19.

‘You’re going to have to talk to her at some point, you know.’

I stood outside the front door dwelling on these words; my thoughts torn between the truth they held as well as how difficult they were to truly face. I would have been lying though if I said that if it weren’t for spending the past two hours over at the cabin, I’d be here. If it wasn’t for Jaehyun, in fact, I wouldn’t have been here at all.

‘But…’

‘You’ve got your reasons for secrecy, I understand that,’ he reasoned, combing his hair back, pursing his lips in thought. ‘But if you don’t try to make amends, who will?’

How much sense those words made irritated me to some measure, but of course, it was an irritation short-lived in the light of my current situation. Taking in a deep breath, I entered the house, nervous, feeling as if I were walking into a completely different home with how stealthily I moved to close the door. But the moment I did, turned and glanced over the photo frames out of habit when my eyes were drawn to the figure in the living room.

It was my mother; her head in her hands despite the TV on in front of her, loud and clear. The sight immediately sent a pang of guilt through me; my heart clenching and eyebrows furrowing at how restless she appeared. Just hours ago, I was bent on leaving the house; my thoughts a frenzied mess. But one look at my mother now and I felt the stabbing regret I ought to have paid mind to earlier return, because the scene was so similar to the first few months after Donghyuk’s death that it was uncanny. Late nights by the TV, restlessness, strained periods of silence, a listlessness nothing could seem to shake her out of…

‘Mum…,’ I started; my voice cracking despite the composure I mustered since leaving the cabin shed. ‘I’m home.’

My mother’s head snapped up at the sound of my voice; her eyes wide, clearly swollen, and filling visibly the more she watched me lingering by the doorframe.

‘Saerin…!’

She cried, standing, but I closed the distance between us instead within the blink of an eye, instantly wrapping my arms around her. She didn’t hesitate to reciprocate the action; her warmth a comforting one as we remained like that for a moment in silence.

‘I’m sorry, Mum,’ I fought not to cry again, pulling away slowly to face her. ‘I didn’t mean what I said earlier. I’m sorry.’

‘I’m the one who should be apologising, doll,’ she whispered, still grasping my arms. ‘I wasn’t thinking at all when I said all those kinds of things. I shouldn’t be talking about Donghyuk or Hansol like that, ever.’

‘It’s OK.’

‘No, it’s not,’ she interjected to my surprise. ‘None of this is OK… it must be really hard to talk about what happened, isn’t it, Saerin? And I kept thinking that you could see a psychologist and open up about it—like it’s so easy to just solve things when it must not be that simple…’

‘Like I said, it’s OK,’ I grinned in relief; my mother seemingly relaxing with that. ‘You’re right, though. It isn’t easy to talk about it, but… I was hoping we could start somewhere.’

Mum’s eyebrows knit in confusion; the expression only making my heart pound faster the more I thought of where this was going.

‘What are you…’

‘You have to tell me everything that happened before the hospital, Mum.’

My mother stared at me – searched my eyes, it seemed, for something – but no sooner, a sigh left her. The action did wonders to relax my strained nerves as she gestured to the sofa and I followed, sitting close beside her, anxious with anticipation of what was to come.

‘There were two men that were at the hospital when I got there,’ she explained lowly at first, recounting the events as she spoke. ‘The police didn’t arrive until much later. But when I saw them at the front desk, looking so nervous, I noticed one of them had blood on their shirt. And for some reason, I’d gotten the worst feeling, as if I knew that blood was yours.’

The recollection dealt a new crack in my mother’s composure, but I placed a hand on her back, hoping it soothed her enough to continue. Two men. I had no doubt in my mind they were one of the five from the forest cabin.

Quietly, I asked, ‘did they say anything about what happened?’

‘No,’ she shook her head, blinking away the tears from moments prior. ‘All they said to me was that the attendants took you to the ER. Truth be told, they were more helpful than the nurse that was on duty.’

Oddly, the statement along with the image of the cabin household compelled me to smile. But Mum frowned suddenly; her expression a combination of puzzled and perhaps amused.

‘But the strangest thing happened after that…’

I cocked an eyebrow at that. ‘What was that?’

‘Those young men…,’ she paused, searching for an appropriate explanation of her following words, it seemed. ‘One of them told me that you were going to be OK; that your injuries weren’t life threatening, and for some reason, I found myself believing what he said that night even though he was a complete stranger. It was the oddest thing, really.’

I listened quietly as my mother continued after a moment of silence, ‘but maybe that was just what I needed to keep it together. Without your father there, and with everything that happened with your brother, I thought I was losing my mind on the drive to the hospital. I couldn’t lose you too, Saerin. But just like that, hearing those words from someone I’d never met before kept me hanging on by a thread. I still can’t make sense of it.’

‘Did they stick around?’ I asked softly in hopes of her continuing.

‘Not for long, no,’ she answered quickly, snapping out of her dazed thoughts. ‘A little while after I arrived, they left, and I haven’t seen them since. Gwangsu’s a small town; it’s sort of hard to believe I haven’t seen even one of them again since that time. I mean…’

Mum paused; the silence that followed a heavy, expectant one. ‘I owe a lot to them, Saerin. For having found you after that terrible attack, for getting you to the hospital when who knows what anyone else could have done to you in that state…’

I was certainly grateful for having been found by Dongyoung and company, there was no doubt in my mind of that. But hearing such earnest confessions from my mother of how they brought me to safety and assured her of my recovery now seemed like something I’d never be able to repay. If not for hearing those words from my mother, it never would have occurred to me that I owed those men my life. That if it wasn’t for them, no one knew what would have become of me in that forest.

‘You’ve met with them though, right?’

‘So that’s all that happened before I woke up?’

‘Don’t try to change the subject here, young lady,’ my mother’s voice was so strong and stern that I shrunk back into the couch, feeling a tensed breath of air leave me.

‘I fulfilled my part of the bargain. Now it’s time for you to fulfil yours. Spill the beans.’

Despite how firmly she pressed for information, the small smile on my mother’s face as she too relaxed in her seat was comforting. It made me feel like it was alright to talk to her about Dongyoung’s household.

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter