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The next day I didn’t see Dara again at breakfast. Everyone was talking about going back downtown, they said they wanted to take a boat ride to a small cultural village in a small island a few miles from here. I’ve been there. It’s rather boring, typical tourist place. So I refused to join them again. They left at ten. I remember Eli giving me this distinctive look before he waved his hand at me. That look, that discerning and serious look, as if he kinda understands the meaning of my refusal to join them. As if he knew I actually decided to stay in because Dara isn’t coming with them. It was like a suspicion but he hadn’t been there yet. There was uncertainty but a glimpse of strong hunch. Did Dara tell him about the kiss? That can’t be it, right? I mean they’re still not really talking to each other. 

I feel like de javu, spending time at the poolside, scrolling through Facebook waiting for Dara to come out. I couldn’t bring myself to go after her again after what happened yesterday. I put away my phone when an object blocked the sunlight above my head. I see her face. My stomach tingles. 

“Bored?” She asked and then moved away. The sunlight hit my face again. 

“Wanna go downtown?” she asked. She didn’t wait for my answer, she just walked away. I was almost afraid she wouldn’t wanna talk to me again. I smiled silently knowing she still wanted to spend time with me.

We rode the bikes. Turns out she really can ride a bike. She asked if I had a boyfriend, I said no. I’ve had a few boyfriends but I’m still a , I told her deliberately. She just nodded her head without looking at me. We stopped at a small ice cream shop. It’s a small standalone truck parked at the side of the road. There’s only one wooden table and two chairs before the truck. We sit there, facing the beach down the road. She ordered pistachio ice cream and me, the usual, dark chocolate. A few schoolboys riding their bikes pass us, all eyes on Dara and I have this urge to push them off the cliff when they did that. 

“Those are boys you know?” she asked.

“Nah— they’re probably public school students or just some bunch of boys vacationing from other cities.” 

“So you go to private school—“ 

I shrugged, “Isn’t it obvious?” 

She just smirked and went back to watching the ocean. 

For a moment I finally forget what happened yesterday. That quick peck on the lips. Is she thinking about it too or that didn’t even worth thinking about since it was silly and disappointing. Now she’s flushed from repeating it on her head. As she looked up, her eyes met Dara’s. She’d been starring and now she’s even more flushed. 

“About that thing— let’s pretend it never happened.” she said coldly, hitting every nerves in my body. I was sad, angry, helpless and clueless. It never happened. How could she think I’d pretend it never happened.

I just—for the first time in my life— kissed a woman. It wasn’t really a kiss, it lasted only a second but still, it happened. And the fact I know it really happened and how great and confusing it felt when it happened drove me mad when she wanted me to just snap my finger and decide it never happened. 

A group of boys and girls appeared. They parked their bikes and one stopped in front of me all of sudden, “You didn’t go with your sister?” the skinny boy with pimples on his face asked. I looked up at him, his face is familiar. I know him. One of Jiyoon’s fanboy. 

“No.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Eatin’—“ I said as I took another bite of the ice cream cone. 

“You broke my cousins’ nose.” He stated.

I looked at him with so much despise, “So?” 

“You hadn’t apologized.”

“Why would I? He started it.” 

“You ought to apologize—“ he said forcefully.

Dara stood up, “Chaerin, come on. We’re gonna be late.” 

“Who the hell are you?” he asked with high tone. 

Dara took out a pack of cigarettes from her pocket and handing out her hand to the boy, “ off— leave her alone. This is going to be the last time you talk to her, understand?”  

The boy is silent, but his eyes are infatuated at the cigarette pack on Dara’s hand. 

She tilted her head, “What? You don’t smoke?” she asked sarcastically. 

The boy quickly snatched the pack and hide it in his pocket, nodded his chin, “I’ll take it—“ 

We rode away from those kids, heading downtown to show her around and hoping we’ll find the others. 

“Why’d you help me?” 

“Why’d you hit his cousin?” 

I slowed down my paddling, she did too so we can ride side by side and talk at the same time. 

“He mocked me, saying I was ugly, that I wasn’t as perfect as my siblings are. I mean I’m the kind of kid who ends up at the principle’s office after school. I don’t know how many detention classes I’ve attended and still, nothing’s changed.”

“What should change?” she turned her head at me, reading my lips. 

“A lot of things. My grades, my attitude, the way I handle things. I tend to involve violence to deal with things I hate, like I did to that boy’s cousin—“ 

“Anyway,” I say swiftly. “—I’ve promised my dad I wouldn’t hit anyone ever again unless he’ll send me away for boarding school. I swear I’d rather die than going.”

She giggled and sighed. “You teenagers are weird. I wish I could have such moment—“ 

“Well, you used to be teen too,” 

“Hmm—I was, but I had a very different teenage experience from you. You’re lucky, you know that right?”

“I guess so—“ 

She just paddled faster and now she rode before me. I watched her back. She started spreading her arms, hitting the wind with her face. The sun is at its brightest, bathing our bodies cruelly. Trees blowing in soft breeze. This is exactly what summer feels like. I almost forgot how good it is to be home in summer. 

We arrived downtown exactly at sunset. We met the others and had dinner together. It was already dark when we headed out of the restaurant. Eli suggested we go to the bar and have some drink. Eli ordered me coke and nothing else, the others have beers and cocktails. I just stare at my half empty glass of coke.

The barman smiled at me, “It , isn’t it?” he asked. 

I smiled back at him painfully, “Can’t wait to grow up—“ I said and then I turned my eyes away, only to find a pair of glaring cold eyes watching me from the other end of the bar. Why’d she always do that? She approached me in the end, ordered gin and tonic and sit beside me. “You can drink if you want, the barman wouldn’t mind.” She said. 

“I don’t think so. Everyone knows everyone in this town. I don’t want a word about me going into a bar and drinking alcohol with a bunch of adults to reach my dad’s ear— I’m in enough trouble already.” 

“You are such a coward for a rebel—“ she said quietly, almost like a whisper.

She took a sip of her gin and tonic before sliding the glass next to my glass of coke. “Enjoy more—my treat—“ she patted my head, gently and softly. I like that. Please don’t stop—I stare at the straw. She just drank from that straw. Her lips were just there and I’m about to drink from the same straw too, where her lips were. This indirect kiss thing started to make me blush. 

She went away so quickly, joining the crowd on the dance floor. That’s it? Enjoy More. That’s it? 

I finished the gin and tonic she bought me in less than ten minutes, watching her dancing with a random guy she just met. The bar is filled with foreigners. I think I’m the only local visitor here. She laughed, out loud. Something I haven’t seen. For a moment she looks like someone different, not the —cold, silent and full of mystery—Sandara who always disappear before you. Nik tried to drag me to the dance floor but I refused, I told him I was sleepy and was about to head home first. He wasn’t fond of the idea at first but then the fun and the hot girls on the dance floor lured him away from me. I can finally get away. 

I walked outside, heading to a convenient store to get an apple juice. I suddenly craved for it for no reason. I can’t bring myself into the bar again without feeling agitated. I don’t like seeing Dara dancing with a random guy it makes me think so dirty of her. Is this what she’s been doing when she went to town? Does she sleep around with random guys? 

We haven’t talked about that peck on the lips. I wanted to talk about it. I really want to— I want to know what she thinks of it. If she liked it or if she was disgus