This patch of grass has become a ground for debate. I know all the scriptures regarding homouality, God has made it clear as day that He does not tolerate homouality. I am not only a Christian but I also have a deep relationship with God. Then there is the society to deal with as if I do not have enough problems.

I find myself questioning what exactly drives my fear of coming out? Why should I come out in the first place, I have already come out of my mother, how many times should I come out in this life time? One word to describe myself is confused.

All I want is to be myself, why is that harder than saying all I want is a billion dollars? I cannot be myself when self is predetermined from birth. Institutionalised by the community, school, family, and religion. Is me questioning a sign that I am losing the battle with the devil? But why am I uncomfortable with the male species? Am I supposed to be celibate my whole- life? I am even scared to pray about it, but God says in Ephesians that I am blameless before him in love.

I knew that I would find you here said Bobby as he sat down next to me.

You know me the best I said holding my thumb up.

So, what is bothering you today, you did not even laugh at my chicken joke on Kakao? asked Bobby.

He had his hair dyed black and blonde, not many people can pull that off. Bobby is eighteen years old and is a first -year musical student at Seoul University, he is home for the holidays and  has took up the job as the café` manager.

I became Romeo today, I said laying back down and placing a hand over my eyes to shield them from the sun.

I know you are a poet, but that is a little bit extreme even for you Lisa said Bobby as he mirrored my position.

Mrs Kim is making us do a play and I am playing Romeo and Rose` is playing Juliet, I blurt out with anger I did not know I was bottling!

Bobby turns his head to face me and gives me his rabbit tooth smile and says,

Admit it, this is your dream come true.

I sigh heavily but I do not answer because deep down I know that he is right and that scares me a lot.