With his hand on his head, Sehun entered the campus gates. The pain was slowly killing him. It felt like it was about to explode, thanks to the ty alcohol he drank last night. It didn’t matter if he drank a bottle or a dozen because he won’t still forget the reason of his reckless action.

As soon as he stopped walking, he heard Luhan calling his name.

“Sehun!” Luhan jogged towards him. He was wearing light blue shirt and blue jeans. Luhan looked simple but still managed to take Sehun’s breath away. Focus! Sehun shook his head. He didn’t know what to do because he did not plan talking to his hyung. He wanted to avoid him as much as possible but it seemed like his plan was failing.

“Uh, yeah?”

“You weren’t answering my messages last night.” Luhan crossed his arms on his chest. Oh yeah.

“I was w—“

“Sehun!” They heard another voice butted in. It was Jongin walking to their direction. “You left the dorm without telling me.”

“Didn’t want to wake you up.” Sehun mumbled and scratched his head as he looked down, shifting his foot to the other side.

“You slept at his place last night?” Luhan asked the youngest with accusing tone. Sehun just massaged his temple because of the pain he was feeling was getting worse. He didn’t know how to answer Luhan since the latter was the reason why he drank last night.

Jongin took something from his back pocket and gave it to Sehun. It was a pain reliever for the headache. Luhan was watching them quietly. He probably has too many questions running in his mind.

“What is that for?” Luhan started asking them but Jongin was already waving, walking away from them. The latter tried to get away from them as fast as he could because he knew he was at fault too.

“Headache.” Sehun said while walking away. That didn’t stop Luhan from bombarding him some questions.

“Why is it aching? Why did you sleep at his dorm last night? You weren’t even answering my messages.” Luhan realized why Sehun’s head was aching and it wasn’t that hard to figure it out since Sehun slept at Jongin’s place. He knew this boy so much. “Ah, you were drinking with Jongin? Why would you drin—“

“Hyung!” Sehun raised his voice as he stopped walking. He wiped his face with his hands, indicating that he was clearly annoyed.

“Now you’re getting mad? Okay I get it. Drink whenever you want. I don’t care.” Luhan said with stern voice and walked away from Sehun. The latter did not follow Luhan but instead, he walked to this class and waited for the day to be done.

∞

Sehun sat alone on a bench at the park. He crossed his arms on his chest while watching some kids playing football on the field. The game reminded him of Luhan. He smiled at his thoughts, silently betting that Luhan would probably join those kids.

Sehun was lost in his own thoughts. They haven’t seen each other for almost two months and now, they were seeing each other but they were not in good terms. He missed him. Maybe Sehun was too selfish that he didn’t want Luhan to talk to Minseok but Sehun knew that he didn’t have the right to stop them.

Who am I to act like this?

Three days had already passed since Luhan walked away from him. Three days since they talked and had an argument. Three days since the last time he look at his best friend’s eyes. Three days felt like months. He just missed Luhan so much but he just didn’t know how to approach him.

He had seen them together for the past three days. Luhan and Minseok were always together since the former and Sehun stopped talking. Every dismissal, Minseok would be waiting for Luhan at the campus gates. He wanted to ask Luhan why he was seeing his ex boyfriend but how would he ask that when he cant even say hello to him.

Sehun wanted to accept that it was fine, as long as he gets to talk to his hyung again.

Sehun stood up and walked his way out of the park. He looked for a convenience store and when he found one, he entered and made his way to get a bucket of ice cream. Strawberry and Vanilla. Just like what Luhan wanted. Sehun smiled to himself and walked to the cashier. He smiled at the person behind the counter and paid the dessert he got for his hyung. He got his change and went his way out, his legs bringing him to Luhan’s apartment.

As he reached the apartment, he stood outside for a minute or two, and he entered the building. He pressed the seventh floor and waited for the elevator to reach the selected destination.

He stepped out of the lift and walked his way to Luhan’s apartment room. He was nervous because they haven’t talked for days and now, Sehun was making the first move.

He knocked on the door and waited for Luhan to open it. It was opened and someone who was not named Luhan stood at the door.

“Uh,”

“Sehun.” He smiled.

“Minseok hyung,” Sehun bowed a little and he looked at him in the eye. “You’re here.”

“Who’s that, Minseok?” Luhan asked as he walked towards the door. He saw Sehun and his smile faltered but Sehun smiled at them, showing no sign of bitterness; no sign of pain & jealousy.

“Good thing I brought a bucket of ice cream.” Sehun raised the plastic bag that he was holding. “Can I come in?”

Minseok held the door and opened it wider, accepting Sehun’s offer. The latter stepped inside with a weird feeling in his chest. It’s okay. He kept telling that in his head as he pulled out the ice cream container from the plastic bag. Sehun made his way to the kitchen counter as he got some spoons and bowl.

He could feel Luhan’s gaze on his back but chose to ignore it. Minseok came to his side to get the bowls from him and they padded their way to the table. It was really quiet but that didn’t stop Sehun from serving them their ice creams.

“What are you doing here?”

“Can’t I visit you, hyung?” Sehun answered back softly as he the remaining ice cream on his spoon.

“Well you can but—“

“Do you want to watch something, Sehun?” Minseok interrupted Luhan’s answer. “I’ve brought some movies.”

“What did you bring?”

With that, Sehun and Minseok were choosing which movie they were going to watch. Luhan did not speak the entire time. He was just watching the two comparing the DVDs’ they were holding. It was taking them a long time but none of them cared.

They ended up watching Titanic that was chosen by Luhan, mainly because the two couldn’t choose which one to watch. They did not fight anymore as Sehun sat at the very end of the sofa and followed by Minseok, who sat between the two.

After an hour and a half of watching, Minseok had to excused himself because he had to go somewhere with his older brother. He bid his goodbye and told Luhan they’ll see each other again soon. Sehun scowled at the dark until Minseok closed the door behind him.

Sehun was thinking whether he has to talk to the man beside him or just continue watching the movie. If I talk to him now, I probably wont know what to say. If I will talk to him later, I won’t know what to say either. He nodded as he chose the latter option and focused on the movie. None of the two talked and even made a sound. They only watched until the credits were rolling on the screen.

“That was a good mov—“

“We’ve watched that too many times already.” Luhan rolled his eyes and stood up to turn the television off.

Sehun hummed but kept silent. He looked at his hands and waited for Luhan to talk more but all he heard was silence. He unconsciously looked up and the Chinese man was already looking at him with some expression Sehun had seen for years but up until the present day, he couldn’t tell what kind of look was that.

“Are you…” Luhan trailed off. “Are you okay?”

Sehun smiled without looking at Luhan’s intense eyes. The latter was probably talking about the drinking incident. He still didn’t have a clue why the younger had to drink. “I’m better now, hyung.”

“Brat, you feel better now?” the latter crossed his arms on his chest and pouted. “I used to be the one making you feel better.”

“You see hyu—“

“So Jongin became your precious confidant and comforter and now, I am just your hyung.” Luhan nodded. “I get it, Sehun.”

“But you’re still m—“

“I didn’t know I wasn’t your best friend anymore.”

“No hyung, you’re st—“

“You should have told me, Sehun.”

“Listen hy—“

“No matter what happens, you will always be my bestfr—“

Luhan’s drama talk was cut off when Sehun smacked his hyung’s face with a pillow. The former’s eyes bulged as he stared at Sehun’s laughing figure.

“The , brat?!”

“But you aren’t letting me talk!” Sehun continued laughing at Luhan’s shocked face.

Luhan grabbed another pillow and threw it on Sehun’s direction but missed him with a foot away from the latter. They both laughed at Luhan’s clumsiness. Their voices vibrated inside the walls of the small apartment, so did Sehun’s wall in his heart.

“Hyung, I think you lost your eye sight.”

“It’s okay, for as long as I won’t lose you.” Luhan smiled but Sehun’s smile faltered.

“You won’t lose me.” The latter responded as he tried to smile again. These kinds of words that Sehun wanted to hear and yet, they made his heart ache in ways he couldn’t imagine because he knew that Luhan would never mean it the way Sehun wanted.

Luhan smiled, feeling so happy that he couldn’t control his happy tears. “That’s the longest time that we did not talk to each other.” Luhan pouted. “I thought I’d lose you, Sehun.”

“The only time that you’d lose me is when the ocean will be as dry as the desert.”

“But that’s impossible?”

“Exactly,” Sehun smiled and hugged Luhan. He was confused for so many things. He was dying to clarify his confusion about Luhan’s relationship with Minseok. Sehun wanted to ask, but his worries faded the moment he felt Luhan’s arms around his torso and warm cheeks against his neck.

“Because that won’t happen, hyung.”

∞

The students were having a hell of a week. Sehun’s examinations were just around the corner and that didn’t make him feel better. Luhan was still hanging out with Minseok and Sehun did not understand why his hyung had to go out with his ex-boyfriend, instead of his best friend. They barely spent their time together because Luhan was always away. He tried to shrug it off for him to focus on his upcoming examinations but of course, he was failing to do so.

To his dismay, Luhan was not telling him where the two went whenever they were together. Sehun was not pushing it any further, all because he did not want to cause any sadness for Luhan. He just wanted Luhan to be happy and he was willing to sacrifice a little deeper for him. For Luhan’s happiness.

After spending the whole Saturday afternoon studying at a café shop, Sehun started fixing his things and put his laptop in his bag. He felt too exhausted and all he wanted to do was to sleep for more than a week. He sipped on his cup of coffee and was about to stand but he saw two familiar figures, sitting on a bench at the nearest park. They were literally few meters away from Sehun’s aching heart. He knew them. Of course he knew them.

Luhan was telling something to Minseok but the latter was shaking his head. They looked serious, too serious that Sehun got really curious to know what they were talking about and suddenly, Minseok hugged Luhan and rubbed the latter’s back.

Without waiting for them to pull away from each other, Sehun stood up and picked his bag without any sense of gentleness, his cup falling from the table, and walked out of the café. He ran as fast as he could, just to be away from the two. Away from Minseok and most especially, from Luhan. Flashbacks came ing his mind up and those were some memories of the two elders. Those hurtful memories he did not want to remember. Those memories that he wanted to burn together with his painful feelings towards Luhan.

Sehun felt tired. He felt tired from hiding his feelings, tired from getting jealous where in fact, he was not in any position to feel that way. He was tired from trying to make Luhan stay in his life for so long. Tired from loving someone who wouldn’t love him as much as he did.

He stopped running and he noticed he didn’t know where his legs had brought him. He looked around but all he could see were trees and the sunset. Sehun unconsciously dropped on the floor and let his tears fall from his eyes.

I don’t want this anymore…

, it hurts.

 My heart hurts, hyung.

***

Repackaged album is coming!! All those theories about the whole existence of exo gave me chills lmao.

SM= (S)urprise (M)otherers

Anyways, please continue supporting EXO!

+ oh, please tell me what you think about my fic. Kinda need some motivations lmao. Thank you. <3