A month after Jongin’s realization, he still couldn’t take his mind off of her. There were more nights that she slept in his bed than her own; Jiyoon was practically already his - just without the hand holding, the kissing, and the mutual love. Jiyoon wasn’t in love with him like he was in love with her.

Both of their families were surrounding a fire that was crackled every now and then. Jiyoon’s chair was close to Jongin’s, her head leaning on his shoulder. Just an hour ago, she was shivering so he’d given her the sweatshirt he’d been wearing.

He was cold, but it didn’t matter - as long as Jiyoon was warm.

He would make eye contact with Jungah at times, seeing the smile on her face as she took in the scene in front of her. Jungah’s bluetooth speaker was playing soft music, almost enough to lull Jongin off to sleep. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He looked at it, seeing the text from from his sister.

She told him to ask Jiyoon to dance with him. Right now? In front of both of their families? Jungah changed the song in the middle of it, a different song playing through the speaker. He recognized the song, even more so when he felt Jiyoon move next to him.

He made eye contact with Jungah once more, seeing her nod.

“Jiyoon,” Jongin looked at her, waiting for her to look at him, “let’s dance.” Surprisingly, she gave no hesitation. She stood up first, smiling at Jongin as she reached for his hand. They moved away from the fire and stood at a safe enough distance away. He gripped her hand with his, the other finding it’s way to her waist. She smiled at him and put her hand on his shoulder.

He loved dancing with Jiyoon.

“They’re gonna be so confused.” She giggled quietly.

“Then let’s take it up another level, shall we?” His mouth twitched up into a smile as she raised her eyebrow at him. He removed his hand from her waist, twirling her effortlessly. He felt everyone’s eyes on them, but he didn’t care. He twirled her back to him, but her back hit his chest. He released her hand and wrapped his arms around her waist, the two of them rocking back and forth as the ignored their families.

“This is about a dozen levels.” She told him, placing her hands over his. Even as the next song played, they stayed like that, his head resting on top of her’s.

Thankfully, their families let them continue to stand there, not minding how much he enjoyed being close to her. They all, while never being told directly, knew exactly what he felt for Jiyoon. He was probably the last one to figure it out.

“Jiyoon?” He whispered.

“Hm?” Was her response.

“Would…would being in love with me be a bad thing?” He asked her, quiet enough so nobody else could hear him. “Did you think my reaction meant that I wouldn’t be okay with that?”

“Of course it wouldn’t be a bad thing, Jongin.” She told him. “It’d be a bad idea to fall in love with you now.” It felt like his heart sunk into his chest. Did that mean she didn’t love him?

“I’m…I’m really tired.” He said quietly. “I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Do you want me to come too?” She asked.

“No,” he shrugged, releasing her from his grip, “wouldn’t want them to think we’re in love or anything.” He was a bit colder than he should’ve been, but he was in love with her. He wanted to be with her and he couldn’t even do that.

He walked past his family up onto the deck of the house, glancing over his shoulder. He saw Jiyoon, and even from the distance he was at, he could see the hurt on her face as clear as day. He sighed and walked into the house, sliding the door closed gently behind him.

He felt the lump in his throat as he sat down on his bed, running his fingers through his hair as he sniffled. He attempted to swallow the lump, he wanted anything but tears right now. Jiyoon probably would’ve made fun of him, had she come with him like she offered.

In fact, he was far from tired. He could’ve laid in his bed with Jiyoon and held her close to him and she wouldn’t think anything of it because they’ve done that before. With every passing day, he wanted to kiss her more and more.

Why couldn’t he have her?

Why couldn’t she just be his?

He decided that finally, he would lay down and attempt to sleep.

When he woke up the next morning, he felt a warmth next to him and an arm around his waist. He turned around and through tired eyes, he saw Jiyoon - fast asleep - right next to him. He looked at her, a new wave of heartache overtaking him.

“Park Jiyoon, why can’t you love me?” He whispered quietly. However, he definitely hadn’t expected an answer.

“Because I have to leave.” She told him, even though her eyes were closed. “Because if I tell you I love you and you tell me the same, I won’t be able to leave.”

“But I do, Jiyoon.” He finally admitted to her. “I do love you.”

“Jongin -”

“Can I tell you why?” He sat up in his bed and watched as she her back, making eye contact with him.

She nodded.

“Every time I see you…my heart just - my heart skips a beat and I can’t help but smile. I hear your voice and everything fades away and I could listen to you just talk for hours, Jiyoon, I really could. You’re beautiful too, you know, breathtakingly beautiful. Every time I see you it feels like I can’t breathe because I kind of forget how to.” He told her, a slight chuckle slipping past his lips as he shook his head.

“Jongin…” she looked at him, attempting to form the words. Her eyes had welled with tears and she was avoiding eye contact with him. “I-I’m sorry but I can’t.” She shook her head. “I can’t love you.”