A step, and another step
The dawn passes
And when that moon falls asleep
The blue shade that stayed with me disappears

(4 o' Clock by Rap Monster & V)

--

The One Who Loved Him

The falling petals remind Jimin of their frosty counterparts: crystallized snowflakes. Seeing snow conjures memories of a square-shaped smile, a husky voice, and loud laughter. 

He smiles at the memory of Taehyung, his best friend since childhood and the only one he ever depended on. Taehyung, dubbed "That Weird Kid Who Eats His Boogers" when they were in 4th grade, was a perpertually happy person who made everyone smile -- including Jimin. He rarely shed a tear.

Until that one time.

Jimin couldn't help but smile as he watched the first snow fall of the year. He had been anticipating for three months and now that it was here, he was ecstatic. Once the first flake dropped, he immediately told his mom that he'd be by the lake.

"Don't be out too late, young man!" his mother said, "Or you'll get a good hit from me!"

Jimin was too happy to hear her warning. Before she could even add, he was already out of the door, scrambling for the tiny bits of frost. He was too excited that when he reached the lake, he realized he was freezing. But he didn't care.

Now, he was alone and enjoying the snow. It was fortunate no one was there by the lake; he wasn't much of a people person. No one could see him enjoy the frost building up everywhere. He sighed in content as he felt the snow melt.

A sudden yet soft blow, however, disrupted his silence. 

Followed by loud laughter.

The pieces of snow melted on Jimin's hair as he stood up and looked around the trees for the annoying perpetrator. That laugh, however, was a dead giveaway already.

"TAEHYUNG, I KNOW IT'S YOU!"

Another loud laughter yet still no face. Jimin walked around.

"Taehyung, where are you? I know it's you! Come out here so I can beat you up."

There was the sound of scurrying surrounding Jimin. The older boy heaved a loud sigh as he looked behind the trees, falling victim to his best friend's type of game. This was how they always were: Taehyung playing, Jimin playing also but often without his consent. He stepped on the rocks and peeked behind trees, looking for that crop of hair. 

"Kim Taehyung, where are you?" he asked again, "Come on. I don't have time for this."

He stopped on top of a big rock and scanned the area for any sign of his friend. Taehyung might be mischeivous, but he wasn't that good at being stealthy. Jimin swore that if he got his hands around his friend, he would hit him. 

"AHA!"

A pair of big hands covered his eyes, rendering him sightless. 

"TAEHYUNG-AH GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME."

Jimin struggled but it was hard to fight when you're blind. He flung his arms around, looking for Taehyung. 

"Taehyung, we could fall over. Get your hands off me!"

"No we won't."

"C'mon."

"No."

"Taehyung-ah!"

The constant struggle resulted in Jimin slipping off the edge and falling. He wasn't alone; when he fell on the blanket of snow, a heavier burden fell on top of him, causing him to wheeze. Jimin hit his head on the ground, but the soft snow lessened the blow. That, however, didn't spare him from the sting at the pain.

"Ahh," he groaned. 

Moving his head, he realized his nose was blocked with a crop of unruly hair. He could feel Taehyung laughing as he laid first face on Jimin's stomach. He didn't get up for a while; he just stayed there giggling and adding weight. 

"Hey Taehyung, get off," said Jimin, trying to push him off, "You're too heavy."

Taehyung looked at him with those bright eyes. "Are you saying I'm fat?" he asked. 

"You're heavy!" repeated Jimin, finally pushing his friend. Taehyung landed on the snow beside him, laughing his head off. His laughter echoed through the wind as he stayed on the ground while Jimin got up, brushing the snow off his jeans. 

"Ahh Jiminnie, don't you think it's too early to get annoyed?" asked Taehyung, sitting up, "Aren't you happy?"

"What are you talking about? You just ruined my shoes cause I slipped," accused Jimin, "How could I be happy?"

"It's snowing. You love snow, remember?"

"Yeah but I don't want to get tackled."

Taehyung stretched his arms. "Ah Min-Min, why are you so fussy," he complained, "I knew you'd come here when the first snow fell. So, I came too. It's a thing we do anyway, god. Why are you so annoyed right now?"

He flashed Jimin a frown. The former realized he was being unreasonable with his friend.

He sighed. "I'm sorry Tae Tae. I'm just...I don't know."

Taehyung noticed his sudden sadness. "Oh...they...don't they know about it yet?"

"I don't think so. But...my dad said something."

"He doesn't like it, huh?"

Jimin, remembering last night's comments, sadly shook his head. 

Since he was 15, he knew that he was "different". His father always scolded him for being too close with boys when he should "get out there and screw a girl!" That comment was enough to convince Jimin his father wouldn't accept him. He tried so hard to suppress the feelings, but when he couldn't, he decided to keep quiet about it. No one knew, not even his mother or brother.

Only Taehyung.

He remembered telling his best friend about himself. Taehyung had known him since they were five; Jimin believed it was only right for him to know. But he was also scared. Given the judgment of people, a part of him feared Taehyung might disengage from him once he found out. 

But he was accepting. Jimin breathed easier when he had his best friend by his side. 

"What triggered the comment?" asked Taehyung, balling up some snow. 

Jimin looked down and kicked twigs. "Some show. He said the guy was too girly and deserved a kicking."

Taehyung sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Why should you be?"

He shrugged. "I don't know...I mean, I've known about it for four years already," said Taehyung, "And I know that you want your parents to at least accept it. So, I feel bad. But you still have me, I guess."

Whenever Jimin developed feelings for a guy, he couldn't tell it to anyone but Taehyung. He'd rather risk his neck than have the whole school know; he knew that he could trust his best friend to keep his secret. Still, graduation was a few months away and when he was younger, he wished his parents would've already known by then. But that wasn't the case.

As Taehyung said, however, he still had his best friend by his side. 

He smiled at Taehyung. "Yeah, I still have you, I guess," he replied, "If it's any consolation."

The younger boy rolled his eyes. "God Jimin, can you stop treating me like a Plan B?"

"God Taehyung, can you stop being so dramatic?"

They both paused and laughed at the same time. Synchronization was a thing between the two boys; everyone in school knew them for it. 

"But seriously, Jimin-ah, you should stop beating yourself up," said Taehyung, "I mean, it's not your fault your dad is close minded. And remember what that cliche saying says?"

"Love is blind?"

"No, you idiot. 'There is still hope,'" remarked Taehyung. He leaned forward and knocked Jimin on the head. "Ah Jiminnie, still so small and so dumb."

"Okay, you mock my intelligence and my height. That makes me feel better already."

He turned his back on Taehyung and gazed at the beautiful snow piling up. A big hand held his shoulder.

"I'm not mocking you. You know me: I sometimes have the emotional range of a teaspoon," came Taehyung's husky voice, "But underneath the lack of empathy, you know that I'm still your best friend."

He felt Taehyung's hand leave his shoulder as the younger one stood beside him. Jimin glanced at Taehyung, who kept his eyes nailed at the distance as well. Despite the emotional range of a teaspoon characteristic, he was grateful to have someone like Taehyung in his life. The 15 years of friendship spawned memories: beating each other up, tasting their first beers away from prying eyes, running away from bullies. 

Life was kind of hard right now, but Jimin was confident because he had Taehyung. 

"So...what do you want to do on this first snowfall, Jimin?" asked Taehyung, "You're 20 now so you can drink, but I'm still a few days away so that rules out drinking freely. We can jump off that lake, but it's freezing and I don't want to die yet. Ask me again when I'm 40. Or I don't know...do you want to build a snowman?"

He said all these things in such a fast pace; a stranger would've been confused. Jimin understanding everything was a proof of their close bond. 

He laughed. "I think staying here is fine, Tae," he answered, "Don't worry; once you turn 20, we'll drink lots."

"Yes please. I want to be drunker than my uncle."

They watched as the snow fell on the water, melting as it did. Jimin breathed a sigh of relief as he dwelled in his safe place. Here no one could touch him, no one could call him names or be disappointed. 

"Jimin-ah?"

"Yes, Tae?"

"I've kept all your secrets, right?"

Jimin looked at Taehyung. "Yeah, you've kept them," he replied, "Except for that one time you told my brother I ate all the jams and he kicked me. And also that time you told Mom about that eraser eating incident."

Taehyung shoved him. "Thanks for being such a good friend."

"Okay, okay, I'm kidding," said Jimin, "Why? Do you have more secrets?"

For a minute, Taehyung did not speak and it weirded Jimin out. 

"Tae?"

A smile spread on his best friend's face. "Jimin-ah, why don't we meet at the park tomorrow?" he asked, "I'll tell you there."

"Why not here?"

Taehyung looked around. "It'd be weird to share a secret in the middle of nowhere."

"Isn't that the point?"

The younger one gently shoved him again. "Why do you always rain on my parade?"

"You do know I'm older than you by two years right?" 

"One."

"Two. You were born on December 31, 1995. That's technically two years."

Taehyung rolled his eyes. "Okay, Math Genius. I get your point," he said, "But really, let's talk about it tomorrow...at dawn."

"So...5 o' clock?"

"Nah. See me at 4."

A short pause.

"Why does this sound so melodramatic to me?" asked Jimin.

Taehyung smiled at him.

"It's probably all in your head."

Oh my god, he's going to kill me. He's going to kill me. 

Jimin ran at lighting speed (or what he thought was lightning speed; his legs were too short for his liking). In his head, he could already hear Taehyung screaming at him for being so late. After all, Jimin would always make a fuss whenever Taehyung arrived 5 seconds late. Now, here he was, running through the stony path.

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