I wanted to say no but I couldn’t. We’re in my room. Lexa and Dara are here but we realized there isn’t just enough room for three people in a—slightly bigger—single bed of mine. “We’ll think of something else,” Dara said softly as she helped me sit on the chair. 

“Do you need anything?” she asked in a caring tone. 

“No—Just, get a new clean blanket in my closet. Right there at the top.” I pointed at my closet. Dara followed my instruction and get a new blanket sheet. 

“You need a drink? Are you thirsty? Where’s your meds?” she asked insistently, looking frantic or guilty or—nervous?

Lexa took this opportunity to step away, “Hey— you know what? I’m just gonna go and sleep in my room. Dara is a better carer than me anyway and she doesn’t move when she sleeps. I think it’s better if you stay here, okay?” she moved her eyes at Dara, hinting her to say yes. Dara turned her head at me and then she turned at her best friend, “Okay—“ 

Lexa left five minutes after we talked a bit. Things are awkward now. I just watch her slowly unpacking her stuffs from a small duffel bag she brought from her room. A t-shirt, women’s boxer, toiletries, clean towel, underwear— I quickly looked away when I realized I was starring at her stuffs. 

“I need to—change.” I stammered. 

She turned around, “Do you need help?”

“No. But I need you to leave the room for a minute so I can change—“ I said. 

She left the room after asking me where the bathroom was. She hadn’t had the chance to take a shower. Turns out they were spending the evening at the beach before they found me. Before she found me. What was she doing in my room? How did she know where my room was? Did she ask Lexa beforehand? What for? 

The question bugs me but I needn’t to worsen my headache so I decided to calm my thoughts. I slowly changed my clothes. I sprayed cologne onto my body in case I smell and Dara would notice it. After changing I sit on the bed, deciding which side I should be sleeping on, started to get nervous. 

Again she smells like herself. The scent I’ve come to get used to. I wonder if she’d mind if I stole her perfume and kept it forever just for me to smell it everyday. Once in the morning once at night before I sleep. I scooted over when she climbed onto the bed. Her hair is still slightly wet as if she was in hurry drying the hair didn’t bother about it being damp. I couldn’t really see her face in the dark but I know she looks astonishing. 

Our legs touched when she put her body under the blanket—my blanket—She cleared and just laid on her back, next to me. Our shoulders are against each other—our bare shoulder—skin to skin—

I wonder if the AC is broken or it’s just me getting heated up. I’m definitely flushed. I wanted to put away the blanket but I like how our body parts accidentally rubbed each other under. She’s breathing rather heavily. Had she been drinking? 

“How’d you find me?” I finally break the silence.

I turned my head at her. She’s starring at the ceiling. 

“I was going to apologize and made things right—“ she muttered.

“Made things right?” 

“Uh-huh—“ she turned her head at me too, starring at me. The moonlight beams at her pale skinned face. Her eyes are starry, her lips are as red as a cherry. Her breathe smells like mint—toothpaste mint—

“I’m really sorry.”

“Did you know?” 

“Know—what?” 

I looked away from her. I can’t stand the embarrassment and my face must’ve turned red. I am such a fool. I shouldn’t have said that. Did you know? Know what? Of course she was gonna ask. Did she know that I was daydreaming about her? Know I was waiting to see her every morning? Know that I was upset when she wasn’t there when I was beaten up? Know that I needed to touch her and smell her scent? Know that whatever the it is happening to me has everything to do with her! Did she know—Did you? 

“You don’t have to answer the question.” She caressed my cheek. My face is definitely red. 

I wanted to move away. I suddenly feel so self-conscious. Do I look ugly now or do I not? 

“Was it the same boy from the ice cream truck?” she asked as she touched my wound.

I flinched.

“It doesn’t matter—“ I said, looking away.

“Of course it matters. I want to know who hurt you.” 

“Why would you care?” I asked, realizing I sounded a bit too rough. 

“I mean—we all care.” 

“Why? We’ve just met like five days ago.” 

“Five days is enough time for us to care about you—for me to care enough—“

“Where were you last night?” I listened to my own voice and felt like punching my face. I sounded like a crybaby. 

Her eyes drifted away from me. She sighed. “I—uh—we should’t talk about that.”

“I want to know!” I insisted.

She looked deeply into my eyes. I feel like I can read many things in those eyes. Guilt, fear, sadness and desire. They’re mixed up. She is probably confused too. What does she want? What does she really want? 

“Right. I slept with the guy I was dancing with at the bar. I stayed in his place. I got back to the bar to get the bike only to find there’s no more bike. You guys took it with you in the van. Then I rode the bus. I came home only to hear you’d been beaten up and I wasn’t there. It happened only three minutes away from the bar and I didn’t know. I was already driving off to the guy’s place when the incident occurred. I’m sorry—“ 

Remorse. That’s what I see when I look at her face. 

I slowly placed my palm on her cheek, like she did. We both caressed each other’s cheek. It happened in a second. She leaned over to kiss me before I knew it. Our lips touched, firmly but gently. She was leading me with her lips. Our tongue started dancing, I can taste a little bit of her mint toothpaste, also a hint of alcohol, not that I’m an expert at recognizing alcohol. But I know. 

It feels different from kissing a boy. A boy’s lips are bigger and firmer whilst Dara’s lips are soft and tender. smells much better than boys’. The way her lips greeted my lips is extraordinary, as if they’ve waited so long to meet each other. It was full of eager and passion. She was way too experienced for me. I feel slightly worried if I wasn’t good enough.

She pulled away. Her forehead lied onto mine. She leaned over one more time for a peck.

“Did it hurt?” she asked softly. 

“What?”

She giggled and her eyes pointed at the wound around my mouth. Hurt? I felt nothing but pleasure.

“A little—“ I lied, only to prevent her from finding out how much I enjoyed it. 

“Is this your first time kissing a person of your ?” she asked carefully, twirling my hair with her finger. 

I nodded lightly and waited for her response. 

“I never thought I’d want to— to kiss a girl, let alone a woman. A much experienced woman.” 

The night went peacefully. We held each other all night long. My pain suddenly just went away. It’s still there but I was too busy to care. Too busy. Busy touching Dara, busy starring at her sleeping face, busy thinking of how beautiful this night is, busy repeating the intense kiss we had. 

I woke up in the morning with no one by my side. I shouldn’t have fallen asleep. The minute I woke up she’d already disappeared. I jumped off the bed to stare out the window. I woke up too late. The sun is already at its peak. I took a quick shower and went downstairs in a rush, hoping they’d all be in the patio having lunch. 

Eli, Nik, Louis, Giovanni—Lexa. I stopped at the empty chair next to Lexa’s, where Dara usually sits. They almost finished lunch. The boys are shirtless. They’re wet and sandy. Lexa’s in her swimsuit too, her hair is wet. They all look so tanned. 

Dara is gone again.

“How are you today? Is still painful?” Giovanni asked in his usual caring and soft voice.

“It’s better now after sleeping in.”

“Of course. You slept like a cow—“ Eli joked. I can’t help but smile.

Lexa gave me a nod and a meaningful smile. I’m sure she knows what happened last night between me and Dara. I mean she was the cause of it. She wanted it to happen, I think.

“Where is Dara?