Inspired by twt user kellyblaus tweet: "My man just facetimed me drunk as hell eating a slice of pizza while walking down the street and he goes YOU WANNA KNOW HOW PERFECT YOU ARE? LOOK AT THIS PIZZA... FOR YOU, I'LL DROP THIS PIZZA. IT'S GONE! and just threw the damn pizza into the street."

But angst.

This is short!

“You can love someone so much but you can never love people as much as you can miss them.”

Jeonghan used to call bull on these words: John Green, An Abundance of Katherines. He has never liked books even when he was younger; thought they cost too much for a one shot entertainment that will eventually end at some point in time, abandoned and forgotten to collect years of dust in the bookshelf.

Now, Jeonghan wonders if the real reason why he detests paperbacks is because albeit it does collect dirt in one part of the house, he doesn’t want to admit the voice that speaks to him every time he reads: thoughts about himself that he denies and couldn’t get himself to swallow through the lump in his throat.

Because maybe you really can’t actually love someone as much as you can miss them, he slowly starts to acknowledge, as he stares back at his boyfriend’s ridiculously annoying face through the expensive overseas call.

“Jeongie!” Seungcheol slurs at the camera and Jeonghan picks up the consecutive giggles of their friends, Dokyeom and Soonyoung, somewhere behind him and out of the frame.

Someone says, “We’re really sorry Jeonghan! Seungcheol got piss drunk!” Probably Wonwoo.

And then followed by a, “Says he misses you! He’s bonkers. But we’ll get him home so don’t worry!”

They better be.

“You look really handsome today,” his boyfriend adds in his voice that Jeonghan craves to hear again, seemingly unashamed with how he looked very wrecked due to alcohol but god, he’s still so beautiful.

That’s how he says “you look tired and I’m sorry for interrupting your nap but I’m thankful you still give me the time of the day even though this distance ”, Jeonghan reminds himself, as if he’s afraid he would somehow forget it in between lines.

He could only crack a small smile.

Somehow, years of being apart have taken its toll. Jeonghan has never been vocal with his feelings for Seungcheol. Words of affirmation were harder pills to swallow than just shoving the elder away every time he asks for affection; not that it means he loves Seungcheol any less. Seungcheol wasn’t clingy. Jeonghan wasn’t unattached. In fact, he is, too much; which is why he never voices it out. And regrets have been shunning the living soul of his daylights with asking if it would have made a difference had he loved Seungcheol, personal and up close.

Jeonghan will never know.

“What time is it there?” Seungcheol groggily asks, harshly fighting the cold night air of whatever street he is walking (the camera frame isn’t too wide but it looks like they’re all faced walking towards that parking space only meters away from their favorite bar when they were in highschool) but Jeonghan chooses to memorize his strong brows; his doe eyes although they’re a bit bloodshot; his luscious lips that he has always been jealous of and the entirety of his whole face.

The younger is thankful that the focus suddenly reverted to a blur as he thinks Seungcheol might have dropped his phone because at the same time, a helpless tear escapes his right eye. He harshly wipes it away along with someone whining “You could’ve dropped my pizza!” from the call’s background. He’s sure it was Seungkwan.

“I’m sorry about that, baby.” The focus is back and Seungcheol is laughing with Joshua who is constantly shoving him back and forth that the action made too much static noises through the call. Jeonghan lowers the volume down a bit, considering that his roommate is just in the kitchen.

“You both are idiots,” he scoffs at the same time Joshua got pulled away by a laughing Seokmin telling him that Mingyu tripped over Jihoon and just how short can their friend be that someone could trip on him.

He misses his friends. He misses Seungcheol, who by now is pouting at him; big lower lips protruding into a silly front. “Come home, now. New York because I’m not there and don’t even try to deny it.”

This is how Seungcheol says “I miss you and I totally understand that circumstances might hinder you from coming back home but I’ll ask, every time I got the chance to, even if it means being turned down a couple of times. I will, every day.”

Indeed, the past years were strings of “I’m sorry” and “No, I can’t, baby” over hubs of Jeonghan’s paper works and Seungcheol’s all-nighters just to accompany him study for important exams, which were always recuperated with a knowing smile from Seungcheol and a determined face that makes Jeonghan aches in parts he never knew existed. Had he known better, he shouldn’t have let Seungcheol see his acceptance letter from the university but the older was the firs