For Infinite's Myungsoo.

“Hey man, you coming back down here anytime soon?” someone laughs as he snaps his fingers in front of my face, breaking me out of my thoughts.

“What’s got you so dazed, dude?” Dongwoo laughs, turning to look in the direction I was staring at.

He shouldn’t be able to spot a couple of girls down a couple of tables, since they’re chatting amidst the many other tables around us. But it’s Hoya who cranes his neck a little more and chuckles immediately at the discovery.

“You’ve got it bad, don’t you?” he laughs, taking a large bite out of his rice cracker from his lunch tray.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about man.” I scoff easily, leaning back in my chair, interlacing my fingers behind my head.

“Don’t play, man. I saw you leave that gum on her desk before class started.” Woohyun laughs, hitting my arm lightly. “What did you even do? She seemed pretty offended.”

“Oooh, leaving gifts now?” Sunggyu taunts, “How cute.”

“Little Myung is getting romantic?” Dongwoo smiles incredulously, “Damn, she must be something.” He laughs, ruffling my hair.

“ off, guys.” I sigh, pushing his hands away before starting back on my lunch.

Yeah, it’s true I left some gum on her desk with a playful note on it. She tends to bite or chew on her pens during class when she’s bored or even when she’s paying attention. She’s been doing that for the whole semester so far.

It’s not really like me to notice a girl’s habits or even to put a particular girl in my peripheral vision for that long, being that I’m an idol and all. But I can still admire from afar. No way I’m letting my little infatuation get discovered. Who knows who would hound her when they found out?

A harmless high school student who’s never wronged anyone being hunted down by Inspirit fangirls because an Infinite member went after her doesn’t seem like a good headline to me.

This is the first time I’ve shown any indication that I’ve noticed her. And she did seem a little surprised when she saw the gum and note on her desk.

She’s kind of a moody, quite one. Mysterious in that she’s always attentive and alert, but she chooses to move and react at a slower, calmer pace (if she moves at all), to put off she has perfect control of the situation. Whenever she stands to wait to get inside a classroom or sits to listen to a lecture, she won’t move, showing her patience since she doesn’t seem to fidget at all; keeping her weight and strength equal on each side of her body to stay perfectly still and comfortable.

She tends to wear a lot of dark colors that just add to her mystique and make me wonder what the dark is hiding underneath. It’s difficult to figure out her thoughts and opinions because she seems to enjoy being quiet even though she’s perfectly capable of providing well-educated answers during class.

I don’t get the chance to see her smile much, since she tends to keep her lips closed and her eyes open. Unless she’s chewing on a pen during a lecture or something. But the chances of me seeing a laugh come out of her in a class so dull and serious isn’t very likely.

Woohyun says that she laughs a lot in their English class together, which makes me a little envious. But if there’s anyone (besides her) who can hide his reaction behind a neutral face when Woohyun tells me these things, it’s me.

I was hoping to see a chuckle or something to slip out of her when she found my gum at her desk, but all I saw was a surprised but somewhat amused expression as she widened her eyes before she returned to her regular unreadable expression.

‘Maybe we should give those pens of yours a little break – L’

I thought it was quite an amusing message, at least.

But when she turned around to glance at me with her large doe-like eyes and calm expression, I just gave her the same half-lidded, carelessly calm look, lifting my chin slightly to acknowledge her.

She had nodded once slowly before turning back to unpack her supplies to get ready for class. But I did catch her slip a stick of the raspberry gum into before the teacher had started class.

I couldn’t help but smirk to myself a little. It’s just a natural reflex for my face to look smug when I’m satisfied, since we’ve been working on my smirk and stare for performances for so long. But smirk or smile, I was still happy that she seemed to accept my small little token of acknowledging our acquaintance.

When class had ended, I made sure to pack up at the same pace as her, but to get up earlier than her so I could get out of the classroom first.

I held the door for her and a couple of other students as they exited the classroom. A couple of girls thanked me, saying things like ‘Oppa is so kind’ and ‘Thank you for being such a gentleman L oppa’ or things like that.

But when she finally got to the exit, she nodded to me and gave me a soft thank you in her low and somewhat scratchy voice. And she even held up the gum by her head before she bowed her head to me once more before heading down to her next class.

I think that was the first time she’s spoken to me directly, and I must say, her voice sounded very attractive. Especially compared to the higher pitched shrieks I tend to hear surrounding the Infinite members. I mean, I appreciate it, but it can be a bit overwhelming, especially in a place where we’re supposed to study.

Who wouldn’t consider a nice girl with a calm reaction and an equally calming voice a breath of fresh air?

~

It’s been a couple weeks since the gum incident and we seem to have gotten more comfortable around each other. She greets me with a small bow if we pass by each other in the hallway, but it’s a subtle one. Barely anyone would be able to notice if they weren’t paying particular attention to her gestures.

I always return it with a nod, but we still haven’t gotten past both of our neutral cool exterior expressions yet. Don’t we make a good match? Two rocks that can’t seem to be cracked….

After another couple of weeks, when Infinite’s idol promotion activities have gotten a bit rowdier and higher on our priorities, I decide to take a chance before activities get even more hectic that I won’t see her as often anymore.

It’s right before lunch ends that I catch her when she leaves the girls’ bathroom. Since there’s no one in the hallway, I decide to stop her before she can just leave me with the usual head bow and small smile.

“Hey Jee.” I say with intent in my voice, holding my hand out to signal to her stop for a moment.

“Yes, what is it, Myungsoo-shi?” she asks in her low calming voice.

It’s so silky that I kind of want to drown in it.

I put my hands casually in my pockets as I try to look at her with a little more charisma and intensity in my eyes. “Would you like to hang out with me outside of school sometime today?” It comes out smoothly.

“Hang out?” she asks confusedly before it sinks in that I mentioned off-campus, “Oh. I’m sorry Myungsoo-shi. I have to work. I don’t think I’ll be able to take you up on your offer.” She bows apologetically.

“Hm.” I hum thoughtfully, waiting for her to stand back up, “Alright then.” I had not expected that. Not that I expected a dance or anything, but I hadn’t really thought out what I would do if she rejected my offer.

“How about some other time then?” I try again.

“I’m extremely sorry, Myungsoo-shi. But I don’t think I’ll be able to hang out with you. I’m usually busy with school work and my job, so I deeply regret that I won’t be able to spend time with you.” She says again, genuine resentment glistening in her eyes.

Not knowing what to do, I just continue to stand there with my hands in my pockets, turning my head to the side awkwardly to think of what to say next.

“I’m incredibly sorry. I know you must think I’m crazy to decline a date invitation from Infinite’s Myungsoo-shi, if that’s what you were asking. Even I find it a bit unbelievable,” she chuckles easily in her low tone, not nervous at all, “But I’m being honest. I have responsibilities outside of school that I shouldn’t burden, nor should I burden you when Infinite’s activities are getting busier. But thank you so much for the invitation, Myungsoo-shi. You don’t know how flattered I am.” She bows again.

As she starts walking away, I finally take my hand out of my pocket and take hold of her wrist. When she turns around, surprised at the sudden gesture, I speak, “If you’re not going to hang out with me, at least get rid of the formalities. You can just call me Myungsoo-ah. Or oppa. Or L. It’s really up to you.” I shrug.

“Alright, Myungsoo-ah.” She laughs.

I’m glad she didn’t choose oppa. It wouldn’t seem to fit her low and semi-husky voice, nor her non-fangirl image in my eyes.

“Thank you.” She bows once more before backing away, “I’ll see you around then.”

Not many people have gotten the privilege of me giving them a choice of what to address me as.

~

“I feel bad for you, man.” Dongwoo in a breath as he pats my back roughly before he and the guys break out laughing.

“It’s okay. She probably totally digs you but she was too nervous.” Woohyun reassures me sarcastically, closing his eyes as he nods as if he’s sure of his statement.

“Leave me alone.” I roll my eyes as I turn to look back out the window.

We’re on our way to witness the music video making our new song. This one is going to be completely different from our regular music video concept. This one is going to have a number of movie scenes from separate actors instead of us the whole time. It’s going to be an intense scene with an emotionally unstable and eccentric couple. It should be fun to watch.

When we’re in the studio, the directors lead us to the setting of the dim-lit brick walled room, some beaten and used-looking furniture sprawled around the scene. A dark, ominous feeling just lurks around the setup.

“The actors are about to come out. They’re just doing make up touch ups.” The director lets us know about the very heated and built up scene that’s about to be filmed. He tells us we should also evaluate the actors’ performance in order to see if they put enough emotion, intensity, and to judge it on how believable it is.

We all nod understandingly, getting a bit serious as the actors come out.

“Ah!” the director waves them over to us, “This is them.” He presents them in front of us.

A man in a loose white button up shirt. He’s extremely buff and I can tell that at some point in the filming, his shirt’s going to come off. He’s very handsome, very fitting for the image of an emotional boyfriend just waiting to throw some glass against the wall.

Then the girl steps forward, also wearing a loose button-up men’s shirt. I can only see her legs underneath the shirt but I’m going to assume that she has shorts underneath. Looking up, her long, dark, wavy hair frames her face well. Dark makeup makes her look older and more like a woman though she should be around 20. A dark, gothic and somewhat messy presence to fit with the room and theme of the music video and the song.

“Oh my god! Jiyoung, is that you?!” Woohyun suddenly shouts, holding his hand up to his mouth as he walks forward towards the girl.

“Hey Woohyun.” She chuckles in a low voice that I immediately recognize.

“Jee?” No doubt my eyes widen as I stand up straighter and pull my hands out of my pockets as I try to take her in.

She looks so different.

I almost mistook her for a woman in her twenties.

Darker around the face, lighter around the clothing. She looks older, more mature, extremely womanly. Very… y.

“Hi Myungsoo.” She smiles at me.

“Oh. Do you know each other already?” the director gawks at our exchanges as Woohyun starts playing with her wavy hair, an amused smile on his face.

I can’t help but feel a little jealous at the gesture. Since when had they become so friendly, without formalities? She seems quite comfortable with her smile around Woohyun hyung.

But of course, I manage to keep my emotions in place behind my neutral mask.

Woohyun quickly explains that she attends our school and asks her how she got a job like this.

So this is the work that she said she’s busy with.

But she tells us she’d prefer it if we didn’t ask her about that, hence the director gives them an overview summary of what they’re supposed to act out one more time before they start playing the music and rolling the camera.

When the music starts, Jee’s already seated on the couch with a dark, bland expression on her face, portrayed naturally and beautifully. She’s leaning forward, her elbows on her knees while her arms hang limply between her legs. And though she hands her head down, her eyes that stare straight ahead are perfectly dead-looking.

This role fits her image so perfectly that it scares me. No doubt it surprises me that she’s such a good actor that she can darken the atmosphere right when cued to do so. But as the same time, she makes the scene look so beautiful.

When the male actor walks past her to look out the window behind the couch for a short moment, I remind myself that this is her job. She’s an actress so she must have trained herself to not fall personally into these things. There’s no reason for me to get jealous over something that hasn’t happened.

But then again, since she’s so good at hiding her emotions, it’s harder for me to figure out what she thinks of this entire situation or any of the people she works with.

The man suddenly appears behind her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as he leans over the couch between them. But she keeps her gaze straight ahead and expressionless as she leans back into his grasp.

As I clench my fingers into a light fist, I realize that my hands have gotten a bit sweaty from the intensity of watching the scene unfold before me. Wow….

Being an idol, I’ve seen many scenes similar to this before, as well as the acting and filming of it. But knowing that the girl I’ve been infatuated with for the past several months is playing a part that’s going to show her in pain yet still passionately in love with someone else isn’t really ideal…..

After another minute of the man fondling her, she finally closes her eyes and lifts her head up to…. Kiss him. I just barely manage to stop myself from in an angry breath out as I watch his hands reach over to hold her face as he climbs over the couch to lie on top of her.

“Whoa…” I hear Sungyeol and Sungjong whisper as they watch the scene in front of them. Obviously, they didn’t expect quiet little Jiyoung to be able to kiss someone with such vulgar either. I admit, I’m not as surprised as them because I’ve kind of imagined her kissing someone before….

But that daydream was just a soft kiss.

What we’re witnessing now is a developing hot makeout scene. And I have to admit, the sight of her arching her back up against the guy is making me uncomfortable with the rage that’s developing in my chest and flowing through to form fists in my hands.

I don’t dare to clear my throat in fear of the other members noticing my discomfort. Although it seems they’re a little too mesmerized by the scene themselves.

Somewhere in the next 3 minutes, both of their cotton shirts have been either pulled off or ripped open, leaving a tight black yoga top on Jee’s torso and the white sleeves on her arms between them. And since the other guy is pulling her leg up near him, I can see the fitting light blue spandex shorts hugging her hips beautifully.

Finally, I take in a slow breath to calm myself down from both the rage and the excitement of watching them on the couch. I don’t really know how I’m going to be able to let it out without the members finding out until I see Jee start to grudgingly push the man away, putting on a look of discomfort.

Although she’s only acting, I still feel somewhat relieved and I’m able to release my breath calmly without losing face.

“Ya-YAH!” Jee shrieks, pushing his shoulders away roughly.

The sudden shriek that came out of gets a gasp out of a wide-eyed Woohyun. I guess he was either really into the scene or he didn’t expect that striking noise to come from someone so quiet and calm all the time. It looks almost as if he was about to step forward to stop filming.

Suddenly, the male actor pulls Jee up by the shoulders and pushes her back down on the couch violently, making another scream escape from .

He continues to pin down her shoulders and shake her as he screams at her, “Why?! Why are you acting this way?!” as she thrashes on the couch in attempt to push him off.

She manages to turn to the side, making them fall over onto the floor together. She lets out another emotional scream as she manages to stand on her knees and push him, “Stop! Leave me alone!” her cries seem to echo through the entire studio before her shoulders are captured in his hands again.

Her head turns to the side, and we can finally see her emotionally broken face, and the tears streaming down her cheeks that make locks of her hair cling to her face. Her cries are mixed in with the man’s screams and suddenly he hits her.

“Oh!” several of the Infinite members exclaim at the scene. Sunggyu has his hands covering his mouth while the others just leave them hanging in midair.

Even my mouth has popped open halfway while my eyes have widened in shock as well.

The man seems to have realized what he’s done to the one he loves and reaches his hands forward to hold her face but Jee just slaps them away sharply before backing away. She slides across the floor as she frantically kicks away from the man’s vicinity until she hits the foot of the bed behind her. And once she does so, she takes a few moments to pant and hug one leg to her chest and hide and chin behind her knee.

Her other leg is bent and tucked in front of her, her white sleeves hiding her bare legs away from view as she continues to splutter and cough out her tears.

The scene is so heartbreaking to see. Jee whimpering at the foot of the bed on the floor while her supposed lover is on his knees, still breathing hard.

He props his hands onto the floor beneath him to hold himself up, letting the light shine against his skin that’s glistening with a thin sheen of sweat. Jee’s hair has become a tousled mess while her white shirt lays limp and wrinkled against her arms and torso. Her crying whimpers make me continue to remind myself that she’s acting and not run up to her to help.

When the man finally crawls over to reach out to her, she slaps him away again, the anger clear in her eyes. She jumps up and he follows to hug her but she pushes him away with a great force that makes him stumble back a couple of steps.

She’s still crying as she backs away towards the window behind her. But suddenly the man rages again and pushes her against the brick wall next to the window, slapping the wall beside her head to vent out his anger. As she continues to cry, the running makeup starting to show against her pretty face, she leans her arms and head against the man’s chest, slowly walking forward and making her back up until they fall down onto the bed together.

Jee leans up and starts slapping his chest helplessly as she cries, but he grabs her wrists and pulls her on top of him, hugging her closely against his chest.

I don’t remember that we’re filming all of this until one of the close up cameras moves forward to capture their facial expressions as they just lay there together.

I tell myself to turn away to take a breath before returning to watch the scene being filmed, though it’s getting more and more torturous to watch Jee in such a state of hurt.

Soon enough, they’re back at it and standing up and Jee is pushing his chest away again.

Once.

Twice.

And suddenly she jumps up on him, wrapping her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck tightly, passionately. And he locks his hands together underneath her to support as he slams her back against the other brick wall of the room as they start to kiss again. This time with much more urgency, need, emotion.

She tries climbing higher against the wall she’s being pressed against to gain height on the guy and fondling his face and running her finger roughly through his hair as he presses her even harder against the wall.

But finally, five minutes, several broken glass picture frames, and a white cotton shirt later, they end up closing up on the scene of Jee being cradled in the man’s arms as she plays with the charm on his necklace. He holds the back of her head close to him to rest his lips against her forehead.

And finally, the director yells out the word “Cut!” and I feel as if it’s been the first time I’ve been able to breathe properly for hours. I just barely bring myself to clap for the performance they just put on like everyone else.

Jee smiles and bows to everyone; the directors, the camera crew, the Infinite members, and to her co-actor. He bows back with the same shy smile that I can’t bring myself to believe as genuine anymore since I just saw him almost deflower Jee before my eyes.

A makeup artist hands Jee a towel and she wipes all the makeup from her face as she starts heading back to dressing room.

For the next 30 minutes, I’m left speechless and I allow myself to saunter in the background as the director and managers continue to talk to us about the scene just filmed and the rest of the concepts of the music video.

While everyone else discusses the music video ideas, I just continue to replay all those violent scenes of Jee that I had just watched and how okay she seemed to be about the situation.

Thinking about how her image in my head has completely changed and made me cautious about judging her and thinking about her thoughts or what could possibly be going through her head.

How was she so experienced with this kind of scene? This obviously wasn’t her first time filming something like this.

And how many times had she done this before? How much is she into this industry? How much is she worth in this industry….?

Who else has hired her?

How many music videos has she starred in before?

Later on, I let myself into her dressing room while the other guys just explore the rest of the studio.

“Myungsoo-ah.” She turns in her chair to face me instead of just smiling at me through the reflection in the mirror, “How are you?” she asks politely.

“I’m…. good. Very… shocked. To say the least.” I reply.

“Yeah, I don’t blame you.” She shrugs.

She’s back to her regular clean face and dark hair with her dark street clothing framing her body again.

Now that I had a good idea about what her figure looked like beneath, I couldn’t help but stare a little.

She notices, but she doesn’t confront me about it, just deciding to turn back around in her chair to face the mirror again. “Do you think it’ll fit your song well?” she asks.

“It should fit perfectly…” I say slowly, walking towards her in the chair. I place my hands on her shoulders just because I want to see know privilege her co-actor had experienced.

“You did well…” I say, running my hand along a lock her hair.

Now that I knew what she was capable of, I had a longing to see what it would feel like to kiss her with such intensity. “I was extremely impressed with your performance. How long have you been doing this kind of work?”

“A couple of years, actually. I’m told that I’ll be able to make a debut as an actress soon.” She smiles.

“Good for you.” I sit in the chair beside her, pulling it closer to hers, casually. “Maybe we’ll get to work together sometime in the future.” I stare at her in the mirror.

“I don’t really see that happening unless we both get casted for the same movie or drama or something.” She laughs, “Why? What kind of work situation did you have in mind?” she turns her head to actually face me.

After a moment, I turn to face her as well, our faces several inches apart.

Still, both our dark eyes and unreadable expressions match each other stupendously, so it’s hard to read anything in her features besides her overall attractiveness.

“I don’t know,” I shrug, “Something with a kiss scene. I’m sure you’d be able to teach me a few things.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Becuz i felt like writing about him. :P I said I'd dedicate this to the only L-biased person i know on this site, so this is for you, U-KISS_ME

I know a lot of the descriptiveness wasn't really necessary but I just felt like I needed it in order to enhance the intensity/imagery of the situation. 

Thank you for reading.