This is my late Christmas and New Year gift to you guys! Hope you enjoy it!

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There was something about pictures that Taeyeon absolutely detests. She can’t properly pinpoint it, so she just sums up the whole experience as horrible. Unpleasurable. Just down-right hate it.

She’d rather just remember everything by lone memory and when she forgets, well, then she forgets.

She just doesn’t see the need to take pictures or videos of the things or the people that she found she likes then going off posting it in social media for everyone else to see.

Taeyeon paused for a second, her thumb not scrolling anymore, then looked to the other side of her bed. It was empty, as it always has been.

‘Hmmm…’ she begins inside her head. ‘Why did I buy a queen size bed?’

She then looked around her room. There was her stuff, her toys — her robots, her puzzles, and her guns and swords — her books that were neatly organized in their respective cabinets, glass casings, and bookshelves. Then there was her computer that she left hibernating after taking a few hours of break from an online game she got addicted into. Finally, there was her and her, recent realization, too large bed.

Everything here was hers and here she is.

Taeyeon hummed again to herself as she plopped back down, letting her body melt against the soft mattress, then stared at the ceiling. She had turned off the lights — she only opens them when she needs to find something at the dead of the night, which is still a rare occurrence since she has a keen memory especially when she’s such an organized person — and it was currently 1 in the morning. She’d just welcomed the arrival of Saturday like she had always done. In short, it was dark both outside and inside so the glow-in-the-dark stickers she bought were glowing as if they were stars. There was the usual stars, planets, and comets but she had also gone out to buy dinosaur ones where she could clearly see the Megalodon and the Mosasaur, her favorites (it used to be the T-rex but then Jaws came so…). She had bought them because she liked them. These stickers were hers.

No amount of teasing about her childishness will get her to remove them like what she had been told so that she could ‘buy scented candles like a normal, healthy 21-year-old adult’.

This room is hers.

Well, technically, every room and every nook and cranny in this building is hers after buying this whole condominium. So, she could do whatever she wants to her own room because it’s hers.

‘Mine.’

And maybe that’s why she hates both taking and being taken of pictures or videos. Because she’s just a really private person, where she doesn’t like random strangers taking a look into a life she dearly loved; a life that she worked hard on. Besides, she doesn’t really see the point of telling others about her successes and achievements.

Tiffany absolutely loved taking pictures. She also wouldn’t mind being taken a picture of as well. She likes giving a smile to others so she naturally likes giving one to the camera as well. But, if she was told to choose, she would pick taking pictures. Always have and always will.

There was something special, almost reverent even, at having the task of cutting out a person’s special moment in that brief section of time and have it cemented in a picture so it could be a permanent memory. And the best thing was that you could see it again and again. Just one look at the picture and you’d be reminded of the sun or the moon and of the emotions running through.

For her, taking pictures was like having a taste of eternity, because time is elusive — maybe it doesn’t even exist — but with pictures, you get to hold a part of it. Time then earns a tangible body that you could replay again and again in your mind with a simple glance.

Also, pictures are great for reminders.

At that thought, Tiffany rests her back against the bark of a tree she found in the park. She then sighed and ran a hand through her short hair.

The tree was providing a nice shade against the glare of the bright sun up above. The wind was billowing nicely too. Tiffany couldn’t resist the urge to go outside to have a different view due to the four walls of her bedroom suffocating her. So, here she is.

Grasped by left hand was her camera where she’d worn the strap around her neck, in case she accidentally drops it. But she wasn’t looking at a picture she had taken. Rather, she was looking at a picture taken of her, the photo held by her other hand.

Tiffany rubbed her thumb against the glossy sheen, the same area where the Tiffany in the picture’s left cheek was. Picture-Tiffany was smiling wide for the camera where she was flashing her gummy smile and smiling eyes. She was wearing a pink summer dress with a matching summer hat perched on her head and she was standing by the shore where the calm waves were gently lapping on her feet. The sun was setting on the background so rays of orange and red painted almost every surface there is.

She looked at the eyes that seemed to stare back at her.

She remembered feeling warm. She also remembered the contentment she felt when she dipped her feet into the cool waters. But, most of all, she remembered being happy.

That reminder was what she needed right now.

‘If I could be happy back then, I could be happy now too,’ Tiffany thought to herself, in an effort to keep her lips stretched into a make-shift smile, so that her body could start remembering for her since her heart seemed to have forgotten how.

But, ultimately, another reminder caused the end of her lips to drop. That reminder was of how long it had been; of how long has passed since the very picture she held was taken and printed.

She also remembers the goodbyes, the confusion, and the utter helplessness. She could even taste the betrayal because they had made a promise.

‘We’ll do this together.’

Well, it’s been a year since then, and it’s also a year-long since she found herself standing all alone in her room without the hand of her lover in her grasp.

It has been a year-long since the promise was broken.

And maybe that’s why she loves taking pictures of happy things. Why she completely adores the pure emotions that seem to pour out of those pictures. It’s to take a fraction of their happiness for her own heart because it’s been a year-long since she, herself, was happy; since she’s found her own happiness. So, she thought that maybe, just maybe, she could feel the life thumping in her heart again if she gathers enough through taking pictures.

After all, Tiffany Hwang places her life on promises because promises mean trust, where trust yields to love; it was a lesson from her parents that she will never forget, no matter how much it hurts. On top of it all, Tiffany is a giver because her heart is big, and the world can be pretty cruel.

By the time Tiffany paid attention to her surroundings again, she saw that the sky was now covered by dark, angry clouds and that it was about to rain soon. So, she put her camera back into its bag, stood up, dusted herself, then went home; even if ‘home’ was a room in a condominium she found too big for her still-hurting-but-healing heart.

Taeyeon looked up when a drop fell on top of her head, followed by another, and saw that the sky was beginning to cry.

‘Hey, that rhymes,’ she mused to herself with a crooked grin that looked out of place in a sea of grimacing people that were scurrying amongst themselves to get out of the now pouring rain.

She remained standing on the pavement while trying to not be in the way at the same time. Her condo was just across the street, where she could already see some of the tenants, that she only knew by face, hurrying inside — her memory was good but matching people’s faces to names had always been her weakness.

She then glimpsed at the stoplight. The light was still red with a few minutes to go before it changes to green, so she took that moment to enjoy the cold water splashing against her own body, soaking her hair and clothes.

Taeyeon loved the rain. She likes the sound of the water droplets continuously hitting the pavement, the street, or the walls of the tall buildings. She likes hearing the dark, dark clouds flash with lightning then roar with thunder. It was as if a dragon was descending from the heavens. But, most of all, she loves the ambiance the rain would give the moment a single drop fell.

The ambiance makes her sleepy and she gets to wake up to the sound of pouring rain. She could also wrap blankets around herself with a simple ‘it’s cold’ to those that would ask. But the best part was that she could be sad while blaming the ambiance so that people would stop asking why and trying to make her feel better.

Taeyeon loved the rain because she could blame it for her need to be warm and for her loneliness. Because, in truth, Taeyeon badly wants to be embraced by a lover because she doesn’t know how it feels like. All she knows is wealth, success, and familial love. And she has a secret she had never told anyone.

This secret is the primary reason why, despite wanting to find someone to love and cherish, she doesn’t try to find that special someone. Because she doesn’t want to burden her to-be lover. She’d rather be alone than hurt that person. It also wouldn’t be fair for them. She would really rather be alone.

So, Taeyeon embraced the loneliness by looking up then closing her eyes with a small smile. She took a deep breath, careful of inhaling the water splashing on her face, then let out a deep, contented sigh. She wasn’t worried about her things and her laptop getting soaked because their bags were waterproof. They’re waterproof for this very reason.

Click!

“-!”

Being one to hate pictures, Taeyeon was sensitive to the sound a camera makes when it captures a photo so she easily heard that telling sound.

In that instant, Taeyeon’s mood change. Gone was the acceptance and the loneliness. In came the coldness that nothingness brings, or, maybe, it was because she was soaking wet.

Either way, her day is ruined.

Taeyeon immediately started her search for the photographer so she could have the photo deleted. She turned from where she stood and looked for anyone holding a camera or a phone but found nothing of the sorts. But she resumed looking again, intent on having her photo deleted.

To Taeyeon’s surprise, her search landed on the other side of the street and at the very front of her condo.

Standing underneath the cover the archway provided was the photographer she was just searching for. Despite that the camera was still held up, Taeyeon could easily tell that the photographer was a female due to the height and creamy white skin that only a woman could have, even though the baggy tee and jogging pants were trying to hide her figure. That, and the ample swell at the chest area.

For some reason, Taeyeon felt magnetized.

So, when the traffic light changed to green, Taeyeon quickly crossed the street and approached the woman, with the rain now forgotten. And there was probably something about the look in her eyes because the female photographer flinched before setting the camera down and let it hang on her neck through the strap. And there, Taeyeon saw that she had short, inky black hair that ended past her slightly rounded chin, along with possibly the largest brown eyes she had ever stared at. As if she was looking at a puppy begging for her forgiveness.

But there was something in those brown eyes too. Something rough and heavy at the middle. Like pain, or sadness. Possibly even longing. She’s not too sure, but what Taeyeon does know is that it’s the kind of emotion that she hasn’t felt yet because those eyes had a touch of life that felt heavier than her own reality.

“Hi.” Taeyeon greeted the moment she reached her, with her skin and clothes still dripping. She smiled a little in hopes to ease the other woman’s nerves who froze.

“Hello,” Taeyeon greeted again in hopes to elicit a response. Her small smile remained as she stood and waited.

The woman blinked, as if she had just snapped out of her daydream, then closed that had been open since Taeyeon had crossed the street. She seems to be collecting herself so Taeyeon let her. But when she was about to respond, a voice called out to Taeyeon.

“Yah! Taeng! You’re going to get sick!”

“Oh, hi Sunny!” Taeyeon greeted.

Tiffany blinked, confused, then returned her gaze to the woman she had just taken a picture of. Through the lenses of her camera, she saw earlier that the woman had a pair of gray, stormy eyes that perfectly embodied the same storm that is now raging over the city. They were the darkest pair of eyes she has ever seen. As if the woman has her own storm brewing within. But now, in the presence of ‘Sunny’, those same dark, dark eyes looked to have hidden underneath a faux layer of cheerfulness.

‘Why hide?’

Sunny was ranting. Something about Taeyeon always playing in the rain but having a weak constitution or something along those lines. Tiffany wasn’t sure because she was busy staring at this woman named ‘Taeyeon’.

She was staring because Taeyeon’s eyes may be exuding ‘cheerfulness’ but her smile was plastered and her shoulders sagged heavily. She looked like a mime who has had enough of pretending.

Tiffany felt like she was staring right at a mirror.

But, there was something about the exhaustion coming off of Taeyeon’s petite frame that wasn’t similar to her own. She couldn’t name that ‘something’, like a pain she had never the misfortune of suffering from.

“Wow,” Tiffany breathed out as if she was sighing it in relief because it was amazing how two people who are in pain could recognize the other, how they could see so much, even if their sufferings were vastly different.

She just knew that this Taeyeon saw something at her as well, the moment she said ‘Hi’.

“Well, I’ll leave you two alone to talk. Seems like I disturbed something. But you better not complain to me when you get sick, or I swear to god.” Sunny said in one breath towards Taeyeon, who was toweling her hair, before waving goodbye.

Tiffany watched as Sunny glared at Taeyeon one last time.

‘Does she know?’

Then, Sunny turned to her, with a smile as small as Taeyeon’s, and waved goodbye after threatening Taeyeon one last time. And there, she saw Sunny’s unspoken words. It was a look that Tiffany had only seen her mother wore.

‘Ah, she knows.’

Tiffany didn’t dare smile back because she knows the short blonde named Sunny with surprisingly keen hazel eyes would see right through it. Instead, she simply waved back then bowed her head to show her respect.

“Uhm, hi. I’m Taeyeon.”

Tiffany flinched when the object of her thoughts suddenly greeted her for the third time that day.

“Hello, Taeyeon. I’m Tiffany. It’s nice to meet you,” Tiffany finally replied. Suddenly, she couldn’t see the fake cheerfulness in Taeyeon’s eyes anymore. And she exactly doesn’t know what to think about it because why was Taeyeon hiding from her friend but not towards her, a stranger? Or is it precisely because she’s a stranger that Taeyeon doesn’t really care about hiding the lightning and the thunder?

“Ah, yes, it’s nice to meet you too.” Taeyeon said then held out a hand, “Oh and my hands are dry, so don’t worry.”

Tiffany simply chuckled but said nothing else as she just held out her own to grasp and shake Taeyeon’s outstretched hand.

“-!”

Taeyeon almost flinched away the moment their hands came in contact due to the sheer amount of warmth Tiffany’s hand possessed, or is it only because she was drenched?

It’s just that she wasn’t used to touching something so warm, something so alive. It felt wrong somehow. And she was suddenly scared.

Taeyeon was scared that she was absorbing the woman’s warmth until Tiffany is just a cold shell because she, herself, doesn’t know what warmth is. But Tiffany continued to hold her hand and had even flashed her an equally warm smile as if she had just sensed Taeyeon’s irrational fear.

Taeyeon gasped when silence rang inside her head. The incessant voice disappeared as if it was muted. She felt her whole body stop, where the tremors quelled as fast as it started. Her breathing also turned even and she could even feel her heart resuming its normal rhythm.

Everything was okay. She felt completely fine. Even the looping phrases that sang in her head stopped.

Unfortunately, this was the calm before the storm, because fear rapidly bubbled up her chest then through until it had seized her mind once more. The phrases sang again, and again then again. Her breathing escalated for the second time while her heart began to piledrive out of her chest.

The feeling that something terrible was about to happen then descended on Taeyeon the same way the pouring rain had.

‘I’m dying. I’m going to die.’

The thought joined the other looping phrases.

All Taeyeon could do to remain in touch with reality was tighten her grip on Tiffany’s hand because the rapid disappearance of everything else left her feeling cold. Tiffany’s hand was the single source of warmth that was within her reach.

Unlike the previous times though, this time Taeyeon knows why she’s having a breakdown.

Earlier, she had calmed down. And that was the problem.

A stranger had just calmed her down.

Tiffany had just calmed her down.

So many had tried, so many professionals, but none of them came out victorious. And yet, this young woman came, had smiled at her and now Taeyeon actually feels a bit okay, even though, at the same time, she feels like crumbling to her feet.

“Hey, hey. Breathe with me.”

Such a soft, soft voice.

It made it easier for Taeyeon to comply, where she inhaled then exhaled in tune with Tiffany to let oxygen circulate through her body properly once again.

“If you’re not feeling well after a minute, squeeze my hand thrice. I’m going to call an ambulance. Squeeze my hand once if you’re okay with that and twice if you’re not. I’ll think of something else to help you, okay?” Tiffany asked after managing to lean Taeyeon on a nearby wall. She kept on staring at those stormy gray eyes, wondering why she felt like she was the one who was suffering. Her heart was hurting and she felt like crying.

The only reason why she managed to keep her tears at bay is the single squeeze on her tightly grasped hand.

“Okay. You’re doing great. Just keep on copying me. Inhale. Exhale.”

Taeyeon knows, god she knows, that this really isn’t the right time but she really wants to invite Tiffany over for some coffee. She really wants to spend more time with this godsend of a woman.

Because Tiffany is the first stranger to not panic at the sight of her own panic.

Because Tiffany had the warmest pair of hands she had the fortune to hold.

Because Tiffany is the first stranger to fully calm her down.

Because Tiffany is the first stranger she voluntarily wanted to shake hands with.

And because Tiffany is somehow familiar to her through the pain she saw in those baby brown eyes.

So much pain.

Just like her.

After a few more minutes of this, Taeyeon finally regained her bearings. She slid down the wall she was leaning against after she felt her strength being sapped from her body by the adrenaline rush that is now leaving her system. Tiffany slid down with her because Taeyeon was sure she’d break more than she already had if she lets go of this hand.

Then, Tiffany was using the towel to wipe the beads of sweat that had joined the droplets that continued to soak Taeyeon’s skin because she remembered Sunny mentioning that the latter has a weak constitution.

As she does so, Tiffany said nothing. Well, not verbally. Her gaze though spoke a thousand words that Taeyeon never expected to come from a stranger she thought had ruined her day.

Despite the edges that lined Tiffany’s gaze, her eyes were actually as warm as her hands. And when Taeyeon looked at those orbs, she saw genuine worry, genuine concern, directed right at her even if Tiffany wasn’t staring back.

Taeyeon froze for a second when she finally managed to give a name to the warmth that Tiffany seemed to be made of.

Genuinity and sincerity.

Tiffany must have felt the intensity of Taeyeon’s gaze because she stared back. But, she must have seen something there, something she either didn’t like or was confused by because her eyebrows furrowed, then she was the one who tightened her grip on Taeyeon’s hand.

“Taeyeon—”

Taeyeon burst into tears.

Tiffany could only watch, stunned.

Taeyeon doesn’t know what came over her. The tears just came pouring out, like a volcano that abruptly erupted. It’s just that she had been so alone, and so, so lonely, and her mind was always a chaotic place. But now she felt secure, so secured she knows that even if she did panic again, she’ll be okay. Even if she gets overwhelmed, she’ll still see the other side of the tunnel. That was a change of pace. Before, every time she panics, all she could think about was dying. Then there’s the way Tiffany say her name; everything actually felt right.

Suddenly, Taeyeon wondered if Tiffany felt the same way too.

“Oh my god, Taeyeon. Are you—”

Taeyeon sniffed. It was all she could do.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you go.” Taeyeon declared then squeezed Tiffany’s hand that was still in her grasp, “I just can’t.”

And there was so much that she still needs to tell Tiffany. She also knows that the woman was still confused and possibly frightened. But, god, she just knows she’d break the moment she lets go of her hand.

“So, please,” Taeyeon begged, where her voice broke and she can’t breathe anymore because of the snot now blocking her nose. And Tiffany can’t possibly understand but—

“Okay. Don’t apologize. I’ll stay.” Tiffany whispered with her voice still so soft that it made Taeyeon wonder if she deserves such a thing.

Taeyeon burst into tears once more.

Even if she doesn’t know what will happen next, even if she knows this woman named Tiffany will be the cause of her undoing, and even if friendship is all she gets, she was happy at finally finding the peace that had been avoiding her for decades.

‘If I manage to find peace, even if temporary, then maybe, just maybe, I can be loved too. It doesn’t have to be the romantic kind. I just want to be where she is.’

It was silent from where they are. Tiffany doesn’t really know where they are though, nor does she actually care. All she cares about is them and here.

The room was spacious with numerous bookshelves jampacked with books. Some books have pages that have turned yellow while others look relatively new. The place could pass off as a mini-library but lounge chairs were there instead of the usual ones while tables of any kind were nowhere in sight. The temperature was just right and the air conditioning was also perfect.

Tiffany felt at peace.

Then, she looked back at the woman sitting on the lounge chair situated right beside the one she’s sitting on with their hands still in the other’s grasp.

Tiffany felt the peace evaporate. Because she’s not sure if Taeyeon felt at peace as well.

Taeyeon was just sitting there with her eyes closed. She would have looked to have fallen asleep if it weren’t for the occasional squeeze she’d give to Tiffany’s hand.

Tiffany liked to interpret those squeezes as Taeyeon’s way of asking for her patience, which was odd because she had already promised that she’d stay. And she would have stayed quiet, letting Taeyeon think, but worry kept on nagging at her.

“Taeyeon, the aircon is on and your clothes are still wet. You’re going to get sick. Your friend is going to get mad at you.”

Taeyeon simply opened her eyes to stare at her. Taeyeon’s gaze was unreadable but thoughtful; thoughtful in the ‘I’m thinking of hundreds of thoughts per second’ way. Tiffany ended up doing the same.

Tiffany’s thoughts started out like this: The weird thing about her worry is the intensity of it. It didn’t feel like the kind of worry she’d give to strangers, even though Taeyeon is one. It’s not the same as the one she had given her friends before either, no. This worry was deeper, taking a large portion of her thinking process in a way where if someone had asked for her name, she wouldn’t be able to give it.

And she would have felt concerned on what’s happening to herself, probably be terrified too, but somehow, for some reason, it just felt right.

Starting from Taeyeon’s first ‘Hi.’ to Tiffany’s last ‘Your friend is going to get mad at you.’, all of it felt right. As if they were two old souls who had known the other in another life and was now meeting here again, except, this time, they were cut and bruised during their journey.

Then, here they are.

“Will you stop worrying if I change my clothes?” Taeyeon asked in a whisper, looking small and timid in front of her, and it was so sudden that her brain really blanched out where she couldn’t even remember what Taeyeon had just asked.

Fortunately, Taeyeon seemed to notice this and asked again, still whispering.

“Please take a shower too,” Tiffany replied this time, happy that her mind was working again.

Tiffany’s reply made Taeyeon smile, the two ends of her lips curling upwards, and it made Tiffany giddy that she had done so. Like a schoolboy finally giving his teacher the lollipop he had been saving under his pillow.

But Taeyeon lost her smile as quick as it had formed. Tiffany suddenly wants to fight the world and scold it for hurting someone as precious as Taeyeon. More so when fear filled those still stormy gray eyes.

“Will you be here when I get back?”

Tiffany felt her heart breaking in two because Taeyeon had looked so scared and so tiny when she had asked.

‘How could anyone and anything bring themselves to hurt you?’

Instead of outright saying her thoughts though, Tiffany settled for squeezing Taeyeon’s hand. Only then did she notice that Taeyeon has the coldest hand she had ever touched as if the woman was truly devoid of warmth.

‘Thunder and lightning in those eyes and Winter in her touch.’

“I will be. I’m not going anywhere.” Tiffany answered, as soft as Taeyeon’s whispered questions. At the same time, she engraved her previous thought to her heart because she will never forget. And her answer is a promise even if she hadn’t outrightly said so because questions like those deserve promises.

Taeyeon squeezed back then said nothing else. Slowly, almost agonizingly, she freed Tiffany’s hand from her grasp and waited for Tiffany to do the same.

Then, when they were finally separated, Taeyeon felt like crying again because the distance, this scant distance separating them, hurt like a heartache of a first love she never had, and she feels cold again. She needs Tiffany’s warmth. The only reason why she didn’t fall apart for the third time was the gravity she found in Tiffany’s eyes when they gazed at one another. It held her together.

‘Also, Tiffany promised,’ Taeyeon thought which made her smile that inadvertently made Tiffany smile as well.

Feeling whole and secured, Taeyeon left this artificially-made haven of hers and went to her room that she previously called home; previously because now, she thinks, she feels a whole lot safer whenever she’s within Tiffany’s reach.

And the thought froze her as she stood alone in the elevator. Realization rained down on her the same way sunshine bathes flowers in its warm, golden rays.

Everything, every move, and every spoken word, now made sense.

There was so much that it took her a full minute to absorb all of it, then another seven seconds to notice that the elevator doors have opened. But when she is all caught up, her steps were lighter and she was finally okay in feeling a little bit cold if it means Tiffany would be there to warm her right up.

Everything doesn’t feel right in the world but it will be once she returns to Tiffany’s side.

The thought made the wait all the more worthwhile.

Her door closed with a soft thud.

Taeyeon had just fallen in love at first sight with Tiffany.

And two floors below, Tiffany was humming a tune because she too had just realized that she had fallen in love at first sight with Taeyeon as well.

Suddenly, being in pain doesn’t seem so bad anymore.