Ahn Hyungseob had been suffering for three days. At first he thought that he was suffering from a sore throat but it all changed when his throat felt so itchy and painful that the intense pain made him dash into the nearest restroom and threw up.

His face paled as he saw the petals that he just threw up on the toilet bowl, it was a bunch of white petals. He wanted to freak out and tell the others but all of them were not in the dormitary at that time so he was left alone. His throat suddenly felt itchy again and threw up for the second time before walking back into his room and slumping at his bed.

“Ah, this is definitely the worst.” Hyungseob murmured, his voice was too raspy as he took his phone, “I should do a bit of research about this.”

As he opened his phone, the picture of him and Woojin during their training period on Produce 101 showed up and Hyungseob smiled. He suddenly remembered the moments where the boy would definitely wrapped his arms around his shoulders and they would play around together which made the others chuckling, and just shaking their heads.

“Ah, Woojin. I wonder what he’s up to these days..” Hyungseob murmured, “If only I could contact him. All I see is updates on their schedules, it must’ve nice to see him.”

In all of the sudden, his throat felt itchy so he remembered his true intentions and searched up about ‘throwing up flower petals’ and Hyungseob’s skin paled as he saw the blogs, and articles that was related to it.

‘The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love.’

“Hanahaki?” Hyungseob’s eyes widened as he looked at the informations, “One-sided love?”

And he suddenly remembered Woojin and his wide smiles revealing his snaggletooth which made Hyungseob facepalm-ed as his skin went paler.

“Oh no..” Hyungseob shook his head as continued reading the article.

‘ There are actually ways to cure the Hanahaki disease. 1. Through operation. You get to remove the blossoming and wilting flowers in the lungs, but your feelings also get removed as well.’

“What?” Hyungseob suddenly clenched his chest, “Why am I such an idiot for liking an another idiot?”

He suddenly thought of the happiness along with the butterflies on his stomach that he feels whenever Woojin laughs or do things that made him flustered. He remembered the pain he’s feeling whenever Woojin’s down, and stressed. He remembered the overflowing happiness that he felt when Woojin’s name was called for the sixth rank as his legs betrayed him and ran to his friend’s side and hugged him really tight despite the fear, and worry of not making it to the group. He remembered the despair he felt as he realized that after the show, he and Woojin would be in different paths. 

“S-Should I do this? I don’t.. want to forget,” Hyungseob murmured as he bit his lower lip due to the anxiety he’s feeling.

‘The second way is for the person you’re pining for to reciprocate your love.’

“Now, this is preposterous..” Hyungseob said as he scowled, “As if Woojin would like me the way I do.”

Woojin is cool, and y. There are a lot of people that was better than him, Woojin would probably fall for other people rather than him. This is impossible, especially now that he’s in Wanna One. Hyungseob is aware of the fact that his bestfriend would be shipped to the other members of Wanna One and to other girls from random girl groups.

“This is crazy. No. Nope. No way. This can’t be happening.” He stated as he gripped his hair really tight.

Woojin’s smiles. Woojin’s laugh. Woojin’s puppy eyes. Woojin’s smirk. All that he can think of is Woojin and he sighed in frustation as he kept on ignoring his thoughts but he just let it be while laying at his bed.

And he felt the intense pain and itch on his throat which made him dashed through the restroom as he threw up for the third time. The petals were pure white with a bit of yellow in its tip. Hyungseob can’t help but wonder why is this the flower he’s throwing up so he took some petals and stuffed it in his pockets before cleaning up.

He wouldn’t want to be bombed by questions of the other four then answering ‘Oh, I fell in love with Park Woojin.. it’s an unrequited one and I’m coughing up flowers because of it.’ to them. It’ll be a mess, Justin might order someone fo burn YMC and MNET in secret if this would be revealed to the others.

“This is definitely the worst..” Hyungseob said as he flushed the toilet.

Just in time, the door opened and it threw in four people. Justin was already asleep on the floor while Jung Jung yawned and carried Justin to their room. Seunghyuk greeted Hyungseob but he looked too tired so he went to his room, and Euiwoong was already at the couch. Despite being tired, a bunch of books was in the desk which looks like textbooks.

“Hey.” Hyungseob greeted him.

Euiwoong looked at him, “Hi hyung, what’s up?”

“I have to ask you something..” Hyungseob took a petal out and showed it him, “Do you know what kind of flower is this?”

“Eh? Wait, let me check the internet. It’s not like I’m that smart..” Euiwoong stared at his smartphone and after a minute, he looked at Hyungseob, “That’s from an acacia flower.”

“Really? Thank you.” Hyungseob said but as he was about to go back into his own room, Euiwoong spoke.

“Why did you asked about that,hyung? You’re not even fond of flowers.” He asked.

Hyungseob faked a smile before looking back at him, “It’s a secret for now.”

He went back to his room as he left the curious Metamong in the living room which just shrugged and went back on reading his books in order to catch up on his class’ lessons.

-----

It’s been almost two weeks, and Hyungseob was already throwing up a whole flower. At first, he was really scared but tired at the same time. Having a disease like this while having a hectic schedule die to the guestings, interviews, and training is a disadvantage. 

And Park Woojin being too good-looking, y and cute on Wanna One’s pictorials isn’t helping at all. He remembered accidentally hitting Seunghyuk really hard on his shoulder when he saw Woojin’s pictures. And he remembered all of his fanboying to the younger whenever he was spazzing on Wanna One.

That is not the worst part, the worst part is after doing an another research (it took him hours unlike euiwoong who just took up a minute because he’s kinda dumb and was too distracted on fanboying to Park Woojin) on the flower’s meaning. He felt like the whole world’s plotting an assassination against him after knowing the meanings.

The first one was that it is a value of friendship which Hyungseob agreed immediately. They were really close friends and quite inseparatable, both of them had shared a lot of precious memories and Hyungseob promised not to forget it. But the second meaning was ‘secret love’ and Hyungseob felt like he’s an idiot for loving Park Woojin too much.

But what can he even do? He likes him too much. It’s either that the boy is too irresistible or Ahn Hyungseob’s just too whipped on him.

“Ah, these flowers were so pretty. And I’m having a hard time on throwing these pretty ones away,” He stated and pouted while looking at the flowers on the ground, “What should I do?”

As he took all the flowers, he cleaned them up before taking it in his bed. As he opened his phone, his wallpaper was the first thing that he noticed. It’s Woojin, and that was one of his pics where he was posing like a dog with the facial cream applied in his face but Hyungseob thought that it was like a bunny and chuckled.

“I know! I’ll probably give him these!” He beamed before getting out of the dorm and buying a bunch of beautiful pink fabric wraps, a vase, and red laces which reminded him of the younger’s red hair.

As he was carefully putting the flowers on one of the fabric, he was also cutting the lace and once that he’s finished, he smiled as he looked at the flowers.

“It’s.. lovely,” He looked down, “But will he even like this? I’m so dumb.”

He took one of the acacia and put it in the vase he bought that was filled with water. He stared at it as he touched his left chest, he can’t help but feel anxious about this sickness especially after reading all of the symptoms, cure up to the worst case scenarios that might happen to someone who suffer from this disease.

“I’ll be having you here as a remembrance,” He stated before taking his hoodie.

It was already nine o’ clock and the others were not in the dorm once again since they went out to buy their dinner since Justin wasted their supposed-to-be dinner by trying to cook. Oh boy, they’ll let the brat get inside the kitchen ever again.

Despite the thickness of his jacket, Hyungseob felt so cold as he was walking until he arrived at the subway station. It was a long and silent ride, his attention was only at the flowers that was in his hands. After an hour and  a half, he arrived in front of Wanna One’s dormitory. In all of the sudden, all of his mustered up courage broke into pieces.

“Oh, they’re really successful.” He whispered before shaking his head, “That’s right, rubbish like me will be forgotten easily unlike them, a bunch of superstars.”

He looked around and saw no one so he climbed on the gate before carefully placed the bouquet in front of the door. He wanted to stay a bit longer but he heard footsteps so he immediately climbed up the gate and hid somewhere outside their temporary abode.

“It’s Sungwoon hyung..” He saw Sungwoon looked around before taking the bouquet and suddenly, Woojin appeared and it seems like the two were talking, “He’s so gorgeous.”

He observed the two until they went back inside and Hyungseob is left behind a wall, leaning on it while trying to smile despite the destructive thoughts that was crawling in his mind. If only he was a better person, he should'vd been there with Woojin.