5.

Upon returning home, it was safe to say my parents rarely left my side. Even though my condition did not require the wheelchair, they encouraged me to use it, afraid I'd add to my injures when in fact I felt a lot better than I did two weeks ago.

What they wouldn't be able to tell, however, was that it was the opposite on the inside.

Their efforts at comforting me were commendable. I would never have overcome the grief of losing Hansol without their support, but there was only so much I was willing to show them. Time played a pivotal role in the process, and I knew that the more days went by, the more the pain of such loss would ease.

I had visited the Ji household only once during that time. The silence upon exchanging condolences thick and unbearable, cueing my leave quicker than what was appropriate. But I could not answer their unasked questions of the accident. It didn't take a discerning eye to notice the way they looked at me with anticipation, as if I had comforting news of the attack to offer, when I did not and would never be able to.

My course work continued at home for the following few days. My runs were on hold. I had been put on a strict diet of supplements and protein-rich foods, and Dad had reluctantly flown back out to the States where he last left off abruptly.

The detective did not show up since, and things were seemingly falling back into their normal places in my life... but Jongin showed up instead.

It was early in the evening a week after I'd returned home when there was a gentle rapping on the door. My mother had been on her way out and answered the front door she was headed towards, and I watched from my post in the living room with a tray of half-eaten dinner as she gasped.

'Oh,' she mouthed, surprised but composing herself quickly. 'I believe we've met before, Kim...?'

'Jongin,' he interrupted smoothly from the other side of the door I couldn't see. 'I'm a—I was a good friend of Hansol's. I'm here to pay my respects to Saerin, if it's not too troublesome an hour.'

Mum glanced at me from over her arm that was still outstretched towards the doorknob, searching for a sign of approval. Even though I hadn't initially thought much of Jongin; every impression of his I recalled rubbing me up the wrong way; the fact that he was one of the few people of the many I'd known on campus who came to see me in hospital changed my perceptions of him slightly. In fact, his visit – though brief and awkward – was one I appreciated.

I offered a nod at which my mother responded to by stepping aside, allowing Jongin in, who entered with a modest word of thanks. He followed her pointed finger into the living room on the right of the foyer; his eyes glazing over the coffee table and its accompanying picture frames; and the moment our eyes met, I felt a sense of comfort I wouldn't otherwise have over two weeks ago.

'Saerin,' he smiled upon entering the threshold; eyes darting uneasily to the tray of unfinished food in my lap and series reruns I'd been catching up with.

'I hope I'm not interrupting.'

'Not at all,' I returned the look, killing the television and placing the glass and plate aside. 'I'm kind of glad you came over.'

The words seemed to settle his concern, and Jongin responded to the gesture I offered to take a seat in the corner wing-back. It was my father's favourite in the living room, but now that he was rarely home, it went unused. Forgotten, even, beside the curtains that when splayed open, draped over it in thick waves on either side of the rail, effectively concealing it.

'I'm so sorry for your loss.'

'I'm so sorry for yours,' I replied; eyes softening at the thought of Hansol's loss for yet another time I could not count. 'But if I'm not mistaken, you've already offered your condolences to me, Jongin.'

'I know,' he nodded; eyes directed at his leather loafers. 'But it just doesn't feel real, you know...? That he's gone.'

For the first time, unexpectedly, I felt a connection with Jongin I would never even have dreamed of. It was true that his passing still often seemed like a fabrication. That Hansol was still alive, still living, still going about his day to day things – soccer, the company internship, classes – when the truth was all too evident. Sometimes, it seemed as if he vanished into thin air. But I knew better than to entertain such fantasies a second time.

'What were you guys doing in the forest?'
 

The question caught me off guard before it soon occurred to me that Jongin had yet to inquire details at all about the incident. He had been awfully courteous at the hospital. Had brought with him an understandable silence. It was only reasonable he'd be curious of how the tragedy had come to be.

'He wanted to surprise me,' I divulged, still feeling a pang of pain speaking of it, however I liked to think it was getting better steadily.

'It was our one year anniversary since dating. He had a surprise for me in the forest.'

'Did you see