stupid momo...

it was meant to be said affectionately.  her sister called her stupid all the time, but she was always smiling when she said it, so Momo knew it didn't mean anything bad.  "Stupid Momo," for crashing her bike at the end of the street.  "Stupid Momo," for asking if the stars had to squint to see us too.  As she ran through the kitchen, flour stuck in her hair, her mother would yell "stupid!  watch out for the fire!" while lifting the hot pan of food away from her youngest.  Then she would tell Momo to wait, take out a piece of chicken and blow on it.  "Come here," she said, in the same strict tone.  Momo was still smiling, because she knew.  Her mom fed her once, then nudged her away with her leg.  

"It tastes good mom!"

Her mother would smile, and Momo would stay a respectable distance away from the fire.

Sometimes though, she couldn't avoid it.  Like on family get togethers with her uncle who drank too much, and smoked fat cigars.  He would always start yelling at the walls by 10pm, and at 11, if the rest of the kids hadn't cleared out, he would grab one by the collar of their shirt and threaten them for no apparent reason.

"You better do good in school, you hear me?  You respect your mother?  I didn't respect my mother enough-"

"-ugh, let her go-" Momo's mother tried to intervene, but her uncle would wave his fat cigar and she left Momo there in his clutches.

"Are you getting good grades?"

Momo nodded quickly.  "Straight-A's"

"Psh."  He dropped her, and before she scurried off, she heard him say, "in my day I got straight-A+s."

--

As she got older grades became harder to maintain, and the breezy way she ran through life was often getting cut short by consequences she didn't know she had to be aware of.

For example, spelling words in a way she thought was cute, and not the correct way?  That would get her a conference with the school psychologist, complete with frustrated teacher, and her crying mom.  She cradled Momo by her cheeks, "my baby... what is wrong with you?"

Momo was crying too because she hated to see her mother cry.  She didn't answer, however, because she didn't know what was wrong either.

(On next week's spelling test she got 100% but nobody said a word about it.)

--

Holding Aiko's hand even just to walk to the water fountain would get her shoved into walls.  When she asked Aiko why the other girl would shrug, hold tighter, and walk them away from the bullies without a word.

Maybe it's different in 6th grade, Momo thought, as every year beforehand no one ever had a problem with her holding hands.

Even her parents seemed to be upset.  At dinner once she mentioned that she would probably get married to Aiko -they had talked about it once, after all, it was a mutual agreement- but then her mother got tears in her eyes, her dad started yelling, and her sister muttered "stupid" in a way that no longer sounded fond.

--

Momo still remembers those days.  Stupid Momo, misspelling her words, breaking bones, having a crush on a girl.  Everything after that was about not being so dumb.

She would show her mother the new words she learned in Korean every week.  Her mother would hold her cheek, smiling patiently, and it felt a little bit like when she was four, and she could get away with anything, even making a mess on the kitchen floor.

"Are your parents proud of you?"

They're sitting at the edge of the Han River.  It's something Jihyo recommended them to do.  Momo kicks at Sana's sneakers and waits for her response.

Sana doesn't respond.  Instead (something Momo's still getting used to) she ignores the question all together, and leans her head onto Momo's shoulder.

"I'm so glad that you're here with me."

Momo blinks.  "At the river?"

Sana scoffs.  "No..."  Maybe she feels Momo cringe, as if waiting to the punchline of a very mean joke, and she changes track again.  She reaches her left hand up (her right still wrapped around Momo's waist) and turns Momo's face so she can look her in the eye.

"You're my best friend you know that?"

Momo can't help but laugh.  "Are you confessing to me right now?"

Sana squeals and pushes her away.  "Why are you like this?" she whines.  After Momo's done teasing her she still rests her head back on Momo's shoulder.

Are you confessing to me right now?

It occurs to Momo as they walk home later that night that none of her questions were answered.

AN: this turned out to be a character study on Momo, whoops.  It still centers around SaMo though.  Idk if there's gonna be a happy ending so back at now if you're down for heartbreak and existential trauma :D