Tae tip toes through his apartment like a burglar who knows it’s only a matter of time before he gets caught.

He’d left Jungkook’s just after the sun began to rise, and the walk back to his own apartment felt long and tiresome and all he can think about is putting his head down on a pillow.

But he needs to make it there first.

And he’s sure that Yoongi is in bed fast asleep, but what if he’s not? What if he’s standing around a corner somewhere just waiting for him to walk past so he can yell at him? Tae admits that is highly unlikely, it’s not something the elder would do, but what if?

What if things can’t go back?

He likes this apartment and he likes living with Yoongi. But if things can’t be resolved then he doesn’t know what he will do. Sure he’s bound to have another friend that he could move in with, Jimin would probably be down for the idea as long as Tae would give him pointers on his dance, but Jimin is not Yoongi.

No one is.

He just wants things to be okay.

He lets out a sigh of relief when he makes it to his bedroom without any sign of Yoongi. He shuts the door gently behind him and collapses onto his bed feeling emotionally drained from the night’s events. He allows his eyes to drift shut, already dreading having to be up in a matter of hours. He hugs himself closer into his pillows and wishes for tomorrow to be a better day.

 

Yoongi listens from where he sits in the middle of his bed to the sounds echoing throughout the apartment in the early hours of the morning. He knows Tae’s home, because nobody else has a key, not even Namjoon, though he has begged for one since Yoongi first moved in.

He knows when he hears a muffled sigh and the sound of a door clicking gently shut that Tae has made it to his room and it sounds like to his relief. Yoongi’s not sure how to feel about that. He wonders where Tae went, though he knows that he has many friends, so it wouldn’t be a stretch to assume that he went to one of them to talk about what an idiot Yoongi is.

He scoffs quietly to himself. He should confront Tae now, make him answer for his actions, but he knows that that is easily turned around on him. So he sits, his blanket pooled around his waist, for the sun to rise high enough that it’s acceptable for him to be out on the streets.

There’s no way he’s getting another minute of sleep.

 

There’s an eerie feeling that has settled it’s self over the apartment as he makes himself his usual coffee and toast. His hand hesitates over a second mug before deciding to leave it in its place in the cupboard, realising that there’s no need for him to make Tae a coffee anymore.

There was no real reason to in the first place, it was always half subconsciously done, and when he realised he was doing it, it was already too late to stop.

No need for him to do anything but pretend that he’s okay being just his friend.

He’s chewing his first bite of toast when the sound of a door opening echoes through the apartment. He stiffens and immediately curses himself for not acting like himself. He doesn’t look up as the footsteps grow louder the closer Tae gets to the kitchen.

“Morning, Yoongi,” He speaks softly, which has Yoongi furrowing his eyebrows, has his secret really come as that much of a shock to him?

“I’m not going to break,” He spits glaring. Tae is certainly taken aback by Yoongi’s tone, opting to make himself a coffee to distract himself from the gaze that’s set upon him, unblinking.

“I was just saying good morning,” He shrugs before moving to the fridge.

The silence settles around them as neither makes an attempt to speak. But Yoongi can’t live like this, and Tae might be the sort of person who can just go on living and pretend that nothing happened, but that’s not Yoongi. He needs to talk it through, because if they don’t the only other alternative he can see is telling Tae to move out, and he can’t do that.

“Where did you go last night?” He asks, with a hint of reluctance.

Tae turns around to look at him; he hesitates wondering if it’s actually a good idea to tell him. But there’s no sense in keeping anything from him, he’s sure Yoongi’s trying to make as much sense of the situation as he is.

“I went to Jungkook’s.”

The name sounds foreign to Yoongi, must be one of those friends that Tae didn’t feel it necessary to introduce him to.

Tae doesn’t offer any insight into who Jungkook is and Yoongi gets mad. Because does he have to practically wring information out of Taehyung to get anywhere? Why can’t the guy just be straight with him? Why can’t he just throw Yoongi a goddamn bone every once in a while?

“Who is he?” Yoongi hates himself for asking as soon as the words leave his mouth. His anger gets the best of him and he watches as Tae’s eyes widen in shock before he glares at Yoongi, his own anger showing clearly on his face.

“That’s none of your business!” He says sternly, very unlike the Tae he knows.

Anger. This is exactly what Yoongi can deal with.

“None of my business?” He asks, with a shake of his head. “How long have we known each other, Taehyung? How long have I looked after you because you’re too damn stupid to look after yourself?”

“I never asked you to look after me, Yoongi!” Tae’s breathing is heavy as he matches Yoongi’s anger word for word. “You did that for yourself, with whatever thoughts you had in your head about the two of us.”

Those words hit Yoongi like a slap to the face and he stares wide eyed at Tae, unable to form words. He looks down; knowing that he’s the one who caused this, feeling guilty for yelling at him when all he really wanted to do was talk.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, stumbling out of his seat towards the door. He gets there throwing it open and slamming it shut to the sound of Taehyung shouting behind him.

“No, Yoongi wait!”

He runs down the corridor cursing himself without looking back.

~~.~~

“What?” He snaps into the phone, only to be met with laughter at the other end.

“Good morning to you too, Sunshine,” Namjoon chuckles.

“What do you want?” He snaps again, his early anger at Taehyung resurfacing towards his best friend.

Namjoon’s chuckle dies down gradually, having grown accustomed to Yoongi’s temper over the years. “I’m bored, let’s meet up.”

Yoongi sighs, running his hand through his hair as he looks down the street, weighing up his options. “I’m busy.” He ends up mumbling, hoping it will be enough to get his friend off his back.

“Doing what?”

Yoongi curses him for asking, hesitating a second too long, causing Namjoon to laugh again.

“Meet me at the café on third, I’ll be there soon.” Before he hangs up, leaving Yoongi to curse at his phone.

He shuffles down the street, kicking at loose stones as he grumbles to himself. Sure if he really didn’t want to go he wouldn’t, but damn Namjoon for somehow always hitting the soft spot that Yoongi tries to stuff deep down within himself.

He makes it to the café, wrenching open the front door when it sticks on something that over all the years he’s been coming here he hasn’t been able to quite figure out what. He looks around the space that’s half full with people and sighs when there’s no sign of Namjoon.

Of course he’s late. He always is.

Instead he walks over to the display cabinets looking for something to eat as he ran out on breakfast and his stomach rumbles looking over the array of sweets on display. He settles on a custard donut that there is no way he’s going to pass up.

He steps in front of the register, telling the girl there that he’ll have a large long black as he reaches into his back pocket for his wallet, only to find it empty. He pats his front pockets in desperation only to be met with nothing again. With annoyance he grumbles to the person behind him to go in front while he looks.

The boy behind him smiles wide.

“Thank you.”

He shrugs; knowing there isn’t much he can do until Namjoon shows up and pays for him. He stands at the back of the line by the window looking out the smudged glass for his friend. He spots him crossing the road in front of the café and sighs in relief as his stomach protests against the lack of food. He steps forward to alert Namjoon of his presence when the boy from earlier steps in front of him, a cardboard box in his hands. Yoongi stares, noticing that the boy is looking right at him as if waiting for Yoongi to say something.

“Did you want something?”

The boy shakes his head, causing his red hair to fall into his eyes. “I just wanted to say thanks for letting me in. My friends would kill me if I didn’t get these for them.” He raises the box so Yoongi knows what he’s talking about.

“It’s fine.” He says bluntly, looking over the boys shoulder at Namjoon who’s giving the pair a weird look.

The boy looks amused at his response, smiling slightly to himself as if he knows something that Yoongi doesn’t. “Anyway, thanks. See you around.” He says, before he’s out the door.

Yoongi watches after him, unsure what to make of him when Namjoon taps him on the shoulder.

“What was that about?”

Yoongi looks at him with a raised eyebrow, acting as though he doesn’t know what Namjoon is referring to. “I dunno. Anyway you’re late and you owe me food.”

He pushes Namjoon towards the counter eager to order.  The younger chuckles at Yoongi’s actions, but goes along with it nonetheless, smiling at the girl behind the register.

“Alright, what do you want?”

Yoongi points at the display cabinet in triumph. “I want the…”

He trails off as his eyes focus on the sweets; sure he’s seeing it wrong.

“You’ll have the what?” Namjoon asks, trying to hurry him up.

The finger Yoongi has pointed at the sweets begins to falter. “The-,”

“The what? Namjoon asks, annoyed now.

Yoongi blinks, trying to make the donuts reappear in front of him. This is a cruel joke.

“That guy brought all the donuts!” He yells, starling Namjoon who takes a step back in surprise.

“What?”

Yoongi s his hands up in the air. “The guy with the stupid red hair that I let go in front of me because I left my wallet behind. And you were late.” He glares at Namjoon, as if it was his fault.

“Just get something else,” Namjoon replies, as if it were as easy as that.

Yoongi grumbles out a, “I don’t want anything else.” Before he gives Namjoon his coffee order and goes and sits down at one of the tables to wait.

Namjoon walks over a few minutes later with their coffees and two slices of chocolate cake. Yoongi glares at the slice in front of him as if it had offended him in some way. Namjoon laughs, amused at the scowl on his face.

That’s the last time Yoongi is letting anyone go in front of him, wallet or not.

~~.~~

He leaves Namjoon and the café a few hours later with the excuse of assignments falling from his lips that he’s sure Namjoon doesn’t believe for a second, but he finds himself not caring either way.

He thinks about going back home, but the thought of Tae being there when he returns causes his stomach to churn with unease. Though if he was to return and Tae was nowhere to be found, Yoongi would assume he’d gone to Jungkook, he’s not sure if he’d feel worse knowing that.

So instead he walks the streets of the city lined with small pop up stores on either side, his eyes cast up towards the grey sky that threatens to rain any second. He couldn’t find a more fitting day for his mood, it’s as if the whole universe knows that his heart was crushed with the promise of ‘I owe you’ and has decided to weep for him.

And it’s not even the fact that he was rejected that disrupts his mood. Not really. It’s more the fact that Yoongi himself was never one hundred percent sure of Taehyungs preference when it came to partners, and it only hurt him more when he found out that of course Taehyung likes guys, he just doesn’t want him.

Maybe Taehyung actually does like him, it’s just the fact that Jungkook got there first.

He shakes his head at the ridiculous thought that’s only there to help him rationalise the situation, and continues down the street, not realising he’d taken a turn back towards their apartment.

 

Taehyung is sitting on the couch with his laptop balanced on his knees when Yoongi returns. He looks up when the door opens, only to look back at his screen when he realises its Yoongi. Yoongi can’t help the hurt that he feels at that, but I truth he only has himself to blame.

He walks over slowly, seating himself on the end of the couch and stares at his hands. Never has Min Yoongi felt so unsure of himself, even when his parents refused to acknowledge his dream of pursuing music, he pushed forward. Even when everybody told him he can’t, he did everything in his power to prove them wrong. But now sitting in front of Taehyung knowing that he needs to apologise has him doubting everything he knows about himself. Taehyung does not look up, but Yoongi assumes the younger is only pretending to be busy on his laptop in an effort to force him to speak first.

Yoongi clears his throat, looking up. Tae’s hands stop, hovering over the keyboard, but he does not look up. “I’m sorry.”

Tae’s eyebrows crease together in confusion as he stares at his hands. “Why are you apologising?”

Yoongi laughs, hard and unamused. “I acted like a , not a friend. Would you prefer we kept on avoiding each other?”

Tae looks at him then a small smile on his face though his eyes remain cautious. “Well no, but I-,”

He cuts himself off with a shake of his head.

Yoongi unconsciously inches forward, eager to know what he was going to say. He arches his eyebrow, urging Tae to continue. The younger sighs, looking him in the eyes.

“-But what do you want, Yoongi?”

Yoongi looks down, avoiding his eyes as he thinks. Honestly he was hoping that Tae wouldn’t ask him, but is he actually sure himself? Would he have actually confessed or even done anything for that matter about his feelings if the two had not gotten drunk because he failed his exam? He thinks he could have gone on just pretending like he didn’t care either way, shoving his feelings into a box and slamming the lid. But the alcohol and the vulnerability of not knowing where his course was going had him feeling bold and that led them both here.

“I don’t know,” He mutters, more to himself. He hates that he’s acting like this, but the way Tae is looking at him with what he can only describe as pity, has him feeling small.

“You don’t know?” Tae’s tone is surprised as he stares at Yoongi.

He shakes his head.

“Well I do,” Tae continues his eyes filled with determination. “I don’t want anything to change between us. We’re friends first and roommates second.” He grins then, his eyes crinkling at the sides.

Yoongi just stares; he refuses to let Tae know how much those words hurt him. Because he is Min Yoongi and letting others know of his deepest feelings is not something that he does. So he does what he does best and gets up, ending the conversation and walking to the kitchen; his stomach grumbling at the thought of food, the cake he had earlier no longer sating him.

He opens the fridge his eyes zeroing in on a plate with a half-eaten pastry. Curious he picks it up, inspecting the treat as if it looked familiar. And in fact it did, because he’d seen the same donut in the café this morning, watched as it was snatched out from under his nose.

He turns to Tae again, the plate still in his hands. “Where did you get this?”

Tae looks from his face to the donut with slight confusion before answering. “Oh, Jiminie brought us those.”

Jimine? What kind of name is that? He nods instead of answering, of course the smiling boy would be one of Tae’s friends and of course Yoongi would run into him. That’s just how the world works.

“Why?” Tae asks, curiously.

Yoongi shakes his head. “No, it’s nothing.” He doesn’t need to know that he met the boy earlier today after he stormed out of here.

He turns away placing the plate back in the fridge. He’s unsure as to whether things are really settled between them, but at least he knows that they aren’t fighting, and walks to his room. He closes the door with a click his feet walking towards his desk without him telling them to, and places his headphones over his ears, his fingers holding a pen over his notebook.

And though he knows Tae means well he can’t help but get stuck on his words.

‘I don’t want anything to change between us.’

Yoongi’s not sure if he can live with that anymore.