It’s been a few weeks since Joy and I have decided to pretend that we’re dating. Talks about our new show were buzzing. We were trends for weeks. Both our company decided we lie low a bit, and even so our popularity was still at peak.

I just got out of shower, and yet Joy was still all I think about. She never really left my mind nowadays. I keep thinking of her. Unlike how we act in front of the media, Joy and I had been cold with each other in private. She was confusing as ever. I can never really get what she was thinking.

“Sorry...” What does that even mean? What was she sorry for exactly?

“As for me, I like Oppa ever since they debuted.”

“I really liked Oppa’s voice.”

“Then he got casted in School 2015 and I become even more attracted to him. I love that Pterosaur screech.”

“But I think I came to really love Oppa during our time in We Got Married. I came to see how reliable, kind and loving he is. He matched my personality well too. And I just… wanted to be with him more and more.”

What the heck? What do all those words even mean? Was she sincere about those? Or just like our relationship, those were faked too? She didn’t look like she was lying when she said those. But then again, she was lying to the whole world about us with a smile on her face.

Still in my robe, I lay down on my bed and stared at my ceiling. I did not really care if I was getting my bed sheets wet. It didn’t matter. There were more puzzling things in this world than that, like Joy.

“You did not even try. I hate you.”

I wonder what it is really. What do you really feel Sooyoung-ah?

I heard a knock on my door. I quickly sat right up and shout to whoever was outside that I’ll be coming out as soon as I finished fixing myself. After getting myself clothed, I managed to talk myself into not revealing my emotions.

Don’t let them in. Don’t let them see. Be the good boy you always have to be.

Conceal. Don’t feel. Put on a show. Make one wrong move and everyone will know.

I suddenly laughed. I must be incredibly stupid to even think of Frozen song in my current situation. I never really thought I will connect with Elsa that way. I walked out of my room with a smile on face, remembering the Frozen song that I just sang to myself.

“What’s with the smile?” Minhyuk-hyung greeted. I looked up and I saw all of my members smiling at me. I feel them trying to gauge my presence, trying to act accordingly to what I am feeling. I felt touched that my members care for me this much. I am so grateful they are my members.

Of course, my members knew my status with Joy. They’ve seen it all. They’ve seen us (Joy and I) try to connect with each other. They’ve seen us fall out. They’ve seen me struggling with missing her. They’ve seen me drown myself in piles and piles of work to forget my sorrow. They’ve seen how much I tried to protect her and BTOB as well. They knew that until recently I had contented myself with looking secretly at her from afar, loving her from a distant.

It’s probably why they’re happy that the management decided that Joy and I should pretend to be in a relationship. At the very least, they’re happy that I once again have a chance to be close with Joy – to close that distance between me and her. However, they also knew how hard it is for us now. We’ve changed, everything has changed – and one cannot simply go back to how we were before. And that is why we are here, them staring at me and waiting for me to open up.

“I was just thinking about Frozen. I want to watch it.” I replied with a smile. I don’t think I can open up, not yet at least.

I can hear all them sigh inwardly, it almost made me laugh. Eunkwang-hyung then proceeded, “You should eat. Minhyuk and I cooked again for you.”

“Is it eggs again?” I teased. “Hyung, please learn to cook something else. I’m getting tired of eggs.” I joked.

Everyone laughed. Eunkwang-hyung went along with me, “I’m sorry. I’ll do better next time.” He said.

“Ya! If you’re going to complain, cook your own food.” Minhyuk-hyung commented, joking as well. He took the plate with eggs and gave it to Hyunsik-hyung. Hyunsik-hyung teased me by acting as if he’s going to eat the eggs.

“I’m just kidding. I love eggs! Especially the ones cooked by my favorite Hyungs.” I said. Minhyuk-hyung laughed and took the plate from Hyunsik, and gave it to me.

“YAH! YOOK SUNGJAE! I THOUGHT I’M YOUR FAVORITE HYUNG!” Changsub-hyung asked.

“Did you cook these wonderful eggs?” I asked.

“No,” Changsub-hyung replied.

“Then you’re not my favorite.” I replied. Changsub-hyung faked a frown. And everyone was still laughing.

“So… how was yesterday?” Hyunsik-hyung asked carefully once the laughter died down. Of course, Hyunsik-hyung will be the one asking; they knew I can’t deny our strongest member. No one wants to cross eagle Hyunsik.

“It was… okay.” I replied vaguely. I looked up and all of them are looking at me. I sighed, “It was awkward. Honestly, I didn’t know SM Management could be as scary as they were yesterday.” I confessed. I wonder if I should say more. Ahh… they’re my Hyungs, they deserve to know. “They asked me to pretend to be in a relationship with Joy.”

 “And, are you okay with that?” Peniel-hyung asked.

“Well, honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know what I feel. I’m really happy to be given an opportunity to be with Joy again, but we’re not the same anymore. Besides, we know where this story will end – to nothing. Someone will definitely get hurt in the end. How long are we supposed to keep the lie?” I sighed. “But Joy asked me. She asked me personally… and I felt like I owe it to her.”

I continued, “The other day, when we met at the amusement park, she asked me why our friendship didn’t work out. She asked me why I didn’t keep contacting her. She told me I didn’t try hard enough… she was hurt. I hurt her.”

“It’s not your fault Sungjae-ah.” Ilhoon-hyung tried to say. I felt Changsub-hyung’s hand on my shoulder.

“But it is… I was the first one to let go. It was my choice. I protected what I needed to protect.”  I can feel Changsub-hyung’s hand squeezing my shoulder. Minhyuk-hyung stood behind me as well and hugged me. “In that process, I hurt her. This is my way to make up with hurting her.”

Everyone was silent. Well, Elsa, I’m sorry. I couldn’t really conceal it. My members know me better than I know myself.

Then one of our managers entered our dorm. He greeted us all before he looked at me, “Sungjae, you’ll have a CF shoot with Joy later at 1am, then we’ll start the drama reading at night. You didn’t forget about the radio show was today too right? Why are you still not dressed yet? Did you take a bath already?”

“I already had my bath, Hyung.” I answered, “I’m just going to finish these eggs.”

“I’ll pack your things.” Manager said before going straight to my room. I continued chowing on my food. Minhyuk-hyung let go of me, I didn’t realize he was still hugging me. They were looking at me.

“Take care of yourself, Sungjae.” He said.

Ilhoon-hyung added, “And stop punishing yourself.”

“We didn’t know you were feeling that way,” Eunkwang-hyung started, “If we had known, we wouldn’t have let this happen. We’re sorry Sungjae.” I hate it when they become like this. Now, they’re blaming themselves too.

“We were honestly happy for you yesterday. We’ve always been worried about you. You were driving yourself to your limits. We knew why. We thought that if you were given a chance to be back with Joy, you would at least be happy. If we knew it was like this, we wouldn’t –“

I laughed to ease them, “Ahhh… Hyung, don’t worry about it. I was given a choice if I should go on with the plan or not; and I chose to do it. It wasn’t your fault that you were happy for me, you were only thinking about the best.”

“Sungjae…” Manager said. He was standing there, looking at us, looking regretful that he interrupted us, “We’ll be late.”

I stood up to follow our manager. But before I left, I made sure to ease their worries, “Don’t worry hyungs. I’ll be fine. I’ll fix this.”

As we were travelling to the radio show, I thought about my current circumstance. Indeed, for me this is the best situation I could be in. I am with Joy. After enduring for so long, we were finally allowed to see each other and even act just as sweet as we were. I’ll have many opportunities to apologize and make it up to her. I can do all this without having to risk my group’s name. Indeed, I should be happy. If it does not work out, then I guess I could just say I did my best.

I got out of the car and went straight to the radio show. I’ve had a fun time promoting my group and my newly released OST. Of course, they asked about Joy as well. I answered accordingly with our story. The show ended and I went to my next schedule.

I saw Joy was getting ready for the shoot. My make-up team was also preparing me. We’re shooting for an alcohol beverage. It’s funny because I was the one who introduced alcohol to Joy during our WGM days. I remember getting seriously worried that I made the wrong decision; and now, it was one of things that brought us back together.

Joy was still having her hair and make-up done. I’m not surprised. Girls take long to get ready. I sat down at the seat beside her and looked at her. I realized Joy is really pretty. She was pretty before. She is still as pretty, though she gives a different vibe.

“You’re so pretty Sooyoung-ah…” I thought. I saw her make-up team giggling. Joy, with a surprised expression, glanced at me as well. I realized I just said my thought out loud. Crap.

“You’re really beautiful Sooyoung-ah. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” I said bravely. I’ve been caught anyway, might as well go with it. I saw Joy blushed and her team giggled even more. They began teasing us.

“Ahhh… Oppa,” she said shyly, while smiling at me. Is this a real reaction from you, Sooyoung?

We went on to shoot the CF. For a moment, I forgot I was acting. I forgot that Joy and I were just pretending to be together. I had so much fun shooting the CF. It’s as if I was back in time with Joy, to how we were during WGM. We were laughing and teasing each other. It was really good. We were really good.

After the CF shoot, Joy and I continued on our way to our drama shoot. Unlike earlier, Joy and I were both quiet. I guess we didn’t need to pretend when it’s just us and our managers.  But the silence was suddenly broken when Joy decided to ask me a question.

“Oppa, did you really mean what you said back there?” She asked. I got confused. What exactly is she talking about?

Suddenly, Joy sighed and murmured, “Of course you don’t. Gosh… why am I stupid sometimes? Of course, he’s only doing his part, and is really good at it. Stop thinking, Park Sooyoung.”

I stared at her and commented when she looked like she wasn’t going to talk to me, “You were murmuring.”

She sighed again, “It’s nothing Oppa. Just keep doing what you’re doing.” Then she gave me a smile, a sarcastic and fake smile, “You’re really doing great.”

I got annoyed, “What is it, Sooyoung?”

“What?” She asked back, clearly irritated.

“What are you trying to say? Tell me.”

“It’s nothing. I’m the one at fault. Just leave me be. We don’t have to act here when it’s just the two of us so stop pretending you care.”

“But I do care.”

“Really?” She asked sarcastically as she looked out of the window, seemingly disinterested.

“Do you think I would just accept this situation with you if I don’t care?”

She sighed again, “I don’t know. I don’t know what to trust or what to think.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one like that? You dragged me into this. But I’m not complaining, because I hope we can at least patch some things between us, become friends or even just as civil acquaintances.”

Joy continued to look outside and didn’t respond. She kept her unfazed demeanor. I felt angry but I didn’t want to fight. So I let her be, and I went on to sleep instead. I was woken up by my manager when we reached our destination. I quickly gather myself and went out.

I immediately frowned when I saw her. She’s happily talking with another man while she left me for cold in our car. The man she was talking to suddenly looked up smiling and waving at me. Even though I was angry with Joy, I can’t help but smile back, especially when the man jogged happily to me.

“Sungjae-ah!” He greeted, and went for a hug. I laughed. “Long time no see.” He offered his hand for a high five. I laughed again before responding with his high five. We then proceeded to do the ‘secret handshake’ before laughing again.

“Long time no see, Taehyung-ah!” I said.

XxXxX

Author's Notes: Sooo... I have really neglected this account and this story. But I will try to update and finish this. Truth to be told, I don't have a fix plot in mind so, yeah, get ready for an onslaught of cliches and a predictable ending. Hahahaha Anyways, thank you for still reading this. It's surprising that people still read this. hhahaha thank you very much. Also, I didn't edit this chapter either, so forgive me.