by 4pm, nayeon has gone through most of her emotions, as anger has yet to surface at the most awkward and unfitting situations that she is to find herself in the upcoming few days, or weeks. she sits in pseudo-silence, both the music and her thoughts are loud, so loud that they dissolve into each other and the background, creating a white noise soundtrack to the stale numbness she is feeling.

she has 32 chapters to go through, to pick from between them whichever she is to be focusing on in her dissertation, yet she finds herself still stuck sorting out feelings she is not yet sure she has. sometimes, it scares her how detached she is from each of her emotions, to the point of experiencing some, or most, of the events of her life more from a 3rd person’s perspective than hers.

time passses by, and she is sitting in her chair, in the same position, scrolling down twitter. she does not seem to mind the fact that her back started hurting around half an hour ago, and she is very thirsty. instead, she goes from a short video to another, no breaks in between, trying to stop even the idea of a thought crossing her mind. not about chaeyoung at least. she thinks of getting a cat, and she thinks of going on a trip, and she thinks of changing her job, but nothing seems to be good enough, it won’t make her happy. and so, she just thinks. she lets her mind wander.