The days directly after that turned into a messy blur. I stopped eating, and lost half my body weight. Nothing in the world could make up for the loss of the only person you would ever love. 

I didn't move. 

I just sat, and stared at the wall, giving up on all hope that my old life could ever come back, so a part of Changsun as I was. 

The day I decided to go for a walk, to feel anything at all, I collapsed before the front door. I remember reaching up to my face, and feeling my sharp cheekbones almost cutting through my skin, my eyes hiding in loose skin. 

I thought it was better to stop breathing. 

But, it seemed, fate had other intentions. The door had been open, and the weight of a knock on the door was enough to push it open. Cold rain splattered on my thinning lips and wide eyes stared down at me. 

Sanghyun. 

From the moment he found me there, he vowed to stay with me and nurse me back to health. He had been Joon's right hand wingman and was intent on looking after that which Joon had so loved and cherished. He had scooped me up from the floor and taken me to bed, dumping the bags he had intended to take with him to a hotel and running down the street to buy ingredients for food. 

He fed me thin bread to start with, then small strips of salty meat as I got better. One time, he spent the whole afternoon cooking chicken soup. Once I was well enough, he took me for a walk down my road, stopping only to lace his fingers with mine. The familiarity of the situation was finally too much and I collapsed for the thousandth time in his presence. 

I could never love anyone else as I had loved him. My heart would always belong to the man I had given myself to. And that made me so incredibly sad. 

"Tell me about him." I croaked as I sat up in bed. Sanghyun started at the sound of my voice which was scarcely heard. 

"He was a good man. He...Uh, well he loved you more then anything."

"How did you know?"

"Well he had this picture of you, stuck in the dash so he could look at it any time he was feeling down."

I felt tears bite at my eyes at the thought of a little Polaroid square flapping in his line of sight all the time. 

"One time, they made us stop at the base before this one to drink with the townspeople...Changsun was so cut up about not being able to return to you when he said he would, and then these...these girls were all over him. And he said;

"'Yes I am taken. And quite frankly I'd rather spend the night with the love of my life rather then a bunch of village bicycles.'"

I laughed haltingly, imagining the way he'd grip his beer glass and say his words in his lilting tongue and adorable lingo. 

"Hey, Cheolyong?"

"Yes Sanghyun?"

"He left me a couple of things, just before that last mission, to give you. So if you want them now..."

"Yes please." I whispered meekly. 

He trod out to the guest room where he was staying and returned to hand me a shoebox. I opened the lid and my eyes filled with tears, flowing endlessly down my cheeks. I picked up the letter on top and began to read. 

To my dearest Mir,

As I said to you, I'd never have imagined in my wildest dreams that I would find you, the love of my life, in greasy overalls under the wing of the Darkchild. I never imagined that I would end up stealing your first kiss and coming to love you more completely then i have ever loved anything. 

You're so beautiful to me, I always get butterflies when I see you, for sure! I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But the reason I'm writing this is because I know I won't be able to. I have a feeling this is my time to go, love.

I love you so much and will fight to the very end to get back to you, but I think God has other plans. Just know that whatever happens, I'll see you again, somehow. 

Changsun.

I sobbed loudly as I put his letter down and looked among the other things he left me. His compass, a map that had his place of birth marked out on it, the red scarf he wore on the day we made love for the first time. There were so many memories and my heart was heavy from them. 

"How will you come back, yeobo?" I whispered. <