luhan closed his eyes for the millionth time, trying over and over again to fall asleep. every time he attempted to relax, his muscles seemed to tense and he would hear sehun’s words in his head.
“ don’t hate yourself. “ 
funny how a stranger, someone luhan had honestly never talked to before, seemed to care about him far more than his parents ever had.
“ you’re weak, luhan. “
“ you have no right to be sad about your grandmother luhan, quit your sulking and become a good kid again. “
the words from his mother and father stung in the form of tears b his eyes. it was so hard for luhan to stop thinking about them. he missed them… right? but i don’t. he thought. and really, that was the truth. he was definitely happier with the byun family.
still... it was painful to think of them. it wasn’t because he missed them, luhan realized, but more because they should have been better parent figures, yet they weren’t. it was hard for luhan to think of them because it just made him think of everything wrong with himself, and how maybe he could have improved those things if he had just had good parents.
but really, did he deserve a caring family, if he wasn’t being a caring family member to his grandfather? was it fair for him to complain while just a few weeks ago he had been turning his back on the only person left for him to love?
and that was what brought him back. every time, going through this cycle in his mind, it would end here and start again.
“ don’t hate yourself. “
why was sehun so kind to him, even though luhan had been asking constant questions and had probably been an annoyance? why wasn’t he being rude? why was it?
“ why? “ luhan whispered into the darkness.

𝄗𝄗𝄗𝄗𝄗

the second day at school was much different from the first.
“ hyung, you look really dead inside. what happened to yesterday’s good attitude? “ baekhyun asked as he sat beside luhan in the courtyard, beginning to eat his lunch.
“ i hardly got any sleep last night. “ luhan mumbled.
“ well what were you doing instead? “ baekhyun quickly laughed after the question, for it was a bit silly.
“ trying to sleep. thinking. contemplating life. “ luhan sighed, eyes falling closed as he began to tilt a little.
“ well, i’d watch out. i think all that trying is finally paying off. “ baekhyun giggled, steading luhan by his shoulders. luhan tried to laugh along, but all that came out was a one syllable cough.
“ whoa there, night owl. you sure you’re ok? “ baekhyun said, still giggling a bit, finding the whole situation to be quite amusing.
“ if you’re laughing at me, “ luhan spoke sleepily, “ then i must be fine. “
“ ooookay! “ baekhyun patted the elder’s shoulder and stood. “ well, i’m back off to class. think you can make it? you know, without passing out on your way? “
“ you can go whenever, baekhyun. “ luhan smiled half heartedly.

𝄗𝄗𝄗𝄗𝄗

as luhan sat in the courtyard waiting for the arrival of his somewhat younger brother, he couldn’t help but let his eyes close.
fields. flowers. paper airplanes. soft music. running. feeling good.
all of that ended when luhan’s eyes jolted open to the buzzing alert of a phone call in his pocket. luhan picked up his phone. baekhyun. 
“ uh, hi, it’s luhan. “
“ YES, I KNOW!! I’VE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU FOR TWENTY MINUTES!! “ baekhyun yelled through the line.
“ uhh, nope. i just got out into the courtyard a few seconds ago. “ luhan chuckled into his phone.
“ dude, you probably fell asleep or something. anyways, i’m with my boyfriend again, you seemed to be okay yesterday, right? “
“ baek, i just want to sleep right now. “ luhan groaned.
“ i’m sorryyyy! you can sleep when we get home, okay? i won’t be too long, i promise. bye! “ baekhyun hung up, causing another short buzz to sound from luhan’s phone.
“ bye… “ luhan muttered quietly, shoving his phone into his school bag and standing. he made his way to the rock wall, where he carefully climbed over. he could clearly see sehun by the river again, so he decided to go say hi.
on his first step towards the bottom of the hill, he tripped, yelping as he began to roll down the hill.
“ sleep… “ he panted as he planted his hand onto the ground to stop the fall. as he saw sehun begin to look back, he sprung to his feet and brushed the grass off his shoulder.
“ oh, hey! are you okay? “ sehun chuckled. “ your hair's a mess. “
“ yeah, uh, gym class. “ luhan smiled. he walked the rest of the way to the wall, and then sat beside sehun, doing his best not to fall and embarrass himself. “ hey, you aren’t writing today. “
“ i had a stomach ache earlier today. i wrote while i was in the nurse’s office. “ sehun explained.
“ but you still came down here? “
“ sure. it’s not only here to write at, you know. “ sehun laughed. then, without a response, sehun felt luhan lean his head on his shoulder. “ luhan? “
“ huh? “ the older boy shook himself a bit. “ sorry, i didn’t get much sleep last night… ”
“ wanna walk with me? “ sehun asked. luhan raised an eyebrow. “ ha. just come with me. ”
so luhan followed sehun off the rock wall. the two walked beside one another, until luhan began to slow down and fell behind. but then he felt sehun’s hand wrap around his own and pull him forward.
luhan noticed that sehun was wearing earbuds.
“ what’re you listening to? “ luhan asked, not really thinking about it. with a smile, sehun pulled one side of the earbuds out of his ear and held it out for luhan. the other returned the smile as he took the earpiece and began to listen.
the sound in his ears was easily recognizable, it was ‘ the sun after washed by spring rain ‘ by lee hom wang. luhan couldn’t help but smile even wider as he listened to the familiar song.
“ you like chinese music? “ he asked sehun curiously.
“ i’m trying to learn the language. the music helps me with pronunciation. “ sehun replied. “ it’s still hard though. “
“ i could teach you, you know! “ luhan said, all of a sudden feeling much more awake.
“ really? would you be willing? “ sehun asked, enthusiasm in his voice. luhan nodded. “ wow. thank you, really. it means a lot to me! “
“ yeah, let’s meet tomorrow afternoon. do you have any suggestions as to where? “ luhan questioned, because he really didn’t know any places around town yet.
“ we could go to bubble trouble! it’s a bubble tea shop downtown. “ sehun suggested.
“ sounds nice. i’ll be there. 2:45? “ luhan said. sehun nodded.
“ that’s good with me! “ sehun smiled. “ hey, i should probably get home. thank you. so much.”
luhan nodded, smiling as the younger boy walked off. and just like the previous day, one ended up waving, yet the other couldn’t see it.

~~~~~~~~

hey guys!! so, what did you think of the second chapter? btw, in trying to figure out if i should make this long, or just give it like 5 chapters. idk! what do you guys think? have a nice day! i wrote this chapter on my phone so sorry for any mistakes~