Momo couldn't look up.  She rarely got angry, in fact, it took a lot just to get her annoyed.  By her feet were the broken pieces of a lamp she had shoved off the dresser, and despite the strong urge to apologize and clean it up, she couldn't unclench her fists; couldn't raise her eyes.

When she saw two socked feet approaching she flinched.

"Momo-"

"-don't."  Her voice sounded strangled, thick.  She didn't realize she wanted to cry until this moment.  Sana still hadn't backed up, and Momo felt threatened.  She kept her arms by her side, afraid she might try and hit her in her panic, but still refused to meet her gaze.

Eventually Sana sighed, moved away, and when she heard the door shut she finally relaxed.  She sat back on Jihyo's bed.  It was tiring to be angry, and she still couldn't rest, as she had to think of an excuse for the broken lamp when she left their room.  She could pay for it easily, but money wouldn't get rid of the knot in her chest.

The door opened again, and she jerked up on instinct. Sana was back with a little broom and a dustpan.  She didn't say anything, just swept up the mess while Momo sat back down, holding her breath.  She didn't take the mess out to the garbage just yet.  After the shards were picked up and the floor was less dangerous, she came over and sat down next to her.

Momo still didn't want to talk, not really...  the words were already so mixed up that she ended up breaking the lamp in frustration.  She was afraid of what might happen if she tried to speak again.

"I- hmm... do you want to go for a walk?"

Momo let out a breathless laugh.

Sana nudged her with her shoulder, and when Momo peeked up, she was smiling.  She also had her head down, just her eyes glancing over at Momo every few seconds, and her left hand twitching as it rested so close to Momo's leg but was unsure if it was allowed.

Momo still didn't want to let her in, even if it felt natural.  It felt easy.  But that would mean letting the thing that bubbled up inside her rest.  It wouldn't go away completely, just go back to sleep until the next time.  She swallowed past the lump in , fingernails scratching at her thighs.

"Sorry."

It sounded very insincere, and Momo had to refrain from breaking something else, but Sana just "mm-hmm'd" and it was over.

--

If the members noticed anything, they were dancing around it pretty well.  They were all aware of Jihyo's moods, and Tzuyu's boredom, and Chaeyoung's hilarious and chaotic journey through puberty.  If they were trying to be accomadating they were doing it pretty well, except it also felt a little bit like getting the cold shoulder.  It was isolating; throwing a lamp isn't exactly gonna make you friends, but Momo didn't know how to explain that she didn't throw it because she wanted to be alone, it was because she felt alone.

Finally on Tuesday Dahyun actively chose to sit next to her at lunch, and they split a sweet bread, and Momo laughed at one of her jokes and everything felt normal again.

--

"I miss you."

Sana had scribbled it on a piece of paper, and pushed the crumpled piece over into Momo's lap.  They were sitting by a tree outside of a music video set.  It was cold, but they had to wait because each still had one shot left.

She would've said it out loud, but it made it easier to look into Momo's sweet eyes without crying.  

"I'm sorry," Momo said again, and Sana shook her head.

"We all go through things."  She exhaled slowly, looking out at the stars.  "Just because you don't get mad as often, doesn't mean you're not allowed."

Momo shrugged.  "I'm still sorry... for breaking the lamp."  She ran her tongue over her teeth.  "That was unnecessary."

Sana chuckled.  "Breaking things always makes me feel better.  And it's so easy because I'm clumsy anyways."

Now Momo laughed, and some of the tension in the air thinned.

"I'm sorry too," Sana added after a while.  She hugged her knees to her chest.  "I know you've been mad about stuff for a while.  With your parents -I guess- and I never ask because I know you don't wanna talk about it, but maybe I should ask you anyways?"

Momo sighed, not wanting to avert Sana's gaze, but also feeling incredibly exposed.

"Well you know how it is," she motioned pointlessly, "you've met them."

Sana nodded, leaning back against the tree.  She tilted her head so she could watch Momo explain herself.  How things were just how they always were, but it just started to bear down on her more.  How there are things she can't talk about because of their job, but keeping them secret makes her exhausted, and impatient.

"Yeah," Sana replied bitterly, "I know about secrets."

Momo looked up at her, surprised.

Sana smiled tiredly, held up her pinky finger.  "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours?"

Momo looked at that finger like it was a gun pointed at her chest.

"Yeah," Sana sighed again.  She turned away, looking back up at the stars.  "I know."