I have always thought girls were pretty, cute, funny, and awesome but I never really had an opinion about guys. I always felt awkward, nervous, and downright uncomfortable around them. My doctor says it is because I have never had a male figure in my life to interact with. In fourth grade, I kissed Jessica on the lips when we were playing hide and seek under the table. She told her mom about it and the next week, me and my mom had to move from Thailand to Korea. We never spoke about it.

What I do remember though is how free I felt kissing Jessica. It felt like drinking ice tea on a scorching hot summer day. I have carried that memory with me all these years, it has been a bittersweet experience. Every day I have a choice to truly express my authentic self or to carry on living a lie. I always chose the lie. I caught myself looking at Rose`s small waist and legs that never quit at a girl`s night sleepover over the weekend. I promised to keep myself hidden, because I do not feel like moving, again.

Rose` obliviously waved at me and I reluctantly returned the gesture.

Do you want to practice at my house, I will call Jisoo and Jennie for support she offered?

I simply shrugged as an answer.

Mrs Kim allocated the rest of the class with their characters. Whilst I was not happy about playing Romeo, I do not know how Chanwoo felt about playing the grass. 

The bell finally rang after an agonizing day. I packed my bag in haste to beat the hallway traffic. Hallway traffic can kill a person, you do not want to mess with kids who just want to go home after school.

The sky was clear with no trace of yesterday`s weather. I unchained my bicycle and pushed it to the road. The girls waved me good bye as they entered Mrs Parks car. They all live in the same neighbourhood and have been friends since kindergarten. Their moms take turns picking them up. The silver van drove of East leaving behind a horde of fanboys still staring at the car even after it turned the corner.

I rod my bike to my special place in JeJu Island, my gay friend Bobby recommended it to me when I had showed up at the café` owned by his family looking distraught. Jungkook had attempted to hold my hand that day. The small patch of grass was surrounded my long grass flowers, it was big enough to fit three people and completely keep them hidden from prying eyes.

I laid on my back and absorbed the vitamin D willing it to give me the strength to finally express who I am without shame. Willing it to give me the power to come out like I have always done.