ONE LAST TIME

In the semi darkness of my room I can still see the soft flakes of snow falling outside . The glass is cold as I lean my forehead on it , transfixed on the last sunrays of this year. It is dying out now , covering everything that happened in a white blanket holding hopes for the future . When I think about my future , I can’t really find any difference between it and my past . And as for my present , I successfully mislead myself again walking the tangled way my sanity twirls up for me in my mind . In the horizon , the city lights are burning holes in my eyes . Little flames of blue , red and gold stirring  on my closed  eyelids . Distant echoes of far away parties , they are welcoming the passing of the time . It is natural , it is obvious , it is the same . Year after year , and snow still covers the streets on a day like that . And the glitters reminds me time after time about the day he left .

It was actually ten years ago . Do you remember what you’ve done ten years ago ?

Ten years is a great deal of time . It is a matter of wanting and then you can forget . I can’t remember what I did a few years ago or even yesterday but exactly ten years ago when I was 18 , I can remember clearly  what happened as if it was recorded and burnt so deeply within my mind . Such vivid memories that haunt me til this day .

He left me ten years ago . He also left her ten  years ago and went far away and leaving us behind .  I wonder where he got the courage to leave us behind , the people who he loved dearly .

***

I sit on the bench , hands folded on the wooden board , and listening carefully to their words . Soft voices are telling me to open my eyes and to believe . They try to convince my withered heart to wake up and embrace every moment of life and love . Then they talk about new chances and hope , they pray for good days , for sunlight and for the spring . They bless me in the name of God and promise me the oath of  light , new beginnings and changes . A new me … they say .

Steps .

Their eco’s swallows  well by the clean carpets on the floor but I still manage to hear them . Steps , light steps of someone who hasn’t walked for awhile , whose legs are slightly shaking from the cold and who is about to fall heavily on the bench on my side .

Breathing deeply , I turn around slowly to see  who it is and I froze . Ten years , Ten years since I’ve seen her last . Her face pale , her hands trembling as her voice is broken into tears . Here she is , sitting a meter away from me .

In ten years she hasn’t changed that much .

She is slim , very skinny than usual ; her skin death pale like it hasn’t seen sun in years . I remember the times when she was healthy and her skin glowing . Now her young face is wearing the constant mask of mourn , worry and isolation . Her hands shaking slightly in the gloves but her features are calm and steady though the turmo