Warning:12k words of gibberish and Lu Han's a crybaby 

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TRACK 11: 11:11 - TAEYEON

Lu Han often times wonders just how long does a heartbreak last.

As he nurse a glass of rum in his hand, he thought of the time that had passed. He thought of the last time he had seen him, thought of the last time he had kissed him, and thought of the last time he turned his back against his tear stained cheek. The image of Minseok's crying face still burned in the back of his mind like it was just yesterday. The image and feelings were still so fresh. Even the warmth of the boy's lips still lingered and so does the heartbreak that came along it.

Ten years had passed yet his heart still continued to ache and break. It still loved Kim Minseok even after all these years.

He gulped the remaining amber liquid in his glass without flinching. He found a little solace with the burn the liquid carves in his throat and even if it doesn't last for long, he's willing to take it.

While most people cherish the idea of day offs, Lu Han dreaded them. He dreaded how he don't have anything to do but to mope around his apartment the whole day when he don't have any photoshoots to attend to. He dreaded how he was left with his own devices and the memories of a past love he just can't seem to forget. He dreaded remembering those beautiful eyes, those nose, those lips and the entire existence of the love that was Kim Minseok.

He dreaded remembering the fact that he had probably moved on and didn't even waited for Lu Han.

He dreaded remembering that he was the only one still caged in these feelings.

He wish he could call Yixing for a drink and to have someone to share the pain that he's kept, and continues to keep, inside. While there were instances that the man would come and listen to Lu Han's woes (he had done so a lot of times for the past ten years and was now perfectly familiar with the entire story), Yixing had been really busy lately because of his growing popularity as a soloist. Lao Gao was another option but he know his manager needed to spend time with his family more. He have other friends but Lu Han doubts they would understand him.

Yixing and Lao Gao were his best option because they never told him to move on. They understood him and not once had they called him stupid for still thinking about the boy he left ten years ago.

He knew that if he ever tell his other friends about his lingering feelings toward an ex lover, they will tell him to move on.

They will tell him to let him go, to let his heart free, because for the love of God, it has already been ten years. Truthfully, if such thing was happening to someone who wasn't him, he'd probably say the same.

But that's the thing, it wasn't happening to them.

They don't have a single idea of what he was feeling because if you were to ask Lu Han, he also wanted to move on. He also wanted to stop the pain, to finally forget the love that continued to bound him to Kim Minseok. They have no idea of the regret that still haunts him. They have no idea about the part of him that stayed when they shared their last kiss. They have no idea of how much he misses him still.

And in reality, moving on was an easy thing to say to a person when you have no idea of how they truly felt.

Sighing, he placed his empty glass on top of his kitchen counter. The room was ice cold but the twenty eight years old model didn't cared. He simply returned the bottle of rum to its usual place before turning the lights off. He trudged to his living room with nothing in mind. He could hear the faint sound of the city down below, the blasting of sirens, the occasional screaming of drunken teenagers and some stray cats mewling. His digital clock says 11:11 pm and that was all the convincing Lu Han needed to finally sleep. Turning the last light in the living room, the model finally made his way to his bed room.

His room had always been so spacious. His mother once complained that it was too big for a single man, subtly implying that Lu Han should probably start seeing someone else. The woman might not voice it out, but her eyes screams the words people says to him upon knowing his story. He could tell it pained her how things ended in between him and Minseok yet he could also tell that it pained her more seeing Lu Han act this way. And Lu Han wanted to tell her that he doesn't like being this way as well.

But everytime he sat on his soft mattress, eyes immediately falling on the picture frame on top of his night stand, he know that there was no way out of this misery.

Everytime he caught sight of Minseok's smiling face, he know that his misery had not reach its end just yet.

Everytime he remembers the story behind that picture, he know that it will forever be engraved in his mind and heart.

Everytime he remembers, the chain that bounds him continues to tighten its grip around him.

He didn't even knew that it was possible to mourn over a broken love for this long until it happened to him. He didn't even knew Minseok would have so much impact on him and how one wrong move could possibly continue to hurt you even after ten years.

And that was his biggest fault.

. . . He never knew nor he even thought of it.

Lu Han took the photo frame from the night stand and stared at it fondly. His fingers brushed over the image of young Minseok and once again wondered where he was now. He wondered if he ever made his dream come true and wondered if he was happier than how Lu Han was now.

He wanted to ask Yifan but he know that the younger would only scoff at him and tell him to just return to South Korea to see the answers to his every questions. Thinking back, he doubt the boy could help him, seeing that he had already migrated in Canada. Joonmyun would contact him once in a while but he always tells Lu Han he lost contact with Minseok years ago after they moved to a different city. He often tells Lu Han to go check on Baekhyun but Lu Han find himself chickening out in the last minute.

(Besides, there was no assurance that Baekhyun would help him after he left without telling them.)

With one last brush of his thumb on Minseok's face, Lu Han returned the picture frame to it's usual place. He turned off the table lamp. In an instance, darkness enveloped the place yet the man's eyes was still stuck on the picture of Minseok.

"One day. . ." he breath out with a heavy heart. "I believe, I'll be over you."

[ everything finds its place and leaves, you took all of me and left. but like the two hands of the clock in my heart, i keep lingering in the same place. ]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TRACK 12: TIME LAPSE - TAEYEON

"How are you?"

Those were the first words Joonmyun spat the moment he sat on the chair opposite to the younger. They were meeting (for old time's sake) on a cozy coffee shop after Joonmyun contacted him and saying he was in Beijing. And being that it's been so long since he had last seen the man, the model agreed to his offer without second thought. Lu Han laughed under his breath at the question, but instead of answering, he leaned back and took in his attire. Joonmyun was wearing a black tuxedo and gray tie. The man had always been the neat and business-like type even back then and seeing him like this was, how do he say it? Not that surprising at all. Office jobs, suits and ties and money in general all suit Joonmyun on different levels.

"I'm doing good." Lu Han finally said after his observation. His response was then rewarded by the man's dazzling signature smile.

"I'm glad to hear that." Joonmyun grinned widely, saying his order to the employee who approached them. Lu Han did the same. When she was finally out of ear shot, he returned his attention back to the younger man.

"It's been so long, I'm so glad to see you again." The older said with a fond smile.

"I'm glad to see you too. I told Yifan he should come with me to meet you but he was saying something about it being a hassle." Joonmyun grumbled with his lips forming into a unamused pout. To Lu Han's perspective, he sounded and looked like a mother who got rejected by her son in joining a family get together. And somehow, that continued to put a smile on Lu Han's lips.

Seeing that some people have not changed over the years was somewhat comforting. Their appearance might say otherwise but Lu Han had long since learned to look pass them.

"You know Yifan," He started as he tapped his fingers on top of the table. "He'd get all the chance to be able to laze around." Lu Han said.  He know that Yifan had been really exhausted nowadays (being a film director and all) and he doesn't even feel angry that he choose to rest than meet him. Unlike him, Yifan was probably downright in love with his day off.

Joonmyun merely sighed but nodded nonetheless. He can perfectly see where Lu Han was coming from. "Anyways! So I went back to South Korea last week, right? Guess who I saw?" He then started excitedly. His eyes legit sparkled as he waited for any response from the elder. While the excitement on Joonmyun's face caught him off guard, there was this sudden skip of his heart with the prospect of who this person the younger was talking about.

Suddenly, an image of a past love crossed his mind.

Trying his hardest to hide all of his anxiety and excitement, Lu Han his lips and asked: "Who?"

"Baekhyun!" He exclaimed.

A disappointed 'oh' left his lips and it didn't escaped Joonmyun's observant eyes. The younger man's expression fell with the realization that Lu Han was probably expecting someone else's name. "Sorry, I got too excited and—"

"It's fine." Lu Han cut off with a wave of his hand. He didn't want Joonmyun to see how disappointed he was but he was sure that his expression betrayed him. The waitress finally arrived with their drinks and placed it on their table with a smile. They paid their own drinks after thanking her."So, what about Baekhyun?" Lu Han asked and took a sip of his drink. The hot water slightly burned his tongue but he tried his best to mask it. If the younger saw how he flinched, he didn't show it. Instead he sat straight and grinned wider.

Clearing his throat, Joonmyun nodded and fiddled with the rim of his glass. "So yeah, he's still together with Chanyeol! Can you believe that? And you know what's even more amazing?"

Lu Han wanted to retort about what's more amazing with Chanyeol being able to tolerate Byun Baekhyun for all these years but then choose against it. He guess Joonmyun might not appreciate his sarcasm that much. So not face his wrath, he settled with a simple 'What?'.

"They adopted twins!" He exclaimed and if it was even possible, the elder swore the grin on his face continued to stretch wider.

. . . Lu Han blinked.

Wait, what?

"Excuse me?" The model asked without even realizing.

"I said, Chanyeol and Baekhyun adopted twins! Can you believe that?" He exclaimed for the second time.

The screws in Lu Han's brain whirled slowly like he was not fully comprehending what Joonmyun had said. Okay, scratch that. He understood what the younger had told him. He understood it clearly. What he doesn't understand was the fact that those two choose twins. Both males were already a handful so choosing twins was like slow death in a form of pretty toothless smile and innocent eyes.

Lu Han opened and closed his mouth while he thought of words to say. He knew that if he voice out was he was thinking, Joonmyun would scold him and tell him to stop exaggerating and have faith in those two for once. So to not face his possibly an hour long of nagging about the downside of belittling people he simply nodded. "I'm happy for them." He stiffly said. ". . . I guess."

Joonmyun doesn't look convinced but Lu Han was more than glad when he simply nodded and took a sip of his drink. "Actually, I don't know if you'd be interested in knowing but. . ." The younger started after taking a sip of his drink. Lu Han noted how he had his hands wrapped around the cup and fingers tapping along the ceramic. Joonmyun was unsure and contemplating some things which made the elder slightly confused. "Baekhyun told me that—um. . . That, they. . . I. . ." He murmured with his eyes darting here and there. But after for a few seconds, he simply let out a defeated sigh. "Baekhyun told me that it was Minseok who introduced the twins to them."

Lu Han visibly turned rigid at the mention of 'his' name.

It was as if the time had stopped and all the noises drowned out in a deep black abyss and all he could hear was the sudden erratic beating of his heart.

The taste of coffee in his tongue suddenly tasted so bitter and he was well aware of how his hand had turned clammy. He felt how his pulse vibrated and the sudden flow of heavy emotion was nearly enough to make him dizzy.

Minseok.

After for what seemed like forever, he was finally going to hear some news about the man.

"Lu Han," Joonmyun frowned in worry. He reached out for the elder's hand that was in a tight fist on top of the table in attempt of calming him down. "Are you okay? I'm sorry, I shou—"

"H-how is he? Is he fine? Is he doing good? Have he finished Med school? Is he still in Korea? Did you see him? Is he still the same?" The question flowed rapidly from his mouth and the younger could only blink, obviously caught off guard. Noticing this, Lu Han flushed red and tried to calm down.

He felt so excited that he forgot to filter his words.

"I-I'm sorry." He tipped his head low. "I don't know what had gotten into me. I just. . ." He murmured and thought acceptable reasons to say and not just the 'I got excited with the possibilities of hearing some news about Minseok because I'm still not over him and is still hoping that we still have a chance like the hopeless fool that I am'. But when he realized the fact was probably written all over his face, he gave up. "I don't know. . ." He murmured.

Noticing this, the younger smiled in understanding. "Minseok. . ." Joonmyun started after taking another sip of his drink. "Minseok, from what Baekhyun told me, is now a resident pediatrician in Seoul National University Hospital." He grinned as he saw how proud Lu Han looked with the news. "He told me Minseok passed his licensure exam with flying colors and Baekhyun even gave me his phone number and address. And as for your other question, I didn't saw him because I had to fly to Vietnam for a meeting that night."

"Wow. . ." He breath out, eyes twinkling with what could only be admiration. "He did it." Lu Han grinned widely to which Joonmyun reciprocated with his own.

"He did." The younger confirmed and they sat there with smiles on their faces. Both of them were happy for Minseok but Lu Han's smile easily overpowered the younger man's. Both men were cocooned in a comforting silence after the news. Lu Han was looking at his reflection on his coffee. He could see himself smiling back.

Yet he could also see the realization that had passed in his doe eyes.

Minseok did it.

Minseok had reached his dreams. He had acquired everything that he wanted in his life. He had worked hard for it and now he was finally on top.

And he had done it all without Lu Han by his side.

Suddenly, the memories of him proudly stating he'd help him achieve his dreams crossed his mind. He had promised that he'd be there for Minseok. He had promised he'd be there from the day he graduates to the day he'd officially reach his dreams, he promised that he'd be the loudest of all the spectators because he'd be screaming his name for he'd be the proudest boyfriend ever, he promised that he would always be the shoulder he could lean on when he would have enough of med school and wanted to rest.

He promised all of that.

Yet in the end he wasn't able to keep it.

Downing the rest of his coffee, he swallowed the liquid along with sudden tightness of his chest and the tears that were threatening to form. He didn't want to show any sort of vulnerability to a friend he hasn't seen for so long and also on a broad daylight. But Minseok still affect him like this and sometimes he just can't stop himself everytime he crossed his mind.

"You still love him, don't you?" Joonmyun asked with a soft voice. He probably think that Lu Han's really pathetic for acting like this, like their breakup was just yesterday. But to his defence, you simply just can't get over from a heartache.

Scared that he might break down if he utter a single word, the elder only nodded.

"Han. . . What if I offer you something?" The young businessman questioned. He stared at the elder straight in the eyes, searching for something that the elder couldn't fathom. He could see him hesitating but the hesitation couldn't hide the determination that he sees in his brown eyes. "What if I offer you a chance to go back to South Korea and there's a possibility that you will see Minseok again? Will you take it?"

Lu Han was obviously shaken by Joonmyun's question. His eyes widened a few centimeters like the younger just suggested that he buy the whole world and was offering it to Lu Han.

"W-what for?" The elder shakily asked. "What good will it do if I see him again? Minseok is probably happy now and me suddenly making an appearance won't do him any good." He reasoned out, remembering the event that transfixed years ago in his room when he admitted to the elder that he still love him. The words Minseok spat tore his heart apart and Lu Han feared that he'd hear them again.

"You say that," Joonmyun frowned. "But what if he hasn't? What if he is waiting for you to come back?"

"That's impossi—"

"You can't be sure, Lu Han." The younger cut his word with a firm strict voice. He crossed his arms on his chest and leaned back on his chair. He rarely see this side of the businessman, Joonmyun was too nice to use his persuasion skill to his friends, but when he do it meant that he had gone desperate. The elder could tell that he want him to settle this once and for all.

"Han," Joonmyun sighed when he didn't got any response from the model. "Do you know how broken Minseok looked when you left? Regret was written all over his face and he couldn't even smile genuinely during his own graduation." He told the elder. "Lu Han, what if you're not the only one suffering like this? What if Minseok is also waiting for you? What if he's in the same state? I don't want to sound harsh but you know what I think? I think you're selfish." Joonmyun spat with venom.

"You lost Minseok due to your selfishness years ago and you're doing it again." Joonmyun sighed in defeat. "Stop thinking about yourself for once, Lu Han, and think about what Minseok feels because you know what I think? You're not the only one who is suffering." He said with finality. The young businessman checked the time on his wrist watch and sighed. He stood up from his seat as Lu Han continued to sit there motionless and weighing his words.

"I have to go. . . But think hard of my offer and when you finally decide, and I hope you say yes," The younger said and patted his shoulder. "Call me, okay?" With final squeeze, the younger left.

Lu Han was left to weigh down his words. His heart didn't felt any lighter, instead it feels like the world decided to throw all of its heartaches on him to the point where he wouldn't be able to stand up.

He felt like he was drowning and there was this certain weight that kept on pulling him down.

And Lu Han continued drown deeper and deeper.

[ still, if your name comes to mind, tears well up. if i close my eyes for a moment, i can still see you. even if everything changes, you're still in the same place, with the same appearance, you still keep on making me cry. ]

 

 

 

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TRACK 13: FINE - TAEYEON

Lu Han was welcomed by some peculiar people on his first day.

One was grinning so wide and appeared like he was stopping himself from screeching under Lu Han's presence (he had prominent dark circles and an image of a panda crossed the elder's mind). The other had this dead eyed look and seemed to be cursing the whole world (although he was probably thinking of nothing because he was used to 'resting -faces' courtesy of Yifan and a lot of other models). The last one, he can't even see because he was too busy hiding behind the indifferent model. Also, he's really tiny so it was hard for Lu Han to see him properly. This brand was also famous for its kid's apparel so it makes perfect sense that they hire a child model.

"So, Mr. Lu Han, these are Huang Zitao," The woman who introduced herself as Sunny pointed at the giddy looking model. "Oh Sehun," Then to the other model. "And of course! Lee Mark!" She gushed and she tried to get the little one to leave his comfort zone, which was -faced—Sehun's back. "Come on now, introduce yourself." Sunny pouted when Mark continued to hide himself.

All her efforts was then put in vain when all Mark did was murmur a shy 'Hello'.

Clearing and to not show her disappointment, she turned back toward Lu Han. "Sorry, he's really shy." She apologized to which he responded with a grin and saying 'It's fine'. Lu Han swore Zitao was about to shriek but Sehun jabbed him with his elbow before he could do so. Sunny was clearly embarrassed by the model's antics and shoot another apologetic look to Lu Han. "U-um, we are the models who are going to be with you for this brand's spring collection! It's an honor to be able work with you!" She ended her introduction with a very formal bow to which Zitao and Mark mimicked, while Sehun merely did a curt nod.

"Please don't be so formal," Lu Han requested while doing a bow of his own. "If there's anything, I'm sorry for causing troubles. I wasn't informed about this project until two weeks ago." He reasoned out, cringing inwardly with the fact Joonmyun managed to squeezed him into this when they already have this many models for this collection. Sometimes he can't help but think that the younger was involved with shaddy business. He have so much connections despite being so young (Joonmyun was undeniably young for his field).

But then again, he managed to convince Lu Han to fly back to South Korea after ten years, so the younger was probably just amazing at persuading and having people wrapped up around his fingers.

His words continued to haunt the elder to the point of breaking down. He was a complete mess that he wasn't able to work properly for days. And when he finally had enough, he called the younger and told him he was accepting his offer.

Joonmyun didn't even masked his happiness when he did so with his loud excited triumphant scream (he swore he even heard something being hit followed by Yifan's loud 'ouch! What the hell?! Stop it! Hey!'). The next day, the younger sent him his contract via email and told him everything had been taken care of, from the place where he's going to live for six months, to his payment, down to cancelling his shoots in China without it affecting his career.

Once again, Lu Han couldn't help but to fear the man.

"You're not causing any troubles Lu Han ge!" Zitao's loud voice woke him up from his light trance. The boy was now shifting his weight from one foot to another and Sehun was rolling his eyes and shaking his head. Lu Han could mildly recognized the disgust and disappointment in his eyes. "I can't believe that I would be able to work with you! Oh my gosh, you're like one of the models that I look up to! I follow all of your social media account and me—"

"Okay, that's enough." Sehun interrupted and covered Zitao's mouth with his hand. "Let's go meet the photographer before you completely embarrass yourself." The boy grumbled as he drag Zitao away. The latter was whining something incoherent while sending wistful look toward Lu Han until they disappeared from his sights.

The elder merely laughed nervously.

"Oh God, that was embarrassing." Sunny whined from her spot. With Sehun gone, Mark now choose to hide behind her. Although compared to the boy, Sunny was shorter and didn't hid the kid as much as he had with Sehun. "I swear Tao's harmless if you go pass his fanboy tendencies."

"It's fine. I've seen worse." Lu Han assured with a comforting smile. Sunny didn't look convinced but instead of pushing the matter, she simply sighed and roamed her eyes to the studio. They were waiting for the staffs to finish preparing so that they can officially start the first line of clothing.

Lu Han was busy doing the same.

That until he felt someone staring at him.

Blinking, he looked down to Sunny's legs and saw Mark looking up to him with his wide doe eyes. Realizing that he'd been caught, the child visibly flushed red and resumed hiding behind the woman's legs. Lu Han didn't even stopped himself from chuckling at the child's adorableness. Crouching so that he could be eye level with the kid, Lu Han beamed at him. "Hi there, Mark!" He greeted cheerfully. "How are you?" Lu Han then choose to start with the basic.

Mark blinked as he clutched on the hem of Sunny's shorts. ". . . I'm fine." He said softly, his shy nature showing as he looked down on the ground with flushed cheeks. A feat that somewhat reminded him of a chubby little boy whom a young Lu Han asked the same question years ago.

The nostalgia itself softened the smile on the elder's lips. "I'm glad to hear that." He murmured and reached out to ruffle the boy's hair. Mark then shyly peeked at the elder from his lashes with a small smile forming on his lips.

"He's cute, isn't he?" Sunny asked to which Lu Han responded with a nod, eyes not living the boy in front of him.

"Is he related to you?" Lu Han finally asked after their small stare off. He looked up from his position and saw the woman shrug.

"Not really," She admitted. "He's actually the son of Sehun's friend. Sehun bought him to the set one day and the rest is history. Everybody falls in love with him at first sight." The model smiled fondly and ruffled the child's dark locks. "With that being said, he'll only work once a week prior to his father's request. You could say he's only a part time model. He said something about Mark being too young to do this but Sehun must have done something for him to agree even for a tiny bit."

"That's actually understandable." Lu Han nodded in agreement. Returning his attention back to the little boy who was still staring at him, he smiled once again. "How old are you, Mark?" He asked.

Mark seemed to have a habit of blinking before responding and Lu Han wouldn't be denying when he says that he found it cute. The little boy then raised five of his fingers in response to his question which made the smile on Lu Han's face turn into a full grown grin.

"Wow! Really? You're a real big boy!" He exclaimed, eyes twinkling with pure joy. "Me I'm already twenty eight years old. Hyung's really old, isn't he?"

"Really?" Mark asked with a tilt of his head. "You're the same age with my daddy." The little boy commented. Lu Han's mouth formed into a small 'o' upon hearing the information. He was actually expecting the man to be older than thirty so hearing that he was younger than he expected was quite surprising.

"Your daddy's really young." Lu Han couldn't help but to voice out his thoughts. At that, Mark frowned.

"But you said you're an old man therefore daddy's an old man too, right? And old people are not young. . . They're old." The little boy commented which earned him an amused giggle from Sunny who was watching them. Lu Han was about to retort but Zitao halted whatever it was he was about to say when he announced (rather loudly and excitedly) that they now have to change their clothes. The woman rolled her eyes but motioned the male model to follow him and Mark to the dressing room.

To sum it all, his first day ended rather uneventful, with Lu Han going home to his temporary apartment that he shares with Lao Gao, exhausted and not seeing not even the shadow of Kim Minseok.

[ my true feelings on a torn paper are getting clear. ]

Days turned into weeks.

Weeks turned into month.

And before he knew it, a month and a half had already passed.

By now, Lu Han was already familiar with his workmates and even got closer to Mark. Before, the little boy would shy away and hide behind the nearest person, now, he follows him like a lost puppy whenever he's around. The staffs called them adorable especially on days where Lu Han sits on his folding chair, Mark on his lap, and the elder feeding him with a cookie or any food that he has. The resident photographer even took a stolen shot of them in that position. Lao Gao even joked that Mark could be his long lost son to which Lu Han merely rolled his eyes at. While Lu Han would not mind having Mark as his son, he never forgets that the little boy already has a father.

A father who Lu Han had not met just yet.

"What's that?" Mark asked one day and pointed at the paper on Lu Han's hand. The model looked up from the rectangular piece of paper and smiled at the little boy. They were both wearing the same leather jacket and blue denim jeans. It was the photographer and fashion editor's idea after they noticed how close the two had become. They said something about the crowd will love the idea of father and son matching clothes.

"This?" Lu Han waved the paper and Mark nodded. "This is actually an address. My friend gave it to me and I'm supposed to go here."

Mark did his usual blinking before a small 'oh' left his mouth. "And where does it say?" The child ask with a cute tilt of his head. Lu Han chuckled at his antics and pulled the little boy to his lap.

"Seoul National University Hospital." He replied before poking his nose, earning a giggle from Mark. "Do you know where that is?" Lu Han decided to humor the boy. He knows his way around the city despite of the years that had already passed but for the sake of the conversation, he decided to ask directions from the little boy.

As if something in him clicked, Mark perked up from his spot and grinned widely. "Oh! Oh! I know where that is! That's where my daddy works!"

Okay, that was unexpected.

"Your daddy works in SNUH?" Lu Han asked with raised eyebrow.

"Yup!" The little boy chirped. "He's a doctor and he's really cool!"

Well, that explain why he haven't seen him yet. Lu Han was actually looking forward to meeting his father so that he could formally introduce himself. But of course he hadn't been able to. It was Sehun who brings the boy to the studio and it was also him who brings him back home. When the older model asked why, the younger simply shrugged and said that Mark's Dad was busy. 

"Daddy actually said he wanted to meet gege." Mark said, using the term Lu Han taught him.

"Really?" The elder asked.

"Yup! He told me I should bring you to his work one day." He grinned, showing his small teeth in the process. "My daddy is really busy during the day so he can't meet you, but he told me I'm free to bring you with me when I visit him."

". . . That's actually good." The elder thoughtfully said. If it comes down to it, he could ask Mark's father about Minseok and finding him would be easy. He had been delaying his search because his nerves was getting the best of him but this was probably the right time that he do so. Although he was a hundred percent sure he wouldn't be able to approach Minseok if he do see him, at least he could get a glimpse of the man. He could at least see how he's doing. "Are you going to see him today?" He finally asked after weighing down his options.

Mark merely nodded.

Mimicking his gesture, Lu Han rewarded the adorable boy with his signature smile.

Two more hours after, a still very poker faced Oh Sehun drove them to the hospital. Mark was the one who filled him with the details. Sehun shrugged without much interest, only saying that they better not tell Zitao that he had a mini road trip with Lu Han without him or he's going to throw a fit (Zitao was not scheduled for the photoshoot that day). Giggling, the duo crossed their hearts in unison.

The hospital lobby was something that to be expected from a huge hospital such as SNUH. There were a lot of people scattered around. Some wore scrubs and white coat while most were probably visitors and out patients and other health care workers going home. Sehun left them near the receptionist desk.

"He'll lead you the way." The model gestured to Mark with his chin. The little boy was holding Lu Han's hand and was giving the man a toothy smile. "Say hi to hyung for me, okay?" The young model flashed the little boy his rare smile before ruffling his hair. He said one cold 'see you around' to Lu Han but the elder had learn to brush it off and only responded with an easy-going smile.

They both watched the boy go out of the glass doors until he disappeared from their sight.

"So, where to?" Lu Han asked the little boy who still had his eyes stuck to where Sehun disappeared. As if just realizing it, Mark blinked a couple of times before dragging Lu Han to one of the elevators.

"Daddy always tells me to wait for him on the rooftop. Sehunnie already asked Ms. Yoon to call daddy so we should wait there." The child said with so much enthusiasm. He was even hopping and greeting every hospital staffs he meet along the way. "You're going to like my Daddy, gege! He's really nice and a lot of people like him! He help a lot of sick kids, he even sings for them!" Mark boasted as they boarded the elevator, not forgetting to greet the nurses who went out of the machine. He was rewarded by the same enthusiastic greetings with one asking him if he was going to see his daddy. The little boy said yes with a big smile (Lu Han was honestly wondering if his face was starting to hurt with all the smiling he had been doing) and waved them goodbye when the elevator doors finally closed.

"You really like your daddy, don't you?" Lu Han asked.

"I really really really like my daddy!" Mark gushed as he swung their intertwined hands. "I want to be like him one day. He's like superman and he's really strong too! You see, Sehunnie once challenged him to an arm wrestling and Sehunnie lost." He giggled at the memory. Lu Han was smiling fondly at the little boy as he continued to boast about this daddy the elder had not met just yet. There was something in the way the little boy talk about his father that you couldn't help but listen. He didn't even realized that they had reached their destination until Mark stopped talking and pulled him out of the elevator.

The sun was covered by clouds when they reached the rooftop. Lines of white blankets were left out to dry with the cool spring breeze swaying them. Mark continued to pull him, passing the white sheets in between gaps, till they reached a bench beside some pots of flowers. "These are daddy's." He gestured to the plants. "Daddy told me one day that when he can't go home, he talks to the fairies living in the flowers and asks them to protect me. I never met the fairies though, daddy told me I wasn't ready yet." The little boy explained, pouting after saying the last lines.

Crouching down so he could be leveled with the boy, Lu Han stared at the pot of flowers.

Although he wasn't familiar with flowers and the meaning behind them, it was undeniable that the flowers were beautiful. They bloomed even under the polluted air of Seoul and the way they glow under the day light was almost magical. Mark's father must have taken care of them with great care and love. Knowing that someone like that was a doctor, Lu Han's heart swelled with happiness.

He haven't met him yet but he already like the man.

"I'm sure the fairies are really protecting you, your daddy takes good care of their home." Lu Han assured as he patted the boy on the head.

They stayed in that position for a while, both not saying anything as they appreciated the flowers before them. The city carried own with its life below them but Lu Han and Mark were lost in their own little world. He thought of the last time he felt like this. The last time where he was in a comfortable silence and all his worries non existent.

It has probably been so long.

"Minhyung?"

The little boy beside him perked up at the sound of the voice. His entire expression lit up as he turned to the direction where it was coming from. Lu Han did the same, but whoever it was was hidden behind the white sheets.

"Minhyungie, are you here?" The voice called for the second time. Lu Han was confused to who this person was calling to. Far as he know, there was only him and Mark on the rooftop. His confusion didn't lessened a bit when he noticed the boy was giggling and covering his mouth. Upon noticing the elder's stare, he placed his index finger on his mouth before running and disappearing into the white linen sheets.

"Min—oh. I wonder where he is?" The voice then suddenly sounded playful. Lu Han stood up from his crouching position and continued to listen.

He couldn't pint point it, but he swore he heard the voice somewhere.

"Where could my little boy be?" The still unknown owner of the voice continued before Mark's loud shriek resonated within the space. Lu Han panicked and was about to come to his rescue when the shriek turned to giggling.

"Daddy! Don't! Stop tickling!" He heard the child reprimand followed by a manly laugh from who assumes was Mark's father.

"Fine, fine. So how's my little baby?" The man asked when the kid's giggling subsided.

"Daddy, I'm not a baby anymore!" Mark whined. "I have a work now, right? I'm a big boy now!"

"Sure, boy." The man giggled and for some strange and unknown reason, it did something to Lu Han's heart.

"Daddy! Daddy!" Mark exclaimed continously. "I bought gege with me!" The child announced.

"You did?"

"Yes, come on! He's over there!" He said which was then followed by his the fast approaching of his little steps. Lu Han straightened his posture when Mark finally emerged from the sea of white sheets. He had this wide grin etched on his face as he approached Lu Han and tackled his leg. "Daddy's here!" He announced proudly.

He waited for the man to finally appear, mentally preparing his greeting as he heard him approaching. He could see his silhouette from the sheets thanks to the sun that had finally peeked out from the clouds. His heart started to thump loudly in his chest and there was this underlying feeling that he should go away. He don't even know why he was feeling like this. But everything suddenly felt heavy, like the feeling that something bad was about to happen.

Small fingers peeked from the gap in between the white sheets before it was pulled away.

And when it did so, Lu Han swore his world started to crumble down.

He swore that time itself halted as he finally got a good look of this person whom Mark addresses as his father. Everything started to cease in existing as his eyes locked down with very familiar, and still beautiful, pair of almond shaped eyes. He heard his heart crack as recognition was then reflected on his beautiful eyes.

Everything he was about to say was falling on the ground as the reality of the whole situation was dumped on him like a barrel of ice cold water.

"Han. . ." His voice pierced through his soul and he wondered how he had not realized it earlier.

"Lu Han," He called again but he didn't made a motion of coming closer. Everything felt so painful as he realized it all. He was Mark's father. He was this person the little boy was so proud of. He was this person whom he had not seen yet because fate was probably stopping him from doing so. And a disbelieving laugh left his lips at the notion. He felt the tears form and felt how it slid down from his eyes to his cheeks. He felt pathetic from doing so, but seeing him like this, realizing everything like this, knowing that what he's expecting had turned into reality, that his worst nightmare came true, was a lot more painful than the time he turned his back away from Lu Han.

Everything hurt because Minseok was here standing before him and his son was with him.

Like how it was from before, Lu Han was the only one who held on.

"I'm sorry." The model apologized, his voice cracking, as he gently unwrapped Mark's arms around his leg. "I-I have to go. . . I. . ." he didn't finished his sentence as he gave Minseok one last look before walking pass him and running toward the exit.

He heard the man call his name but Lu Han ignored him and rushed to the elevator.

When the door finally closed, he fell to the floor and let all of his tears flow.

[ no i'm not, i don't think it'll be easy for me. you still fill my days. 'no, not yet', i'm repeating like a fool. i can't hold the words lingering on my lips; 'it's not fine'. ]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TRACK 14: TEARDROP - AILEE

Everything was in black and white.

One, two, three, four, five, he lost count of how many bottles of Soju had he downed. He had lost track of the time that had passed, maybe it was already one in the morning? Or maybe it's still around nine but you know what? He doesn't even care. All he had in mind was drowning his feelings with each burn the bitter drink does to his throat. He gasped and pathetically reasoned that the forming of the tears in his eyes was due to the drink. The owner of the tent gave him a concerned look but Lu Han was glad he didn't stopped him from ordering more.

He wasn't drunk, he would like to believe (like most drunk people do).

He was merely in pain and was disappointed that the number of Soju bottles he had been drinking was not making him forget the pain.

He wanted to forget.

Yet, at the same time, he doesn't want to.

Because to him, forgetting the pain was forgetting Kim Minseok at the same time. And he simply can't do that because even after all of these. . .

. . . Kim Minseok was still his everything.

Another strangled sob left his mouth as he remembered the scene that happened earlier. He cried again as he remembered that his worst nightmare did happened and how he have no idea how to move on from Minseok even after all of it.

Wiping his tears, he poured the clear liquid on his shot glass and downed it with one quick motion. He repeated the movement over and over again until, just like before, he finished one bottle. After noticing that he don't have anything more to drink, he sobbed louder. If Lao Gao was around, he could have already smacked him on the head. Or maybe pat him on the back because the man was too kind to do any act of violence.

Somehow, he wished there was someone with him that he could share his burden with.

A sad song about breakup was playing from the small portable speaker beside the counter (Lu Han noted that it was an authentic Beats and his drunken self gave the owner a lot of Kudos) and that didn't help with controlling his tears. Instead, he cried even louder than before with his snot mixing with his tears. The salty taste did nothing in calming him down and he was sure as hell that the owner was playing sad musics on purpose.

He was in that position when the face he least wanted to see came into view.

"Holy !" The person gasped before taking the chair opposite to him without asking for his permission. "Lu Han, right? Do you still remember me?" He asked and Lu Han wanted to plant his ugly (not really) face on the table then and there.

Of course he remember him.

Even though time had changed most of his physical appearance, gone were the ugly black rimmed glasses and his hair had been dyed into a soft caramel color, there was noway in hell that Lu Han was going to forget his face.

"Of course I ing remembered you!" Lu Han slurred as he jabbed the man on the chest. "You're that head who stole my Minseok!" He accused as he continued to bore holes on Jongdae's chest with his finger.

Jongdae blinked a couple of times, mind trying to comprehend what the elder had told him, and when he did so, he burst into laughing. This obviously didn't sat well with Lu Han and showed it by frowning before smacking him on the shoulder.

"Stop laughing! I seriously wanted to die back then!" Lu Han gasped out as he attacked the man with slaps.

"Ouch! Ouch! Okay, I'm sorry!" The younger apologized but was still laughing at the same time. "I don't remember stealing Minseok from you but okay." He finally said when Lu Han finally halted on his torture. Jongdae had a hard time containing his laughter with how the elder look with his red face, tear stained cheek, traces of snot falling from his nose, and tousled hair.

He looked like road kill and vomit combined.

" you," Lu Han grumbled before sobbing into his arms. "You ing took my life away from me." He cried with his hand twirling the shot glass on the folding table's surface.

Jongdae wanted to comment how cheesy that sound and it's probably going to add up to the things he regret saying but then thought against it. Instead, he count the number of green bottles on his table and whistled when it totaled to ten.

Yup, still not enough.

"I don't know what happened but you know what you need?" The younger started with cat-like grin. When Lu Han looked up from his arms, the grin on his face widened. "More Soju! Uncle Hyuk! Five more bottles here and bring me some beef bone soup too!" He called out to the fat man in his late forties. The man simply rolled his eyes before standing from his chair and to prepare his order.

"You know him 'Dae?" the man asked as he placed his soup on his table five minutes later. He placed the extra bottles in the middle of the table and took the empty ones.

"Yup! He's an old friend that I haven't seen for so long." Jongdae responded with a thumb up.

"We were never friends, you ! I ing hate you!" Lu Han denied and sat straight on his seat. He took one of the fresh Soju and opened it, poured its contents into his shot glass till it's filled up to the brim, before drinking it in one go. "I ing hate you." And of course, he then resumed to his pitiful sobbing. The owner saw this as his cue to finally leave, honestly having enough of drunken costumers over the years of service.

"Your words wound me," Jongdae clutched his heart dramatically. "But I love you." He winked as he poured the clear liquid into his shot glass, which Hyuk generously provided. He hissed loudly as the bitter liquid ran from his mouth to his throat. "So anyway," He started, pouring himself another glass of the drink. "What happened?" the younger finally asked as he slurped the delicious beef bone soup after drinking his second glass.

At the question, Lu Han continued to cry even louder. Also for some reason that only an equal drunk person would understand, he removed his jacket and wrapped it around his head like a turban. He merely continued to cry as he threw all courtesy out of the window and drank straight from the bottle. He nearly downed half of the bottle before slamming it back on the table.

"D-did you know?" He hiccuped. "M-minseok already has a kid?"

Jongdae hummed and alternated from drinking a shot of the alcoholic drink and slurping his soup. "Everybody do. It's nothing new really." the younger shrugged.

Cue, Lu Han crying even louder.

"So I'm the only one who doesn't know?!" He screamed. "Why didn't anyone told me about this?! Yifan and Joonmyun hid this important fact from me and they call themselves my friend?! Why the did they do that?" He questioned with his tears still freely falling from his eyes. He was sobbing and crying so hard that he could possibly suffocate if he doesn't stop. "T-they know how I love him still, so why didn't they told me about it?" His voice softened and the way his eyebrows furrowed with sadness made him look younger than he was.

"I know you think I'm pathetic. . ." Lu Han said which made Jongdae stop from slurping his soup. The man sounded so different from how he did just moment ago. "I think I'm pathetic too. I'm a ing grown man yet I still cry like a twelve year old who got rejected by her crush. But. . . I loved and still love him this much." He sniffed before wiping his nose with the collar of his t-shirt. His disgusting action was quickly overlooked by the younger due to how broken the elder looked. He looked like someone had ripped his heart out and trampled on it over and over again. "I don't even care if he's already married. My heart don't even care anymore. It had already decided that  it will continue to love him even if he's already married."

". . . And that's what's really sad." Lu Han softly said as a single tear rolled from his eye to his chin.

Whatever sarcastic retort Jongdae was thinking flew out of the country with the elder's words. Yes, he don't understand. Yes, he thinks Lu Han's pathetic, but that doesn't mean that he should rub salt to his already deep wound. Pouring Lu Han a glass of Soju, he simply smiled and patted him on the back. "Just drink it up, man. You're going to be fine tomorrow." He assured as he poured himself a glass and clanking it with Lu Han's after. He downed his in one go.

"You think so?" Lu Han asked. Although drunk out of his mind, he know that there was no way in hell that he was going to fine tomorrow or any day. But those were the words he wanted to hear in his current state. He wanted assurance, false or not, and the person he least likely to think of giving him that assurance was the one telling him that everything's going to fine.

"I think so." Jongdae grinned before patting him on the head.

[ am i not confident that i'll meet another guy like you? it's not obsession but i can't get over you. ]

Nineteen.

Twenty.

Twenty-one.

Twenty-two.

Before it totaled to thirty bottles of Soju and Lu Han and Jongdae were walking the streets drunk out of their mind. Lu Han was singing one of the songs Uncle Hyuk played with a surprisingly good voice, Jongdae was screaming something in Jeju dialect as they both ventured to a building the elder could not recognize. Even still, he continued to sing his heart out about heart break and longing of an old love.

At that, the elder halted on his tracks before crying once again.

"Minseoooooooooook," He screamed to the dark early morning sky. "My idiotic young self is sorry for breaking your heart! He's a moron! Please forgive meeeeee." The elder screamed and fell to his knees while crying.

Probably noticing that he was talking to the thin air, Jongdae stopped walking and drunkenly turned around. "Hyah!" He called out, his vision not focusing and nearly face planting on the ground as he made his way back to Lu Han. "The hell 'ya cryin' fo?! G-get up, loser! See, yo like this t'at why Minseok broke up with you!" He pointed the elder with his index finger. Which he failed in doing so as he only pointed at nothingness.

"Actually," Lu Han stood up (which was as hard as swimming when you sink in the water like a rock). "It was me who broke up with him." He sniffed back the snot that was threatening to fall.

"What?!" Jongdae exclaimed like it was the first time he had heard it (which, of course was not true because there was a moment wherein Minseok cried to him). " YOU! IMMA KILL YOU, YOU . CLENCH YOUR ING JAW." The younger rolled up his sleeves and formed his hand into fist. He made a motion of punching the elder but all he hit was the air. This resulted to him losing his balance and falling on the ground, face first. Jongdae groaned in pain as he rolled on his back and nursed his possibly broken nose. The younger felt Lu Han fall beside him, unfortunately a lot gentler than he did, and mimicked his action.

"Man, the stars are pretty tonight." Lu Han commented while sighing like a love struck Disney princess.

"You can't in' see the stars when you're in the city, you moron." Jongdae murmured from his spot, his eyelids feeling dangerously heavy.

". . . You're right." Lu Han blinked stupidly like he just realized that he was looking at a dark spotless sky.

A total of ten seconds had passed before, simultaneously, both males burst into laughing.  They laughed till their sides hurt and tears fell out of their eyes. Their laughter echoed through the now quiet streets of Seoul. Their only witness were the closed shops, the lamppost a few feet from them and that single car that passed by them. Everything felt so serene and was taking all of their remaining tiny sober selves to not fall asleep then and there.

Jongdae was the first one to get up from their not so comfortable place on the ground. Although he was still swaying, he lend a hand to Lu Han and pulled him to his feet. "Let's go!" Jongdae raised his fist in the air. And even though Lu Han still have no slightest idea of where they're going, he mimicked the younger and screamed: "Yeah!"

One security personnel giving them looks of suspicion and a set of confusing stairs later they stumbled in a very snobbish looking hallway (the elevator was perfectly working but their drunken self didn't even put it as an option in order to reach their destination). Jongdae still hasn't told him where they were going and Lu Han was already too drunk to even care that he was possibly taking him to a drunken or was going to sacrifice him to Satan.

After for what felt like forever, the younger finally stopped in front of a door. Jongdae winked at him before proceeding on jabbing the doorbell with so much force that Lu Han was mildly afraid he's going to break it. Not more than a minute later, a voice Lu Han recognized so well drifted from the speaker. "Dae?" He asked, his exhaustion evident from his voice. When Jongdae merely snickered and waved at the camera on top of the doorbell, they heard a sigh. "Jongdae, what are you doing?" He finally asked.

"I'm on a midnight delivery!" The man announced before bursting into laughter like he just said the funniest thing in the world. ", that sound like a bad title." He cackled.

"Kim Jongdae, go to your unit and sleep. You're drunk again." The owner of the unit said at his antics. But instead of following his orders the younger laughed even louder.

"Oh I will!" he exclaimed and winked. "but before that, I have a package for you!" He then pulled Lu Han next to him. "He's from China." Jongdae continued to laugh at his own joke but whoever it was (although Lu Han had a good guess) behind the door kept quiet. Noticing this, the younger frowned. "Are you dead? Helloooooo, open up or else I'm going to send him back to where he came from! And then I have to go through the Customs and they're a pain in the so please open the door and have some steamy make up with him because I don't know but I think Minhyung needs another Da—"

The door was abruptly opened by a embarrassed looking Minseok. He was flushed from his face to his neck and barely gave Lu Han a glance as he slammed his hand to Jongdae's mouth. "You need to go. Now." The elder growled.

He felt Jongdae grinned underneath his hand. "Okay." He then nodded and removed Minseok's hand. What the elder didn't anticipate was him pushing Lu Han to Minseok. "But he's staying with you."

The elder caught him clumsily and nearly losing his balance when all of Lu Han's weight was thrown at him.

"Have fun you two!" Jongdae winked before swaying to the direction of his unit. Minseok was about to retort, tell him to take Lu Han with him, but he wasn't able to say a single word when he felt Lu Han wrap his arms around his waist. The blush on his cheeks darkened when his hand rose up from his waist until it stopped on Minseok's back, all through while Lu Han backed him up on the wall beside his door.

"Minnie?" He heard him whisper in his ear and Minseok shivered at the sensation. "Minseok. . . You're my Minseok, right?" Lu Han continued to whisper in a hoarse voice. When the elder nodded, a soft yet pained laugh escape his lips. Once again, like he still hasn't cried enough earlier, tears welled up as he burried his face on the other man's shoulder. "I'm so sorry that you have to see me like this. I d-don't know. . . I've been crying the whole night, but the tears just wouldn't stop." He sobbed. Being under Minseok's presence sobbered him up for a bit, but it wasn't enough because he was still wearing his heart on his sleeves.

Minseok stood still as Lu Han cried on his shoulder. His hand twitched beside him. Unsure of what to do with them, the elder settled on awkwardly putting them on the younger man's hips.

"Can I confess something to you?" Lu Han asked in between his sobs.

Minseok nodded, even though he thinks that he have a good idea of what he was going to say.

"I'm still so in love with you." The younger admitted. Everything felt like it was rewinding to that rainy day inside Lu Han's room and the possibility of it happening again after ten tears didn't stopped his seemingly unending set of tears. "I never stopped loving you. I-I held onto my promise hoping that you'd find it in your heart to forgive me and give me another chance." He laughed humorlessly. "I left because I wanted to be a better man, someone who would be worthy of you, someone who would not make the same mistake the younger me have done. That one mistake that ruined everything."

"But when I finally had the courage to return. . . I found out that you've already move on. That I'm the only one who held on. That you're already far away and no matter how fast I ran to you, I'll never reach you." Lu Han cried.

"And that ing hurt as hell."

Minseok was quiet all throughout Lu Han's confession. He didn't move. He didn't made a motion of comforting the crying man. He didn't ran his hand through his hair like how he used to when Lu Han cries. He didn't do anything and that's when the younger came to the conclusion that he don't have a place left in Minseok's heart.

Rising from the elder's shoulder, and through bleary eyes, he asked the man the words he had been keeping inside.

"Why didn't you wait for me?" He questioned as he touched Minseok's face with his hand. He repeated it, helplessly, desperately, and releasing all the pain he had kept.

[ rain falls in my heart. today and tomorrow will be like yesterday. tears fall down like rain. it's still raining, this night is never ending, so lately, these days, my tears  fall like rain. ]

 

 

 

 

 

 

(FINAL) TRACK 15: PETER PAN - EXO

The first thing that he wanted to do upon waking up was to curse the world.

His head was pounding and he could almost feel the veins underneath his facial skin vibrating. His throat felt like he just swallowed a set of razor blade, puke it, then swallowed it again. His body ached in all places and it was a huge struggle to even open his eyes. Turning to his side with his eyes still closed, Lu Han buried his face into the soft pillow. When he inhaled the flowery scent of an unfamiliar fabric softener, he opened his eyes. It's then that whatever happened yesterday came surging in.

Mark's father is Minseok.

He didn't took the news so well so he went out for a drink. Jongdae found him, they got drunk, the younger bought him to Minseok's apartment, and he poured all his feelings to the elder in the hallway before eventually puking all over him.

"Oh my god." Lu Han groaned and closed his eyes again.

If anyone thought that he was not going to mess up more than he already had, they were wrong. There's a possibility that Minseok hated him even for returning so just that fact that he puked on him might make the elder not want to see him again. A deep sigh left his mouth at the notion.

"Why do I always mess things up?" He murmured into the pillow. Opening his eyes, he caught sight of a night stand with picture frames on it. He reached out for one and the smiling face of Minseok while carrying a younger Mark greeted him.

He looked so happy.

So fulfilled, so complete.

And that was his cue to finally leave this place as well as Minseok's life.

Lu Han returned the frame to its usual place before sitting up. His entire system protested with the action but the man ignored it. He noted that he wasn't wearing his shirt and pants. He doesn't recognized the white shirt and sweatpants but it wasn't hard to guess who owns them.

It was probably Minseok's last act of charity.

Shaking his head off unnecessary thoughts, the man finally left the comfort of the bed and took his phone and wallet that was on the night stand. Leaving now was possibly a great idea. He don't want to burden Minseok anymore and the earlier he leave the earlier he set the elder free from the burden that's him.

There was no one in the living room when he got out and Lu Han let out the breath he's been holding.

Everything was clean and nothing seemed to be out of place (or at least he thought nothing was out of place). He listened for any possible sounds (like if Mark was around or worst if Minseok was home) but after making sure that he's the only one inside the apartment, he went straight for the door. He was confident that he'd be able to leave the place without getting caught.

But all of his plan came crushing down when the door opened at the same time Lu Han was reaching out for the handle.

He had a deer caught in a headlight expression when he came face to face with an equally surprised Minseok. The elder was carrying a paper bag of groceries and nearly lost his grasp on it.

"Y-You're awake." He strangely stuttered as he arranged the paper bag in his arms. His cheeks held a soft tint of pink on them and he wasn't looking at Lu Han. Yet, upon noticing the younger was holding his phone and wallet, he blinked before his expression fell. "Are you going to go now?" He asked in a soft voice.

Not finding any confidence in his voice, Lu Han bit his lower lip and nodded.

"I see. . ." Minseok smiled sadly before entering his apartment and giving Lu Han some space so he could leave. The younger would be lying that the way he was letting go of him so easily didn't hurt. Even though it was probably mindless dreaming, he was hoping that Minseok would stop him, even just for once. But of course, there was no way that was going to happen. So to not embarrass himself even further, the younger made his way to the door with a heavy heart.

Lu Han was almost one step out when Minseok spoke.

"I. . ." The elder started, his back facing the younger. Minseok let out a shaky sigh before turning to face Lu Han once again. "I'm not going to stop you from leaving. . ." He said with a sad smile. "But if you want to fix this, whatever this is that's in between us, then please stay. Stay here." When Minseok was looking at him like that, when his eyes were basically screaming at him to stay, how could Lu Han say no?

Reluctantly, Lu Han nodded and closed the door behind him.

And Lu Han swore the angels above sang when he was rewarded by a smile he so missed over these past years.

He followed the elder back to his kitchen without saying anything. Lu Han quietly took a seat on one of the kitchen chair while Minseok took out the groceries from the paper bag. Both males were not speaking a word and Lu Han's nerves were getting on him. He was fidgeting in his sheet, wiping his clammy hands on his pants continuously while Minseok busied himself with placing the groceries to their rightful places.

Finally, after for what seemed like forever and not more than five minutes, Minseok placed a cup of freshly brewed coffee, a glass of water, and advil in front of the man.

Lu Han looked up from the drinks and saw Minseok sit on the chair opposite to him. "I know your head is killing you." He supplied with a smile. With that, the younger drank the medicine without any question.

The silence that followed after was more awkward than before. Minseok was twirling his thumbs and finding it the most interesting thing in the world. Lu Han was still looking at his cup and you could probably hear a pin if it'll fall on the ground.

But there was something that's bothering the man.

"Umm," He started after his lips out of nervousness. "Wouldn't your wife get angry when I'm here?" He finally asked, not liking how the word 'wife' rolled in his tongue.

Minseok blinked a couple of times (Lu Han finally learned where Mark got his habit from) and much to the younger man's confusion, he giggled. His eyes formed into crescents while he smiled his gummy smile that nearly killed Lu Han on the spot. Shaking his head, the elder raised both of his hand in the air. "Do you see any ring, Han?" He smiled.

It took a couple of seconds for him to understand what the elder was implying, and when he did so, a dumb 'oh' left his mouth. "But Mark is your son and— oh. Wait, he's adopted? He's not really yours?" He gasped.

Minseok shrugged in response. "Yes and No." Was his puzzling answer.

"What do you mean?" Lu Han questioned with furrowed brow.

"He's really my son. . . I got drunk with a friend one night and we had ." He murmured and resumed with twirling his thumbs. "I was only twenty three back then and our parents were furious, we weren't even together and I'm gay. . ." Minseok smiled sadly. "With Med School and my new-found responsibility, I was nearly at my breaking point. I really wanted to give up. You know? I nearly jumped off a building once because the stress was getting the best of me." He admitted which made Lu Han's eyes widened. "Lucky for me, Jongdae found me and you know what he did when he finally pulled me away? He punched me. That was the first time that he did so."

When Lu Han imagined a very broken Minseok on an edge of a building, just wanted to end everything, made his chest tightened. "His punch hurt like hell but it did woke me up.  I cried so hard that day, I cried until I couldn't anymore and when I was finally done? My shoulder felt lighter." He smiled. "When Jimin, Mark's mom, found out of what I did, she got really mad and wanted to attack me despite of her huge belly." He chuckled at the memory. "She's a really nice woman. When her family insisted that we marry, she was so against it that they kicked her out of their home. Our family took her in, of course." He admitted. "But she only lived with us for three years before she was accepted as a mentor in a ballet school in Russia."

"Jimin allowed me to adopt Mark. He may be my biological son but she and I were not legally together so I had to go through those tedious process of adopting a child." He said. "We still communicate via Skype, really, and she's like a best friend to me, but point is, Mark is my son and I'm not married." he then clarified which proved Lu Han's earlier conclusion to be wrong. Somehow, the news seemed to lessened the burden on his shoulder.

He didn't even realized the grin that had etched on his until he saw Minseok watching him in amusement. Clearing his throat, he looked away. "T-that's good?" He questioned in a failed attempt of masking his happiness.

Minseok obviously noticed because he shook his head. Yet after for a moment he turned solemn again. The elder looked down and placed his hands on his lap. "I waited for you know. . . Contrary to what you think, I waited and am still waiting for you. . ." Were his words that made the younger man's heart swell with happiness and hope.

"But when Mark came, you were one of the reason why I got scared." Minseok admitted in a very soft voice.

"I got scared because you might not want me now that I have a kid." The elder confessed. "But Mark really give me joy and I hope that you'll still accept me because. . ."

The moment Minseok looked up and locked his eyes with Lu Han, the younger officially concluded that there's no moving on from him and at this point he don't even want to anymore.

"I still love you too, Lu Han, and I want you to be the person who will complete my little family."

Because he had been given a second chance and there was no way in hell was he going to screw this up.

He abruptly stood up from his chair (not even caring if it hit the floor) trudge the small distance between them, pulled Minseok from his seat, and slammed his lips on his before the elder could say a thing. He swallowed Minseok's gasp and cupped his cheeks with his hands. He didn't hid his happiness as he kissed him with great intensity. Minseok easily recovered and wrapped his arms around the younger man's neck. When they finally parted,  the smile on their faces was blinding. Lu Han's was obviously brighter as he rested his forehead on Minseok's.

"I think I just got proposed to." The younger breath out with his eyes twinkling with joy.

"And you're supposed to answer, idiot." Minseok grinned as he tightened his hold around the younger man's neck.

"Well, yes!" Lu Han screamed before twirling Minseok around the kitchen. The elder laughed as he held onto the man for his dear life. "But wait!" Then he suddenly halted and placed the elder back on the ground. He looked worried and he was biting his lips like their problems was not over just yet. "What about Mark? And why do you call him Minhyung? And why is his surname different from yours? And why—" Minseok placed his index finger on Lu Han's lips before he could bombared him with more question.

"First off, his real name is Kim Minhyung and you should realize by now that Lee Mark is his pseudonym." Minseok clarified.

"He's five, why do he have a pseudonym?" Lu Han frowned. "And you haven't answered my first question yet! What if he will not like me?!"

"Please," The elder rolled his eyes. "You should hear him talk about his Gege, that child's practically in love with you. And I thought it would be cool if he have a pseudonym." He smiled and nuzzled the younger man's nose. The grin immediately returned to Lu Han's face at the affectionate gestures.

He tightened his grip around the elder and swore that very day he'll never let his old self return and do the same mistakes again.

Because there was no way in hell was he going to let Minseok go for the third time.

[ i am forever your peter pan. your man who has stopped in time. i may be clumsy but i loved you so much and i will run to you. ♥ ]

PLAYLIST END.

 

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And that ends my very first xiuhan. o v o (i'm so done writing angst)

 

Thank you so much for those of you subscribed, commented, upvoted, and read this in general. ily. Muah ~