A sigh came out of Chanyeol's mouth after he finished reading Kim Junmyeon's Internet interview. He hated it because the interview wasn’t very professional and the title was pure clickbait. Chanyeol didn’t say anything about the death of Baekhyun, on the other side, he said things about their relationship, as if the interview was a nostalgia trip rather than about someone’s death. It wasn’t the best interview he had done and it bothered him that he couldn’t say anything about it. If he did, he would destroy the work of the independent journalist and win his hatred, which wasn’t something Chanyeol wanted.

            The businessman put his phone in his pocket and with a sigh, he turned off his car, took the keys and got out of it. He felt the cold air of that night entering his nostrils as he stepped into the old sidewalk. A chill ran down his body but he quickly composed himself, blaming the cold air. He leaned back against a wall in front of a shoe shop and slid his hand into his pocket, pulling out a box of cigarettes. He wasn’t supposed to have them around since it could damage his image but he knew he would need them. Anyone would have a stress induced smoke if they talked more than an hour about their deceased husband without having to show other feeling than nostalgia. He needed a way to calm his anxiety and he found it in those expensive cigarettes.

Baekhyun

             His name, his face, his smile, everything about him came to Chanyeol's mind like a lightning bolt, taking him by surprise. That was the name of the person with whom he shared ten years of his life.

An incomparable man.

              Immersed in his thoughts, he finished the cigarette very quickly and threw the end to the ground, stepping on it with his shoe valued at a couple of thousand dollars. When it was well crushed, he started walking to his favorite bar since it was somewhat close. He didn't frequent bars a lot since he had a very large and personal one in his house but in search of consolation, he decided to go. It was a bar where all the famous businessmen from that area of ​​South Korea went and he thought it wasn't a bad idea to go there. It was a very elegant place and no one was depicted as an alcoholic, but on the other hand, they were painted as a club of millionaires looking to have fun and clear their mind after a busy day.

          Some people said hi, as he passed by, and others bowed to him but he didn't really payed attention to them since he wanted to get there as fast as possible. His mind and body were asking him for something, and that's what he'll give them. He wasn't going to prohibit himself that. That's what widowers do, right? Get drunk to forget the sorrows.

           That wasn't entirely true though. He tried to convince himself that that was the reason he was going to the bar and he wanted everyone to see it that way but the man really went with another intention. Another more personal and intimate. He went to satiate another need, not the one of having alcohol in his throat and not feeling anything for several hours but rather, the need of another human’s heat against his body.

            After a minute walking, he arrived at the front of the premises anxiously. The doorman let him in with a greeting, which Chanyeol returned. He greeted several other people and went directly to the bar. He saw the boy he was eagerly wanting to see and sat on the first chair he saw.

"Hi, Kyungsoo" He said with a smirk. The light made Kyungsoo look better and Chanyeol liked that since it made him feel things. Kyungsoo had the power to turn Chanyeol into Jell-O and that made the businessman confused but he liked it nonetheless.

"Oh, hello, Mr. Park" The man replied formally with a kind smile. "Do you want a glass of Whiskey?" He asked taking a glass that he had just cleaned and knowing what Chanyeol was going to say, he began pouring the Whiskey into it.

"I want you." Chanyeol exclaimed, biting his lips. He couldn't control himself near the guy and although the businessman was flirting publicly with the bartender, nobody really knew about the love encounters between the two but, to be honest, that was the best thing for everyone.

"I'm working, you know my work policy" He replied rolling his eyes and passing the drink to the businessman. Chanyeol took the drink in his hands and clicked his tongue.

"Boring" He answered and brought the glass to his mouth. He felt the liquid go down his throat and smiled. This was what he needed. He turned around and began to see what was happening at the bar. His eyes met his most faithful buyer and businessman from Byun-Park Enterprise, Oh Sehun. He called him to come and the man quickly did, greeting him when he was near. He took a seat next to the businessman and looked directly at him.

"You're a liar" Sehun said from nowhere with a serious look.

"Why do you call Park Chanyeol like that?" The businessman asked raising an eyebrow and smiling, looking straight ahead. He knew where this conversation was going and he was glad they were having it.

"That smile that only Byun Baekhyun had..." Sehun mimicked with a shrill voice what Chanyeol expressed in the interview. "Damn geniuses. Both, that Byun and you. I feel dumb when I'm by your side." He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

"We both had a smart business partner, you should expected us to get away with it" Chanyeol said smirking and drinking a little more of his Whiskey.

"Tell me the story again. I want to know it well, just in case I want to tell everybody what happened and end your business." The guy said jokingly. Chanyeol knew that the guy was joking but still decided to tell the story.

"Well, if I'm not wrong, the idea originated 10 years ago. He came to my office one day with a proposal. We both had a multimillion-dollar company each so he proposed that we should join them in order to become richer. I asked how he intended to make us earn more money and we came to the conclusion that a gay marriage would be perfect and controversial. The people of this era would be more supportive of a gay marriage than of two men who are just business partners. People would already expect it from the beginning since we planned to join our companies so why not make those suspicions true and win the sympathy of the people? And, we did. We took photos of our wedding that never happened, we called the company 'Byun-Park’, and from there the sales were a lot higher and we started making more money than before. People loved us. They wanted to know everything about our life. We thought about adopting a child and everything but that was too much. We didn't want to raise the kid inside the lie that their dads created out of pure greediness." Chanyeol said proud of the idea that he and Baekhyun made real.

"So, Baekhyun died, or is he on an island in Hawaii and his whole death was another act?" Sehun asked suspiciously. That question unsettled Chanyeol so he sighed sadly.

"That was true, he unfortunately died. He has always gotten sick easily and this time he got pneumonia. As the time passed by, it got worse, causing him a lung failure." Chanyeol said a little sad, remembering the last moments of the man he called his husband.

Sehun patted the older man's back. "Don't worry"

"I miss him" Chanyeol added. "We didn't have a relationship, nor any feelings for each other but spending ten years of your life with someone who became very close to you, and said person suddenly dies, makes you miss them, and it hurts a lot."

"I know, I know but things happen, man..." Sehun added and thought for a second. "I really don't have anything more to say, I'm sorry." He shrugs

"I prefer you saying that, then to come with fake and cliched condolences." He said, tiredness present in his voice. He, then, turns towards Kyungsoo noticing the empty glass in his hand.

"At what time your shift ends?" Chanyeol asked curiously to the big-eyed bartender.

"At 2." He answered taking the businessman's glass. He poured a little more Whiskey into it and passed it back.

"Do you want me to wait for you?" The businessman questioned, implying something that was already familiar to Kyungsoo and that he knew the guy wouldn't refuse.

The bartender went close to his ear, lips almost touching it, and whispered "Sure" and bit his earlobe seductively. After that, he recomposed himself and went to attend another costumer.

"To satisfy my curiosity, did Baekhyun know about your ual adventures with this… guy?" Sehun said and pointed to the bartender with his thumb. It seemed that he despised the man who served drinks but it wasn't true and Chanyeol knew it. All that seriousness was part of his attitude.

"Duh, it's not like that even if our marriage was fake, it would deprive us of having real relationships." Chanyeol said, making it look like the marriage he had with Baekhyun was child's play. Sehun was uncomfortable with the simplicity in which Chanyeol took the situation but said nothing.

"He had someone... um, with whom he satisfied his needs?" Sehun asked, implying that none of the relationships they had with other people were true love since apparently neither of them believed in it.

"Yes... I don't remember her name very well but she was a very pretty girl. When I met her, I was proud that he found someone who did love him. I think he didn't love her back though but the girl's eyes lit up every time she heard even the smallest detail of him. She always let him know that she loved him even though he specifically treated her like a friend with benefits and nothing else." He said and in his mind, the image of the girl crying when she found out that her Hyunnit died appeared. A wave of sadness passed through Chanyeol's body and a lump formed in his throat but he ignored it.

              The silence quickly made its presence between the both since Sehun was processing everything the guy just said. His thought that neither of them believed in true love became true and he didn't know how to react to that revelation. He considered himself a serious man and not romantic but even the most serious of men fell in love. Sehun decided to leave that topic there and ask something else that was constantly present in his mind.

"Can I ask you two questions? This being the first one, obviously." Sehun inquired, accustomed to saying that since he knew that Chanyeol was going to answer him if he said one.

"Shoot them" He answered and sipped his Whiskey.

"It's not like I've been thinking about this a lot but... What will you do with the company? It belonged to both of you, so you should sell it or something, right?"

"No" Chanyeol said dryly but then smiled, remembering how smart Baekhyun was. "Baekhyun and I, in our wills, (yes, we did them really early) decided to leave the company to each other. I won't keep one hundred percent of his money since he gave his brother and parents a share, but I'll stay with the company."

"You guys planned this well." Sehun, out of astonishment, exclaimed, but his neutral facial expression remained. "How did you guys get so much trust between you?" Astonishment prompted him to ask more questions.

"That was the only flaw in our plan. The only problem, and I realized it a little late, was that we both blindly trusted each other. It could have sunk us but apparently, we were right and trusting the other was good. "

"I'm still surprised, this was too perfect to be real." Sehun said looking straight ahead with wide eyes. Both watched as security guards dragged out of the premises an almost unknown businessman. The man angrily shouted 'I will sue you' and 'you will receive bad criticism'. Then, incoherent things were heard until the guards managed to get him out of there.

"Was that the owner of Sunshine Corp.?" Sehun supposed, thinking out loud. Chanyeol, although the question wasn't addressed to him, nodded giving his glass another sip. The situation didn't matter to him and it didn't cause him much surprise since the only thing that ran through his head was the beautiful bartender he had behind him. Thinking about him made his mind not reach sad conclusions and that seemed perfect.

           An hour passed and the conversation he had with Sehun became minimal until the aforementioned said he had to pick up his boyfriend who was waiting for him at the airport, leaving Chanyeol confused as he never knew that his friend had a boyfriend. He always guessed that Sehun was single since he flirted with lot of people, including Chanyeol himself, so that revelation shocked him. The man wanted to make a commentary about it but contrary to what he wanted, he didn't say anything and only said goodbye with a smile. The guy started walking away and chanyeol totally checked him out as he walked to the exit. It was not his fault that the guy had a nice and walked as if he wanted everybody to know that.

         Chanyeol always hated to be alone in a bar and exactly now was the time he felt that way but as he checked his watch, he saw that it was almost time for Kyungsoo’s shift to come to an end just so they can go to Chanyeol's house. 

     The businessman wanted eagerly to have the big-eyed man in his arms and make him moan with pleasure so he was no longer controlling himself, occasionally looking very intently at Kyungsoo, almost like a stalker. This didn't bother the bartender though since he was provoking the businessman on purpose. He moved his hips exaggeratedly and bent more than necessary to attend the clients, only to see the man who waited anxiously for him suffer. Meanwhile, Chanyeol tried to hide his from the occasional person that approached him to talk about businesses.

       Kyungsoo's shift came to an end pretty quickly and Chanyeol, exactly when the clock indicated it was 2 o'clock, left before the bartender could even take his apron off since he didn’t want to be seen going out with Kyungsoo. He at a fast pace walked to his car, which was at a distance that he knew no one would see the big-eyed man getting on it. 

          He unlocked it and quickly got in. He turned it on and played relaxing music because if he didn't play it, he would end up attacking the younger's lips and that wasn't going to end with a simple kiss. Chanyeol moved his legs anxiously since the wait was killing him and when what it seemed like an eternity but really was two minutes, passed, Kyungsoo appeared with different clothes and a smile from ear to ear, happy of what was going to happen. After he closed the door, Chanyeol started the car in seconds and drove quickly to the main road. Once there, he accelerated more, not caring that he exceeded the speed limit with more than 30 MPHs of difference. Kyungsoo massaged the businessman's thigh to thrill him more. This didn't mix well with his but the business man only ignored the action and continued driving.

               In almost nothing, they arrived at the entrepreneur’s house. It was an 8-room mansion on the outskirts of the city. Kyungsoo, as always, was amazed at the big house that was in front of them. In his mind, he was super excited, almost like a child in Christmas, because he was in the house of a well-known businessman, this being someone who he loved a lot. He had gone to his house several times, always at night, but the excitement of thinking that he could someday marry Chanyeol and that the man would let him live there too never went away and he was sure that it would never dissipate. Chanyeol, on the other hand, only thought about . It was not that he used Kyungsoo, since he had some sort of appreciation for the guy, but the thought of marrying Kyungsoo never crossed his mind.

         They both got out of the car quickly and Chanyeol took Kyungsoo's hand, making him walk even faster to their destination. They went up the steps in the front porch and before Chanyeol could even knock on the door, a recognized face opened it and smiled at them.

“Good night, Mr. Park. Do you want me to park your car, sir?” The butler asked, knowing Chanyeol too well. The businessman nodded eagerly and gave him the keys.

“Don’t interrupt me tonight, please.” Chanyeol winked and without saying anything else, he continued on his way to the room, the other man following him closely. They arrived quickly at the businessman's room and began their love night.

-

           A ray of sunlight came through the window of the entrepreneur, making him wake up immediately. That didn't bother him like it would usually do since he felt relieved and stress-free. The man who slept besides him had the magic to make him feel that way and he was really happy because of it.

         After fully waking up, He kissed the younger man's forehead, who was still asleep, and stood up from the bed. He quickly got dressed and went to the kitchen for his morning coffee. Knowing that the maid already prepared it, he didn't bother asking and just sat on a chair at the breakfast table smiling at her.

"Good morning, Mr. Park, you look very happy today." She said smiling, pouring coffee into a mug that said ‘Mr. Park’. The mug was a gift from one of his friends. The friend gave Baekhyun an exact copy that said ‘Mr. Byun’ since he thought it was cute for couples to have matching stuff. Baekhyun and Chanyeol laughed at the idea but kept them anyway.

"It seems that today will be a good day for me." He said optimistic and took the cup that his maid had passed him. He drank some of the content it had and smiled satisfied. "I approve the coffee." He said and the maid was surprised. That wasn't common for them. He always liked the coffee she made for him but today he just wanted to tell her and since it wasn’t common, she became excited.

"Thank you." She smiled widely and bowed. Then, she excused herself and left the kitchen, soon returning with the correspondence. The maid handed it to him and went away for the second time, giving the business man some privacy.

Chanyeol passed them quickly one by one, not really interested in them. They were invitations to weddings, appointments and more uninteresting things. He didn't care about any of them until he saw one that surprised him.

Byun Baekhyun

The front part simply said. Chanyeol looked at it with trembling hands. What’s this doing here? He asked himself out of confusion. He proceeded to open it and unfold the paper. As he began to read it, he recognized the writing style of his deceased husband.

Dear Park Chanyeol:
I am literally writing this while you are sleeping next to me in a hospital chair. A few hours ago, they told us that I wouldn't last long since my lungs are very weak. All my life I've assumed that I would die like this. I've always had a weak respiratory system, so when I felt my pneumonia getting worse, I knew I wouldn't last long.

When they told us that I was going to die, you cried a lot and I had to comfort you until you fell asleep. You took all the blame, saying all of this was because you smoked near me but it was really because of my weak lungs. I totally hated myself because you blamed yourself. Why, Yeollie? It’s not your fault ><

But also… I felt at that moment that you really loved me and that everything we had together was true. I know it's not and no matter how much my heart wants this to be true, it never was and much less will be since I will die in a short time. It felt real, though, and it confused me. I’m really confused right now and it’s your fault. Your damn fault for being so kind to me and only me since you’re really indifferent when it comes to other people.

'What?' Chanyeol wondered confusedly and reread that part.

...but it's not. I know it's not and no matter how much my heart wants this to be true, it never was and much less will be since I will die in a short time. It felt real, though, and it confused me. I’m really confused right now and it’s your fault. Your damn fault for being so kind to me and specially me since you’re really indifferent when it comes to other people.

Did Baekhyun love me? He asked himself. Although he had re-read it, he was in shock. The more he thought about the situation, the more confused he was. Tears came to his eyes and he didn't bother to dry them. A feeling that he thought was dead resurfaced in his heart. A feeling that he had forgotten and had not felt for years. The love he once had for Baekhyun came back because of this letter.

While writing this, I’m reliving memories. I remember when we joined our companies. How excited people were when they learned that two famous Korean entrepreneurs were going to get married and be happy. We fooled them good and that's why I'm proud. Proud of how great our company is and how far we have come. I know you will take care of it very well. It’s like our son, Yeol! Don’t let Byun-Park flop!

'Yes, I'll take good care of the company,' Chanyeol whispered between sobs.

What I'm not proud of is that I couldn't fool my heart. At first, I didn't love you like that but as time went on... I fell more and more in love with you. , Chanyeol, living with someone so perfect lives kills you slowly because you know you can't have them. You are a unique, special being and even having you close for two minutes, is a blessing.

You are like a bath of warm water after a day of snow.

You are like an oasis in the desert.

You are that break that awaits you at the end of a difficult day.

You are the person my heart needed but I know you never loved me that way.

The sobs grew louder and louder. He didn't care if the maid or anyone in the house listened to him. His heart couldn't stand what he was feeling right now and he needed to let it out.

There were nights when I fell asleep crying, knowing I couldn't have you. Knowing that you were with another man. Giving your love to him as if I wouldn't accept you in the same way he did. That man was Kyungsoo. His name even sounds cuter than mine, a simple Baekhyun.

Chanyeol cried more, his tears damaging a little the ink of the paper when falling on it. This wasn't part of plan. They couldn't fall in love.

But you love him, I know you do. He also loves you, which makes me very happy. You won't be left alone when I leave. You will have Kyungsoo. I hope you can love him as much as I love you. I hope you guys are happy and you can share our fortune with him. He deserves it for accepting to only and exclusively have a secret relationship with you.

Anyway, this is a letter to confess my feelings for you. Tell you what I never dared tell you. Chanyeol... I love you. Remember that. I loved you when I was alive and I will still love you when I die. I wish you the best in life and that you can take advantage of what we formed together.

P.S. If I survive, I beg you to give me an opportunity to make you fall in love with me. Just one. You won’t regret it.

With lots of love,
Park Baekhyun

           Chanyeol closed his eyes and dropped the letter to the ground. He no longer knew if he was crying or smiling. Tears still came down from his eyes but there was a smile present on his lips. That smile appeared when he realized that if Baekhyun had declared himself years ago, he would most likely have said that he felt the same way but the feelings for the man who wrote the letter dissipated a long time ago. It's been years since he looked at Baekhyun in a loving way. That he smiled every time the man did something lovely. That he’d wake up early to make him breakfast and then tell him that who made it was the maid. Those times were already hidden in Chanyeol's memory and he didn't want to remember them since he couldn't do anything if they were present in his mind.

       He stood up and decided to go to his room. Upon arriving, he saw that Kyungsoo was still sleeping so he lay down on his bed quietly and hugged the other man from behind. He began to cry but calmed himself since he didn't want to wake up the other guy.

         Even with all his efforts to not cry, tears still flowed from his eyes. He felt terrible. He wanted to see Baekhyun one more time. That letter unbalanced his feelings and his mind; it made him weak. They couldn't have loved each other, it was part of the deal, but apparently both were doing it. Both, at some time, loved each other and because they didn't want to break the deal, they didn't confess their feelings. Chanyeol couldn't do anything about it anymore since the older one was dead so he resigned himself to continue crying and decided to love Kyungsoo as much as Baekhyun loved him.

"Good Morning." The bartender said in front of him, turning around with a sleepy smile.

"I love you, Kyung." Chanyeol said and began to cry, hugging him tightly. Kyungsoo hugged him back, not knowing that this was the beginning of their life together.