True to her words, Moonbyul hadn’t showed up again. Every time Solar left her work, she was half expecting a taller figure to join her, feeling eerily empty when she had to go home alone.

It had been two weeks since their last meeting and part of Solar was still hoping to be surprised by the sight of silver hair while the rest of her brain and heart were working hard to forget everything about that woman.

It was better this way, she tried to tell herself. Just by looking at Wheein, who had considerably cheered up the past week and had quickly bounced back to normal, she knew that she could get over this as well in the same fast manner. Her friend seemed to have all but forgotten about the incident, now often seen in a giddy mood.

Solar wondered if Wheein could teach her how to get over someone she never really dated.

-------

“Hey, Wheein, sorry for showing up unannounced, but I really need your advi…” Solar trailed off, mouth hanging open as she glanced over her friend’s appearance. “Well, aren’t you looking nice this evening. Too nice in fact.”

Blushing, Wheein smoothed out her chic clothes and beckoned Solar to enter her apartment. “Can’t a girl dress up for herself once in a while?”

“Sure, I’m all about self-love,” Solar slowly drawled, her eyes zooming in on the slight make-up smudge on the corner of Wheein’s lips. “But I don’t think this excuse is working for me tonight. Who is it?”

Wheein played with the hem of her short skirt. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Really?” Solar raised an eyebrow and walked past Wheein into her apartment. “Are we really going to play this game?”

“Fine,” Wheein relented with a sigh and closed the door. “I had a visitor.”

“Anyone I know?” Solar asked with mild interest. Usually, she wouldn’t care that much about Wheein’s love life, but the fact that her friend felt like hiding her affair this time made her curious.

“Eh,” Wheein stuttered, nervously combing through her hair with her hands, “not really, no? I mean, I guess you know her, but you don’t really know her.”

“What is that supposed to mea -,” Solar’s mouth fell shut when realization dawned on her. Everything made sense now. How Wheein had quickly gotten over Hwasa. How much happier she seemed to be than before.

It wasn’t because she had gotten over Hwasa.

“Oh. My God. Wheein.”

“Please, I can explain-“

“I can’t believe it!” Solar exclaimed, throwing her hands up over her head, “After all the stuff that she put you through and after everything you said about not being able to handle it, you still went back to her!” Wildly looking around in the living room, Solar hissed, “Where is she? Is she still here? I’m going to kick her !”

“I highly doubt it, but you can try,” a smooth voice answered, and both Solar and Wheein turned to the figure entering the living room from the adjacent bedroom.

“Hwasa!” Wheein called out in frustration, “didn’t I tell you to hide?”

“You know I don’t hide in closets.” Hwasa ran a hand through her luscious hair and pulled at her short black dress. “Never have, never will.”

“You!” Solar pointed an accusing finger at her. “What game are you playing?”

“Hopefully the kind where both of us win at the end of the night,” Hwasa said in a seductive tone, winking at Wheein, who blushed but couldn’t suppress a grin.

“Oh god, both of you stop it!” Solar groaned in frustration, waving with her arms in a cutting motion between them. “Can someone please explain what’s going on? Because last time I checked, you’re still a murderer,” she said, pointing to Hwasa before turning to Wheein. “And you told me you were over her.”

“Over me?” Hwasa said with an arched eyebrow. “Beneath me, yes, on top of me, sure, but she wasn’t over me.”

“I’m going to throw up,” Solar muttered, feeling a headache approaching. “I think I’m just…going to go home and forget everything…”

“Please, I really want to explain,” Wheein tried again, but Solar waved her off.

“I don’t think I want to know,” Solar said tiredly. “I really thought you had some common sense not to date a murderer, and I actually believed you when you faked being hurt about not seeing her again. But to think that you’ve been actually meeting up with her all this time…”

“Oh, come on now, stop being so dramatic,” Hwasa said with a roll of her eyes. “Just let us explain, will you?”

“Please?” Wheein added with a slight pout and round eyes.

Solar rarely managed to resist that look, no matter how angry she felt. “Fine. You have one minute.”

“I only need one sentence,” Hwasa easily said. She calmly looked at Solar. “Moonbyul and I quit.”

Eyes widening, Solar felt her heart skipping a beat but she refused to immediately believe it.

“It’s true,” Wheein quickly followed up, “they’ve been busy wrapping up their former lives, cutting off all ties and now I’m helping them set up a new life as security service.”

“We figured since we knew best how to infiltrate any place and take out a target, we would also know best how to prevent it,” Hwasa said with a shrug. “And we still get to work independently, so it made sense to choose this job.”

Solar’s mouth opened, but no sound came out. Because if what Hwasa and Wheein told her was true, then why didn’t Moonbyul –

She didn’t dare to finish that thought. Moonbyul had never promised her anything. It was her own delusion that had tricked herself into thinking that there was more between them than there actually was.

Moonbyul didn’t quit her life as an assassin solely for her. Solar was too rational to believe that in the short time they knew each other, she would have such a large effect on someone else. If Moonbyul had quit, then she was happy for her, but she wasn’t going to delude herself into thinking that it had been for her.

“That is…great,” Solar slowly said. She was still too overwhelmed by her own emotions to sound genuine, but she did mean it.

“Are you okay?” Wheein asked worriedly.

“Yeah,” Solar breathed, “yeah, I think so. I mean, I guess dating Hwasa is now more or less okay, if you can ignore her past. I’m happy for you.”

“You don’t sound anything like it,” Wheein answered with a frown.

“It’s because she’s salty about Moonbyul not chasing after her the way I did for you,” Hwasa said with a smirk. “Someone’s been missing our greasy idiot.”

Solar suddenly felt too exhausted to respond. So what if she felt slightly weird about not hearing from Moonbyul again after their reason for maintaining distance between them was gone. So what if she was doubting that Moonbyul had ever any real interest in her as a person. Wouldn’t anyone in her position come to the same conclusion?

“I’m going home,” Solar tiredly said, moving to the door.

“Finally,” Hwasa said with a smirk, but quickly cleared when she caught the glare Wheein was throwing her. “I mean, no, don’t go, stay…” she added in a monotone voice.

“You came here wanting to talk about something, didn’t you?” Wheein asked, concerned.

Solar’s eyes darted between Wheein and Hwasa. “No, I just wanted to check up on you but seems like you were doing just fine.”

“Oh, okay,” Wheein replied with a happy nod, “thanks for taking care of me, you’re the best.”

“Of course,” Solar said, her weak smile turning genuine. “Good night.”

“Wait,” Hwasa suddenly spoke up with a sigh. “Before you leave, I just want you to know a few things about Moonbyul. I can see it’s eating you up that she’s not eating you out yet, and you think you’ll feel better if you could just move on but really, you want to move on top of her-“

“Does everything have to be ual with you-“

“Don’t stop me just like you wouldn’t want Moonbyul to stop once you two started-“

“Wheein, stop her,” Solar groaned in exasperation.

“Why, it’s funny,” Wheein giggled, “and true.”

“I’ve been getting off point, but my observations are still on point.” Hwasa cleared , talking over Solar who tried protesting but failed. “Anyway, what I’ve been trying to say is – for the past few weeks, Moonbyul and I have been running around, cutting off ties and wrapping up loose ends, but there are still so many factors we can’t foresee. We probably will never be able to completely leave our old lives behind, there will always be something that will come back to bite us in the . Or maybe just mine as Moonbyul hardly has an worth biting into.”

Solar found it alarming that she had to restrain herself from defending Moonbyul’s body.

“It hasn’t been easy. Still isn’t, we’re still in the middle of the process. Moonbyul’s out of town, visiting old contacts to make sure word gets around that we’re off market. Job-wise and relationship-wise.” Hwasa put an arm around Wheein, pulling her closer with a fond look before she resumed explaining to Solar in a bored tone, “I haven’t seen her in a week. She’ll probably be back by tomorrow though, or so she told me.”

Solar only realized how heavy her shoulders had felt when all the weight seemed to suddenly fall off them. So Moonbyul hadn’t been avoiding her.

“I see,” she tried to calmly say, but a small tremble crept into her voice.

“Perfect, now you can leave,” Hwasa said with a shooing gesture, “Wheein and I have a game to finish.”

Wheein lightly slapped Hwasa on the shoulder, “Don’t be rude, Solar is family.”

“I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want my family to stay around for what I’ve got in mind for us,” Hwasa huskily whispered into Wheein’s ear, who turned bright red.

“Can you at least wait until I’m out the door before you start -…nope, already making out. Fine. I’ll just see myself out,” Solar mumbled to herself, opening the apartment door. “Night, Wheein.”

Unable to talk with glued to Hwasa’s, Wheein just gave her a thumbs-up over her head. 

Solar quickly shut the door behind her and let out a long sigh of relief. Even though everything about tonight’s interactions with Wheein and Hwasa had been torture, she felt lighter now.

--

“Solar. Solar? Solar!”

“Hm?”

“What’s wrong? You’ve been zoning out the whole day.”

Solar rapidly blinked, but her vision didn’t get clearer. A muddy fog had settled over her eyes. “I’m okay. Just exhausted these days.”

“Are you sure?” Her colleague asked in worry. “You are usually the fittest one among us.”

“Now that you mention it…I do think I’m maybe coming down with something,” Solar muttered.

“Go home,” her colleague sternly said, “you can’t work like this.”

Solar didn’t protest a single time when she was dragged out of her office, changed into her casual clothes and put into a cab with directions to her home.

She knew she wasn’t physically ill. It was a small lie to escape work as she couldn’t focus anyway, her mind reeling with only one thought.

Moonbyul should’ve been back now. It had been two days, why hadn’t she contacted her yet, didn’t she know that Solar was half expecting a greasy smile to greet her when she stepped outside the hospital?

So maybe it had all been a grand delusion after all and Hwasa and Wheein thought it would be entertaining to feed that delusion by giving her hope that Moonbyul might have felt something for her, enough to leave her old life behind.

Muttering angrily beneath her breath, Solar entered her apartment and forcefully threw her handbag onto her couch in the living room.

“Ouch!”

And Solar’s body froze. Her eyes widened when she watched a figure slowly sitting up on the couch and moving the handbag off their body. “I know I deserved that, but damn, are you carrying rocks with you or what?” The female voice let out a sharp hiss in pain. “Ah, .”

Solar wanted to scream, wanted to shout at Moonbyul for startling her, for breaking into her apartment, for letting her wait so long without giving any signs of life –

let out a shocked gasp instead once she had fully taken in the sight of the other woman, who stood before her with a sloppily tied bandage around her forehead that was soaked in dark blood. But that injury did nothing to dampen the wide grin on the woman’s roughed up face that had seen better days.

“Hey,” Moonbyul greeted cheerfully and her nose that was dark purple at the bridge scrunched up in a genuine smile.

“Don’t ‘hey’ me,” Solar’s high-pitched voice exclaimed, half-panicked, half-thrilled. She wildly gestured to Moonbyul’s face. “What happened to you? God, you’re still bleeding, you need to go to the hospital!”

“Why, when I have the world’s prettiest doctor right in front of me?” Moonbyul said with twinkling eyes, staring at Solar without blinking.

“Ah – you – I-“ Flustered, Solar clenched her fists in frustration to stop herself from hitting an injured person. “This is no time to be greasy now. You’re injured and you need professional help!”

“And that’s why I came here,” Moonbyul answered, face twitching when pain seemed to sting her every few seconds. “I can’t go to a hospital. It would be like serving myself on a silver platter for the people who are after me.”

“Oh god,” Solar whispered, feeling faint again like the first time she had found out about Moonbyul’s true profession. “What did you get into…”

“I’ll tell you everything, I swear,” Moonbyul mumbled, struggling to stay standing upright. “But I’d really appreciate it if you could do something about the gash on my forehead.”

“Yes, of course, oh god,” Solar stuttered and she wrapped an arm around Moonbyul’s waist to assist her walking back to the couch. “Wait here.”

“Nothing else I can really do, Doc,” Moonbyul grunted as she lied down.

Solar noticed that Moonbyul was lying on her suit jacket so she wouldn’t stain the couch with her blood. “I’ll be right back.” And she hurried to the bathroom to search for her first aid kit.

“And I’ll be right here,” Moonbyul faintly whispered before passing out.

--

“You’re still up.”

Startled, Solar almost spilled her tea when a voice from the couch woke her from her half-asleep trance. She had been sitting on the floor next to the couch for the past few hours, trying to read a book because she knew she wouldn’t have been able to fall asleep in her own bedroom after everything that had happened. When she had returned from the bathroom with her first aid kit, Moonbyul had already passed out, so she had just quietly nursed her wounds and then decided to stay close in case the other woman woke up in pain.

“How are you feeling?” Solar immediately asked as she put her book and tea cup aside, standing up to look over Moonbyul.

Still dazed from the nap, Moonbyul looked up at her with a lopsided smile. “Better now that I can see you clearly.”

“You never stop, do you?” Solar snorted, only subconsciously realizing that her usual reflex to hit Moonbyul whenever she said something cheesy had dwindled down. But maybe it was because Solar wasn’t that cruel to hit an injured person.

“Never,” Moonbyul said with a shake of her head. “Not until you stop being pretty.”

“So is that all that there is to me?” Solar asked, one eyebrow arching up.

Moonbyul stared at her with an unreadable look. “You know I could go on and on about how amazing you are if you let me.”

That wasn’t the answer Solar had expected. Of all the possibilities - maybe a cheesier reply or a passionate reassurance that no, it wasn’t only about her looks - Solar couldn’t have even dreamed about that.

Her cheeks flushed red and she averted her gaze from Moonbyul’s eyes, unable to handle the intensity of them right now.

“You should go back to sleep,” she muttered.

“So do you,” Moonbyul replied, just as quiet. “I’m sorry for making you stay up late. I can leave if I’m bothering you.”

“No,” Solar quickly said, before repeating again in a softer tone, “no, you shouldn’t move right now. And it’s okay, I’ve called in sick for the next few days. I’ve been hoarding too many vacation days anyway.”

A worried frown took over Moonbyul’s features, which Solar couldn’t see as she was still refusing to directly look at her. “I wish you’d take better care of yourself.”

“Says the one with a beaten-up face,” Solar retorted, turning her back to Moonbyul so the other woman couldn’t see her frightened expression. “Are you going to tell me about who did that to you?”

Moonbyul sighed when she was faced with Solar’s back. “I’m sure Hwasa already told you about what I’ve been up to. Been trying to cut off ties here and there, but not everyone liked that decision.”

Solar turned her head to the side so she could see Moonbyul from the corner of her eyes. “Is that violent reaction normal when someone tries to quit that kind of life?”

“Not necessarily,” Moonbyul slowly said in hesitation, lightly scratching at her fresh bandage, “I guess it was more personal in my case.”

Confused, Solar completely turned back around to Moonbyul. “Personal?”

“In that kind of work, having loyal connections and reliable informants is everything.” Moonbyul pinched her nose that was starting to swell around the bridge. “I wasn’t a fan of using fear to ensure loyalty. That was more Hwasa’s thing.”

Solar could almost sense where this was going and she already knew that she wasn’t going to like it.

“So I might have used other methods to gain their sympathy,” Moonbyul muttered, her voice getting lower.

“Let me guess,” Solar drily said, crossing her arms, “you played with their feelings.”

“That’s harsh,” Moonbyul frowned. “I’m not that cruel. I merely made them feel needed and appreciated but I never crossed a line.”

“Wow,” Solar mumbled in disbelief, feeling coldness seeping into her bones, “you really are a jerk. Guess I should have known.” She shook her head. “I’m going to sleep now.”

“Wait, Solar, please,” and Moonbyul sat up with a groan. “It’s not what you think.”

“How do you even know what I’m thinking if I myself can’t be so sure?” Solar asked, incredulous and tired. “You want to know why I can never believe you when you compliment me?” She didn’t mean to get loud, but she couldn’t control her voice from shaking and expanding into a higher pitch. “It comes too easy for you. You say all of those things so lightly, so smoothly without any hesitation, like you’ve been practicing this for years, like you’ve been saying the same things for years, probably to who knows how many other women.”

Solar was getting out of breath with her ranting, but she couldn’t stop, too agitated to keep it in any longer. “I don’t want to be a number among them. And do you want to know why?” Her voice cracked. “Because I can’t stand the idea of being only that to you.”

Eyes widening, Moonbyul helplessly opened and closed without a sound coming out. She stretched a hand after Solar but quickly retrieved it again, knowing that her touch wouldn’t be welcomed right now.

“Solar…”

“Don’t,” Solar whispered, “I know what you’re going to say. And I know you’re going to be so convincing about it that I will fall for it.” That I will fall for you. “But I don’t want that.”

“No, I’m not going to be silent,” Moonbyul suddenly burst out, nostrils flaring in anger. “Have you ever maybe considered the fact that this might be scary for me too?” Her voice rising in volume, Moonbyul fiercely pointed to herself. “You don’t think I’m aware of how you think about me? Because tell you what, it really ing when you actually like someone but they don’t want to believe you.”

Gathering all of her strength, Moonbyul slowly stood up so she could force Solar to look at her. “It damn near kills me every time you reject me, but I can’t show it because this pride of mine won’t allow anyone knowing they can hurt me. That you hurt me. And you do that, a lot, even if you don’t know.”

Lips quivering, Solar looked up at Moonbyul with piercing eyes. “How am I supposed to know when you’re not being honest with me? When you’re avoiding me? You ran away last time. You disappeared for weeks, you could have died and I wouldn’t have known.”

“Don’t turn that against me,” Moonbyul growled in frustration. “You were never honest with your feelings either. I made it clear from the start that I was serious about you and you knew that, but you let me go. So I figured you weren’t ready. And I figured I wasn’t ready to deal with rejection either.”

“Is this what you think I did? Reject you?” Solar hissed. “You didn’t even give me time to react. All you gave me was ambiguous hints and I wasn’t going to make a fool out of myself.”

“No need for that, because you already are a fool,” Moonbyul bit back. “Just a pretty fool.”  

“And you’re a greasy ,” Solar shouted angrily, pushing at Moonbyul’s shoulders to get her to back off.

“So what if I am?” Moonbyul countered, stepping towards Solar again. “At least I know what I want. And I never lied about it. You just never believed me.”

“How can I?” Solar’s voice turned exasperated. “How can I when you are a professional criminal?”

“Was a professional criminal,” Moonbyul heavily emphasized, eyes narrowing. “And who do you think I changed for?”

With that, Moonbyul managed to quiet Solar down in an instant.

“That’s what I thought,” Moonbyul muttered with a sigh. She pointed to her own battered face. “I knew I was going to end up looking like this if I quit. But I did it anyway because I thought it would be worth it, that you would be worth it.” She clenched her jaw. “And even if we’re to become strangers again, I wouldn’t regret it because there was someone in my life who made me want to become a good person. That’s really not an easy feat in this ty world.”

Solar’s mouth was too dry to utter another tone. And she didn’t need to, her facial expression gave her away.

She believed Moonbyul. Maybe always had. But she had been too scared to admit it, too scared to allow herself to openly say it because she didn’t want to end up being hurt.

“Solar, I don’t know how many times I’m going to have to repeat it until you truly believe me,” Moonbyul finally whispered, voice gentle. “But I care about you. I care about what you think. And even if it’s just for a friendship, which I would gratefully take if that’s all you can offer, I knew I had to get rid of my old job to deserve it. So I made the change.”

Solar had known from the start that it would be dangerous to let Moonbyul talk. She had warned herself that she couldn’t risk it to fall for her.

But she threw all caution to the wind when she finally whispered, “You really did all this just for me?”

A small smile appeared on Moonbyul’s face when she realized that Solar’s fire to argue against her had burned out. “No, not just for you. For myself, too.” Her smile widened. “I was getting tired of always looking over my shoulder when I could be looking at you.”

And Solar couldn’t stop herself from snorting in disbelief. Her hands wanted to lightly slap Moonbyul on the shoulder, but instead they remained resting on her. “You really never stop.”

“Only when you’re around me,” Moonbyul breathed with a pleased smile when Solar’s hands didn't leave her. “There’s something about your reaction that is too good to miss out on.” The silver-haired woman leaned into the touch.

“Glad you’re having fun,” Solar muttered, noticing the shortening distance between them. Her eyelids fluttered. “Moonbyul?”

“Hm?” came the distracted answer.

“You’re staring,” Solar pointed out when Moonbyul’s eyes were only focused on her lips.

“Yes, I am,” was the blunt admission.

Solar could feel her cheeks heating up. “Are you going to stop anytime soon?”

“Why don’t you make me?” And a teasing smirk appeared on the other woman’s face.

This was a trap, Solar immediately thought, because no matter her reaction, she would lose. Unless…

“Fine, if that’s how you want to play it.”

And Solar grabbed the collar of Moonbyul’s wrinkled shirt with both hands, roughly pulled her closer and captured a pair of chapped lips into a deep, searing kiss. Her eyes fluttered shut as she lost herself in the sensation.

Moonbyul’s lips were softer than they looked. Solar felt Moonbyul clumsily putting her hands on her waist at first, but as more time passed, the taller woman got bolder and needily pulled Solar closer as if she couldn’t enough of their body contact.

“Solar…”

“Wait,” Solar panted, breathless from the kiss and trying to break away, but Moonbyul started kissing along her jaw line instead, down . A throaty moan escaped Solar, which only spurred the other woman on.

“Moonbyul, stop.”

And Moonbyul immediately detached herself from her like she had been burned. “S-sorry, I wasn’t trying to-“

“I know,” Solar reassured her, flustered herself. It had felt too good to stop, but she was too much of a rational person to keep going without making things clear beforehand. “We need to talk about us first. Because I don’t want this to be a one-time thing.”

“Me neither,” Moonbyul said, her smile almost shy if Solar didn’t know better.

“And I don’t want this to be only physical either.”

“Agreed.”

Solar fixed Moonbyul with a stare. “So, what does it mean for us?”

“I, I don’t know,” Moonbyul shrugged helplessly, “whatever you’re ready for. We don’t have to define ourselves yet. But one thing I know is that I do like you…a lot.”

“Me, too,” Solar admitted quietly, ignoring her wildly pounding heart. “But I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship. I’m more committed to my job right now.”

“It’s okay,” Moonbyul said with a nod, her voice tinged with disappointment. “Why don’t we…why don’t we go on dates first? Like normal people do. We can decide later about what we want once we know more about each other.”

“That,” Solar paused to think, “is a good idea. Let’s do that.”

“Okay.” Moonbyul nodded slowly. “Let’s go slow. No need to jump into things.”

“Yes, exactly.”

“But…we can still make out, right?”

“God, yes, thought you’d never ask,” Solar let out in relief before she pulled Moonbyul in for another kiss.