“I think I’ve spent more time here than I did in a classroom.”

Jiyong watched as a smiling Jiyong talked animatedly on the screen as he showed the viewers the music room where he had spent most of his time in high school. He felt detached as he watched his story unfold inside the documentary as if it is the story of another Kwon Jiyong.

He had never watched it when it first aired. He doesn’t want to see how the documentary would depict him as. It was probably worse than he thought as his CEO had commented that the documentary came out good. He hadn’t planned to watch it, at all.

But there’s always something about sinking into inifinite regret and loneliness that one ends up doing things without much thought. Like watching a rerun of Kwon Jiyong’s life that exhibits his perseverance, hardwork, commitment, dedication, loyalty, honesty and all those s. The editing of this video was done nicely that he came out looking like he had worked hard to graduate by working part time. That the lack of funds caused him to lose his scholarship as he had to juggle University life and his job. That he had no choice but to quit college to take care of his mom who was recuperating from her operation. They didn’t think to include that he lost his scholarship because he never attended his classes or even made any effort meeting with his professors. That he was out drinking somewhere, passed out somewhere. That he had to be in the hospital because he had drunk too much and his mom had to take care of him. That he attended some college near his town just so he could have a degree after a year and get at least a decent job. He told the staff at WinKon all that but they edit it out and he came out looking like he was strong enough to overcome life’s hurdles.

He wondered if the WinKon staff had mentioned what he had disclosed to Dara. She would probably think he deserve all the that he had gone through. She left during the filming and he had not seen her until she brought a copy of the documentary to his CEO. He had been laying low, giving her some space after what happened inside his mom’s kitchen. Had been restraining himself from marching over to WinKon Network just to see her so he was taken aback when she suddenly appeared and all he did is look at her. Memorizing the face he still can see even when his eyes are closed.

He saw her expression changed, her eyes turning hard when Hara entered the room and sat next to him. And like a fool, he watched her walk away again. Let her go for the second time.

He knew he can’t get her back. Not until he had set himself free from Denny Park. But sometimes, everything is just too much that he is unable to keep it inside him anymore. He kept it all bottled inside him that he felt close to erupting. Like two nights ago when he was out celebrating with the staff of YG Entertainment for his nomination and he came out in the parking lot following Dara when he saw her. He wasn’t sober but he wasn’t that drunk but he gave in to the urge to hold her. To tell her the things he couldn’t tell her. But he probably made a mess of it as she seemed to hate him much more. Leaving him sitting on the pavement watching as she drove away.

He rested his head on the sofa looking up at the white ceiling of his unit as he ignored the noise of him prattling on in his documentary rerun.

How long ago has it been? How long has he been waiting? How long would be able to stand it? How long is he going to hold his promise to her dad after he had accepted that money for her mom’s hospital bills? He’s gonna get her back after he paid him? He scoffed. That damn old man isn’t even cashing the checks he had sent him as payment. And he can’t stomach the thought that he owes him his mom’s life. The thought that he accepted Denny Park’s payment made him feel like filth and he needs to be free of that so he can be free to be with Dara Park. Every year, he would send the checks and every damn year, the old man probably throws it away.

He used to tell himself he won’t give up. He thought it would be easy to get Dara back once he had fulfilled his vow. Once he returned the money.

Or so he thought.

Will Dara ever be able to forgive him for lying to her, for hurting her, for not even trusting her to tell the truth? No, she wouldn’t be able to accept that he didn’t told her. Not even if the reason is because he doesn’t want to cause a rift between her and her father. She would probably yell at him with something like We could’ve figured it out together or something like that which would probably make sense eventually.

But he did accepted the money. How low is he to play the victim?

Now there is an impenetrable wall growing between them. A wall of lies, pain, hate…. It grew over time until he can no longer see where it ends.

The first time he heard Dara was back in the country was when he is starting to work in YG Entertainment. She didn’t assumed the role of the CEO like he thought she was training for but worked in a TV Network and he was glad to know she was following her dreams. Knowing her presence alone, that she was close enough, made him double his efforts, working hard with the promise that he will get her back as soon as he paid off what he owed to her father. 

CEO Yang had seen his potential and before long, he was already writing the check out to Mr. Denny Park. In full payment. But he kept checking his bank account, even asking to be notified when it would be cashed but it didn’t. Denny Park didn’t touch the payment he had sent.

So he sent another.

And another.

And another.

He won’t give up. Not even when he heard that Dara was dating the son of an Oil Company Chairman. He knew it would happen. He dreaded it happening. But he was unable to do anything. He can only be happy for her and hoped that the guy whom he had seen her with can keep her smiling like that, keep her laughing like that.

Of course he wasn’t a saint. He did dated around. Keeping up with the building reputation of his name that comes with the fame and the success. Keeping up with the feigned arrogance that can cover the void that is eating him. So when he heard of that reunion, he grabbed at the chance just to see her again.

She is already close. Within reach.

But he realized she’s going further and further away.

His phone rang snapping him out of his reverie. It was Goo Hara.

“Hey,” he answered.

“Jiyong,” Hara said sounding hesitant. “Do you… want to have dinner tonight? I mean… I would be off duty in an hour and… I mean if you’re not busy.”

Jiyong was silent for a second before he agreed. “Sure.”

“Great. So um… shall we meet somewhere or….”

“I’ll pick you up.”

“Okay,” Hara said sounding pleased. “See you.”

“See you.”

He pressed the end button but stayed seated in the sofa thinking of the first time he met Goo Hara when he was at his lowest point. He let his breath out slowly before picking up his keys from the side table and turning off the TV.

“You had alcohol poisoning. You had been unconscious for two days.”

Jiyong could barely understand what his friend was saying when he opened his eyes feeling disoriented and found his friend watching over him. Seven, one of the few friends he have in the University, shook his head disapprovingly at the state he is currently in.

Jiyong closed his eyes again feeling the cloud inside his brain melting away as he process what Seven had said. Alcohol poisoning? Not surprising as he had been drinking every chance he gets. Trying to forget the guilt, the pain, the resentment….

“Your mother is already on the way here.”

That made him open his eyes. “What?” He can’t even get the energy to glare at his friend. “You told my mom?”

“Someone had to be notified in your family,” Seven said. “Just what the hell are you doing to yourself, man?”

“My mom is recovering,” Jiyong said ignoring what he said. “No one should’ve bothered her.”

“You should’ve thought of that before you drank yourself into the hospital, you fool.”

Jiyong tried to lift himself up to sit but he felt so drained and exhausted he couldn’t get his muscles to work so he gave up and just looked at Seven from where he was lying at. Seven sighed loudly. “Our professors are already looking for you. You missed classes for three weeks straight, you didn’t even take the mid term exams… Dude, if you’re doing this to lose your scholarship, you’re getting there.”

Jiyong didn’t speak and just closed his eyes while Seven kept on. “I don’t know what you’re going through but I know it has something to do with Dara. She left and you started becoming worse. I’m not going to ask you what’s up but you need to get your act together if you still want to continue being in HighGrnd.”

Seven watched Jiyong who looked like he had fallen asleep again and just shook his head wondering how worse it is for his friend. When they met during the first year, he had been so full of life. So full of dreams that Seven was defiinite that Kwon Jiyong would get far in this field. Seven exhaled and just gently patted the blanket Jiyong had over his leg before he quietly left.

Jiyong opened his eyes when he knew he was already alone in the room, his eyes boring into the ceiling knowing that once he got back to the University, he wouldn’t be able to catch up.

He already lost the scholarship and they are probably just waiting for him to get back so they could tell him.

His mom had admonished him when she appeared in the hospital hours later and then hugged him telling him everything is going to be okay even if she doesn’t know what should be okay. Jiyong just hugged her back feeling the warmth of his mother’s arms.

“You will get through whatever this is,” his mom told him. “You and i. Like we have always been.”

For two days that he was detained inside the hospital, his mom didn’t asked him for any reasons. His mom was just there, taking care of him when it should have been the other way around. Goes to show how much of a selfish he is. She did asked about Dara though noting her obvious absence.

“We broke up, mom,” he just said with a smile. He knew his mom loved Dara like a daughter too. “It was a mutual decision.” His lies are coming out so naturally now.

His mom just accepted it. Or she probably think their break up was the reason he started being like this but doesn’t want to delve further to prevent pulling a trigger.

Dara had left. After so many weeks of being a total to her, she left the University. He didn’t know how many times he had stopped himself from going after her. How many times he refrained himself from explaining. Every day he watched her looking so miserable and felt miserable himself. He partied each night to distract himself, hating on himself. Even purposely showing himself to be around some girl when she’s around.

And when he heard that Dara quit, he turned to alcohol to celebrate his accomplishment of driving her away. He felt so low. Cheap. Undeserving of everything.

He had accepted Denny Park’s money. He let the old man pay him off to stay away from his daughter. That even if he told himself it was for his mom, it still couldn’t shake away the ugly truth. It wasn’t help that he had accepted. It was a payment that Denny Park offered.

And he took it.

“I love you, mom,” he told her with a smile when she was plumping up his pillows. Out of all the regrets he had felt after taking Denny Park’s money, his mom being alive is the only thing he is thankful for. The only fact that he is able to live with himself.

His mom gave him a kiss on the head. “I know. So be healthy. I don’t care if you don’t become something in your life. Just take care of yourself.”

Jiyong smiled, relieved to have his mom beside him, but his smile faded as he told her, “I might lose my scholarship.”

His mom sighed and Jiyong realized his mom probably already thought about it. Hell, Seven might’ve tattled on him. “I would b