UNSPOKEN PROMISE 

word count: 1440 words | pairing: daejae | see author's note

The sausage lips that i like.

His cheekbones rose at the memory of the live broadcast they did earlier, a shy toothy grin breaking across his face. His fingers hovered above his own lips for a second or two longer than he originally would as he got lost in his own thoughts, and it was exactly moments like these that made Youngjae fall for Daehyun harder. He only made the comment about not liking his own lips as a passing remark, but he never expected Daehyun to remember it and encourage him the way he did, on a live broadcast, no less.

Youngjae got up from the lone bed in his room— which he started using alone since Daehyun moved out and Jongup began choreographing—  and with a few light pats on his chest in an attempt to calm his racing heart down, he headed out to where Junhong was sprawled across the couch. A few soft nudges with his feet against Junhong's was enough for him to scoot over and make space, and one look at Youngjae and Junhong could already guess that the elder had been thinking about his long-time crush again. 

Since the hiatus, Junhong had had his fair share of dating— two to be exact, although they both were short lived as both his partner found their career as an idol to be of higher importance. As if approving of his experience, Youngjae had approached him from time to time to consult about his crush, although the identity was never revealed; although it was plainly obvious to most. To Junhong, it seemed sceptical that Daehyun would ever accept Youngjae's feelings, at least not as they were still promoting as B.A.P because the team and fans were very obviously of Daehyun's top most priority.

They had all suffered, that was true, but to see someone as good natured as Daehyun feeling down to the pits and depressed honestly served as a shock to Junhong. He remembered travelling up to Busan with Yongguk to visit when any attempt at contacting Daehyun failed while the lawsuit was ongoing, and seeing him slouched over at the convenience store around the corner of his house with bottles of alcohol surrounding him and his hometown friend. It was the first time he saw Daehyun drinking Soju, something he used to avoid in order to protect his throat.

He remembered how Yongguk had to drag his 185cm self away from where they sat and made him promise that it would stay as a secret between the two of them. He noticed the change in Daehyun's demeanor as he slowly built himself up with the help of his other hometown friends, idol or not, just so that he need not worry s who he knew were having a hard time too. Junhong really desperately wanted to stop Youngjae from confessing, he really did not wish to see a wary Daehyun again. 

——

The sound of the front door opening signalled Junhong to leave the couch and head for the room that he would be temporarily sharing with Jongup after a quick greeting to Daehyun who had came to stay the night. Happily, Daehyun made his way to the couch where Youngjae sat and without much hesitance, he sat snugly next to his best friend who had greeted him in a jovial mood. 

As fast as his thumping heart, Youngjae's mind was also racing through all places as he tried stringing his words together as best as he could without sounding stupid. His attention was however placed upon the sleeveless top that Daehyun had donned that showcased his honey brown skin, alongside the biceps that he had worked so hard to built. Like feathers tickling the insides of his gut, Youngjae could not help but return the grin that Daehyun gave him when he caught him looking. It is now or never.

 "You know," he placed his fingers lightly upon Daehyun's wrist to get his attention, but when he looked at him, Youngjae could not continue his sentence. Youngjae retracted his hand, but at this point, Daehyun became worried as he took hold of Youngjae's wrist and got him to face him. His eyes were encouraging him to continue his sentence, but now that he was in the middle of it, it was harder than he thought. 

There were so many 'if's. There were too many possibilities and uncertainties that Youngjae even wondered why he would even think about confessing. Like a cotton candy that came into contact with saliva, Youngjae felt his confidence dampen under Daehyun's gaze. "I think– i mean, i like you," he whispered the last bit, half in hopes for Daehyun to hear it and the other half to miss it. It was up to fate, and it didn't look good.

Youngjae felt the hold on his wrist loosen and that was when he knew he screwed up. He should have figured all those times Daehyun acted cuddly and touchy was because of the fans, because that was what the fans wanted and it was their job to give. He should not have gotten ahead of himself and assumed that his feelings might have been recipocrated. He felt like at the loss of contact between their hands and before Daehyun could gather his words, Youngjae apologised and went back to the room; which he forgot that he would be sharing with Daehyun.

——

Daehyun announced his entrance with a knock on the door which Youngjae ignored, mostly because he was way too embarrassed to respond then he was heartbroken. Youngjae heard the door shut behind Daehyun followed by the soft shuffles from his habit of not lifting his foot up when he walks and just like the old times where he was almost caught for staying past his bedtime, he pretended to sleep as Daehyun stared at him by the bed.

"Stop pretending to sleep, Youngjae." His voice was unexpectedly soft and amused, accompanied by a soft surpressed chuckle that left his lips. While Youngjae suffered through an entire hour of overthinking, embarrasment and heartbreak, did Daehyun actually found the whole situation funny? The thought pissed him off slightly as he turned his head to look at the man standing over him. God, why is he looking at me like this?

Even in the situation of a rejection, Youngjae could feel the blood rush into his cheeks as he looked into Daehyun's soft eyes under the streetlights shining through the window. He was ed. How was he ever going to move on from a guy like that? Youngjae pulled himself into a sitting position to face Daehyun fully, although he kept his eyes glued to his fingers playing on his lap. He felt the dip in the soft mattress and the warmth that emitted from his body as Daehyun took a seat next to him, and he could feel the dark brown eyes trained on him. 

"Not now, Youngjae," he loved the way Daehyun said his name at the end of every of his sentence; it just had a calming effect on him. "We can't, not when everyone is waiting to criticise us, to justify that our current situation is our fault." His voice trailed off with uncertainty but Youngjae got it; he understood. He hated how he had no excuse to curse out Daehyun for rejecting him, and he hated how he understood Daehyun. It was just going to make moving on more difficult for him. Daehyun was looking at him but Youngjae still refused to match his eyes, not when his own were filled with tears.

"It's not that i don't like you. There's just too much at stake for us to do anything." Youngjae's eyes widened in shock as he looked at Daehyun. He hadn't noticed before, but he had hurt in his eyes that was enough to sink his heart. "I like you too, i really do but we can't." His voice sounded so painfully strained that Youngjae lost control of his own tears that he was holding back. His hand flew to his mouth to muffle his cries, and in that moment, he felt so vulnerable. 

He felt the weight of Daehyun's arms across his shoulder as the elder of the two pulled him into his embrace, his hand gently patting him on his shoulder while his other hand held his. The warmth of his hug only brought more tears into his eyes as he gave in and rested his head against Daehyun, burrying his face into his chest. It was going to be the first and last time, it was their unspoken promise.

author's note:

You have no idea how much pain i went through looking for a suitable Daejae pic to no avail so suffer with me. My heart is in pain..