Yoongi runs.

He runs because he just made the biggest fool out of himself in front of everyone and he doesn’t know what else to do. He pushes past Jimin, whose eyes held either concern or disappointment; he’s not sure which, he didn’t stay to find out, and finally pushes his way out the door.

The coolness of the day hits him full force as he pushes on, ignoring the stares he’s receiving from the people walking along the street. He vaguely hears something behind him, a pounding that reminds him of heavy footsteps, though eventually his own drown it out, his mind focused only on getting back to his apartment, to his room, where he will find comfort in his craft, in his songs.

His key shakes in the lock as you rushes to get it open, his breathing heavy and uneven as he tries to calm himself down. He pushes the door open letting it slam against the wall with a thud before he slams it shut, throwing himself down on the couch with his head in his hands, only one thought in his head.

What the did he just do?

 

Nobody knows what to do in the minuets following Yoongi’s departure. Jimin stands staring wide eyed at the door, trying to make sense of the scene he just witnessed. Jungkook breathes deeply with a scary look in his eyes as he stares at the door. Jimin wants to go over to him, but he doesn’t have the slightest clue how to comfort him, so he stays put, watching his friend, unable to help.

It was strange to see Yoongi explode at Taehyung and Jungkook like that, but Jimin thought it was even more peculiar that Tae chased him out. Though he has no real insight into the relationship that the two of them have, past that of roommates, he still finds it rather interesting that anyone would chase after someone like that as if the whole situation was their fault.

There’s a pain in his chest that he has no words to describe and he hates it. Because it’s not as if Yoongi and himself were in any sort of relationship, they’d only talked a few times and almost kissed that one night, so Jimin shouldn’t have this heaviness in his chest that’s causing him to have difficulty breathing. 

If he had to put a name to it he supposes it would fall somewhere between disappointment and betrayal.

The murmur of voices begin to fill the room and he finds himself catching small fragments of what the people around him are saying. Some are trying to make sense of what just happened, some asking what the hell that guy’s problem was. Some walk up to Jungkook, placing their hands on his shoulders in an effort to get him to calm down, his dark eyes still staring at the door with distaste.

Jimin half expects someone to come up to him, a hand squeezing down on his shoulder in a effort to comfort him, but he feels stupid for thinking so immediately. No one but Tae and Jungkook know about his feelings for Yoongi and it’s not like Jungkook is capable to being his friend right at this moment. Instead he just stands there, staring at the others walking around him as he tries to figure out what to do next.

He’s just beginning to turn to grab his bag, figuring it would be best if he just packed up for the day, seeing as practice has already been interrupted and he doubts any of them will be able to get back into the flow of thing, when he hears Hoseok’s voice call out to him.

“Jimin? Are you okay?”

He glances up, staring at his friend whose face is twisted in concern.

Through the crushing waves that Jimin is drowning under watching Yoongi exploding at the display that the man he loves and his boyfriend were putting on, he puts a smile on his face and responds just as he always would, hoping that Hoseok doesn’t catch the slight shakiness of his tone.

“Oh course I am, Hoseok. Why wouldn’t I be?”

His own words cause his heart to constrict painfully in his chest, as if Yoongi were holding it in his hands and laughing as Jimin struggles for breath.

Hoseok stares at him, which causes Jimin to shift from foot to foot feeling increasingly uncomfortable under the gaze as he struggles to keep his smile in place.

After a moment Hoseok shrugs. “Nah, it’s nothing.” He slings his bag over his arm . “You coming out tonight?”

Jimin had forgotten all about the groups plans for the evening. “I’m not sure, I’ll text you later.”

Hoseok responds with a shrug before heading out the door, his shoes squeaking over the shiny wooden floor.

Jimin lets out a hard breath as he reaches down for his bag, walking the same path out the door that just moments before had been used as an escape route for one and an uncertain but most definitely dangerous path for the other.

Honestly he’s not sure which category he fits into.

 

He listens to the sound of footsteps walking towards him, getting closer every second even though he wills them with every part of his being to stop, to not come any closer and make him do something he’ll regret.

But they don’t, of course they don’t, not until they’re right in front of him, the hint of laces catching his eyes as he peeks through his fingers down at the floor. The scuffed shoes in desperate need of a wash as he stares down at them, waiting for them to turn back around and walk out the door.

He waits for a long time, or what he feels like is a long time. In reality on a few minutes has passed since the door swung back open almost too carefully and he listened to Tae walk inside. It’s another three minutes until he pulls his hands away from his face and lifts his head to look into the dark concerned eyes of his roommate.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, his tone void of anything. The couch dips as Tae sits next to him, which only prompts Yoongi to stand up, walking away from him to lean against the bench. The hurt in Tae’s eyes is unmissable, but he ignores it, knowing that right now he needs to.

“I came to make sure you were okay.” Tae responds, his tone soft as if he were speaking with a child or wounded animal. Yoongi can feel himself ready to strike at the hand that comforts him at any moment.

He scoffs, running his hand through his hair. “Do I look okay?”

“No.”

“Then why ask,” He asks, trying to end the conversation as soon as possible. He turns towards his room, eager to get away from Taehyung, something that he’s found himself doing a lot of in recent weeks.

Tae remains quite, not making any move to stop Yoongi from leaving. And that is what angers Yoongi more, the fact that he won’t fight for him, that he never would. It’s the knowledge that Yoongi himself would give up everything for Taehyung and yet he would get nothing in return. Nothing but a goofy smile and a promise of paying him back one day, but that’s not enough for him, not anymore.

And that’s what has him spinning back around to Taehyung, his eyes gleaming with tears that he hates himself for showing, it’s weakness and he tries his best not to be weak. He masks his sadness with anger, because that is what Yoongi has always been best at.

“Did you just invite me out to shove it in my face?”

The question takes Tae off guard and Yoongi watches as his eyebrows draw together in confusion.

“What?”

He takes a step forward, knowing it will put Tae under more pressure to tell him the truth if he gets in his face about it. “You and Jungkook! Why did I have to see that?”

Tae in turn takes his own step back, his back hitting the bench behind him as he does so. Yoongi doesn’t miss the slight waver in his voice as he breathes out a reply into the air between them, though his tone remains calm, unlike Yoongi’s. “Yoongi, what is your problem? Jungkook is my boyfriend not you, and I am allowed to touch him.”

“But why in front of me? Why drag me along and then parade your relationship in front of my face? Why embarrass me like that?”

Tae lets out a heavy sigh, sad that he has to continue to spell it out for his clueless roommate. “I brought you there to see Jimin.” He pauses, looking down at Yoongi’s shoes.  “You embarrassed yourself by causing a scene.”

He blinks slowly taking a step back, Tae’s words surprising him as the mention of Jimin comes into the conversation. Why would this be about him? Though if he thinks about it, he supposes he shouldn’t be that surprised that Tae was once again uttering the name that until a few weeks ago he didn’t even know, let alone be able to put a face and voice to.

Yoongi’s not stupid, he’s aware of the fact that Tae was trying to get them together. But he’d figured that when nothing happened between them that night at the club, Tae had just let it go. It seems he was entirely oblivious to his roommate’s determination.

“Jimin?”

“Yes, Jimin.” Tae answers, letting out a loud sigh as if he couldn’t believe that Yoongi was only just now getting it. Not that he would be wrong about that. “Park Jimin, the one who is so obviously into you that you don’t even noticed because you’re too busy concerning yourself with what I’m doing!”

He snaps startling Yoongi again as he slowly begins to see him in a whole new light.

Both are silent as they stare each other down, neither seem willing to back down from their argument, though both knowing that nothing good will come out of this if it is to continue. Eventually Tae sighs again, giving the conversation one last go and hoping that Yoongi will see his side.

“Why can’t you just get over me and give Jimin a chance?”

The calmness of Tae’s tone only causes Yoongi’s anger to rise again. How could he be so stupid as to think that he could just get over him? As if he was some school boy with a crush.

“Exactly for that reason! Because he’s not you!” He yells not meaning to, but after doing so finds that he does not regret it so he does nothing to correct his actions.

Tae’s mouth snaps shut so quickly the sound echoes off the walls, chasing the echo that Yoongi’s yell had left behind.

Yoongi runs his hands through his hair; his cheeks flushed pink and palms sweaty. “I’m sorry that I fell in love with you, Taehyung, I really am. But I can’t ing help it. And if you think that trying to set me up with one of your friends is going to change that fact, then I guess you’re just as stupid and naive as I always thought you were.”

Tae remains quiet for a long time. He stares at Yoongi as if he can’t believe what he just said. Sure he knows that Yoongi can be harsh and rude a good percentage of the time, but it always hurt just that little bit more each time it was directed at him. Whether Yoongi really meant what he was saying or not it ever seemed to matter. It was the fact that the thoughts even crossed his mind that caused Tae’s heart to hurt in a way that he didn’t want to understand.

Eventually he speaks after what feels like an eternity, his own words harsh, cold and straight to the point.

“I may owe you a lot of things, Yoongi,” He pauses, allowing time for his next words to sink in. “But loving you back is not one of them.” His tone is void of any emotion though Yoongi himself knows that his roommate feels everything and his own words hurt him, and yet Yoongi is hurting him more by his actions. He’s the reason that Tae has to pretend like he doesn’t care, like he’s not hurting just as much as him. And that hurts him more than Tae’s words ever could.

“Tae, I-,”

“Get out.” He snaps, his arm pointing at the door they passed though only moments before.

And though it’s his own apartment Yoongi turns on his heel and walks out the door without another word. His heart heavy and his eyes wet.

 

Tae leans against the kitchen bench as he attempts to get his breathing to a regular pace. Never has be felt so threatened, so hurt by Yoongi that he needed him to leave. He was quite surprised at the fact that Yoongi actually left, but the look his roommates eyes before he walked out the door, told him everything he needed to know. Yoongi needed to get away from him to.

He makes his way to his room slowly, dragging his shoes along the wooden floors in an effort to get his mind to catch up with the decision he’s about to make.

He’s making it worse for Yoongi by being here.

He reaches under his bed for the duffel he’d stashed there when he first moved in and pulled it out, brushing off the dust that had collected over time. He sits with it on his bed, his legs dandling off the edge as he figure out where to start.

How do you begin to pack up your entire life?

 

Yoongi knocks back another shot, his hand coming down a little too harshly against the counter, causing the glass to rattle in his hand.

He’d walked straight from his apartment to the bar down the street, his eyes red as he demanded a drink from the bartender, who handed it over with a tentative look. Yoongi thought nothing of it as he downed the first, the second, the third, the forth, his focus now blurred and his stomach twisting with a sensation he doesn’t quite understand.

“Hey, I think you’ve had enough.”

He looks up, to see the bartender staring at him. The man’s greying beard hiding his mouth, leaving Yoongi wondering if he actually said anything at all.

“One more.”

The man gives him a sceptical look, taking the time to look over him and his condition before ultimately refilling his glass.

“That’s your last one.”

Yoongi nods, and throws the shot back, scrunching his eyes as the liquid still burns down his throat before his mind is filled with clarity over what he’s going to do next.

He gets up from the stool, his feet unsteady as he holds onto the bar for support, the stickiness of it causing him to cringe inwardly.

“Hey, are you gonna be okay?” The bartender yells after him. He gives a thumbs up over his shoulder and when he doesn’t sense anyone coming after him, he assumes it was good enough for the guy to let him go.

He turns right down the street with only a blurred memory of another drunken night to lead him to where he wants to go. He takes another right down a main street and walks straight past the club they all went drinking, the night he met Jimin. The night everything seemed to change.

He walks past the trees lining one side of the road as shop fronts give way to graffiti ridden walls until eventually there is nothing. The sky is dark as he lifts his head, the street light overhead almost blinding him as he tries to see past it.

Did the stars shine as bright that same night?

He finds himself standing in front of a two story building with an inviting dark wooden door. A small part of him is still unsure, as he stands at a safe distance trying to summon his courage. He’s unsure if this is the right choice, if choosing Jimin means letting go of Tae. But he knows that he has to do something, because limbo is a dangerous place and it’s about time he chose one side or the other.

He breathes in deeply and takes a step forward at the same time the wooden door swings open, revealing a dark figure that Yoongi can’t make up due to the light of the house.

“Can I help you?”

Even in his drunken state Yoongi would know Jimin’s light voice anywhere. And this is not Jimin.

He clears his thought, taking another step forward, he can feel his courage slinking away from him the longer this stranger stands in front of him.

“Is Jimin home?”

The guy looks him up and down before leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms over his chest. “Are you drunk?”

Yoongi takes another step forward. “That’s a pretty stupid question.”

The guy laughs. “Yeah, my bad. The answers pretty obvious.”

Yoongi scowls at him from a few meters away. Who even is this guy?

“So where did you say Jimin was?” He tries, already at his drunken limit with this guy.

“Jimin? Who’s asking?” Yoongi wants to wipe the smirk of the guys face.

He clenches his fist at his sides and speaks in an even tone. “None of your business.”

The guy reaches up and his chin as if thinking about Yoongi’s answer, but a second later the smirk is back as if he were just playing with him all along. “Well, with me being Jimin’s friend and aware of his whereabouts, ‘m not about to tell a complete stranger where he is.” He pauses, cupping his hand over his mouth as if to whisper as he leans forward. “You could be a serial killer.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes and takes another step forward. “Yoongi. And I think I’ll wait for someone else to tell me.”

The guy laughs again. “I’m only kidding, Yoongi. He’s out with his dance friends, I don’t know when he’ll he home.”

“I’ll wait.”

“What?”

Yoongi stares at him, confused as to what he doesn’t understand. “I said, I’ll wait.”

“Seriously?” He asks, with a crooked eyebrow.

Yoongi nods and takes a seat on the step by the door staring at the dark street in front of him waiting for even a glimpse of Jimin.

“Well, suit yourself. I’m JB, by the way.”

The door clicks shut behind him and he lets out a sigh, resting his head against the wooden beam.

He shuts his eyes, listening to the distant sounds of the cars traveling down the main road, occasion horn honks almost lost in the wind before they reach his ears. The cool breeze flowing past causes him to pull his jacket tighter around his arms, hugging himself in an effort to warm up.

Whether coming here was a good idea or not he’s still unsure of, but he knows that it will feel like he’s taken two steps back if he leaves. Especially now that he’s spoken to one of Jimin’s friends, who will surly tell Jimin that he was here. Well, Yoongi doesn’t want to feel like a coward, like he’s running away from yet another person.

His mind grows fuzzy as the effect of the alcohol slowly takes over, the wooden post he’s leaning against becoming surprisingly comfortable.

He thinks about what he was going to say to Jimin when he saw him, and how quickly his determination is leaving him.

 

 “Yoongi?”

A voice calls him from afar that he can’t place. A soft voice that causes butterflies to flit through hi stomach and the fog to clear slightly from his mind.

“Yoongi.”

A slight shake on his shoulder, as heat seeps through his jacket into his skin from the contact.

He throws his arm up, trying to swat the person who is disturbing his sleep away. His eyes snap open when the person grabs his wrist and holds it tight.

“Jimin?” He rubs his eyes with his spare hand, trying to get his mind to catch up with the situation. “Jimin, what are you doing here?”

Jimin laughs, his eyes shining with the light from the phone he’s holding up. “You mean what am I doing at my own house?”

Yoongi blinks up at him before he remembers where he is. He moves away quickly, letting go of Jimin and jumping to his feet. Jimin steps back in surprise as Yoongi’s head spins and he has to put his hands up in a fools attempt to stop it.

“Yoongi?”

“I was waiting for you.” He answers in a rush, his eyes shining and suddenly alert where they were not before. Jimin looks taken aback by the words as he stares at him with a hard to read expression.

“You were waiting for me?” He remains sceptical as he looks at Yoongi closely, seeing the way his cheeks are flushed and his clothing askew, not all his un kept features can be blamed on him falling asleep on his doorstep. “Yoongi, are you drunk?”

He has the audacity to smirk. “Maybe a little bit.”

Jimin takes a step back, his face unconcealed disappointment as he stares at Yoongi. “What are you doing here, Yoongi?”

Yoongi furrows his brows at the question; he thought this interaction was going to go a lot smoother. He could walk away right now and leave Jimin with so many questions and not think twice about it, or at least lead Jimin to believe that. Or he could throw his pride out the window and just admit that he came here for a reason, and that reason is Jimin. And maybe he hasn’t figured it all out himself yet, but he figures that’s where Jimin comes in, to help him.

So they can work this out together.

“I wanted to see you.”

He takes a step towards Jimin, who in turn takes a step back towards his house.

“W…Why?”

“Because I have something I need to do.”

Jimin’s eyes go wide as Yoongi takes yet another step closer, but this time he doesn’t move. Instead he stands firm, waiting to see what Yoongi is going to do.

He watches as Yoongi takes a final step forward and stops, drawing in a shaky breath as he stares right into his eyes. Yoongi leans in, his face inching closer and closer to Jimin’s every second and Jimin so is intoxicated by the situation that he almost misses the smell of alcohol on Yoongi’s breath. But he doesn’t and as much as he wants this, his small voice of reason screams at him to not take advantage.

“Yoongi, I don’t think…” He begins, but Yoongi whispers a ‘shut up’ before their lips are finally touching and Jimin almost screams in delight.

Yoongi pushes himself closer against him, nothing within himself saying that this was a bad decision, drunk or not. Because he’s felt a certain attraction to Jimin ever since he met him, and Yoongi always knew that it had more to do with than the fact that Jimin is so ing hot. He was just stopped by one thing, by one person, who shouldn’t have even been coming between whatever Jimin and him could be in the first place.

And yet as Yoongi kisses Jimin he is reminded of his and Tae’s kiss and how the addition of the alcohol makes it eerily similar. But unlike Tae, Jimin is not pushing him away; in fact he’s pulling him closer with a hand on the small of his back and the other on his neck tilting Yoongi’s head just right to be granted the best access. Jimin wants this, and that makes the whole thing that much more intimate, but Yoongi still has the thought of Tae in the back of his mind, and so he presses closer against Jimin, allowing the younger to swallow him up and drown him within himself, because Yoongi needs to forget.

Yoongi needs to let Tae go.

He’s just not sure how.

And maybe, just maybe, Jimin can help him figure it out.