Chapter 1: "Shush it, ya fetus lookin' gremlin."

Baekhyun comes home tired and drained. He went Halloween costume shopping a while ago with Oh Sehun, his secretly gay jock best friend, and boy could literally make him shop ‘till he drops. They practically went to 10 stores before Sehun’s shopping addiction was sated and even then, he was still going a mile a minute for more Halloween decoration shopping.

Baekhyun wasn’t complaining though, Oh I’m-richer-than-all-your-Sugar-Daddies-combined Sehun bought him a lot of cute stuff and his inner sugar baby was definitely satisfied.

He picks his phone up, checking his social media accounts, because nobody was tired enough for internet, at least not Baekhyun.

And oh boy he wishes he hadn’t. He didn’t know how or why but every down scroll he does he sees Park ing Chanyeol being handsy with a girl or hanging out with their mutual friends. He blocked Park Chanyeol for a reason, goddammit.

He spots a photo of his cousin taking a selfie with the overgrown elf while hugging him. Since when have they been friends?

Furiously he clicks on the ‘view comments’ option because he’s a masochist like that. And again, he wishes he hadn’t.

Kim Minseok says: @Park Chanyeol bruh she looks like Baekhyun lmao

Park Chanyeol says: @Kim Minseok dude don’t insult her like that LOL she’s prettier

That was the last straw and Baekhyun promptly throws his phone to the edge of the bed only to leapt after it a second later. No way is he breaking his phone for Park Chanyeol. He’ll just have to disown his cousin then. Sorry, Taeyeon.

He sighs. He’s had this ongoing feud with Chanyeol since time immemorable. He remembers in 7^th grade how Chanyeol would always stare at him. He just stared. Never was there a “Hi I’m Park Chanyeol, you?” or anything normal.  Just his wide deer caught in the headlights eyes unsubtly watching his every move. It was so disconcerting but Baekhyun learned to live with it. Then in the middle of 7^th grade, Chanyeol tried out for the football team, he did better than expected for someone so lanky and was immediately accepted to the football team’s clique. Ever since then he’s been picking on Baekhyun for every and any reason. He was always the first one to point out something about him and laugh at it. Then later in their highschool careers Baekhyun came out as gay. It wasn’t much of a shock to everybody but Chanyeol acted like his very existence and uality was a personal offence and really, ever since then he’s been calling him a and all sorts of names and insults.

He wants to rip his beautiful hair out for god’s sake.

Frustrated. He was needlessly frustrated over a guy who hates him.

Wait, frustrated?

Just the other day he went to this antique shop with Jongdae dragging him in for some cheap Halloween shopping.  It really was mostly for the s and giggles, but he found a necklace and bought it. It was cute, like something you’d find in My Little Pony, and Baekhyun was curious and he happened to like My Little Pony dammit. When he bought it though, Mr. Ahn, the store’s owner and all-around worker, made it sound to be some mysterious supernatural miracle worker and not just some 8-year old’s Barbie necklace.

“Ahh… what an interesting purchase!” Mr Ahn’s had said with his usual beaming face and croaky voice. “When you feel frustrated make sure you rub the stone boy and wait for the magic to come out!”

Baekhyun didn’t know what to say to that so he just handed him the 2 dollars it costs and left with a cackling Jongdae in tow.

Baekhyun doesn’t know what he’s doing when he goes to his drawer and rummages for the box it was in. He takes it out and seats himself on his carpeted floor.

He opens the box and there it was, stone still shiny as ever with its swirls of pastel pinks, blues, and purples in the middle, like some sort of colourful marshmallow. He turns it over to see the unicorn engraving still there, it was mostly to humour him though, and not make the whole thing as serious as the shop owner made it to be. He lifts it up and holds it by the chain. With a deep breath he closes his eyes and rubs the stone. No one’s here to make fun of him, right? So why not just do it?

He rubs it. He can feel something happening. He keeps rubbing, he definitely feels it.

Actually, no.

He feels jack nothing but the strong urge to go to the toilet.

Damn it, was he that desperate to resort to some colourful rock for help? Yes, yes, he was.

“Ugh stupid thing!” He throws it away and it hits the wall hard.

He goes after it though, to check for cracks because it was already ugly enough as it is, who would buy it cracked?

He rubs on the surface as if it would rub the imaginary cracks away. But the thing levitates in the air, vibrating as if about to combust.

“What the ?!” Baekhyun was rooted to the spot, eyes wide and alarm bells ringing in his head.

The necklace stops and Baekhyun almost releases his breath but suddenly there’s a small explosion of what seems like pastel coloured dust powder and Baekhyun is rendered visionless and coughing for a few moments until it subsides enough for him to take a peek.

Oh boy he wishes he never took a peek. Because there in the middle of the room, right in front of him floats what looks like a 4-inch tall middle-aged man in a ing tutu.

He screams.

But before he can throw something at it he gets a whack to the head with the necklace. By the middle-aged fairy nonetheless.

“Quit screechin’, ya ain’t a banshee, kid, so, fix ya face.” It says with its gruff, gravelly voice. “And ya were supposed to rub it when yer frustrated, not throw it!”

“What the ing hell are you?” Baekhyun replies in a shrill voice.

“I, darlin’, am mother fairy, Hodong, that you—Byun Baekhyun—” he pokes Baekhyun’s nose with his wand making the former go cross-eyed, “oh so graciously summoned.”

Baekhyun’s eyes flick back and forth the ‘fairy’ with the pink tutu and the obnoxious necklace. Somehow all the times he’s been called a fairy isn’t so flattering anymore.

“This can’t be happening. Mr. Ahn is a 60-year old wackjob of a and you’re nothing but some hallucination from the fumes I probably inhaled in his wackass shop.”

“Hey, hey, kid. Don’t ya go insulting ya savior like tha.”

“And hey! No touchy-touchy!” Baekhyun flinched back as he was trying to touch the fairy’s dainty transparent wings.

Baekhyun takes a deep breath. Closing his eyes and letting it all sink in without panicking.

“So… um okay… you’re real.” Baekhyun fidgets unsurely, “So why are you here? Like you can’t just come out for nothing, right? You’re not gonna go eating my soul, will you?”

The fairy laughs a hysterical laugh straight out of his bulging belly.

“Ah yer funny kid!” He wipes off a tear from his eye, “Nah, I ain’t eatin’ ya soul! I’m here to grant ya a wish!”

“A wish?” He tilts his head sceptically.

“Yes, darlin’, a wish.”

Baekhyun’s mind goes 300 miles per second. A wish? So, I could get rich, yeah? Get a new face? Rule the world? Kick Park Chanyeol’s ?!

“BUT,” Baekhyun is abruptly brought back from his reverie, “there are rules and limitations.”

“First of all. I can’t change the past nor grant wishes that could change the whole world.”

“Second, I can’t bring anybody physical harm, I can’t bring anybody back from the dead, I can’t change anybody’s feelin’s, I can’t make ya rich instantly.” Baekhyun pouts. “Oh, but I can make ya rich but it’s a lotta work, baby boy.” Baekhyun almost doesn’t pout.

“So, what can you do?”

“Well honey, I could give ya gifts to help ya with ya wishes. If ya wanna be prettier I could hand ya my world’s miracle waters. Or if ya wanna find love I could give ya a dimension traveller so ya could find it yaself.”

Baekhyun’s face scrunches at this because wow that’s a lot of work. He didn’t think he’d be doing any work for free miracles to be completely honest. But at least he’s getting something out of this, right?

“So, I could grant ya two wishes, kid, what will it be?”

“You promise you won’t be eating my soul? Or take anything in exchange?”

“I promise, kid, ‘s not like ya have a tasty lookin’ soul anyway.”

Baekhyun gives him his best glare but quickly goes thoughtful.

He’s pretty satisfied with his life actually, he loves his face and body as narcissistic as that sounds, he has enough friends, they’re well off enough that he doesn’t have to work and worry about future college fees, he can’t wish for world peace even if he wanted to either. Well, there is something...

“Um… For my first wish I…” He remembers Chanyeol and how he makes everyday such a handful for Baekhyun, taunting him and humiliating him, and he makes a decision. “I… want to know my enemy’s biggest, most humiliating secret.”

“Ya what now, kid?” Ya want to know Park Chanyeol’s secret?!”

Baekhyun nods and doesn’t ask how he knows his name but he guesses it’s just some omnipotent other-being thing he can’t relate with.

“And uh…” Baekhyun’s cheeks tint red, but he says it anyway, “I wanna find love and happiness.”

Hodong sits on a levitating pink fuzzy throne for a moment while deeply contemplating (Baekhyun doesn’t know when he conjured that up but he’s definitely judging the fairy man’s taste).

“Will you let that happen?” He asks hopefully.

“Hmmm… Lemme think for a while darlin’ and see what I can do.”

He snaps his fingers and a small bag appears. He rummages inside occasionally taking a weird accessory, each one too big for the bag, out of it. He finally decides on a pink chalk just around his size, examines it and nods to himself.

“Here, baby boy.” He hands Baekhyun the chalk with ease despite it being more than half his size while beaming. “No refunds, no exchanges, no warranties, and free of charge.”

Baekhyun examines it with blatant doubt written on his face.

“What ya do, is ya go inside ya closet.” He says seriously.

“Go and make a box or whatever shape ‘s long as you could fit through it, touch the portal, and voila! Yer in another man’s closet! A gay man’s closet at that!”

“Oh, and make sure to draw the same portal shape if ya want to get back to yer own closet!”

Wait. What?

Hodong was positively beaming though, and he’s pretty sure he’s heard right.

“Um, excuse me?” He was dumbstruck but asks for extra measure anyway.

“I said ya can use that to transport into any closeted gay man’s closet! Jeez, learn to clean yer ears kid.”

 “I know what I heard but why?! How’s this gonna grant my wishes?”

“And how come I only get one thing when I had two wishes?” He squints at Hodong accusingly.

Hodong shrugs and just scans his nails.  “Well ya can’t have everything and ya can’t be picky when yer fairy godmother here is giving ya free gifts.”

Baekhyun almost wants to spray him with bug spray.

He huffs and looks at his chalk again but concedes anyway.

“Okay so let’s say it does do what you say it does, but… won’t it be an invasion of privacy?”

“Well ya were pretty keen in knowin’ Park Chanyeol’s most humiliatin’ secret just 5 minutes ago so as children say nowadays ‘spare me with that bull’.”

Hodong isn’t wrong. But it’s Park Chanyeol! He deserves it!

“I didn’t give it to ya for nothin’ kid, trust me it’ll help.” He reassures. “Now let’s give it a test run. Off we go to yer closet!”

The fat little fairy is surprisingly strong and pushes him towards his small closet with ease.

“On yer first trip I’mma accompany ya like the true fairy godmother tha I am.”

“Oh, jeez very reassuring.”

“Shush it, ya fetus lookin’ gremlin.”

“Hey!”

Once both are cramped inside the small closet he illuminates his wand and starts instructing.

“First ya draw a portal in thin air.”

Baekhyun does as he’s told and draws a huge flower in the middle of nothing. Surprisingly it cuts through their wall of existence, and it becomes tangible. Right then and there where he drew on is a flower shaped portal. He lets out a gasp of awe.

Peeking in he sees almost pitch black. Hodong urges him to touch the other side. He reaches out with his hand and with the slightest touch he gets vacuumed in. He lands on the other side with an oomph.

He’s sardined in a tight space in between fabrics that smell strongly of old people and he can’t help but let the nerves and curiosity get the better of him.

“Where the hell are we?!” he whisper-shouts.

“Judas, Juda-a-as!” he hears someone sing, or screech, whichever, over Lady Gaga’s song ‘Judas’ playing loudly in the background.

Wait he knows that voice.

“Oh my god, that’s Mr. Nam!” He looks over to the small sliver of opening to confirm his suspicion and surely enough there Mr. Nam is dancing half to Lady Gaga, complete with vogue steps and all.

Mr. Nam was his history teacher at school who's always been a die hard Catholic devotee, perpetually wearing a fanny pack and looking like a damn rosary stall with how many crosses he chose to wear all over his body as if it made him holier than thou (with the attitude to match).  So, to see him jamming to Judas out of all songs was simply the most polarizing and preposterous thing ever.

That explains why he’s made him bend over to grab a pen on the floor on more than one occasion. Just the mere thought of his 40-year-old teacher ing on him sent chills to his spine. He almost feels bad for the guy’s wife.

He hears Hodong chuckle and remembers where he is.

“Can we leave now?! I need to put holy water on my eyes, holy .”

“Just draw the portal, sweetie!”

He clumsily creates another flower drawing and zoom they go. Baekhyun doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to being in like this with physics defying momentum.

They’re back to Baekhyun’s closet in an instant and he falls forward out of the closet doors and makes a glorious face crash to his carpet floor.  

He groans as he sits up and squints his eyes as his stupid fluorescent lights invade his sight.

“Holy . I can’t believe what I just saw.” Baekhyun almost doesn’t want to use the chalk ever again. He’s had enough mental scarring to last half a life time.

“No refunds though!” Baekhyun rolls his eyes.

“I know fairy god mother.”

“I still don’t get how this is related to my two wishes though?” he inquires.

“Ah, you’ll find out sooner or later!” He starts twirling in the air leaving stupid little fairy dust all around. “Tell you what, tomorrow use it again. But this time focus on something or someone you want.” He says with a wink.

And with a poof of pastel dust he’s gone. Just like that.

Baekhyun is left mouth gaping with more questions than answers and a room full of stupid pastel dust just because a middle-aged fairy has an affinity for dramatic exits. Baekhyun lets out drawn out groan and would be ripping his hair out then and there if he doesn’t love himself as much as he does.

Needless to say, he doesn’t get that much sleep that night.