roses.

"I'm going to look for another job today," Nari told her legal guardian, a widow named Alice. The widow frowned.

"You already have a job."

"One part-time isn't enough, Alice."

Alice stubbornly persisted, "Then what about Jihoon? I cannot care for him for so long when you're not around."

A large part of Alice's lack of understanding was her blindness, because if she could see Nari's face, Nari clearly wanted to take her mind off of something that was bothering her. If Alice could hear better, she could pick up on Nari's pleading tone, her ragged breathing, or even her irregular heartbeat.

But she couldn't.

Nari huffed, "Please—"

"If it is money you're concerned about, you know that I have stored much for your inheritance you may receive now," interrupted Alice. Nari smacked her head.

"That's not it, Alice-nim."

"Then what is it?"

"I—" Nari brought her thumb to , biting her nail. Then she pulled her hair back and surrendered. "Maybe I'll look at jobs next week."

She found herself ending her serious quarrels faster than her trivial ones. But quarreling in general was not common between them.

Both bonded over losing their/having no loved ones. Sometimes they made jokes about it, especially when they shouldn't. Because if the tension of their dark pasts was thicker than it already was, they wouldn't be sane.

A week later, Alice made Nari push her job-hunting back another month.

---

Saturday arrived.

Nari polished the wooden floors of her house, wiped the windows, and played music in the background. Jihoon watched as his teen mother granted herself little rhythmic steps to the beat, swaying her hips and whipping her head. Nari felt loose after a week of stressing over...

No.

He was in her head again. The beautiful stranger at the park. Park man.

She tried her best not to wander her thoughts to him, but the thought of him was like a strong magnet. 

Her hands were buried in her face.

She couldn't ignore it because he actually didn't ignore her. Because he actually cried from seeing her own tears.

Who does that? she wondered, twitching her hands, face scrunched up, dumbfounded.

Jihoon blinked when Nari let her shoulders fall limp, and a disquieted hand ran through her ginger hair. Her fingers felt cold on her scalp, likely from the damp cloth she used to clean some of the furniture of the house. She felt chaotic and filthy.

In vain attempts to distract herself, Nari resumed cleaning relentlessly, to the point where she wanted to drop dead. She overexerted herself, and Jihoon voiced his complaints as if he knew this.

Eventually, she took a small break to make him and Alice dinner.

"You worked hard today," Alice said at the spotless dinner table. "Please go out and treat yourself."

Nari tied her sweaty hair up, washing her hands before sitting down with them. She was very much used to Alice's peculiar strings of sentences, responding, "I'm fine, Alice."

"Then what seems to be the problem?"

It was like she didn't hear her. What, is she deaf too now?

God, my brain is rude.

"I needed to get my mind off of things," she finally replied.

"Is this about not having a second job again? Because I promise you with all I have, it won't help a godforsaken or even a god-ordained soul—"

"It isn't about that, Alice-nim." She leaned over to put the fork in Alice's hand and had a watchful eye at Jihoon at the same time.

"What troubles you, my Nari?" Alice was peculiarly persistent.

Nari heaved and admitted, "It's— aboutamanImetaboutaweekorsoago. Sort of. I think."

Alice did not even take a bite out of her food, her eyes opening. It seemed like she had her eyesight fully present, staring directly at Nari, which of course startled the latter. "My God."

Nari swallowed thickly, "Alice—"

"Who is he? What does he look like? Where did you two meet?" She was tilting forward, her chest almost touching her food when Nari sat her down again. "Will you two meet again?"

Nari was getting a headache, unable to even stammer. "On second thought," the she reconsidered, "maybe I should go out. I need to get something at the flower shop anyway."

Alice scowled deeply. "You ignored all of my questions, Nari," she chided.

"I know. That's because I can't answer any of those questions without disappointing you," confessed Nari.

She swiftly ate the few things she put on her plate, chugged down her water, and stood up. "I'm going to shower now. Just eat with Jihoon, and talk to him about... I don't know. Things."

With that awkward excuse, Nari left her guardian, taking up her plate to the sink and using the bathroom to shower. She turned the water on barely-warm, almost cold, and let the water spill all across the room, draining outside through small slits on the side of a wall. The tiles were cold on her feet, signifying the end of summer into autumn weather.

Autumn was her favorite season. It was also when she would turn nineteen, on the third of November.

She twisted her hair into a towel, put on her undergarments, and realized that her period started. "I hate being a girl," she groaned, shuffling through the sink cabinet for pads.

Though honest to God, she was more afraid of skipping it than anything.

Nari forgot to brush her hair and just swiped on light makeup, because sometimes, she actually cared about her face. She just wanted to feel pretty, and not just a girl with mom-stress and teenage hormones in one body, a deadly mixture for someone as physically and mentally weak as her.

She was planning to enjoy her night.

---

Nari kissed Jihoon and waved Alice goodbye, and took a walk outside. However, that air of confidence she once had deflated entirely, and she wanted to rush back into the house. She felt like such an idiot for actually trying to disregard her protective fears, there to prevent her from anything traumatizing to ever happen to her again. But despite that, she knew that she couldn't prevent bad things from happening if they were to happen.

Her steps were light and flitting, as if she was in a hurry. Nari anxiously glanced back like her life depended on it. Soon enough, though, she was at the flower shop.

Nari's coworker, Kim Seokjin, greeted the usual, "Welcome to Beauti-Floral, how can I assis—" and stopped midway.

"Hi Jin," Nari tried to casually say, but it came out more forced than she'd hoped.

Jin knew Nari as the shy, foreign-looking girl who he happened to work with on Mondays and Fridays. She was a sweet person in general, but her jittery disposition was concerning. Was it the culture? How long had she been in Korea? Did she grow up here?

Nari didn't talk about herself much, if at all.

He blinked several times at her, and Nari twitched a smile. "Are you hungry?" she asked awkwardly. She knew Jin would blink when he was hungry.

"I guess," he replied softly, not even hearing his own voice. Shaking his head, he informed her, "I don't think anyone requested you to fill in for anyone. I'm here, and customers are slow at these hours, so I'll be fine."

"Oh— err, actually," managed Nari, lifting up a random flower's bent stem with her dainty fingers, "I came to buy some... flowers."

Jin's brows rose. "Really? Do you need any help with that?"

Nari had known Jin for almost two years now. She knew he fancied the color pink and was more motherly than she'd ever be. Feminine and self-absorbed at times, admiring his reflection and smelling like flowers— that was who Jin was to her.

One time, Jin visited her house and she took mental notes on how he behaved and interacted with her son (who he still believed was her nephew to this day; Nari just couldn't break it to him of all people). She just had to know what he'd do, with that gentle and tender temperament of his that she envied.

The phone rang, and Jin left Nari's side to answer it.

While he was busy, Nari strolled over to the roses section and picked up a pre-arranged bouquet. The roses were white and a light pink, small but wonderfully fragrant and pleasing. Because she was often at the flower shop, like Jin, Nari would smell like flowers to everyone she met.

The familiar sound of a bell chimed in her ears, and Nari's force of habit nearly made her welcome the customer, when she caught sight of him.

His youthful outlook— his hair, straight and messy and bleached blonde, and his eyes, large and dark and stretched across his face— rendered her speechless. 

His clothes were more nonchalant than their first encounter, with a white ripped sweater and black sweatpants, along with a surgical face mask hanging around his neck and sunglasses perched on top of his head. He looked like a badly-disguised celebrity.

He seemed to recognize her too, as he stared blankly, mouth open, as if in awe.

Nari's heart stopped.

"It's you!"

Taehyung's grin resembled a square, something Nari found very unique about him. Without thinking, she shoved her face in the rose bouquet.

"Hi," she greeted for the sake of not seeming rude, turning around to the counter. She couldn't see the slight wince of his expression when he considered how childishly cute that was.

"Hey," called Taehyung, walking up to her. "Do you remember me? We met at the park with your son, right?"

Nari shot a look of fear to him, and his smile stiffened, wondering if he said something wrong. She turned back to Jin, who was still on the phone, and she exhaled. "I— right," she answered.

"This may be a weird question, but do you recognize me other than that?"

She appeared confused. "Pardon?"

Suddenly, he laughed. She forgot how to breathe, but it looked like she was terrified.

"No, no," he managed to say between laughs. He was having a fit. "My friend likes to say that a lot is all. It's his thing."

"Oh."

Nari seemed to know exactly how to make things graceless and gauche. But Taehyung wouldn't let that discourage him from his next words.

"So you live around Daegu?"

What? What's happening? Nari's brain was pulsing. No, no, no. He's just being normal. I'm overthinking this.

"Sort of," was her cryptic answer. Taehyung gave her a patient smile.

"I 'sort of' do too," he said. She noticed that he, too, wasn't exactly graceful in his movements, which made this unexpected meet unbelievably suffocating.

Taehyung then asked, "Who are the roses for?"

It was strange but comforting that he did not prompt for her name, when she thought about it.

Nari shook her head, "It's not a who. The roses in my room are dying beyond help now, and I need to replace them."

"That's unfortunate." He made a playful pout in condolences. Still awkward.

She turned her back against him, having nothing else to really talk about. She preoccupied herself by inhaling the flowery scent of the shop, sighing shakily.

"So. Hey," Taehyung spoke.

Nari closed her eyes tight, uncomfortable.

"You don't recognize me?" he asked. Unsurely. Her body language was so turned off and guarded that it was getting to him, and he usually was unbelievably blind to those things.

"I still don't know what you mean by that."

Taehyung grinned again. "That's okay," he laughed. "You might recognize me sooner or later, but it's good that you don't know in a way."

"What— you're the one at the park, am I wrong?" she asked, her voice cracking. Surprised, she covered with the back of her hand and blinked repeatedly.

"Yes, that was and still is Kim Taehyung," he confirmed. The mention of his name spoken so instantaneously perked Nari up.

Jin ended the call and diverted his attention back to Nari. "Did you get what you needed, Nari-ah— huh? V?"

V, the model growing in fame and popularity in South Korea, best known for his smile and love for children.

"V," faintly repeated Nari, which was barely heard. Oh my gosh, he's... I'm so. End me!

Taehyung wasn't frantic, but he did appear tense. "I'd like it if you kept that little detail a secret, Jin-hyung."

"V, stop playing around," laughed Jin.

"W-Wait a minute," Nari tried to say, using more of her brain than usual trying to figure out the casual speech between the two men.

"Oh, right. You see, Nari-ah," Jin began to explain, "believe it or not, this model and I are childhood friends. We met at a child modeling agency, but neither of us got in at the time. And he's a secret regular customer on Saturday evenings, mostly to hang out with me."

She gaped. "You were childhood friends?"

"Do you recognize me now?" Taehyung laughed. There was a noticeable edge in his voice that made Nari bite her lip.

She hid her face in the roses. "Yes. You're V. You're the well-known model."

Who loves children.

Nari wanted to smack herself.

Jihoon. V, he was just—

"Wait, you didn't know?" Jin gasped. Nari shook her head and stared at her feet like they sprouted wings and wanted to drag her out of there.

"I'm actually a little happy that she doesn't know," said Taehyung.

Jin gave him a strange look, but said nothing.

"Anyways! Let's catch up with dinner Jin," offered Taehyung, sweeping at his fringe with his long fingers. "I know you're always hungry."

Nari didn't mean to stare, but she was oddly mesmerized with his large hands. His palms were a canvas with smooth lines and creases, his fingers long and a nice kind of bony with round and well-kept nails.

She averted to look at her own small, delicate hands, pale with faint freckles.

Her freckles were the biggest indicator that she didn't belong in a sea of unblemished, porcelain skin.

Jin shrugged at Taehyung, smiling. "I think I can close up shop early today. It's a lazy Saturday today," he said. Then, to Nari's horror, he spun to her. "Nari-ah, would you like to tag along?"

"No thank you," was her fast answer. Realizing her rudeness, she added in sputters, "Oh, well, what I mean is— I have late errands to do. Groceries, things for Jihoon, you know..."

"Is Jihoon your son's name?" asked Taehyung. Nari wanted to cry because Jin was right there.

Jin blinked curiously. "No, Jihoonie's her nephew," he answered for her.

"Really?" There was a furrowed brow. Then he hummed.

Nari was hasty to pay for her flowers, only for it to be free of charge (curtesy of Jin). She let out a sigh, and did not look back when she said her farewells. Flustered and heart racing, she wondered how lucky and unlucky she was to meet the same famous model twice.

Taehyung watched her retreating back until she was out of his sight, biting his tongue.

"Have you two met before?" asked Jin.

Taehyung, slowly pulling himself out of his daze, whirled to Jin and confirmed, "We have!"

When the two stepped out, a single rose was on the floor beside Taehyung's shoe. He picked it up, the scent filling his nose, and his mind wandered to Nari.

Nari got home immediately after, hurriedly stuffing the rose bouquet in the glass vase in her room. Her face was tinted the same color as the pinkest rose of the bunch, which wasn't there.

---

written on 17.05.13.

i just realized

being on afics was such an impulsive decision

so i'm sorry if i don't update bc i'm honestly not sure if i want to stay lmao