It started off as a normal night. I got home from work, feeling tired but excited at the same time to finally lay down on a comfy bed with a warm body to accompany me. I then shut off the engine before quickly making my way inside.

It was quiet in the kitchen when I walked in, which was weird since Taeyeon’s always cooking around this time.

Everything went south from there.

For some reason I still couldn’t explain, I went straight to the bathroom.

The door was locked.

That was all the confirmation I needed.

I immediately called 911 and all it took are the words depressed, medication, and a locked bathroom door.

Fear and adrenaline mixing in my veins, I kicked the door down before almost flinging it off of its hinges. And there, I saw.

A water-filled tub.

The stained tiles.

And my wife in between.

“Good god,” was all that I allowed myself to say. I didn’t bother with the tears and with the sobbing because it’s not going to help right now.

Give me more time. More time, more time.

She was so cold when I hauled her from the bathtub.

There was so much blood.

As I held her to wrap my torn blouse around her wrists, I was reminded again just how small she was. So, so small.

“Hold on, I still need you,” I started before finally sobbing because all that’s left to do is wait; wait for the ambulance and wait for a day where Taeyeon’s waiting for me on the couch, fresh out of the shower and wrapped up in our blanket.

As if in sympathy, my own ears began to bleed because this home of ours isn’t used to silence. The walls have always been washed with all kinds of laughter and screams. Even during the night, it’d soak up the sounds of cartoons because Taeyeon couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t find another channel.

“In sickness and in health, you idiot,” was my last words before my eyelids closed and my hearing became muffled.

At the next second, I jolted awake. It was dark and I was feeling disoriented with my heart piledriving inside my chest.

Then, I looked down and saw a crown of blonde hair tucked underneath my chin. Immediately, I calmed down.

“Oh, love,” I muttered, realizing that I had just woken up from a nightmare. A particular door caught my eye. It was the bathroom door by our bed where marks by the doorknob showed evidence of forced entry.

That’s when I also realized that in each of my grasp are Taeyeon’s hands. Automatically, my thumbs caressed the skin of her wrists where I quickly came across a bump on the otherwise smooth skin; healed scars.

All of a sudden, Taeyeon mumbles in her sleep, lacing our fingers together seemingly out of habit, before snuggling further into me since it was the middle of Winter and everything’s a bit colder than usual.

“Fany, please hold me tighter.”

“I will.”