she tried to participate, he quickly spoke over her. 

And now she was here, walking home in the dark from studying at her university's English building. And she was alone with her thoughts again.

Why couldn't she be a better student? Why did everything have to become so difficult so quickly? Why did she think she was always prepared for whatever came her way?

Minji sighed.

These questions weren't anything new.

But why did she feel so incapable now? Why were all her supposed skills no longer valuable? She couldn't get those thoughts out of her head.

Was she useless? Was she a burden?

Minji could feel her breath start to shallow, her eyes startle to prickle.

"No, I can't do this now," Minji said aloud, refusing to let her emotions spill over.

She pulled out her phone to play some music. She hoped it would distract her enough.

But her head hurt from looking at her laptop's screen for nearly six hours, so she could only listen to her mellow playlist. She only hoped her music wouldn't make her cry.

As soon as Lee Hi's Breathe came on, she could feel the tears fall down her face.

Take a deep breath

Until both sides of your heart get numb

Until it hurts a little

Let out your breath even more

Minji wanted the tears to stop, she didn’t think they were helpful at all. If only she was numb to the pain that she didn’t know came with being a student, that she didn't know came with growing up.  Or maybe it was just her?

It's alright if you run out of breath

No one will blame you

It's okay to make mistakes sometimes

Because anyone can do it

Minji had felt like she only make mistakes these days. Mistakes on assignments, mistakes with her friends, mistakes with herself. She questioned everything she did and thought so much, she felt like she was always playing catch up. She had never felt so lost and tired.

Someone's breath

That heavy breath

How can I see through that?

Though I can't understand your breath

It's alright, I'll hold you

Minji's didn't tears stop her entire walk home.

Even if others think your sigh

Takes out energy and strength

I already know

That you had a day that's hard enough

To let out even a small sigh

It was a hard day. One of many, and she had sighed and heaved and her head had hurt all of those days. Why was today any different? She did it then. She could do it again. Her tears continued to fall and she knew it was because she had refused to cry those other days.

Now don't think of anything else

Let out a deep sigh

Just let it out like that

Minji sat on the steps of her house. And focused on her breathing. Her nose was stuffy and her breathing was heavy. She took a deep breath in and slowly let it out. Wiping at her tears, she thought maybe it was time that she had let out all her worries.

Someone's breath

That heavy breath

How can I see through that?

Though I can't understand your breath

It's alright, I'll hold you

You really did a good job

"Breathe Minji," she said to herself, wiping away the last of her tears. "You're doing a good job."

She stood up and turned around to enter her house. She took a deep breath and got ready for bed.

Tomorrow was waiting for her.

AN: First off, I want to apologize for missing Day 4, I fell asleep before posting and then woke up to news of Jonghyun's death and I just couldn't bring myself to post anything. Just a few days ago I was thinking to myself that if I ever met Shinee (in my wildest dreams) I wanted to thank them for singing one song, A-yo. That song got me through so many exam seasons, it always made me smile when I was down and just made me happy.

I've been listening to Kpop since late 2010/early 2011, and Shinee was a huge part of that, and with that came Jonghyun. I saw him grow from being a kpop idol to the wonderful artist that he was. And it saddens me that he could not feel an ounce of the happiness and value I felt in any of his work.

The above is my own experience. I could substitute my name for Minji's and it would be a memory of mine. And one night this song brought me to uncontrollable tears, but what I got out of it was to just breathe, focus on that and you can keep going.

I wanted to start writing again, for the same reason I stopped in the first place, because I still have thoughts like the above. School might have finished for me but I do still have thoughts of "I'm not doing enough", "I'm just being a burden" but I know better now and writing makes me feel amazing. I like creating things. I know that I can continuing working hard at whatever I'm doing and I can keep moving forward even if I'm not sure where I'm going.

I will always listen if anyone needs to just get something off their chest, if I can offer advice and you want it, I will. My inbox is always open.

Kim Jonghyun, you will be missed and never forgotten.